Jise better here without money than a man in the other world can for 10001. a-year; for, in short, se bave every thing, and that for nothing."

When supper was over they drank a cheerful glass to the memory of their particular friends over, their heads, till at last the patient (being mach weakened with his long fasting) grew very tipsy; they accordingly turned him again into his wooden territories, where he soon fell into a and sleep, during which time they carried him up into his own room, and put him again into his bed, where he slept with his lady till the next | morning about day-light, when waking, he began w look about him, strangely surprised, which the lady perceiving, cried, "Prithee, my dear, what's the matter with thee?"—" Lord, love, (said he,) art thou here? Where are we?"-" In our own bed, (replied the lady,) in our own chamber, in your own house. Where do you think we should be" Then, (said the judge,) I have had one of the most unaccountable dreams that ever was beard of." From that time he was recovered of

bis melancholy; the mountebank had his reward, and the judge sat upon the bench for several years

after.

THE TEA-TABLE.

When the party commences, all starch'd and all glum, They talk of the weather, their corns, or sit mum; They will tell you of cambric, of ribands, of lace, How cheap they are sold—and will name you the place.

Dey discourse of their colds, and they hem and

they cough,

And complain of their servants to pass their time of:

O list to the tale of some doating mamina;

Soon unloosens the tongue, and enlivens the mind,
And enlightens their eyes to the faults of mankind.

In harmless chit-chat an acquaintance they roast,
And serve up a friend, as they serve up a toast;
Some gentle faux pas, or some female mistake,
Is like sweetmeats delicious, or relished as cake ;
A bit of broad scandal is like a dry crust,
It would stick in the throat, so they butter it first
With a little affected good-nature, and ery

Nobody regrets the thing deeper than I.”
Our young ladies nibble a good name in play,
As for pastime they nibble a biscuit away
While with shrugs and surmises the toothless old
dame,
As she mumbles a crust, she will mumble a name.
The wives of our cits of inferior degree
Will soak up repute in a little bohea;
The potion is vulgar, and vulgar the slang
With which on their neighbours' defects they ha

rangue;

1

But the scandal improves, a refinement in wrong!
As our matrons are richer, and rise to souchong.
With hyson-a beverage that's still more refined,
Our ladies of fashion enliven their mind ;
And by nods, inuendoes, and hints, and what not,
Reputations and tea send together to pot.
While madam, in cambrics and laces array'd,
With her plate and her liveries in splendid parade,
Will drink in imperial a friend at a sup,
Or in gunpowder blow them by dozens all up.
Ah me! how I groan, when with full swelling sail
Wafted stately along by the favouring gale,
A China ship proudly arrives in our bay,
Displaying her streamers and blazing away.
Oh! more fell to our port is the cargo she bears
Than grenadoes, torpedoes, or warlike affairs;
Each chest is a bombshell thrown into our town,

How her ten weeks old baby will laugh and say To shatter repute and bring character down.

Bat tea, that eolivener of wit and of soulHure loquacious by far than the draughts of the bowl,

If I, in the remnant that's left me of life,
Am to suffer the torments of slanderous strife,
Let me fall, I implore, in the slang-whanger's claw,
Where the evil is open, and subject to law ;

*Not nibbled, and mumbled, and put to the rack
By the sly underminings of ten-party clack;
Condemn me, ye gods, to a newspaper roasting,
But spare me! O spare me, a tea-table toasting!

A CONFERENCE

P. An't please your grace, I see no hors D. Why don't you see me play with his mate stroke him under the belly clap his buttocks, manage him as I please?

P. Either your grace is merrily disposed, else your illness has had a very unlucky c

Between George Duke of Buckingham and Father upon your grace's imagination. Upon my sincer

Filzgerald.

Priest. May it please your grace, I come from his Majesty, who sent me on purpose to wait on

you.

Duke. I am exceedingly beholden to his Majesty for all his favours. I thought I had long ago been out of his remembrance; pray, sir, take a chair. And what may your errand be!

I see nothing but a cork in your hands.

