A DOUBTFUL CAUSE. At York assizes, a barrister met a tinker, and jorosely clapping his hand on the fellow's shoulder, asked him what news from hell? "A great deal," replied the tinker; "a wall has just fallen down." Well," returned the counsellor," it is to be built up again, I suppose."-" I don't know," says the other; "there is a great dispute, about it between the pope and the devil.""And how," cried the long-robed gentleman, "do you think the matter will go?”—“ I don't know," answered the tinker; " the pope has the most money, but the devil has the most lawyers."

HAND AND FOOT.

ODE ON THE SUN.

A young gentleman, at the university of Can bridge, known to have a pretty knack at makie verses, was one day seized with the furor scr bendi, and determined to write an ode on the Sun The weather was uncommonly sultry, and feelin his imagination peculiarly glowing, he began h ode as follows"The sun's perpendicular heat.

the stanza as follows

66

"Had illumined the depth of the sea." This done, he scratched his head for anothe thought, but in vain. The beams of Pece bu sometimes inspire with genius, and someti ne with sleep. With our poct they had the late effect, for in a few seconds he sunk back moti An Irish officer having hurt his foot, applied less in his chair. A fellow-collegian, who hap for cure to the late Mr. Kelly, the surgeon. Kelly pened at this inauspicious moment to enter & and he having quarrelled, he quitted him before room, saw his situation, and seeing the beginning the cure was completed, and put himself under of the new-born ode lying on the table befor the management of another surgeon. Notwith-him, he took the pen and wickedly completes standing this, Keily brought him a bill of thirty pounds, which the hero objecting to, the cause was tried in Westminster Hall, where the counsel employed for the defendant beginning an harangue which the captain thought irrelevant to the cause, the captain interrupted him with- My lord, and gentlemen of the jury, I will state the real fact in one minute. The real case was this; I hurt my foot, and applied to Mr. Kelly to cure it, but during five weeks curing, it grew worse every day, and as I at last found he wanted to make a hand of my foot, I left him, and took it to Another surgeon."

EPITAPH ON A TAYLOR.

Here lies poor Snip, who when he first began,
Bade fair to be the ninth part of a man;
In earth he lies, remov'd from all abuse,
Who, while alive, oft prov'd himself a goose;
But, as a goose to live must surely eat,
He dealt in cabbage-a most glorious treat.
To cut and clip, and stitch, he knew full well,
His work was done, and now he's gone to hell.

The sun's perpendicular heat,
Had illumined the depth of the sea;
And the fishes beginning to sweat,

Cried, d-n it, how hot we shall be."

THE THREE CROSSES.
Dean Swift, in his journeys on foot, was accus
tomed to stop for refreshment or rest at the ura
little ale-houses by the road-side. One of their
between Dunchurch and Daventry, was distin
guished by the sign of the three crosses, in refer
ence to the three intersecting ways which fixe
the site of the house. At this, the dean called fo
his breakfast; but the landlady, being engag
with accommodating her more constant customer-
some waggoners, and staying to settle an alterca
tion which unexpectedly arose, kept him waiting
quite inattentive to his repeated exclamafi:=-
He took from his pocket a diamond, and wi
on every pane of glass in the room :-
To the Landlord.

There hang three crosses at thy door
Hang up thy wife, and she'll make four.

AMUSEMENTS OF MODERN YOUNG MEN.
Gaming, talking, swearing, drinking,
Hunting, shooting, never thinking;
Chattering nonsense all day long,
Humming half an opera-song:
Choosing baubles, rings, and jewels;
Writing verses, fighting duels.
Mincing words in conversation,
Ridiculing all the nation.
Admiring their own pretty faces,
As if possessed of all the graces;
And, though no bigger than a rat,
Peeping under each girl's hat.

THE GENTLE GIANTESS.

