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be found covered with legs of mutton, shouldering (mourning, or those that have business in bani each other, with some bones to be pieked at sides of the street, as he does not wish to have any second-hand very cheap. He also intends to esta - meandering of that kind in his house. These boat blish a eat-inger club for the use of shoe-blacks, wish to eat against time, to pay obe shilling? Dewscaen, nightmen, &c. and one of the rules of bead, provided they don't boli, and in that case this club will be, that if any one should happen eighteen-pence. A bill of fare, as long as 3 by choice or chance to swallow another fellow's Welsh pedigree, will be written out every day finger, or the joint of a finger, he is to pay one with a clean lable-cloth once a quarter, for the penny. Those that intend to stow in three din- use of those that like to dine geoteely, with every ders at once, are to pay by the pound, (welve genteel accommodation ; buc no tripe at bigli, pourd to the dozen, butter weight. And whereas and heels in the morning. The young Newlande there are some pale thin-looking fellows, with will be always welcome. crane-liecks, that would demolish a shoulder of N.B. Fine roast pork, that would tempt a Jes, mutton at one sitting, they are to pay according every day at one o'clock. to the damages they have commitied, and as the Irish are very fond of working at the wet-dock, he

IN LAMBETH CHURCH-YARD, has laid in a large quantity of small-beer, of so

On William Wilson, a troublesome Tsitor. fine a quality that it will wrestle even with some

Here lies the body of W. W. of your porter, though it should get into a passion, Who never more will trouble you, trouble yor. and foam as much as it pleases; bat bis dear

the CAMBRIDGE SCHOLAR, countrymen must know, that he will not keep a floating account with any one of them, nor take In the days that are past, on the banks of a stepat, a duplicate in pay for any one of them, even

Whose waters but softly were flowing, though it should be backed by his honour. 'As to With ivy o'ergrown, an old mansion house stoo, Scotchmen, who wish to cheat their guts, and to That was built on the skirts of a chilling des amuse their teeth, he has prepared for them wood, that dish so well known north of the Tweed, Where the yew tree and cypress were growing namely, a haggis, with black-pudding as tough as The villagers shook as they pass'd by the doors, Indian-rubber ; and, as an empty sack can't When resting at eve from their labouri, stand, be is resolved it at the substantial unly shall And the trav'ller full many a furlong went rosad, appear on his tables. None of your French if his ears once admitted the terrific sound slops, with a little piece of beef, and an ocean of of the tale that was told by the neighboars, soup, like a small island in a lake; no syrup of cinders, no jelly of pipe stopples, or quaking They said that the house on the skirts of the sea puddings, that will tremble at the sight of a knife

By a saucer-ey'd ghost was infested, or a spoon. And as it sometimes happens that which fill'd ev'ry heart with confusioa nad nisa, those who frequent Eating-houses often mistake By assuming strange shapes in the deaw of ra their pocket for their mouth, and, as it is a pity

night, that the belly should be defrauded of its due, he Shapes monstrous and foul, and detested. requests all such to take notice of this bint, and And truly they said, for the master well knew, to be careful that they do not commit such mise That this ghost was tbe greatest of erils, takes. He bas also fiited up a room for the ase For no sooner the bell of the mansion lolita of ladies, but he wishes that it may be publicly Than this froliesome imp in a fury begun known, that no woman is to be admitted in half. To caper like len thousand devils.

ucyes,

é appeared in all forms tbe inost strange and | Bring some turnips and milk, the scholar, he cried, Borouth,

In a voice like the echoing thunder; Børe no goblin was ever so daring,

They brought him some turnips, and suct beside, Hawtter'd loud shrieks, and most horrible cries, Some milk aod a spooo, and his motions they ey'd, Cated his body and bones, and his swoet litile Quite lost in conjecture and wonder. "THI dis impudence grew beyond bearing.

