ΕΠΙΤΑΓΗ. Here old John Randall lies, who, telling of his tale, [Ale; Lived threescore years and ten, such virtue was in Ale was his meat, Ale was his drink, Ale did his [been alive. And if he could have drunk his Ale, he still had NAPOLEON AND FOUCHE. heart revive, EAN MEDICINALE, This dangerous medicine for the gout was OD day vaunted by a lady, who advised a gonty mộ to take it, adding, "I know many who prai to the skies."—"No doubt, uadam,” said an "for it has sent many to the skies to praise it." 'EIGHTEEN REASONS FOR ABSENCE.' The Prince of Condé passing through Be the public authorities went to meet him at 'Napoleon sent for Fouche, and in a great rage told him he was a fool, and not fit to be at the head gates of the town; after many high-flown comp ments, the mayor added “To display our jos s of the police; that he was quite ignorant of what wished to receive you with the reports of a nur was passing. Pardon me, sire, said Fouche, in-rous artillery, bat we have not been able to terrupting him, I know that your majesty has my dismissal ready signed in your pocket. This was the case; it need not be added, that Napoleon instantly changed his mind, and kept his minister. BUFFON'S SON. The son of Buffon was a very dolt. Rivarol said of him, he is the worst chapter of his father's Natural History. RIVAROL. A person, in repeating one of Rivarol's witticisms, destroyed the point. How could it be otherwise, said Rivarol; if a fool understood wit he would he no longer a fool. the cannons for eighteen reasons; in the first pl we have none, secondly"-"My good fried. said the Prince," the first reason is so good I w excuse the other seventeen." LOUIS XIV. The same city of Beaune received Louis X and offered him a taste of their wine, which majesty praised: "Oh! sire," said the mayor, " is not to be compared with what we have is e cellars."-" Which you keep, no doubt, f better occasion," replied the king. MIRABEAU. Mirabeau, said Rivarol, is capable of any for money, even a good action. TEDIOUS CONFESSION The populace of Paris resolved to burs Abbé Maury in effigy. Accordingly, a figur made of wood and straw, clothed in a cle dress. Just as they were about to set fire to priest passed, and the populace thought it w be good fun to make him confess the Abbe M. Finding there were no means of escaping. priest expressed his willingness to do it. recollect, my friends," said he, the Abhi have such a long confession to make to me. you will not be able to burn him to night." was an all-powerful reason, and determined on letting the priest go, and burning the without confession. THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER. THE ONLY SON. P PIRON AND THE THISTLE. was During the French Revolution, every one Piron, the satiric poet, having quarrelled with the good people of Beaune, set about cutting called brother. A jacobin, entering a coffeedown all the thistles in the neighbourhood. On room, and seeing a man reading the paper, said, being asked the reason, he said, "I am at war" brother, when you have done with that, I'll with the Beaunese, and am cutting off their pro visions." DEAD ALIVE. A Swiss captain, after a battle, ordered the dead and dying to be buried pell-mell. Being told that some of those buried were alive and “Oh,” said he, "if you pay might be saved, attention to what they say, there is not one of them that would allow himself to be dead." KINGS AND CALIPHS. thank you for it." No reply.-He repeated, "brother, when you have read the paper I'll thank you for it." Still no reply; indignant at the circumstance, he went and slapped the party on the shoulder, repeating his demand a third time. I beg your pardon," said the young "I did not think you were speaking to me, for I am an only son,” man, NOT AT HOME. An Irish servant being asked if his master was "No." When will he rewithin, replied, we never know when he will turn ""Oh, when master gives orders to say he is not at home come in." A PURE WINE-BIBBER. Don Sancho, second son of Alphonso, King of Castile, being at Rome, was proclaimed King of Egypt by the Pope. The air was instantly rent with applause, and Sancho, not knowing the lanA Swiss was drinking with two French soldiers guage, asked what it meant of his interpreter. "Sire," said he, "the Pope has created you King of Egypt."-"Has he so?" replied Don in the garden of a public-house. It came on rain, Sancho," well, I do not like to be ungrateful, but they paid no attention to it, except that when it, to prevent any water falling in. rise and proclaim the holy father Caliph of the Swiss's glass was filling, he held his hat over Bagdad." SAGACITY OF A MAD DOG. A member of the French jacobin club said to bis colleagues, “I have been very lucky this morning; a mad dog passed between my legs without biting me.""That is not surprising,' "it was because he knew who replied a member, you were." THE ABBE MAURY. MADAME DE MONTESPAN. Madame de Montespan succeeded Madame de la Valliere, as mistress to Louis XIV. She called begged the Swiss porter to mind and say she had one day on a lady who was not at home, and she called, adding, "You know me, don't you?"