ART OF CUTTING.

forgotten it. Marry, yet I remember there was surh

To cut, is to look an old friend in the face, and a fellow that I was very beneficial unto in my time. But, however, Sir, I have the courtesy of the to affect not to know him; which is the cut direct! for you. To look any where but at him-which is the cut-ther's house; but now I am in exceeding great has I am sorry you did not take me at my in for I have vowed the death of a hare that was this morning musing on her meaze.

modest or cut-indirect!

To "forget names with a good grace"-as, instead of Tom, Dick, or Harry, to address an old friend, Sir," or, "Mister, What's your name ?" This is

"

the cut-courteous.
"Good den Sir Richard."-" God-a-mercy fellow!"
And if his name be George, I'll call him Peter;
For new made honour doth forget men's names.
Shakspeare's King John.
To be intentionally engaged on the phenomena of
the heavenly bodies, when an old friend passes, is

the cut-celestial.

Lastly, to dart up an alley, dash across a street, whip into a shop, or do any thing to avoid the trouble and mortification of nodding the head to some one, whom, perhaps, you have as much reason to dislike, as the man in the epigram-

Non amo te-nec possum dicere quare-This is the

cut-circumbendibus!

The art of cutting an acquaintance is of very considerable antiquity. In a comedy which was publicly acted by the students of St. John's College, Cambridge, in 1606, the following dialogue occurs, which is very smart and cutting!

Acad-God save you, sir.

Acad. Sir, I am emboldened by that great quaintance that heretofore I had with you, as likewa it hath pleased you heretofore

Amor. Look, Sirrah, if you see my hobby an hitherwards, as yet, &c. &c.

CAMBRIDGE DECLAMATION.

The youth, perhaps may declamation prize,
If to such glorious height he lifts his eyes.
But lo! no common orator can hope
The envied silver cup within his scope;
Not that our heads much eloquence require,
Th' Athenian's glowing style, or Tully's fire.
A manner clear and warm, is useless, since
Be other orators of pleasing proud,
We do not try by speaking to convince ;
Our gravity prefers the muttering tone,
We speak to please ourselves, not move the cros
A proper mixture of the squeak and groan;
No borrowed grace of action must be seen,
The slightest motion would displease the deas;
Whilst every staring graduate would prate
The man who hopes to obtain the promised rup,
Against what he could never imitate,
Nor stop, but rattle over every word.
Must in one posture stand, and ne'er look up,
No matter what so it cannot be heard;

Amor. [Aside.] By the mass, I fear me I saw this
genus et species in Cambridge, before now. I'll take
no notice of him. By the faith of a gentleman, this
is pretty elegy. Of what age is the day, fellow -
Sirrah, boy, hath the groom saddled my hunting-Thus let him hurry on nor think to rest,
hobby? Can Robin Hunter tell where a hare sits?
Acad. See a poor old friend of yours of S
College, in Cambridge.

Amor. Good faith, sir, you must pardon me. have forgotten you.

I

Acad. My name is Academico, sir; one that made an oration for you once on the Queen's day, and a show that you got some credit by.

Amor. It may be so; it may be so; but I have

Who speak the fastest sure to speak the best;
Who utters most within the shortest space
May safely hope to win the wordy race.

RULES FOR BEHAVIOUR, DRAWN UP BY THE IN 2
PHILOSOPEER.

If you be a rich man, you may enter the with three loud hems, march deliberately s chimney, and turn your back to the fire. I j

poor man, I would advise you to shrink into the room | These men ex absurdo conclusions may draw ;
as fast as you can, and place yourself, as usual, upon
the corner of a chair in a remote corner.

When you are desired to sing in company, I would advise you to refuse; for it is a thousand to one but that you torment us with affectation, or a bad voice.

If you be young, and live with an old man, I would advise you not to like gravy; I was disinherited myself for liking gravy,

Perpetual motion they never could find:
Not one of the set, lads, could balance a straw-
And longitude-seeking is hunting the wind.
Chorus.-Then, lay by your books, lads, &c.
If we study at all, let us study the means

To make ourselves friends, and to keep them when
made;

Learn to value the blessings kind Heaven ordains-
To make other men happy, let that be our trade.

Chorus.

Don't laugh much in public; the spectators that are not as merry as you, will hate you, either because they envy your happiness, or fancy themselves the Let each day be better than each day before; subject of your mirth.

