Our Frenchman, bowing to his thread-bare
Determin'd whilst the iron's hot to strike it, [knees,
Pat with his lesson answers-" VAT YOU PLEASE!"
But scarcely had he let the sentence slip,
Than round his shoulders twines the pliant whip!
"Sare! sare! ab, misericorde! parbleu!
Got d-m, monsieur, vat make you use me so ?
Vat call you dis ?"-" Lord, don't you know?
That's what I please," says Bouny "how d'ye

like it?

amples," repeated Yorick, smiling at the same time at the non-chalance of my father, who b now placed his left leg on the top bar of grate, a posture which betrayed a most umeen fissure in his lower vestment," are a disgrace the religion we profess."-" In your church, Yorick," said Dr. Slop, sitting upright in a chair, and in a very professional voice, "wow riage is not one of the communions, and theref the immorality of the breach of the vow," ca

Your friend, although I paid dear for his funning,tinued Dr. Slop, with somewhat less fluency the

Deserv'd the goose he gain'd, sir, for his cunning;
But you, monsieur, or else my time I'm wasting,
Are goose enough--and only wanted basting!"

ADULTERY.

A Shandean Fragment.

before" is not so great, as with you marriag has more of a civil nature.”—" The parties," plied Yorick, "in our church, approach t altar, and, in the sight of God and man. eternal fidelity to each other, and therefore conceive the adulterer of either side forfeits a

P

"It is a shame-it is a disgrace to our laws-claim"-" To a separate maintenance," obse to our manners-to our religion," exclaimed my father very quickly, who had for some ba Yorick, with more than his usual-elevation of resumed the perusal of his marriage articl tone. My father waked him from his reverie," And the children, you know, Mr. Yorick," es and expected, from the earnestness of Yorick, an tinued my father very scientifically, elaborate disquisition on the laws, manners, or dear little things, and they are included in religion. He drew, with great complacency of guilt of either sinner?" asked my uncle T look, and much inquisitiveness of aspect, his chair whilst a big tear stood in his eye, and his bos towards that of Yorick, who pointed with his heaved with convulsive pity. Mrs. Wadma finger to several paragraphs in the paper, which bewitching looks came across my uncle Tob he had been reading, dated from Doctors' Com-imagination. Her age, which had not passed mons. My father surveyed them with calmness, probability of being a mother, and ber viva: or rather indifference. My father had been long which had created certain doubts and appre married, and the subject of adultery was one of sions in the bosom of an old bachelor wit those few speculations which had never agitated wound in his groin, all rushed at the same i his pericranium, or produced one eloquent speech, upon his reservoir of ideas, and the tone of or one pointed observation. My father, besides voice was so elegiac, and the mode of putting the inconvenience of the hip-gout, was never, as question so very energetic, that my father's my mother used to relate, a very fond lover. He tive fancy was immediately on tiptoe; be ru had never written sonnets to praise her charms, the right side of his nose with great rapidity, or elogies to deplore her cruelty. My father had stifling a smile, he approached my uncle To only written his name to the marriage articles. chair, and looking at him with great earnest These valuable MSS. he had all the morning been "My dear brother, has then the late Mrs. W employed in perusing, or dandling on his knee man done us the honour?"—"The late !" reps before the fire-side. On Yorick's exclamation, my uncle with great surprise. My father my father, in hopes of some fresh subject, put his inference, and resumed his chair and st them hastily into his pocket. "The many ex-in perfect composure.

READY-MADE SPEECH,

Adapted to all Occasions,

LAUGHING PROHIBITED.

To prove pleasure but pain, some have hit on a
project,

We're duller the merrier we grow,
Exactly the same unaccountable logic,
That talks of cold fire and warm snow
For me born by nature,

and in whom also I place the most perfect confidence; I say, sir, I trust they will preserve the privileges of this assembly from the lawless banSir,-Unused, unacquainted, unhabituated, un- ditti of acquitted felons, who, not having been accustomed to public speaking, I rise, sir, in con- killed off, insult us daily by their negative sucsequence of having caught your eye, sir, to ex-cesses, and circulate their seditious principles, to press, with the utmost diffidence, my humble ideas the danger of every respectable man in the com on the important subject now before the house. munity, who may, by possessing property, become I will, therefore, sir, be bold to affirm, and I am an object of their diabolical depredations. Not, also free to declare, that I by no means meet the however, to trespass any longer upon the patience ideas of the nubble Lud. I wil! not, however, go of the house, I shall conclude by observing, with over the same grounds or commit myself, by taking the great Latin poet of antiquity, up a principle without the most perfect considerQuid sit futurum cras, fuge quærere: ation. But as I am now upon my legs, I cerCarpe diem. tainly shall not blink the question; nor am I at all aclined to meet him half way, because, on the Art blush of the business, I was determined to scout the idea in toto; for if, sir, the well-being of civilized society, and the establishment of order and tranquillity, is the grand object of our investigation, I cannot hesitate to pronounce-Sir! I cannot hesitate to pronounce, that I want words to express my indignation at the general tenour of the arguments so ably agitated by the honourable member on my left hand. But, sir, the idea does not attach; and when my learned friend professed to lay down his principles with so much method, he enly proved his weakness by undertaking to cleanse the Augean stable, and to perform the Abours of Hercules himself. No, sir, I am again fe to assert, and, sir, I am by no means disinled to prove, that if gentlemen, under the reting circumstances, do not act with vigour unanimity against the introduction of French prineiples, our glorious constitution, produced by the wisdom of our ancestors, may fall to the grund, sir! yes, fall to the ground, by the im Je of a Jacobin innovation. But on this head, we are ripe to deliberate; and I trust the gentle

with whom I have the honour to act, and e comtitute the decided majority of this horable boose; for whose worth, integrity, Arases, perspicuity, ingenuity, perseverance, And patriotism I have the most dignified respect,