He took up the turnips-he par’d off the skin,

Put them into a pot that was boiling, Just at this nick o'time, as the master's sad heart Ssread a table and cloth, and inade ready to sup, . With sorrow and anguish was swelling,

Then call'd fr, a fork, and the tarvips fish'd up He heard that a scholar, with science replete, In a horry, for they were a spoiling Full of cystical lore as an egg is of ineat, He mash'd up the turnips with butter and milk, kad taken at Cambridge a dwelling.

The hail at the casement 'gan clatter ; The scholar was vers'd in all mystical arts,

The scholar ne'er heeded the tempest withont, Most famous was he throughout college,

But raising his eyes, and turning about, To the Red Sea full many ay unquiet ghost,

Ask'd the maid for a small wooden-platter. To repose with King Pharoah, and his mighty host, He mash'd up the turnips with butter and milk,

He had sent. thro' bis powerful knowledge. The storm came on thicker and faster, To this scholar so learned, the master he weut,

The blue lightnings flash'd and with terrific din,

The rain at eacli crevice and cranny crept in, And so lowly be bent with submission,

Tearing up by the root lath and plaster. Told the freaks of the ghost, and the borrible frights,

He wash'd up the turnips with butter and milk, That prevented his household from slecping

The mess would have ravish'd a glution, o'rights,

When, lo! his sharp bodes scarcely cover'd his Then ofer'd this homble petition.

skin,

The ghost from thc nook o'er the window peep'd that he, the said scholar, in wisdom so wise,

io, Woold this mischievoos ghost lay io fetters, In the form of a boil'd scrag of mutton. Lod sead him in torments for ever to dwell, la the nethermost pit of the nethermost hell,

" Oh, ho!" cried the ghost, “wbat art doing For destroying the sleep of bis betters.

below,

The scholar look'd up in a twinkling, mis scholar, so vers'd in all mystical lore, Since the times are too bard to afford any meat,

Told the master his prayer should be granted, To make my poor turnips more pleasant to eat, des order'a bis horse to be saddled with speed, A few graios of pepper I'm sprinkling, Lad percb'd on the back of his cream-colourd Then he caught up a fork, and the mutton he ateed,

seized, Trotted off to the house that was baunted.

And sous'd it at once in the platter, le etter'd the house at the fall of the night, Threw o'er it some salt, and a spoonful of fat, The trees of the forest 'gao shiver,

And before the poor ghost could tell what he be bore saven croak'd, and biue burnt the was at, Tight;

He was gone like a mouse down the throat of the art loudly shriek'd, and pale with affright, a cat, The servast like aspeos did quiver.

And that is the whole of the matter,

15

WATCHMAKER'S EPITAPH,

To pass were downright treason ;

To cut Ned Benson's not quite staunch
On a Tomb in Berkeley church-yard, Gloucestershire. But the provocative-a hauoch!
Here lyeth Thomas Peirce, whom no man taught, Zounds! it's the first this season !
Yet he in iron, brasse, and silver wrought.
He jacks and clocks, and watches (with art)

“ Ven'son, thou'rt mine! I'll talk no more" made

Then, rapping thrice at Benson's door, And mended too, when others work did fade. “ John, I'm in such a hurry! of Berkeley five tymes maior this artist was,

Do tell your master that my aunt And yet this major, this artist was but grasse :

Is paralytic, quite aslant,
When his owne watch was downe on the last day,

I must be off for Surrey."
He that made watches had not made a key Now Tom at next door makes a din-
To wind it up, but uselesse it must lie

“ Is Captain Drew at home?"-" Walk in—" Until he rise again no more to die.

“ Drew, how d'ye do?"-" What! Blewit!** THE HAUNCH OP VENISON,

“ Yes, 1-you've ask'd me, many a day, At Number One dwelt Captain Drew,

To drop in, in a quiet way, George Benson dwelt at Number Two;

So now I'm come to do it." (The street we'll not now mention) The latter stund'd the King's Bench bar,

“ I'm very glad you have," said Drew,

" I've nothing but an Irish stew" The former, being lamed in war,

Quoth Tom (aside) “ No matter, Sung small upon a pension.

