mallet in his hand, presided at the head of the table. I could not avoid, upon my entrance, making of all my skill in physiognomy, in order to discove that superiority of genius in men who had taken a title so superior to the rest of mankind. I expected to see the lines of every face marked with strong thinking; but though I had some skill in th science, I could for my life discover nothing but a pert simper, fat, or profound stupidity. My speculations were soon interrupted by Grand, who had knocked down Mr. Spriggins for a song. I was, upon this, whispered by one of company who sat next me, that I should now something touched off to a nicety, for Mr. Sprigg was going to give us Mad Tom in all its glo Mr. Spriggins endeavoured to excuse himself; as he was to act a madman and a king, it wa possible to go through the part properly witho crown and chains. His excuses were over-ruled a great majority, and with much vociferation. D president ordered up the jack-chain, and, stead of a crown, our performer covered his t with an inverted jordan. After he had rattled! chain, and shook his head, to the great delight the whole company, he began his song. Ast heard few young fellows offer to sing in comp disappointment to me to find Mr. Spriggins m that did not expose themselves, it was nog the number; however, not to seem an odd f rose from my seat in rapture, cried out, Encore! and slapped the table as loud as an the rest. The gentleman who sat next me seemed di pleased with my taste and the ardour of my bation; and whispering told me that I had an immense loss; for, had I come a few ne sooner, I might have heard Gee-ho Dobbin a tip-top manner by the piniple-nosed spirit president's right elbow: bat be was evap before I came. As I was expressing my uneasiness at th appointment, I found the attention of the zon employed upon a fat figure, who, with a vows ugh than the Staffordshire giant's, was giving us At seven o'clock I was accordingly introduced by The Softly Sweet, in Lydian measure," of Alexan- my friend, not indeed to the company; for though r's Feast. After a short pause of admiration, to I made my best bow, they seemed insensible of my s succeeded a Welch dialogue, with the humours approach, but to the table at which they were Teague and Taffy; after that came on Old Jack-sitting. Upon my entering the room, I could not avoid feeling a secret veneration from the solemnity of the scene before me; the members kept a profound silence, each with a pipe in his mouth and a pewter pot in his hand, and with faces that might easily be construed into absolute wisdom. Happy society! thought I to myself, where the members think before they speak, deliver nothing rashly, but convey their thoughts to each other pregnant with meaning, and matured by reflection. , with a story between every stanza; next was g the Dust-cart, and then Solomon's song. The ss began now to circulate pretty freely; those who re silent when sober, would now be heard in their a; every man had his song, and he saw no reason y he should not be heard as well as any of the 1: one begged to be heard while he gave Death I the Lady in high taste; another sung to a plate ch be kept trundling on the edges; nothing was rheard but singing; voice rose above voice, and whole became one universal shout, when the dlord came to acquaint the company that the Loning was drunk out. Rabelais calls the moits in which a reckoning is mentioned the most ancholy of our lives. Never was so much noise quickly quelled, as by this short but pathetic ion of our landlord. Drunk out! was echoed a tone of discontent round the table: drunk already! that was very odd! that so much ch could be drunk out already! impossible! landlord, however, seeming resolved not to at from his first assurances, the company › dissolved, and a president chosen for the t ensuing. friend of mine, to whom I was complaining time after of the entertainment I have been ribing, proposed to bring me to the club that he tented, which, he fancied, would suit the gravity y temper exactly. We have at the Muzzy says he, "no riotous mirth nor awkward hiry; no confusion or bawling; all is conducted wisdom and decency: besides, some of our Abers are worth forty thousand pounds; men of lence and foresight every one of them: these the proper acquaintance, and to such I will tointroduce you." I was charmed at the proTo be acquainted with men worth forty and pounds, and to talk wisdom the whole it, were offers that threw me into rapture. In this pleasing speculation I continued a full half hour, expecting each monent that somebody would begin to open his mouth; every time the pipe was laid down I expected it was to speak; but it was only to spit. At length, resolving to break the charm myself, and overcome their extreme diffidence, (for to this I imputed their silence) I rubbed my hands, and, looking as wise as possible, observed that the nights began to grow a little coolish at this time of the year. This, as it was directed to none of the company in