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A few years ago the Isle of Sheppey being an inconsiderable parish, and the income not very large, their vicar came there but once a month. The parishioners being much displeased with this, desired their clerk to remind him of his duty. The clerk told the vicar the sense of the parishion.crs; and the reply was, “Well, well, tell them, if they will give me ten pounds a year more, I will come to them once a fortnight; and be šure, Jonathan, to let me know their answer the next time I come.” The next time he did come, he accordingly asked, and Jonathan answered, “Sir, they say, if you will excuse them ten pounds a year in their tithes, they will dispense with your coming at all.”

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A docton's Rev Exce.

"A physician being in a tavern one evening, a sotleman entered in great haste, exclaiming, “ Docto my wife is at the point of death, make hoste, cowith me.” “Not till I have finished ny bothowever" replied the Doctor. The man happeard be a fine athletic fellow, and finding the enteruseless, snatched up the Doctor, hoisted bin, as to back, and carried him out of the tavern -u to ment he set the Doctor upon his legs, he receifrom him the following threat : “Now, you reI'll cure your wife in spite of you.”

hil Gh PLAY. "

A gentleman once playing at cards, was suoan odd trick; on which the company, in the --of their resentment, threw him out of the winds a one pair of stairs room. The sufferer racetes friend some time after, was loudly complaisthis usage, and asked what he should do. “ loo. said the other, “why never play so high *gain

Not Le Boxing.

The late Lord Peterborough having been grossly mited by a cannan, deliberately stripped, and gave fellow such a drubbing, that he could scarcely ove a limb. A man seeing the transaction, came at the conclusion of the affray, and asked the in if he knew the person with whom he had been ting was a lord 7 "A lord "says the fellow, “a #!—they may call him what they please, and hc y be what he will, but I am sure, from the weight that leaden fist of his that his father must have in a drayman.” AG fold GALLANTRY.

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made the Doctor a profound bow, saying, “Doctor, I am yours to my shoe time.” The Doctor, seeing his drift, immediately pulled off his beaver, and returned the bow, with, “My lord, I am yours to the ground." Rochester followed up his salutation by a deeper bow, saying, “Dr. I am yours to the centre.” Barrow, with a very lowly obeisance, replied, “ My lord, I am yours to the Antipodes.” His lordship, nearly gravelled, exclaimed, “Doctor, I am yours to the lowest pit of Hell.”—“There, my lord,” said Barrow, sarcastically, “I leave you,” and walked off.

ORATOR hen LEY.

“I never,” said a person, who knew little about the doctor, “ saw Orator Henley but once, and that was at a Coffee house, where a gentleman he was acquainted with coming in, and seating himself in the same box, the following dialogue passed between them :

Henley. Pray what is become of our old fiefd Smith ? I have not seen him for several years. Gentleman. I really don’t know. The last time I heard of him he was at Ceylon, or some of our settlements in the West lndies. Henley (with some surprise). At Ceylon, or some of our settlements in the West Indies' My good Sir, in one sentence there are two mist...kes. Ceylon is not one of our settlements, it belongs to the Dutch ; and it is situated not in the West but the East Indies' Gentleman (with some heat). That I deny. Henley. More shame for you ! I will engage to bring a boy of eight years of age who will confute Ou. y Gentleman (in a cooler tone of voice). Well, be it where it will, I thank God I know very little about these sort of things. Henley. What, you thank God for your ignorance, do you ? Gentleman (in a violent rage). then P Henley. Sir, you have a great deal to be thankful for,

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was hungny dispute.

A hungry Frenchman one day went into a cook's shop, and there staid till his stomach was satisfied with the smell of the victuals. The cook insisted on his paying for a dinner, which the Frenchman refused to do; and the dispute growing high, it was agreed to refer the decision of it to the first man who passed that way. This happened to be a chimney sweeper, who, on hearing the case, determined that the Frenchman's money should be shaken between two empty disbes, and the cook be satisfied with the gingling of it, as the poor man was content with the smell of the cook's meat.

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A lady once invited 12ean Swift to dinner, and as she had heard he was not easily pleased, she had taken a month to provide for it: every delicacy was accordingly procured. The Dean was scarcely seated before the lady said she was sincerely sorry that she had not a more tolerable dinner, since she was apprehensive there was not anything fit for him to eat. “ The deuce take you,” said the Dean, “why did you not provide a better, surely you had time enough; but since you say it is so bad, I'll e'en go home and eat a herring.”

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When an English lady was some years ago on the continent, she stopped at an inn in French ro, which was the sign of the Golden Goose; but, uriving late, she ordered but a slight repast for hero and suite, which consisted of only five servants. Is the morning, when the landlord presented his bú. she was much surprised at one general item, af“Expenses for the night, fourteen Louis D’oro." he vain did she remonstrate; the artful Fleming keeher generous character, and was positive. The money was accordingly paid. When she was or paring to depart, the landlord attended her to on carriage and, expressing many thanks, isoped o should have the honour of her company on her turn. “Why, possibly you may,” said the ho “but it must be on one condition—that yeu do to again mistake me for your sign.”

tit fort tat

Old Tilne kills us all Rich, poor, great and small, And 'tis therefore we rack our invest Throughout all our days, In finding out ways, To kill him, by way of preventionat oth en L.Y. Love. An avaricious divine seeing a poor bow in a plorable condition, called him to the deogiving him a mouldy piece of bread, a-ked he could read, to which he answcred in the to the questions, whether he could say to and the Lord's Prayer, the answer wros to . “Well,” said the divine, “I will teaco. T say, after rei. Our father,” said the ii. “Our father P’ repeated the poor box, your father as well as mine ** “Ye “Then we are brothers'" “To be was the reply. “Why then,” repaiso pulling the crust from under his coat, e. th- -you give your poor brother this o: " , ****ay

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GRATItu De

A parson, well known in his neighbourhood as a man of great oddity, humour, and equally great **travagance, once wanting a new wig, his old me defying all farther assistance of art, he applied w a barber, young in the business, to make him one. The tradesman, who was just going to dinner, egeed the honour of his new customer's company at * meal, to which the parson readily consented. oster dinner a large bowl of punch was produced, ind the happy guest, with equal readiness, joined in a deitiolition. When it was out the barber was roceeding to business, and began to handle his meatre, when his guest desired him to desist, saying he would not make his wig. “Why not l” exclaimed the worst host; “ have I done any thing to offend o, sir?” “ Not in the least,” replied the guest; I find you are a very honest, good-natured fellow ; I will take somebody else in. Had you made it, - would never have been paid for it."

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Charles once said over his bottle, that he supposea soine stupid peasant would write a nonsensical epitaph on him when he was gone,—“Now," says his Majesty, “I should like to have something appropriate and witty, -Rochester, let's have a touch of your pen on the subject.” His Lordship obeyed the command, and produced the following :“Here lies our Sovereign Lord the King, Whose promise none relied on ; Who never said a foolish thing, And never did a wise one.”

DR. FRANKLIN’s G Rave The Doctor when a child found the long graces used by his father before and after meals very te: dious. One day after the winter's {{..., had becn salted, “I think, Father,” said Benjamin, “if you were to say grace over the whole, cask once for all, it would be a great saving of time.”

Th Rep. Fools. A proud parson and his man, riding over a com

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mon, saw a shepherd tending his flock in a new coat: the parson asked in a haughty tone, who gave "

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