D. How, my horse dwindled into a fool piece of cork? Come, father, this is very unkind done of you, to turn the finest gelding in Europ whose sire was a true Arab, and had a better nealogy to show than the best gentleman in Wa or Scotland can pretend to, into a cork,

P. Not to flatter then this melancholy bam your grace, which may but serve to confira rivet it the more in you, I must roundly fairly tell your grace, that 'tis a cork, and a

P. His majesty being informed of your grace's illness, and as it becomes a prince who has a true regard for his subjects, compassionating the dan-thing but a cork.

gerous circumstances you are in at present, com- D. 'Tis hard that a person of my qual manded me to use my best endeavours to reclaim your grace from that heretical communion 'tis now your unhappinesss to embrace, and reconcile you to the catholic church, out of which there is no salvation.

D. I perceive, sir, you're a priest; Sam, bring up a bottle of wine, and clean glasses.-Do you smoke, sir?

P. An't please your grace, I did not come to drink, but

word won't be taken in such a matter, wh have not the least prospect of getting a fa by imposing upon you. But, father, how da make good your assertion? I say still 'tis a ha you tell me 'tis a cork; how shall this difer be made up between us?

P. Very easily; for instance, I first exam (taking the cork from the duke) it by my and that tells me 'tis cork. I next cont sight, and that affirms the same; then I jo by my taste, and still 'tis cork.

D. Well, well, a glass now and then won't spoil conversation. But do you say, sir, there's D. Hark yon, father, before you pre no salvation to be had out of the pale of the ca-step farther; thou art plagnily mistaken, if tholic church? thinkest to make the Trinity a stepping sto transubstantiation.

P. Well then I submit; his majesty's (drinks off his glass) health, and your grace's commands must never be disputed.

D. But all this while, father, you take no (playing with the cork) notice of my fine gelding here. Do but observe his exquisite shape: what fine turned neck is there? His eyes, how lively and full? His pace, how majestic and noble? I'll lay a hundred guineas there's nothing in Newmarket can compare with him,

P. Be it so then; and since your grac mentioned transubstantiation, we'll enter e merits of that controversy. I need not your grace, that no article of our holy rele so expressly laid down in scripture as v what can be plainer than hoc est corpus =

D. I see, father, I must refresh your with this piece of cork, which I positively once more to be a horse: just now you w

governed by the senses, in those matters that pro-and told him, dear father, you must never think
perly belong to their tribunal; but now you dis
a the jurisdiction of the court, which is not
innestly done,

P. My lord duke, you must humble your
rason to reconcile yourself to this holy mystery,
which even the angels themselves don't compre-road, or fall into a ditch; therefore, let me per-
end.

1

D. What think you now, father, of L John's story?

not into the sheets, though they smelt most de-began to do after he was gone, she might conti: liciously of lavendar and roses, but into the a doing till sun-setting. Our landlady, little u blankets. Down stairs she hurries, full of grief gining that a miracle was entailed upon | and confusion, which would not let her wink all father's blessing, very innocently went to mezi night; and Lord, cries she, what a wicked age is the small remainder of linen she had left, whes, this we live in, how cold, and uncharitable, when her great astonishment, and that of her family, a person of such merit and learning, who has re-continued in this posture till the sun was set, i sided too so long in the family, has not a shirt to got such a prodigious quantity of linen by │ put on bis back? I could never have thought my means, that next week she was able to buy Lord so niggardly. These afflicting thoughts, her lease, and is now the topping dame of wholly occasioned by her zeal for religion, and parish. the professors of it, made that impression upon her, that she did not enjoy a minute's repose that night. Early she gets up the next morning, and measured out six ells of the finest flaxen linen she had, which was of her own spinning. Presently down comes the father into her parlour; she enquires of him how he past the night, and was ravished with joy to hear he had slept so well. After this, comes in a thundring toast, with a full tankard of humming stale beer. The priest and she soon ended it between them, and now she had courage enough to tell him what she had observed the night before. Father, says she, I beg your pardon for being so impudent as to peep through your key-hole last night; and truly I was grieved J. At the lower end of this village (whet 10 the heart to see that a gentleman of your edu- above-mentioned miraculous scene happ cation and great parts should be without a shirt. lived another old woman, a catholic by pens Come, never blush for the matter, I know it is so; who, hoping to gain as much by her godfiabut here are six ells of my best linen, which will her neighbour had done before her, lookeć · make you two very good shirts, and I humbly de-sharply for the father as a Yorkshire at ire you to accept of them.

