« ZurückWeiter »
going to war. Bower, whom some thought they ! MATRIMONIAL FELICITY, AND COXJVQUS bad detected as a jesuit, and who at most was but
AFFECTION. detected as an impostor, bad laid open the prac. A messenger, in breathless haste, tices of the catholics, and detailed the establishments of the jesuits in the very heart of London, In Cornaro's chamber prest,
With hair erectell on his head, without occasioning either alarm or murmur
And rush'd up to the sleeper's bed; against those fathers, Yet, uninflammable as the times were, they carried a great mixture of super. The sleeper lay in sweet repose,
The wasted strength of life restoriog, stition. Masquerades had been abolished because there had been an earibquake at Lishon; and Lulled by the music of his nose,
Which mortals vulgarly call snoring. when the last jubilçe masquerade was exhibited at Ranelagh, the ale-houses and roads to Chelsea The stranger shook himn pretty roughly, were crowded with drunken people, who assen
And tweaked his nose, and pelled bis bair: bled to denounce the judgements of God on per
At last Cornaro, rather grofily, sons of fashion, whose greatest sin was dressing The messenger, in great distress,
Asked what the devil brought hin there? themselves ridiculously. A more inconvenient reformation, and not a more sensible one, was set
Al length in broken accents said, on foot by societies of tradesmen, who denounced“ O! sir! they've sent me here express to the magistrates all bakers that baked or sold
To tell you that your wife is dead!" bread on Sundays. Aluin, and the variety of spu
“ Indeed !” the widowed mag replied, rious ingredients with which bread, and indeed all Turning upou his other side, wares were adulterated all the week round, gave And pulling o'er his eyes his cap, not half so much offence as the veat of the chief In hopes of finishing his napDecessary of life on the seventh day. Some of the Toomorrow, when I wake, you'll see elders too of our own church, seeing what harvests How long and loud my grief shall be!" were brought into the tabernacles of Whitfield
CHISWICK. and Wesley, by familiar.sing God's word to the
Dr. Blunderton, the rector of Chiswick, vulgar, and by elevating vulgar language, had the time the Earl of Burlington built bis lialian vil discretion to apply the same call to their own lost there, had been made io believe that the best sheep, and tinkled back their old women by was entirely formed of cheese. The dortor had sounding the brass of the methodists. One Ash-lated this report so often, that he, by degrees tou, a quaint and fashionable preacher of the or- persuaded himself of its trutb. The tale idos thodox, talked to the people in a phrase com- tained a foundation, which was this. The cart pounded of cant and politics; be reproved them comehow or other, discovered that the rise for not coming so church, where". God keeps a Chisriik was Cheese-uick; and, iberelure.inf day but sees little company;" and informed them suade the world that he was an antiquan, bz that our ancestors loved powder and ball, and sulted with ibe best architects in Haly opuse su did our generals ; but the latter loved them for but had not satisfied himself about the anus their hair and hands."
materials. Brick was vulgar, and any ROYAL LEARNING.
might have a brick-house. Freest une mare, The present King of Persia made many inqui- sively dear. Al length, upon consulting i ries of Sir Harford Jones respecting America, lian abbate, who had an nucie in the pro saying, " What sort of a place is it? How do you Lodi, where the Parmesan cheese is mr. get at it? Is it under ground, or how ?"