particular, none thought himself obliged to answer; wherefore I continued still to rub my hands and look wise. My next effort was addressed to a gentleman who sat next me, to whom I observed, that the beer was extremely good: my neighbour made no reply, but by a large puff of tobacco smoke. I now began to be uneasy at this dumb society, till one of them a little relieved me by observing, that bread had not risen these three weeks. Ay," says another, still keeping the pipe in his mouth, "that puts me in mind of a pleasant story about that-hem-very well; you must know-but, before I begin-Sir, my service to you-where was I?" My next club goes by the name of the Harmonical Society; probably from that love of order and friendship which every person commends in institutions of this nature. The landlord was himself founder. The money spent is four pence cach; and they sometimes whip for a double reckoning. To this club few recommendations are requisite, except | high-A damnable false heretical opinion of all the introductory four pence and my landlord's good sound doctrine and good learning; for l tell t word, which, as he gains by it, he never refuses. aloud, and spare not that-Silence for a gi We all here talked and behaved as every body Mr. Leathersides for a song As I was a walking else usually does on his club-night; we discussed upon the highway, I met a young damsel-T the topic of the day, drank each others healths, what brings you here? says the parson to the snuffed the candles with our fingers, and filled our ghost-Sanconiathon, Manetho, and Berosas-Te pipes from the same plate of tobacco. The com- whole way from Islington-turnpike to Dogho pany saluted each other in the common manner. bar-Dam-As for Abel Drugger, Sir, he's damn't Mr. Bellows-mender hoped Mr. Curry-comb-maker low in it; my 'prentice boy has more of the g had not caught cold going home the last club-night; tleman than he-For murder will out one tire and he returned the compliment by hoping that another; and none but a ghost, you know, gentle young Master Bellows-mender had got well again of men, can-Damme if I don't; for my friend, lu the chin-cough. Doctor Twist told us a story of a you know, gentlemen, and who is a parliament-us). parliament-man with whom he was intimately ac- a man of consequence, a dear honest creature, w quainted; while a bug man, at the same time, was sure; we were laughing last night at-Death a telling a pretty story of a noble lord, with whom he damnation upon all his posterity by simply ba could do any thing. A gentleman in a black wig tasting-Sour grapes, as the fox said once, when's and leather breeches, at the other end of the table, could not reach them; and I'll, I'll tell yon a 170o was engaged in a long narrative of the Ghost in about that, that will make you burst your sider = $ Cock-lane he had read it in the papers of the laughing: A fox once- -Will no body, listen to t day, and was telling it to some that sat next him, song-As I was a walking upon the highw who could not read. Near him Mr. Dibbins was met a young damsel both buxom and gaydisputing on the old subject of religion with a Jew ghost, gentlemen, can be murdered; nor did I pedlar over the table, while the president in vain hear but or one ghost killed in all my life, and th knocked down Mr. Leathersides for a song. Besides was stabbed in the belly with a-My blood w the combinations of these voices, which I could hear soul if I don't- Mr. Bellows-mender, I have t altogether, and which formed an upper part to the honour of drinking your very good health-B concert, there were several others playing under- me if I do-dam-blood- bugs-fire- whi parts by themselves, and endeavouring to fasten on-tit-rat-trip"--The rest all riot, now some luckless neighbour's ear, who was himself bent and rapid confusion. upon the same design against some other. We have often heard of the speech of a corporation, and this induced me to transcribe a speech of this club, taken in short-hand, word for word, as it was spoken by every member of the company. It may be necessary to observe, that the man who told of the ghost had the loudest voice, and the longest story to tell, so that his continuing narrative filled every chasin in the conversation. "So, Sir, d'ye perceive me, the ghost giving three loud raps at the bed-post-Says my lord to me, my dear Smokeum, you know there is no man upon the face of the yearth for whom I have so The last club in which I was enrolled a mem was a society of moral philosophers, as they themselves, who assembled twice a week in or to shew the absurdity of the present mode d gion, and establish a new one in its stend. I found the members very warmly disputing I arrived; not indeed about religion or ethis about who had neglected to lay down his preh six-pence upon entering the room. The pres swore that he had laid his own down, and m. → all the company. During this contest, I had an opportunity serving the laws and also the members ociety. The president, who had been, as I was id, lately a bankrupt, was a tall, pale figure, with long black wig; the next to him was dressed in a rge white wig, and a black cravat; a third, by the rownness of his complexion, seemed a native of maica; and a fourth, by his hue, appeared to be blacksmith. But their rules will give the most at idea of their learning and principles. 