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accosts him, Pray, Mr. Varmint, why have you new. He thought of every thing; but at last resolved bot been to chapel lately? I have very seriously to to spend his time in learning the three hundred lines complain of your non-attendance. You have not of Greek, and the five hundred lines of Virgil, for the aliended for nearly a fortnight, excepting Sundays, proctor and Mr. Dean. In the mean time the term and you cannot expect that I, or any man, in the divides; and his companions, or the majority of capacity I hold, can overlook such gross irregularity. them, leave the University for their several homes. However, you may think what you like, but I am He, of course, wishes to leave likewise ; but he is ill, determined to do my duty towards the college, and to and cannot depart before be is better, which the sursee that you attend regularly. But as that has by no geon does not choose should be the case for some means been the case, and as you have so disrespect time; and even if he were well, he could not go befully absented yourself, I really must take notice of it'fore the dean signed his“ ereat,” which he would not an a serere way. I am very sorry for it, nobody more do before the imposition was said; so he is hemmed xo, but it is an imperative duty I must fulfil. You in on all sides, and has the blue devils, besides a mil get by heart 500 lines of Virgil, the 7th Æneid, prospect of growing hippish. He, therefore, spends mad I expect it will be said with alacrity and promp-lihe time he would have passed in pleasure at home, wiede. Good morning, sir." So here is Mr. Varmint in the shady court of a college, and stuffs himself wild two impositions in hand which must be very with Greek and Latin hexameters, and lives entirely cron in head: one, if not said, will beget rustication; on barley-water and medicine, for the space of three was the other, if neglected, will cause the dean to tell weeks. At the end of this time, we will suppose lin na to take his name off the boards of the college. getting again convalescent, and recovering his wouted de debates in his own mind as to whether it is better spirits. He satisfies the proctor and the dean by » get them or uot; but at leugth determines to see saying a part of each impus., and after bitterly cursvractors, deans, and in stort the whole University at ing the place, leaves it for the country. This is the Dh Nick, rather than look at a word ; and

way that many men spend their three years at the " - to take arms against a sea of troubles,

University. But, Mr. Freshman, whoever you may And, by opposing, end them."

be, I write this for your especial benefit, and leave it Alas! how soon do mortals change their firmest to yourself to copy or avoid such conduct, as you may el mast fixed resolutions! How many circum-think proper. laces occur to induce them to act contrary to their After the long vacation, Mr. Varmint comes up talves Mr. Varmint, by drinking :00 much wine again to reside. His sprees of his first year, and the last two days, rather prematurely finds him- their consequences, have gained him experience, and u very much the worse from his la' : Cyprian ad- he knows how to manage in a scientific way. To plures, and in fact is compelled to send for a sur- avoid gaie-hills, he will be out at night as late as he Ne Ia sisort, Varmint is obliged w get an ægrotat, pleases, and will defy any one to discover his abmuutne himself to his rooms, and lie still on the sence; for he will climb over the college walls, and

On his table are draughts, powders, and lo- fee bis gyp well, when he is out all night. To avoid 19; the sargeon visits him daily. What is he to impositions from the dean, he will attend more reguall day by himself on sofa ? His friends are larly at chapel ; which, though a great bore, must yet A him a great deal to drive away melancholy; but be endured : and to get clear from the clutches of the I he has aa immensity of leisure time on his hands. proctors, he will scud when there is need; and if folmust read; but what? Walter BCOLL? No, he lowed, will Aoor the bull-dogs, and bolt." He now is

mads, and all that kind of trash. Lord Byron? twice as gay as before, rides, courses, hunts, shoots, bas tead kam fifty times, and he wants something fishes, drives, drinks, fights, swears, rows, and gam