Italian had the address, for the benefit of tror
56 was the greatest factor in the province, to glimmering light enter my chamber,"" Or a prsuade the earl to case his house with the parings blue colour, was it nol?"-"Of a pale blue ! -The o Parmesan cheese. The oddity of the idea light was followed by a tall, meagre, stern figure, FTW&tor earl, :und some thousands of the oldest who appeared as an old man of seventy years of auf largose Parmesan cheeses were selected for age, arrayed in a long light-coloured rug gown, Ar purpomp, and shipped from Venice for Eng- bound round with a leathern girdle; his beard 1101 The house was cased with inis curious en- thick and grisly, bis hair scant and straight, his Duterpe with a cement brought froin Italy, and the face of a dark sable hue, on his head a large fur eart's cheesemonger's bill amounted to an enor. cap, and in his hand a long staff. Terror seized
s stron, whicb exceeded the bills of all the my whole frame-l trembled till the bed ålinost tre ber artificers put together. A fine summer saw shook, and cold drops hung on every limb; the
op beuse coinpleerd; bol, from the damps, dews, figure, with a slow and solemo step, stalked nearer td rains, of the winter, the cheese façades became and nearer," –"Did you not speak to it? There left, anal, by their odour, illtracted all the rats in was money hid, and murder committed, without
parish, which, added 10 the company they doubt."- My Jord, I did speak to it. i adjured tronghe with them froin the Thames, so much un- it, by all that was holy, to tell me whence and why Senined and dimaged the casin of the bovse, it thus appeared ?"-" And in Ileaven's naine,
tibe ahbare wa anaibematized, and the crosta- what was the reply?"-" It was accoinpanied, iou uf ibe building was changed to what it ouw is. my lord, by three stroke of his staff upon the LOLE AND PRide.
door, so loud that they made the room ring again; Kaw box shall I do with my love and my pride ? close to my eyes, he told me he was the-watch
when, holding up his lantern, and then waving it Dear Dick, give me counsel, if friendship has man! and came to give me notice that my streetany :
[ply'd, door was wide open, and unless I arose and shut Prithee purge, or let blood," surly Richard re- it, I might chance to be robbed before morning." * Aud forget the coquette in the arms of your
THE PAINTER OF FLORENCE.
There once was a Painter in Catholic days,
Like Job who eschewed all evil; certain bishop and a justice of peace had still on his Madonu:is the curious may gaze, pot astercations on the subject of ghosts. With applause and amazement, but chietly his 16 tsp was a Zratous detender of their reality
praise - justice somewhat sreplical. The bishop one
And delight was in painting the Devil. 1 wrt i frirm, and ide justice told bin, ths! brir la coulerroep on the subject, he had They were angels compared to the devils he drew,
Wno besieged poor St. Anthony's cell, * <uly demonstrati n which convinced him of ir ner of gho-ts.
Such burning hot eyes, such a d-mnable hue, " I rejace at your con**" ripliid me bishop : vive me the cir- You could even smell brinstone, ibeir breath was
so blue, aacr that produced it, with all the particu.
Ile painted his devils so well. *** oru ir demonstration you say."— Yes, my van I lay last nigh in my bed,--about the And now had the artist a picture begun,
40 hour I was awabed by an uncommon 'Twas over the Virgio's ehurch-door; Home and brand somethiog coming up stairs." She sinod on the dragon, embraciog her son, On ou."" Alarned at the coise, I drew my Many devils already ihe artist had done,
** Proceed!"-" And saw a faint But this must out.co ali before.
The old dragon's imps, as they fled through the air, 1“ Foot! idiot!'!; old Beelzebub grian's
"Twas a terrible height, and the soutieiding
broke ; Every child on beholding ii shiver'd with dread,
And the Deyil could wish it no higher And scream'd, as he turned away quick; Not an old woman sa u it, but raising her head, “ Help! help me, O Mary," he cried id eldre Dropp'd a bead, made a cross on her wrinkles, As the scaffold sunk under his feet: and said,
From the canvass the Virgin extended her and "God help me from ugly old Nick!"
She caught the good Painter, ske, saved faisa fiua
harm, What the Painter so earnestly thought on hy day,
There were thousands who saw in the stress He sometimes would dream of by night ; But once he was startled, as sleeping he lay, The old dragon fled when the wondet be pid, 'Twas no fancy, no dream, he could plainly survey And curs'd his own fruitless endeavoari That the Devil himself was in sight,
While the Painter caļl d after, bis rage to dernise
Shook his pallet and brush, in triumpb, and cried " You rascally dauber,” old Beelzebub cries,
"Now I'll paint thee more ugly than ever." " Take heed how you wrong me again! Though your.caricatures for myself I despise,
TANDEM DRIVING. Make me handsomer now in the multitude's eyes, At length Bill Puncheon sees his sire laid lae Or see if I threaten in vain!"
At length Bill Puncheon means to be there.