For humour and satire,
I sing, and I roar, and I quaff';
Each muscle I twist it,

I cannot resist it,

A finger held up makes me laugh;
For since pleasure's joy's parent, and joy begets
mirth,

Should the subtilest casuist, or soph upon earth,
Contradict me, I'd call him an ass and a calf,
And boldly insist once for all;

That the only criterion of pleasure's to laugh,
And sing toll de roll loll de loll.
Vainly bountiful Nature shall fill up life's measure,
If we're not to enjoyment awake;
Churls that cautiously filtrate and analyze pleasure
Deserve not that little they take.

For me who am jiggish,
And funny, and giggish,
Such joys are too formal by half:
I roar, and I revel,

Drive care to the devil,
And hold both my sides while I laugh.

For since pleasure, &c

I hate all those pleasures we're angling and squar-to engross the conversation, he was appointed
And fitting and cutting by rules;

And dam'me-dear me, I beg pardon for swearing,
All that follow such fashions are fools.

They may say what they list on't,
But of life, I insist on't,

That pleasure's the prop and the staff,
That sets every muscle,
In a comical bustle,

And tickles one into a laugh.

For since pleasure, &c.

THE MERIT OF BLOOD.

[ing, orator of the republic; if he spoke impro
perly, occasion was taken from his subject to
appoint him a suitable employment; if, for is
stance, he talked about dogs, he was made master
of the buck-hounds; if he boasted of his courage,
he was made a knight, or perhaps a field-marshal;
and if he expressed a bigotted zeal for any spe
culative opinion in religion, he was made an
inquisitor. The offenders being thus distinguished
for their follies, and not their wisdom, gave occa
sion to the Germans to call the republic "The
Society of Fools." The King of Poland, on
day, asked Psamka, if they had chosen a king
their republic? To which he replied, "Ged
forbid that we should think of electing a
while your majesty lives; your majesty will
ways be King of Babine, as well as Poland.
The king inquired farther, to what extent the
republic reached? "Over the whole world,"
says Psamka; for we are told, by David, that
all men are liars." This society soon increase 4
so much, that there was scarce any person at couri
who was not honoured with some post in it;
its chiefs were also in high favour with the king.
TOWN AND COUNTRY.

When Sheriff Phillips told Sir John Silvester, the Recorder of London, that his court in the Old Bailey smelt of blood." I'm glad of it," replied Black Jack, in his stern way, for it will thereby keep away the rogues and thieves."

IN HENDON CHURCH-YARD.
T. Crosfield,

Died November 8th, 1808.

Beneath this stone Tom Crosfield lies,
Who cares not now who laughs or cries;
He laughed when sober, and when mellow,
Was a harum-scarum harmless fellow;
He gave to none design'd offence,
So Honi soit qui mal y pense.

REPUBLIC OF BABINE:

In London I never know what to be at,
Enraptured with this, and transported with that
I'm wild with the sweets of variety's plan,
And life seems a blessing too happy for man.
But the country, Lord bless us, sets all matter
right,

There was, at the court of Sigismund Augustus, a gentleman of the family of Psamka, who, in concert with Peter Cassovius, bailiff of Lublin, formed a society which the Polish writers call So calm and composing from morning till nights "The Republic of Babine;" and which the Ger-Oh! it settles the stomach when nothing is see mans denominate "The Society of Fools." This But an ass on a common, a goose on a grecs. society had its king, its chancellor, its counsellors, its archbishops, bishops, judges, and other officers. When any of the members did or said any thing at their meetings, which was unbecoming or ill-timed, they immediately gave him a place, of which he was required to perform the duties, till another was appointed in his stead; for example, if any one spoke too much, so us

In London how easy we visit and meet,
Gay pleasure's the theme, and sweet smiles

our treat;

Our mornings, a round of good-humour'd des 4-
And we rattle in comfort and pleasure all nig
In the country how pleasant our visits to make.
Through ten miles of mud for formality's sake,

THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER.

Tith the coachman in drink, and the moon in al Yet it's charming to hear, just from boardingfog,

I know nothing of that, for, alas! I'm a swain'
Who require (and I own it) more links to my chaia.
Your jays and your magpies may chatter on trees,
And whispersoft nonsense in groves if they please;
But a house is much more to my mind than a tree,
And for groves-Oh! a fine grove of chimneys

In the evening you're screw'd to your chairs fist
to fist,

All stupidly yawning at sixpenny whist,
And though win or lose, it's as true as it's strange,
You've nothing to pay-the good folks have no
change.

But for singing and piping, your time to engage,
You have cock and hen bullfinches coop'd in a

And what music in nature can make you so feel
As a pig in a gatejstuck, or knife-grinder's wheel?
Igrant, if in fishing you take much delight,
la a punt you may shiver from morning to night;
And though blest with the patience that Job had
of old,
cold.

The devil a thing will you catch but

Ahoyden tune up an old family strum;
She'll play "God save the King," with an excel-