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habiliments, he hops into bed, and snores-somng | rustication or expulsion. Thus dismissed the august vinoque gravatus, till about six in the evening, and presence, he recounts this jobation to his friends, and then gets up more sleepy than ever. He dresses ; but enters into a discourse on masters, deans, tutors, and having no appetite, eats nothing, drinks a glass of proctors, and votes chapel a bore, and gates a com soda-water, and walks to a friend's rooms, where he plete' nuisance. But is this all? no. He has resolred relates his adventures and excites the risibility of his to treat the duns with contempt, and go on more gaily auditors. He then resolves on a ride, and without than ever. Accordingly he cuts chapel, and issue togging for the occasion, just puts on his tile and forth at night sine cap and gown, with a segar in bu mounts his prad. Determining to be very steady and mouth. He is determined io have a lark with two u sober for the future, i. e. for the next twelve hours, three more, and a way they go. While they are pull he urges his steed along the Trumpington Road, goes ing the girls about in the street, up comes the proe out by the Shelford Common, and returns home be- tor : Pray, sir, may I ask if you are a memberi tween eight and nine. He then feels as if he could the University ?"-"Yes, sir, I am."-"Your *** eat something, and accordingly he does, by way of and college, sir, if you please." It is given with supper, and retires to his rooms, with an intention of the least hesitation. The next morning a bull de being quiet, and in order to go early to bed. But lo! calls on Mr. Varmint to deliver a message from he is told by his typ that the master or dean has proctor, viz :- That he is fined 6s. 8d. for being is! sent a message desiring to see him the next morning. streets without his cap and gown, and that he Well knowing what this is for, he goeth to bed and be glad to see him at twelve o'clock that day. M cons over in his own mind what to say in extenuation he has to call on the proctor, and in he goes with of his irregularities, and he so falleth to sleep. Next very surly countenance. The proctor puts oa che day, he calls at the appointed time, when the M. C. his most severe phizzes, and informs him that with a countenance not to be surpassed in gravity, conduct in the streets las! night was most ungeal informs him for the last week he has been very irre-man-like and improper, against every rule of gular, and requires an account the circumstances and propriety, and in open opposition to the Acade which occasioned the said irregularity. For the discipline, and contempt of him and his office. T gate-bill thus standeth : Monday night, put till three such conduct deserved much severer chasix o'clock; Tuesday half past four ; Wednesday hall than he was willing to infict, but that he should past two ; Thursday half past three ; Friday half past neglecting the duty he oned to his office anal four ; Saturday-all night. His excuses are that he University if he overlooked ii. ile thereture de has been at different parties, where he was detained him to get three hundred verses of Homer's i late, and where he has found the society so agreeable, Book second, by heart, ard requests lie will be and the time fly so imperceptibly fast, that morning means leave the University until it is said. has broke in upon him ere he imagineal it was an hour a great deal of opposition, excuses, and protestai past midnight. This draws down a very heavy in- he finds himself net a lit better off, for the par vective against parties altogether, and a still longer will not mitigate a syliable, and he is obita and more tedious lecture on the dangerous tendency stomach the inpos. and retire. For the first of such conduct, so directly opposite to the laws and two afterwards he makes himself very uneasy discipline of the University; and a conclusive para- this, but he at length resolves not to learn it graph containing (amongst other things) a pardon fur ever should be the consequence. He therelor past offences, but with an assurance that a repetition out to a party, makes himself very merry, and of similar conduct cannot but meet with a concomi- not a fig about the matter. Next morning be tant cheque in proportion to its enormity, in either pens, uplucky wighe' to meet with the usan,

suppose linn

accosts him, " Pry, Mr. Varmint, why have you /new. He thought of every thing; but at last resolved not been to chapel lately? I have very seriously to to spend his time in learning the three hundred lines complain of your non-attendance. You have not of Greek, and the five hundred lines of Virgil, for the attended for nearly a fortnight, excepting Sundays, proctor and Mr. Dean. In the mean time the term and you cannot expect that I, or any man, in the divides ; and his companions, or the majority of Capacity I hold, can oyerlook such gross irregularity. them, leave the University for their several homes. However, you may think what you like, but I am He, of course, wishes to leave likewise ; but he is ill, determined to do my duty towards the college, and to and cannot depart before he is better, which the sursee that you attend regularly. But as that has by no geon does not choose should be the case for some razaras been the case, and as you have so disrespect time; and even if he were well, he could not go befully absented yourself, I really must take notice of it fore the dean signed his “ereat,” which he would not 10 a severe way. I am very sorry for it, nobody more do before the imposition was said ; so he is hemmed to, but it is an imperative duty I must fulfil. You in on all sides, and has the blue devils, besides a will get by heart 500 lines of Virgil, the 7th Æneid, prospect of growing hippish. He, therefore, spends and I expect it will be said with alacrity and promp- the time he would have passed in pleasure at home, obale. Good morning, sir." So here is Mr. Varmint in the shady court of a college, and stuffs himself outils two impositions in hand which must be very with Greek and Latin hexameters, and lives entirely

og in head: one, if no: sail, will beget rustication; on barley-water and medicine, for the space of three od the other, if neglected, will cause the dean to teil / weeks. At the end of this time, we will Lim to take his naine off the boards of the college. getting again convalescent, and recovering his wonied He debates in his own mind as to whether it is better spirits. He satisfies the proctor and the dean by Bu get them or not; but at leugth determines to see saying a part of each impos., and after bitterly cursprocess, deans, and in short the whole University at ing the place, leaves it for the country. This is the W Nick, rather than look at a word; and

way that many men spend their three years at the "- to take arms against a sea of troubles,