'Twon't co-my stomach's up to that, Tom Blewit knew them both-than he

'Twill lie by, till the lacid fat None deeper in the mystery

Comes quiv’ring on the platter." Of culinary knowledge ;

" You see your dinner, Tom," Drew cried, From turtle soup to Stilton cheese,

“No, but I don't though," Tom replied ; Apt student, taking his degrees In Mrs. Rundell's college.

“Ismok'd below,"_" What?"_" Ven'son

A launch"-"Oh! true, it is not miae; Benson to dine invited Tom;

My neighbour has some friends to dine :-" Proud of an iovitation from

“ Your neighbour! who?_" George Beesst A host who “ spread" so nicely, Tom answer'd, ere the ink was dry,

“ His chimney smoked; the scene to change " Extremely happy come on Frie

I let him have my kitchen range Day Dext, at six precisely."

While his was newly polish'd :

The Ven’son you observed below, Blewit, with expectation fraught,

Went home just half an hour ago :
Drove up at six, each savoury thought

I guess it's now demolish’d.
Ideal turbot reach in :
But, ere he reach'd the winning post,

“ Tom, why that look of doubtful dread! He saw a Haunch of Ven’son roast

Come, belp yourself to salt and bread,
Down in the next-door kitchen,

Don't sit with bands and knees up;

But dipe, for once, of Irish stew, “ Hey! Zounds ! what's this? a haunch at And read the Dog and Shadow through, I must drop id; I can'ç refuse (Drew's? Whed next you open sop."

JONAN'S SOLILOQUY.

croakers ; mortals endowed with optics 80 on What bousc is this? here's neither coal nor

happily formed in their views of the affairs of candle;

others, that they can conteinplate pothing in the Where I nothing but guts of fishes liandle

long perspective of a fellow-creature's life but J and my table are both here within,

one uninterrupted scene of gloom, Where day ne'er dawn'd, where suo did never “ Shadows, clouds, and darkness, fest upon it." shine

If you consult a person of this class on the subject The like of this on carth man never saw,

of your affairs, there are no hopes which he will A living man within a monster's maw!

not deem unfounded, no expectations that are vot Baried under mountains, which are high aod ftoo sanguine, no projects that are not fotile and sleep!

visionary. Young persons, in particular, he will Planged under waters hundred fathoms deep! have a most kind and special care of guarding Not so was Noah in his house of tree,

against that buoyancy of spirits so natural at their For through a window he the light did see ; time of life. In addition to the “hair-breadth He sailed above the highest waves, a wonder, 'scapes” lo which all are liable, and on which he I and my boat are all the waters under!

will not fail to expatiale most emphatically, he He and his ark might go and also come ;

will discover, in the peculiar character of each But I sit still in sucb a straighteo'd room individual with whom he converses, something As is most gocogth; head and feet together calculated to augment his distrust and enhance his Among such grease as would a thousand smother. dangers. Though most lavish, even to intrusives

The above is extracted from the poems of the ness, of his opinions, he is far from prodigal of Rev. Zachary Boyd, a mao of undoubted piety, advice. In fact, you would vainty seek it of though great eccentricity, lle left his fortune him ; his forte is dissuasion. Whatever steps you and bis manuscripts to the University of Glasgow; propose to pursue, ask his sentiments upon the the latter part of his bequest, judging from the subject, and all that you are likely to learn is, precimen just given, musi have been invaluable ! thai “ here Scylla foams, and there Charybdis

yawns.” He will leave no objection te any of ON DR. JOHNSON

your plans unstated ; and availing himself of the By Soame Jenyngs.

noted maxim of autiquity, that the gods have Ilerc lies poor Johoson; reader, have a care,

placed all human good on the right hand and on

the left, he will never leave his argument till he Tread lightly, lest ye rouse a sleeping bear ;

has, to the best of his ability, succeeded in conReligious, moral, gen'roos, and humane He was, but self-conceited, rude, and vain;

vincing you, that, let the measures you intend to

adopt be whai they may, your object will prove III-bred, and overbearing in dispute,

equally unattainable. If he have sufficient inffyA scholar and a Christiau, yet a brute ; Would you know all his wisdom and his folly,

ence over the person he addresses, he will, per

þe thus enabled to beget in him all the His actions, sayings, mirth, and melancholy, Boswell and Thrale, retailers of his wit,

indoilence of indecision, and all the torment of Will tell you how he wrote, and talk’d,' and spit. suspense. But, though the croaker may succeed

in establisbing the impropriety of every plan JOB'S COMFORTERS.