-"Oh, yes, madame, you are the lady who bought Madame de la Valliere's place at Court." WHICH IS THE LADY? At a church not an hundred miles from London, The mob once got hold of the Abbé Maury and "To the lanresolved on putting him to death. tern with him," was the universal cry. The a real Corinthian dandy went to church to be Abbé, with much sang froid, said to those who married. The clergyman, who was of the school were dragging him along, "Well, if you do hang of Dr. Parr, looked at the thing from head to me at the lantern will you see any the clearer for foot, and then coolly turned round to the gentlewhich is the lady?" It?" This created a general laugh, and saved the man who acted as father, and said, “Pray, Sir, Abbé. THE DOUBLE TRANSLATION A Welsh curate preached sermons In English, far beyond what was expected of him. One of his friends finding nothing analogous to them is hiv other writings, told him he thought he must be inspired when he composed his sermons, Ab, my tear friend! that is a secret which I will tell you. I have got, you do know, the cood and creat archbishop Tillotson's works, and I do take one of his sermons, and I do translate it into Welch, and then I do translate back again into English, after which the tevil himself would not know it again for his own." THE BISHOP OF LLANDAFF. The see of Llandaff is the poorest in the kingdom, it indeed resembles a bishopric in partibus, The episcopal palace, and the cathedral, are both in ruins; hence many of the good people, of Lan daff do not know what sort of thing a bishop is Dr. Watson resolved, however, on visiting it his arrival was announced for a certain day, which happened to be the fair; all were on the tiptoe of expection, when a woman ran and called her neighbours together, come, come directly, and see the bisliop."-"Where is it?"-"In the church-yard, the queerest thing you ever saw." They ran in crowds, " Lod, lud! what a queer thing it is," they all cried, save one old women, who had been to Bristol once in her life, and cossequently could relate what she had seen on het travels, and was a kind of oracle amongst them, "That the bishop! why it is only a dancing bear." "Are you sure."-" To be sure I am, I one at Bristol fair."-" La! then it is not the bishop after all," said they, "what a pity." DIGNIFIED MENDICITY. A beggar of the environs of Madrid implore alms. Are you not ashamed ?” said a passeng to him," to carry on such an infamous trade when you can work?"—" Sir," replied the beggar, asked for money, and not advice," turning back with true Castilian dignity. THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER. THE ENGLISH DEICIDES. The French missionaries in India, to inspire the natives with a horror of the English, constantly taught, that Jerusalem was London, and that it was the English who crucified our Saviour. FORTUNATE obstacle. DEATH MADE TO WAIT. An old Gascon was at the point of death, his son alarmed ran to the house of the priest to confess him, and give him extreme unction; it being very late at night, he knocked very gently at the door, and was three hours before he was heard. The cure being awaked, asked him why he did not knock A Spanish friat, preaching on the temptation, louder, "I was afraid of disturbing you, sir.". when he came to the part where the devil shewed" Well, what is the matter ?”—“ I left my father Christ all the kingdoms of the world, and said, at the last gasp, sir, and I want you to confess all these will I give thee, observed," he did not him."" Why, if he was at the last gasp three see Spain, for the Pyrenees were in the way; if hours since, he must be dead by this time."--" Ob, no, sir, my neighbour Pierrot promised to amuse he had seen it, our Saviour must have fallen." him until I brought you to him." THE WONDERFUL WORKS OF NATURE. PEASANT'S Children. Captain Greer and a party coming from the A French count said to one of his farmers, Idle of Wight to Portsmouth, one of the parfy We nosaid, Greer, if you don't make a bull till we get "Why, man, what fine fresh rosy children you to Portsmouth, we'll frank you for a week; if you have got; it does one good to see them. do you shall pay a dinner to the party."-"Done," blemen have all children that are puny sickly -s I things; how do you peasants manage it better than hope no offence, but we exclaimed Greer, "I'll win that, for by Jwon't open my lips till we get ashore." Every we"" Why, sir, attempt to make him talk was ineffectual, till the always make them ourselves." boat passed under the stern of the Queen Charlotte man-of-war, when Greer, struck with admiration, raised his hands, and exclaimed," how onderful are the works of nature!" It need not be added that he lost the dinner. WHO TOLD YOU? "Lady Racher is put to bed," said Sir Boyle Is friend. What has she got ?"" Guess.""A boy?"-"No, guess again.”—“ A girl?”. Who told you." THE LIBERTY OF THE PRESS. After the death of the Duke de Berry, a law was presented to restrain the liberty of the press, which made every one hasten to profit by it, before was passed. A pickpocket being caught fact of picking a pocket in a crowd, or, as Treach call it, a presse, he was taken before commbwary of police, who asked him if poverty fives him to it, he replied, I only wished prost by the liberty of the press." FARINELLI. The King of Spain having given Farinelli the order of Calatrava, he was armed as a knight with the usual formalities, at which the English ambassador was present. The Spanish minister asked "Why, as your excellency him his opinion of it, asks it, I will tell you: In England we spur cocks, at Madrid you spur capons.' PLURALITIES. An archbishop, who enjoyed several benefices, disputing with the Pope's legate, asserted the superiority of the council over the pope. The legate replied, " Either give up all your benefices, save one, or believe in the authority of the pope.' COTTON, THE Jesuit. The Jesuit Cotton had a great ascendancy over Henry IV. of France, on which Piron remarked, we have a good and excellent prince, and he loves the truth, but it is a great pity that be has Cotton in his ears. |