University. But, Dir. Freshman, whoever you may And, by opposing, end them."

be, I write this for your especial benefit, and leave it Alas! how soon do mortals change their firmest to yourself to copy or avoid such conduct, as you may We most Sxed resolutions! How many circum- think proper. airces occur to induce them to act contrary to their After the long vacation, Mr. Varmint comes up

Bir. Varmint, by drinking too much wine again to reside. His sprees of his first year, and in the last two days, rather prematurely finds him- their consequences, have gained him experience, and v very much the worse from bis lat. Cyprian ad- he knows how to manage in a scientific way. To tares; and in fact is compelled to send for a sur-avoid gate-hills, he will be out at night as late as he a la short, Varmint is obliged to get an ægrotat, pleases, and will defy any one to discover his abscoafine himself to his rooms, and lie still on the sence; for he will climb over the college walls, and te On his table are dranghts, powders, and lo- fee his gyp well, when he is out all night. To avoid ; the surgeon visits him daily. What is he to impositions from the dean, he will attend more reguall day by himself on the sofa? His friends are larly at chapel ; which, though a great bore, must yet to him a great deal to drive away melancholy; but be endured and to get clear from the clutches of the pide has aa immensity of leisure time on his hands. proctors, he will scud when there is need; and if fol

tavust read; but what? Walter Scott? No, he lowed, will for the bull-dogs, and bolt, He now is wels, and all that kind of trash. Lord Byron ? ewice as gay as before, rides, courses, hunts, shoots, idas read him fiy times, and he wants something I fishes, drives, drinks, fights, swcars, rows, and gam

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bles, more than ever. He dresses still more like an and a haif at dinner; and afterwards set to, and get eccentric fancy man, and acts yet more unlike what most awfully drunk, each man having floored upwardı he ought to do, and thus he passes his terms. But of three boriles of port, independent of champagne now comes the time when he is to be examined for and madeira at dinner, or burgundy and claret. "Thes the Little-go; and about three weeks before the exa- they conclude the last feast they shall ever have tij mination he begins to read. He finds himself un-gether at college, and another fortnight sees tuer. equal to the task, without cramming. He in conse-all, perhaps, wafted far from the University, sumie al quence engages a common tutor, and buys all the then for ever. cram-books published for the occasion. After read- Farewell to the towers ! farewell to the bowers! ing himself ill, he goes in ; and by the greatest luck Where the sage wizard Art all his charms hath in the world happens to pass. This puts him in high display'd ; spirits again, and he gives a large Spread, and gets And sweet science cowers, amongst blooming flowers drunk on the strength of it. He continues to have a In gay robes of glory majestic array'd. private tutor for the remainder of his residence, and Farewell, banks of Camus ! ye fair scenes of Ulisses, reads with him about one day in a term, until the last The Muse, Loves', and Graces' invincible seat! term in his third year, when he is obliged to read for Your silver soft stream, like the tide of Illyssus, his degree of Bachelor of Arts. Accustomed to mirth Aye, fresher than airs of Hygeia's retreat. and gaiety, and to all kinds of sporting pursuits, never Ye cloisters low bending, and proudly extendine, having opened a single mathematical book since his residence, knowing Euclid only by name, and Algebra The spirit befriending, as softly descending,

To cherish young Genius and Taste in your love still less, if possible; not being a dab at Latin or Greek; in short, never having professed to be a read

It mounts in pure incense to Heav'a's vaulted dort ing man, Mr. Varmint begins to encounter all the From you I must sever; then farewell for ever dithculties attending on such a career, when near its

Each heart-honour'd object that swell my la termination in severe study. He has now recourse to his private tutor, who finds him miserably defi- The world is a field I must enter, but never cient; and to work they both go, the one cramming,