At length he soars to manage whip and reins; Now the Painter was bold and religious beside,
At length he's "all the kick," from.Bow to Set And on faith he had certain reliance,
At length he drives upon Newmarket sod: So earnestly he all his countenance eyed,
At length he drives, until he drives to quod. And thank'd him for sitting with Catholic pride, And sturdily bade him degance.
Swift, in lis Art of Punning, gives the eta Betimes in the morning the Painter arose,
logical rule, when a man bunis 3 pun ihre He is ready as soon as 'tis light;
every letter and syllable of a word, as, torrt Every look, every line, every feature he kpows, ample, I am asked, "What is the best westen 'Twas fresh to his eye, to his labour he goes,
spend an evening with?" I answer, Pre And he has the old wicked one quite.
for there is, po-pot-pola-potal-polste, Happy man, he is sure the resemblance can't fail, the reverse, sot a rop.
The tip of the nose is red hot, [scales, Achilles, continues he, being a hero of any There's his grin and bis fangs, his skin cover'd with unquiet nature, never gave himselt any te And that the identical curl of his tail,
either in peace or in war; and, thereforr.. Not a mark, not a claw is forgot.
Earl of Warwick was called a kiti.co, nu He looks, and retouches again with delight;
other terribieman a kill-devil, sa ibis tertul 'Tis a portrait complete to his mind!
called a kill-ease, or destroyer er ense, . He touches again, and again feeds his sight, length, fry corruption, Achilles: He looks around for applause, and he sees with Andromache, the wife of lector, tie irator
The original standing bebind, saffright, Her father was a Scotch goatlemán, a L.
family, and subsisting in that ancient kingdom ; not yet read even large type, and it is that which bet, being a foreigner in Troy, to whieh city he convinces us there is something yet to do."-"That I some of his countrymen, in the defence of there is, sir," answered the patient," a great deal Priaan, as Dictys Cretensis learnedly observes, to do, to make me read any type, for I nevor Fector fell in love with his daughter, and the could read at all.” father's name was Andrew Mackay. The young
WOMAN'S RESOLUTION. lady was called by the same name, only a little soficoed to the Grecian acceot.
0! cry'd Arsenia, long in wedlock blest, Horne Tooke, in his Diversions of Purley, in- Her bead reclining on her husband's breast, tastases the derivation of King Pepio from the What comfort could be found in widow'd life?
Should death divide thee from thy doating wife, Geek nouo osper! as thus- osper, eper, oper: How the thought shakes me !--heav'o my Strephon disper; papkin, nipkin, pipkin, pepia-king-Kiop Pepin! And, in another work, we find the
save, etymology of pickled cucumber from King Jere- or
give the lost Arsenia half his grave." wiad! exempli gratia, King Jeremiah Jeremiah
Jove heard the lovely mourner, and approid, King Jerry, king: jerkia, girkin, pickled cu.
" And should not wives like this," said he, "be
lor'd ? tanber! Also, the game of Mr. Fox, as derived fras a rainy day; as thus-Rainy day, rain a How deeply-rooted woman's vows can lie.”
Take the soft sorrower at her word; and try little, nia mach, raio hard, reyvard, fox!
'Twas said, and done the tender Strephon OPTICAL DEFICIENCY.
dy'd ; A poor wan once lost his sight by an accident, Arsenia two long months-tout-live him try'd ; mod having been placed onder some skilful oculist, But in the third-alas !-became a bride. backlig and strangely recovered it; he was in
rocied to use it gradually, and was able at le les look boldly and firmly at distant objects, saw
A Frenchman once asked wbat difference there with ease ships on the horizon, boats in the dis was between M. de Rothschild, the loan broker, labore, bouses, horses, dogs, fties, and even Seas ;
and Herod ? " It is," he was told," that Herod but at, to the astonishment of the faculty, he was was the King of the Jews, and Rothschild the Jew socle to read the largest- type. As reading was
of the Kings." to be the criterion of his recovery, away went the
BARRISTERS. fuappointed ocolists, and doctors, and apotheca A gentleman when attending York Assizes, Replysicking laocetting, lotioning, rubbing, wrote to a friend as follows:- I spend most of besbiag at the eyes as hard as they possibly my time in the Misi-prius Court. Besides that the
All at the termination of a fortnight, they trials are of a less painful nature than those at ihe w exhausted all their skill, and nearly killed crown end, the bar have certainly there the widest the patient. “Gentlemen," said the sufferer, scope for the display of talent. I visited it for the * Isless you for your exertions, I assure you I firsi time on Tuesday, in company with my worthy tute well enough. I have sufficiently reco-friend Timothy. We set of earíy in order to see med de ese of my eyes to satisfy myself; I see cure a good place. The streets through which we me banes aod cows ive fields distant. I see passed were all alive, and the castle was evidently le pour upon the window frame I am satisfied," the centre of general attraction. The bearers of
AD said one of the professors, “ but your blue bags (for green is now discarded,) were partiEstes majoyment is yet denied to you you can- cularly nimble.