J. This miracle in a moment run throngh four northern counties; every village and v rung of it; nay, it crossed the Tweed, and the ears of the unbelieving Scots. The pr wherever he came, was worshipped and rej like a little Divinity, and the woman way nified by all as a true pattern of primitive i piety, and charity, since heaven had been a pains to reward her in so extraordinary a

P. Honest friend, let me desire you to concise as you can, for in plain truth I am of your story already.

does for a purse-proud litigious client. Ai

D. Why, father, here is the quintescence of to her mighty satisfaction, she sees him go rpe christianity for you.

door; immediately she trots after him, teik J. Well, daughter, replies he, I accept of of the depth of the ways, and the great das our present in good part (for priests and lawyers ran of being lost, desires him to consult be are seldom guilty of refunding) not that I shall safety, and not expose himself to those ca ave any occasion of making use of it myself, for which he might so reasonably expect Ir you must understand, I belong to an order which badness of the ways and the darkness obliges us to wear woollen next our skin, but it nights. With these plausible insinuat may serve to make towels for the altar, and the wheedles the priest into her house, and tz Bike, and therefore I will take it with me. Then him entirely to her interest, treats bir ordering the good woman to kneel, he gave her shoulder of mutton, and a couple of cap This benediction, and prayed, that whatever she supper.

D. She took the right course to gain her point, I must needs own; for ever while you live, father, tickle a priest by the belly, if you intend to make aim yours.

D. And what fell out upon this?

P. You'll never have done I'm afraid. *** J. The priest, not being conjuror enough to dive into the bottom of her heart, to know whether she was guided by any mercenary bye-ends, or J. When the table-cloth was taken away, our whether her intentions were real, heartily thanked running hypocrite, who was resolved to out-do her for the noble present she had made him, and her neighbour's entertainment in her provisions, folded it up under his great-coat; bid her kneel accordingly brings in a double bottle of Metheg-down, and laying his sacerdotal fist upon her Tin, fills a bumper, and begins prosperity 'o the head, he gave her a blessing, and prayed, that catholic religion. She tells the father, that a ju- whatever this good woman began to do after he dicious person lately told her, that a cardinal was was gone, she might continue a doing till sun. Coming from Rome, who was to make his public setting. appearance in Cheapside, in cloth of beaten silver Ind gold, marry was he, and that he was to consert the whole nation, and then, father (says she) se shall see happy times. The honest priest was taken up with his pot and pipe, that he neither pposed nor seemed to approve her discourse. In manner they drank and prattled, until the quor found such a way into their pericraniums ey could hardly see one another. The priest, gible to hold up his head any longer, desired to conducted to the room where he was to lie that ght; the old woman, with much ado, gets him stairs, leads him to his bed, wishes him a thou ad good nights, and so leaves him with a trusty of ale by his bed-side, that if he waked in the ht be might have something to refresh his conence and thirst at once. D. Well said, John."

J. The father was no sooner got over the threshold, but our matron, who had laid all her tackle in readiness, was going to measure the remainder of her linen; but then considering, upon second thoughts, what a large morning's draught she had taken with the priest, and being a wise prudent woman into the bargain, she thought it would be convenient to make a little water before she fell to work. She did so, and continued in mingent circumstances from the morning till night, evacuating so plentiful a stream that she in a manner occasioned a second deluge. In short, all the low lands in Northumberland suffered by it; twenty-four mills, upon strict examination, were found to be overwhelmed by this sudden inundation, besides cottages and bay-ricks numberless. This old woman, conscious of her own ZBy that time the priest had rigged himself deceit and hypocrisy, has not dared to show her was come down into the parlour, our ancient head among her neighbours since this fatal accion had tossed up a nice breakfast, out of the dent. All true catholics rejoice at the just disinder of the capons, which, being highly sea-pensation of heaven's favours, and so my story 4, proved a very effectually shoeing-horn for concludes. other bumper. And now, with tears in her she began the same story as her neighbour done, lamenting the horrid ingratitude of the that so learned and devout a man as he Md want a shirt; to prevent which, for the e, as far as it lay within her small capacity, bade bold to make him a small present of a za ells of her best linen cloth.

D. Come, John, there's something to make you amends for the pains you have taken. (John bows and quits the room.) Well, father, what's your opinion now of this miracle?

P. Out of respect to your grace, I was content to sit out the whole story; though I guessed at first whereabouts it would end. But since your grace is pleased to demand my opinion, all I can