1. We being a laudable society of moral philopers, intends to dispute twice a week about on and priestcraft. Leaving behind us old tales, and following good learning and sound se; and if so be, that any other persons has a nd to be of the society, they shall be entitled so du, upon paying the sum of three shillings, to pent by the company in punch. IL That no member get drunk before nine of the k, upon paix of forfeiting three-pence, to be at by the company in punch. That, as members are sometimes apt to go wy without paying, every person shall pay sixee upon his entering the room; and all disputes be settled by a majority; and all fines shall be 4 in punch. V. That six-pence shall be every night given to president, in order to buy books of learning for good of the society. The president has already bimself to a good deal of expence in buying books club, particularly the works of Tully, Socrates, Cicero, which he will soon read to the society. All them who brings a new argument against jam, and who, being a philosopher, and a man ring, as the rest of us is, shall be admitted to beedom of the society, upon paying six-pence to be spent in punch. 1. Whenever we are to have an extraordinary ing, it shall be advertised by some outlandish in the newspapers, SAUNDERS MAC WILD, president. GOLDSMITH. Judge Barnet, son of the famous Bishop (when young,) is said to have been of a wild and dissipated turn. Being one day found by his father in a very serious humour, "What is the matter with you, Tom?" said the Bishop; "what are you ruminating on ?" "A greater work than your Lordship's History of the Reformation," answered the son. Ay! what is that?" asked the father. "The reformation of myself, my Lord," replied the son. GOOD EYES. THE TRAGIC BARBER. A hair-dresser, in a considerable town, t made an unsuccessful attempt in tragedy. To silor an abundant hissing, he stepped forward with Lfollowing speech : Ladies and gentlemen, yeste day I dressed you; to-night I address you; and tr morrow, if you please, I will Redress you W there is virtue in powder, pomatum, and horsƐ - L2I find it is easier to make an actor than to be Vive la bagatelle !" As the late o d Lord Nugent was riding out in the coach of the Duchess of Kingston, whose family he well knew, and whose prudery he liked to expose, he put his head out of the window, on the Surrey side of the Thames, and after looking earnestly for some time, exclaimed, "Good God, that I should live to see this!" "Why, my lord! what is it that you see?" rejoined the duchess, casting her eyes the same way. "Why, my lady, a group of women bathing at broad noon day !"" "Women," said she, looking more inquisitively; "Why, my lord, they In the church-books of Tewkesbury, which ha are all men!" "Well," replied his lordship, "it been preserved for a long time back, are the fa may be so; for your grace's eyesight is much bettering entries: A. D. 1578. Payd for players yo than mine!" six sheep skins for Christ's garment." And s... ventory recorded in the same book, 1585, are words: "And order eight heads of hair for the INSCRIPTION FOR AN APOTHECARY The following was, in consequence of an even PARISH RECORD. ing's frolic, inscribed by some wags of Oxford, overtles, and ten beards, and a face or visor for the d an apothecary's door: Hic venditur Catharticum, Emeticum, Narcoticum, Et omne quod exit in um Præter, GIVING THE DEVIL HIS DUE Swift preached an assize sermon, and in the course of it was severe upon the lawyers for pleading against their consciences. After dinner a young counsel said some severe things upon the clergy, and did not doubt were the devil to die, a parson might be found to preach his funeral sermon. "Yes," said Swift: "I would, and would give the devil his due, as I did his children this morning." ANTIPATHIES. IMITATED FROM THE GREEL A Miser traversing his house, Espy'd, unusual there, a Mouse, "Tell me, Sir Mouse, to what cause is it, Fear not, Old Square Toes, for your ho DR. JOHNSON AND MILLAB. When Dr. Johnson had finished the copy Dictionary, which had wearied Millar, the best exceedingly, the latter sent the following wor doctor: Andrew Millar sends his comple Mr. Samuel Johnson, with the money for th sheet of the copy of the Dictionary, and than he has done with him." The doctor sent the ing brief reply: "Dr. Samuel Johnson ser rece "hate to see a note, and is happy to find, that Andrew M... the grace to thank God for any thing." A gentleman, who for some misdemeanor had been expelled the House of Commons, one day meeting with Archbishop Tillotson, cried out, "I hate to see an atheist in the shape of "And I," replied the good bishop, knave in any shape." |