Can ought charm my soul like your shade Academ and the other unable to swallow a mouthful.. He falls This is one way of proceeding to the deztu ill by reading hard, being so unused to it, and gives B. A. The “reading man" goes to work in a it up-for a week, then sets to again, and so goes on till another style. He attends lectures regularis, o the day of examination, when he may perhaps muster misses chapel, dines nearly always in hall, 1 up resolution enough to go into the Senate-house. If moderate exercise, is rarely out of college after he does go in, and is well enough crammed, he gets gates are shut, reads twelve hours a day, strives', a station amongst the apostles; if not, he may per- to get prizes and medals, always obtains a xos chance he plucked. But if he does not think he shall ship, seldom gets " a little the worse for kurse be able to go through, he reads on a little longer, and gives no swell parties, runs very little into debe, goes out at a by-term. This is his career at college ; his cup of bitch at night, and goes quietly to be the what it may be in after-life, is quite another affair, thus he passes his time in a way a Varmuut When he has got his degree in either of these ways, would despise. These are the men who rua ut with the rest of his companions, he sits down with all all the prizes and obtain wranglers degrees, wie of them, about forty or fifty, to a most glorious spread, inade fellows and tutors, and who becoine avec ordered from the college cook, to be served up in the the principal men in the University. But there most swell style possible. They are about two hours | by no means the most gifted men, the mned

theme;

KNOWING A MAN.

ADVICE TO A POOR. GENTLEMAN.

most brilliant talent, or greatest genius. But they | Empire to his Royal Highness, exclaimed, to the no are the steady men, who owe all their knowledge to small mortification of the historian, “What another hard reading, and desperate perseverance in study. d—d big book, Mr. Gibbon ? hey?" Of course there are many-very many exceptions ; but what I state is for the most part the case. I conclude this account by stating, that many things in it covstruction. “ Do you know such a one ?" i. e. Are

To know, is a word which is very liable to misare estequated, but nought set down in malice;" you upon terms of great intimacy ?--and, Do you and die observant student of a twelvemontli's stand wish to acknowledge him as your friend ? Though a ing in the University, if his acquaintance is at all buck and a quiz, or raff, were to dine together at the extensive, will find the truth of my assertions.

same table every day-to meet together, continually, TRE MISER'S DEATH-BED.

at wine parties-nay, keep together in the same stairAn old gentleman was on his death-bed. The case ;--yet, if the former were asked,—Whether he whole family, and Dick among the number, gather- knew either of the latter ? he would answer with all ed around him. “I leave my second son, Andrew,” imaginable coolness and composure, in the negative!. said the expiring miser," my whole estate, and desire

" There is such a man, but I don't know him." him to be frugal.” Andrew, in a sorrowfut tone, as is usual on these occasions, prayed heaven to prolong To ward off the gripe of poverty, you must pretend bus life and health to enjoy it himself. “I recom- to be a stranger to her, and she will at least use you mend Simon, my third son, to the care of his elder with ceremony. If you be caught dining upon a brother, and leave him beside four thousand pounds." halfpenny porringer of peas-soup and potatoes, praise Ab, farber,” cried Simon, (in great affliction to be the wholesomeness of your frugal repast. You may sure) " may heaven give you life and health to enjoy observe, that Dr. Cheyne has prescribed pease-broth it yourself.” At last, turning to poor Dick, "As for for the gravel; hint that you are not one of those who you, you have always been a sad dog ; you'll never are always making a deity of your belly. Il, again, come to good ; you'll never be rich ; I'll leave you a you are obliged to wear a flimsy stuff in the midst of alliog to buy a halter." "Ah, father," cried Dick, winter, be the first to remark, that stuffs are very without any emotion, "may heaven give you life and much worn at Paris ; or, if there be found some irrebealth to enjoy it yourself.'

parable defects in any part of your equipage, which EXERCISE FOR YOUNG LOGICIANS.

cannot be concealed by all the arts of sitting crossNo cat has two tails,

legged, coaxing, or darning, say, that neither you nor

Sampson Gideon were ever very fond of dress. If you A cat has one tail more than no cat,

be a philosopher, hint that Plato or Seneca are the Ergo. A cat has three tails.

tailors you choose to employ ; assure the company INGRAM ON A CANTAB WHO WAS Pluck'd for that man ought to be content with a bare covering,

since what now is so much his pride, was formerly Sed cut off his queue, and was powder'd with care,

bis shame. In short, however caught, never give out; Yet sadly mistaken was Ned,

but ascribe to the frugality of your disposition what Fur tho' he had taken such pains with his hair,

others might be apt to attribute to the narrowness of The bishop found fault with his head.

your circumstances. To be poor, and to seem poor,

is a certain method never to rise : pride in the great A GREAT BOOK A GREAT EVIL.

is hateful. in the wise, it is ridiculous; but beggarly The late Duke of Cumberland, when Gibbon tri- pride is a rational vanity, which I have been taught wpicantly presented the last volume of his Roman lio applaud and excuse.

GOLDSMITH.

ORDERS.

GOLDSMITH,

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