COLLEGE SONG.

GOLDSMITH.

Or why we should fag mathematics at all?

Chorus-Then lay by your books, lads, &c.
Great Newton found out the Binomial law,
To raise xy to the power of b;
Found the distance of planets that he never saw,
And which we most probably never shall see.
Chorus. Then lay by your books, lads, &c.
Let Whiston and Ditton star gazing enjoy,
And taste all the sweets mathematics can give;
Let us for our time find out better employ,
And knowing life's sweets, let us learn how to live.
Chorus.-Then lay by your books, lads, &c.

Without pain or sorrow,
To-day, or to-morrow,

May we live, my good lads, to see many days more.

RULES FOR RAISING THE DEVIL.

The person who desires to raise the devil, is to sacrifice a dog, a cat, and a hen, all of his own property, to Beelzebub. He is to swear an eternal obedience, and then to receive a mark in some unseen place, either under the eye-lid or in the roof of the mouth, inflicted by the devil himself. Upon this he has power given him over three spirits; one for earth, another for air, and a third for the sea. Upon in which each is to give an account of what evil he certain times the devil holds an assembly of magicians, has done, and what he wishes to do. At this assembly he appears in the shape of an old man, or often like a goat with large horns. They, upon this occasion, renew their vows of obedience; and then form a grand dance in honour of their false deity. The devil instruets them in every method of injuring mankind, in gathering poisons, and of riding upon occasion through the air. He shows them the whole method, upon examination, of giving evasive answers; his spirits have power to assume the form of angels of light, and there is but one method of detecting them; viz. to ask them, in proper form, What method is the most certain to propagate the faith over all the world? To this they are not permitted by the Superior Power to make a false reply, nor are they willing to

give the true one, wherefore they continue silent, and | Nor make a fire, nor eke compose à coach, are thus detected.

old knight, and transported my imagination back to the times when the prince and he gave life to the revel, and made even debauchery not disgusting. The mom also conspired to throw my reflections back into antiquity: the oak floor, the gothic windows, and the ponderous chimney-piece, had long withstood the tooth of time; the watchman had gone twelve: my companions had all stolen off, and none now remained with me but the landlord. From him I could have wished to know the history of a tavern that had such long succession of customers: I could not help aking that an account of this kind would be a deasing contrast of the manners of different ages; at my landlord could give me no information. He anunued to doze and sot, and tell a tedious story, s most other landlords usually do; and, though he ud nothing, yet was never silent: one good joke llowed another good joke; and the best joke of all as generally begun towards the end of a bottle. I and at last, however, his wine and his conversation erate by degrees: he insensibly began to alter his pearance. His cravat seemed quilled into a ruff, ut his breeches swell out into a fardingale. I now aried bim changing sexes; and, as my eyes began close in slumber, I imagined my fat landlord acly converted into as fat a landlady. However, made but few changes in my situation: the ra, the apartment and the table, continued as ; nothing suffered mutation but my host, who fairly altered into a gentlewoman, whom I knew dame Quickly, mistress of this tavern in the of Sir John and the liquor we were drinking ed converted into sack and sugar. My dear Mrs. Quickly," cried I, (for I knew perfectly well at first sight) “ I am beartily glad you. How have you left Falstaff, Pistol, and t of our friends below stairs? Brave and hearty, ** In good sooth," replied she, "he did e to live for ever; but he maketh foul work Eere he hath fitted. Queen Proserpine and he quarrelled for his attempting a rape upon her ay, and were it not that she still had bowels passion, it more than seems probable he might Teen now sprawling in Tartarus."

"I now found that spirits still preserve the frailties of the flesh; and that, according to the laws of criticism and dreaming, ghosts have been known to be guilty of even more than platonic affection : wherefore as I found Irer too much moved on such a topic to proceed, I was resolved to change the subject; and desiring she would pledge me in a bumper, observed, with a sigh, that our sack was nothing now to what it was in former days. Ah,' Mrs. Quickly, those were merry times when you drew sack for prince Henry men were twice as strong, and twice as wise, and much braver, and ten thousand times more charitable than now. Those were the times! The battle of Agincourt was a victory indeed! ever since that we have only been degenerating; and I have lived to see the day when drinking is no longer fashionable. When men wear clean shirts, and women show their necks and arms, all are degenerated, Mrs. Quickly; and we shall probably, in another century, be flittered away into beaus or monkeys. Had you been on earth to see what I have seen, it would congeal all the blood in your body (your soul, I mean.) Why, our very nobility now have the intolerable arrogance, in spite of what is every day remonstrated from the press; our very nobility, I say, have the assurance to frequent assemblies, and presume to be as merry as the vulgar. See, my very friends have scarce manhood enough to sit to it till eleven; and I only am left to make a night on't. Pr'ythee do me the favour to console me a little for their absence by the story of your own adventure, or the history of the tavern where we are now sitting: I fancy the narrative may have something singular."