suggested by another, he will be careful not to The world abounds with a description of per. commit himself, or assist you by proposing any son who may be designated by the title of substitute. It is in dissuasion, as I have before

1.

observed, that he shines. Besides, he abounds in cussing the projects of his friends, and the latter predictions, though invariably of an ugfarónrable when he derides the hopes of indifferent person. description, and prides himself not a little on bis His voice is chilling, and his aspect acetoast Boll gift in the way of prophecy. Indeed, it would he is unfortunately gifted with an intuitive per be surprising if he had not much room for boast-ception of the most ready means of operclouding ing in this line ; for if he be of your acquaintance, the sunny scenes of pleasure, or of making the scarcely any mishap of any description can befal darkness of trouble • deeper and deeper will." you, of which you will not be able to say with In vain would you exclaim to Tim, to the midst truth,

of his career, " male ominatis parcite rerbia," Sæpe sinistra cavâ prædixit ab illice corpix.” might almost suspect that be lisped ia then, wo Pope

they appear to be his natural dialect, and we For the human croaker is no less an ill-omened did in numbers, from his very infancy. To a lady boder of mischief in modern times, than the fea- who had recently lost her only child, Tim diodly thered one was esteemed to be among the ancients. remarked, that the distemper was evidently heat And, as his propliecies respecting some one or ditary decline, and that it was common to be other of his acquaintance include almost every husband's family, all of whom bad died very circumstance in the dark catalogue of physical young. His satarnine temperament can eyes and moral evil; as his provident anticipations contrive to extract prospective misfortune out of have marked ont, for suodry of his fellow-crea- present felicity. If a young tradesmao has made tures, nearly every article of deprecation which a successfal beginning, Tim will observe, how the Litany affords; it may be pretty confidently much better it io general ultimately propos expected, in a world só replete with vice and take the rough of life before the smootto is that misery as ours, that up small portion, among 80" fair and sofùy goes far io a day;" and that the rich a variety, will certainly be accomplished. usual consequences of early success in trade is to

My acquaiotance, Tim Damper, may not un- turn a young person's brain, and to render bia justly be regarded as the unrivailed prince of the extravagant and negligent of his business. Being croaking fraternity., I was about to have called in company with the sister of a gentleman is the him my friend; bat, really, whatever may be bis bank, who is fond of fashionable amusements, be intentions, as far as his conduct may decide, Tim made various comments on the strong temptatica is a friend to no man. Though my knowledge under which persons in that department, part of his character ought, by this time, to have cularly if of gay habits, must labour to be guilty neutralized the effects of his conversation upon of embezzlement, if not of forgery. Tim is never me, I seldom escape from his company without a without a newspaper in his pocket, which be es fit of the vapours. Tim, is, in fact, a kind of|ders admirably subserviepi to bis purpose. I moving, upas tree, whose contagions influence, meets with any person who has friends at ura, be wherever it is diffused, blights all the joyous oever fails to read, with greal deliberatios, the freshness and enlivening gaiety of life. I hope accounts of the damages done by bears calesi have been justiy termed the taper who z glim- and, as a commentator on the Bankrupt List

, be maring lighi can, in some measure, cheer the most is a very Bentley. The other day he was edifying gloomy scenes of existence, Tia may potonapily a widow lady, whose son is at Smyrna, with spoe be denominated the extinguisher, The habitual very amplified accounts of the present wala expression of his physiognomy is either the gravity between the Greeks and the Turks;

and yesterday of mourofal anticipation, or the withering smile evening, taking a tarn towards Westminster, of contempt. The former is employed while dis-deteeted bim in the act of endeavoaring to c.

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