“ There, with like baste, by several ways they run, as conveniently as if they had heen placed the
Some to uro-and some to be undone,”! for the express purpose of being scen. A third
My friend was in danger of laughing outright, and a fourth were conversing with each other by when his eye caught a first glimpse of the galaxy signs and nods, across the table. It was ao arof wigs, which make so many foolish faces wise, fully pleasant sight, and can only be paralleles and so many wise faces foolishi" Odds bob. an equal Dunber of grave divines playing at med bins,” said he, " but they are a rum-looking set.'' the slipper in their canonicals, in the midseats And sure enough they are. I never look upon public assembly, if such a thing should eres ****. the in, without being reminded of the Ugly Club at
VAT YOU PLEASE. Oxford, mentioned by the Spectator. Some frowned from under deep wigs. These Timothy Some years ago, whev civil faction took to be the Chamber Counsel, of whose unfa Rag'd like a fury thro' the fields of Gaul; thomable legal knowledge he had often heard. And children in the general distraction, Others monnied fierce wigs, and pert wigs. These, Were taught to curse as soon as they could sqaall be doubted not, were the formidable lawyers he when common sense in common folk was dead. had read of, who terrify peor witnesses so in erossexamination. A few sported sły wigs; and a And France, determin’d not to bare a bead,
And murder shew'd a love of nationality; great many were eccucibered with wigs that bore no character at all. All these he set dowo as the
Decapitated all the higher class, briefless. . There were new moon phizzes and full when coronets were not worih balf-a-crown,
To put folk3 more on an equality; moon phizzes ; sleepy eyes and sleepless eyes ; staring ejes and squinting eyes ; sharp noses and For Mother Red-eap, up at Camden-towu;
And liberty in bonnet-rooge, might pass mub noses; hook noses and long noses ; twisted
Full many a Frenchman then took miog, noses and twittering noses ; in-short, features differing as much from each other as possible, but all
Bidding soup-maigre an abrupt farewell, agreeing in that tiue legal characteristic-Oddity! sans cash, sans clothes, almost sans ev'ry thing.
And bither came pell-mell, “ What formidable gloom their faces wear! How wide their front !-how deep and black the Two Messieurs, who abeut this time caine oyer, rear!
Half-starvd, but toujours gai; How do their threatening heads each other
(No weasels e'er were thinner) throng!"
Trudg'd up to town from Dover,
Their slender store exhausted on the way, Their employments, also, as Timothy remarked,
Extremely puzzled how to get a dioner. were some of them equally comical. Those who 'Twas morn, and from each ruddy chiudertop were not concerned in the cases before the Court,
The dun smoke-wreaths were slowls carluar: were killing their time, and perhaps smothering Each house-maid, cherry-check'd, her snow their chagrio, by reading a newspaper, or French Before the door was gaily twirling. novel; or sket hing caricatures; or cracking jukes; or perpetrating puns. One graceless wag From morn till noon, from noon till dewy ese. was moulding paper pellets with his finger and Our Frenchman wander'd on their expe thumb, aod discharging them at his second neigh-Great was their need, but surely did dies are bour, over the sboulder of the first. Another was Stomach and pockel in the same condition, scrutinizing a bevy of beauties, who occupied At length, by motual consent they paried, one of the most conspicuous portions of the Court, And different ways on the samc errand started