"Observe, this apartment," interrupted my companion; of neat device and excellent workmanship In this room I have lived, child, woman and ghost, more than three hundred years: I am ordered by Pluto to keep an annual register of every transaction that passeth here; and I have wilhom compiled three hundred tomes, which eftsoon may be submitted to thy regards," "None of your wilhoms or eftsoons's, Mrs. Quickly, if you please," I replied: “I know you can talk every whit as well as I can; for, as you

have lived here so long, it is but natural to suppose of the oldest in London, you may view the differest you should learn the conversation of the company. manners, pleasures, and follies, of men at dif Believe me, dame, at best, you have neither too much periods. You will find mankind neither better sense, nor too much language, to spare; so give me both as well as you can; but, first, my service to you: old women should water their clay a little now and then; and now to your story."

worse now than formerly: the vices of an uncivar people are generally more detestable, though not so f quent, as those in polite society. It is the same lar which formerly stuffed your alderman with ple The story of my own adventures," replied the porridge, and now crams him with turtle. I vision, "is but short and unsatisfactory; for, believe same low ambition that formerly induced a tour me, Mr. Rigmarole, believe me, a woman with a to give up his religion to please his king, and butt of sack at her elbow, is never long-lived. Sir persuades him to give up his conscience to please! John's death afflicted me to such a degree, that I minister. It is the same vanity that formerly s sincerely believe, to drown sorrow, I drank more our ladies cheeks and necks with woad and liquor myself than I drew for my customers: my paints them with carmine. Your ancient B grief was sincere, and the sack was excellent. The formerly powdered his hair with red earth, prior of a neighbouring convent (for our priors then brick-dust, in order to appear frightful: your m had as much power as the Middlesex justice now) Briton cuts his hair on the crown, and plastea he, I say, it was who gave me a licence for keeping with hog's-lard and flour; and this to make him. a disorderly house; upon condition, that I should killing. It is the same vanity, the same folly, never make hard bargains with the clergy, that he the same vice, only appearing different, as should have a bottle of sack every morning, and the through the glass of fashion. In a word, all liberty of confessing which of my girls he thought are a-. proper in private every night. I had continued, for "Sure the woman is dreaming," interrupte several years to pay this tribute; and he, it must be" None of your reflections, Mrs. Quickly, confessed, continued as rigorously to exact it. I love me; they only give me the spleen. Ttgrew old insensibly; my customers continued, how your history at once. I love stories, but hate s ever, to compliment my looks while I was by, but soning." I could hear them say I was wearing when my back "If you please then, sir," returned my com was turned. The prior, however, still was constant," I'll read you an abstract, which I made of sta and so were half his convent: but one fatal morning hundred volumes I mentioned just now," he missed the usual beverage; for I had incautiously "My body was no sooner laid in the dust, drank over night the last bottle myself. What will the prior and several of his convent came to you have on't?-The very next day Doll Tearsheet the tavern from the pollutions with which th and I were sent to the house of correction, and ac-I had filled it. Masses were said in every r cused of keeping a low bawdy-house. In short, we were so well purified there with stripes, mortification and penance, that we were afterwards utterly unfit for worldly conversation: though sack would have killed me, had I stuck to it, yet I soon died for want of a drop of something comfortable, and fairly left my body to the care of the beadle.

"Such is my own history; but that of the tavern, where I have ever since been stationed, affords greater variety. In the history of this, which is one

lics were exposed upon every piece of
and the whole house washed with a deluge of
water. My habitation was soon converted into a
nastery; instead of customers now applying sa
and sugar, my rooms were crowded with
lics, saints, whores, and friars. Instead
a scene of occasional debauchery, it was now
with continual lewdness. The prior led the
and the whole convent imitated his pious
Matrons came hither to confess their sim,