some twenty-five years ago. Her apartment in summer is pervious to the four winds. Two doors, in north and south direction, and two windows, fronting the rising and the setting sun, never closed, from every cardinal point, catch the contributory breezes. She loves to enjoy what she calls a quadruple draught. That must be a shrewd zephyr, that can escape her. I owe a painful face-ach, which oppresses me at this moment, to a cold caught sitting by her, one day in last July, at this receipt of coolness. Her fan in ordinary resembleth a banner spread, which she keepeth continually on the alert to detect the least breeze. She possesseth an active and gadding mind, totally incommensurate with her person. The widow Blacket, of Oxford, says a modern No one delighteth more than herself in country giter, is the largest female I ever had the pleasure exercises and pastimes. I have passed many an beholding. There may be her parallel upon the agreeable holiday with her in her favourite park th, butsurely I never saw it. I take her to be at Woodstock. She performs her part in these eally descended from the maid's aunt of Brain- delightful ambulatory excursions by the aid of a rd, who caused Master Ford such uneasiness. She portable garden-chair. She setteth out with you Atlantean shoulders; and, as she stoopeth in her at a fair foot gallop, which she keepeth up till --with as few offences to answer for in her you are both well breathed, and then she reposeth particular as any of Eve's daughters-her for a few seconds. Then she is up again, for a ck seems broad enough to bear the blame of all hundred paces or so, and again resteth-her movepeccadillos that have been committed since ments, on these sprightly occasions, being someShe girdeth her waist-or what she is thing between walking and flying. Her great ed to esteem as such-nearly up to her shoul-weight seemeth to propel her forward, ostrichfrom beneath which, that huge dorsal ex- fashion. In this kind of relieved marching, I in mountainous declivity, emergeth. Re- have traversed with her many scores of acres on for her alone preventeth the idle boys, who those well-wooded and well-watered domains. her about in shoals, whenever she cometh Her delight at Oxford is in the public walks and d, from getting up and riding. But her gardens, where, when the weather is not too opce infallibly commands a reverence. Shepressive, she passeth much of her valuable time. deed, as the Americans would express it, There is a bench at Maudlin, or rather, situated mbing awful. Her person is a burthen to her- between the frontiers of that and ******'s college no less than to the ground which bears her. -some litigation latterly, about repairs, has mighty bone, she hath a pinguitude withal, vested the property of it finally in ******'s S makes the depth of winter to her the most where at the hour of noon she is ordinarily to be rable season. Her distress in the warmer sol-found sitting-so she calls it by courtesy-but in pitiable. During the months of July and fact, pressing and breaking it down with her , she usually renteth a cool cellar, where enormous settlement; as both those Foundations, are kept, whereinto she descendeth when who, however, are good-natured enough to wink rageth. She dates from a hot Thursday-at it, have found, I believe, to their cost.

Here

ON AN UNDERTAKER.

Here lies Bob Master.- Faith! 'twas very hard
To take away our honest Robin's breath;
Yet surely Robin was full well prepared-
Robin was always looking out for death.

STANDARD MERIT.

she taketh the fresh air, principally at vacation feet wide. She worketh slender sprigs upon th times, when the walks are freest from interruption delicate muslin-her fingers being capable of the younger fry of students. Here she passeth moulding a Colossus She sippeth her wine o her idle hours, not idly, but generally accom- of her glass daintily-her capacity beɛng that of panied with a book-blest if she can but intercept tun of Heidelburg. She goeth mincingly wu some resident Fellow (as usually there are some of those feet of hers-whose solidity need not fea that brood left behind at these periods); or stray the black ox's pressure. Softest, and largest o Master of Arts (to most of whom she is better thy sex, adien! by what parting tribute may known than their dinner bell); with whom she salute thee-last and best of the Titanesses may confer upon any curious topic of literature. I Ogress, fed with milk instead of blood-not least have seen these shy gownsmen, who truly set but a or least handsome among Oxford's stately struc very slight value upon female conversation, cast a tures-Oxford, who, in its deadest time of vaca hawk's eye upon her from the length of Maudlin tion, can never properly be said to be emply grove, and warily glide off into another walk- having thee to fill it, true monks as they are, and ungently neglecting| the delicacies of her polished converse, for their own perverse and uncommunicating solitariness! Within doors her principal diversion is music, vocal and instrumental, in both which she is no mean professor. Her voice is wonderfully fine; but till I got used to it, I confess it staggered me. It is for all the world like that of a piping bulFletcher, bishop of Nismis, was the son of finch, while from her size and stature you would tallow-chandler. A proud duke once endeav expect notes to drown the deep organ. The ed to mortify the prelate, by saying at the leve shake, which most fine singers reserve for the that he smelt of tallow; to which the other re close or cadence, by some unaccountable flexi-plied," My lord, I am the son of a chandler, 'u bility, or tremulousness of pipe, she carrieth quite true, and if your lordship had been the same, yo through the composition; so that her time, to a would have remained a tallow-chancler all t common air or ballad, keeps double motion, like days of your life." the earth-running the primary circuit of the tune, and still revolving upon its own axis. The effect, as I said before, when you are used to it, is as agreeable as it is altogether new and surprising. The spacious apartment of her outward frame lodgeth a soul in all respects disproportionate. Of] more than mortal make, she evinceth withal a trembling sensibility, a yielding infirmity of purpose, a quick susceptibility to reproach, and all the train of diffident and blushing virtues, which for their habitation usually seek out a feeble frame, an attenuated and meagre constitution. With more than man's bulk, her humours and occupations are eminently feminine. She sighs— being six foot high. She languisheth-being two

OLD ANAGRAMS.
Arresting very well with this agrees,

It is a stinger worse than wasps or bees,
The very word includes the prisoner's fates ;
Arresting briefly claps them up in grates,
To all good verses prisons are great foes,
And many poets they keep fast, în prase,
Again, this very word portends small hopes,
For he that's in a prison is in ropes,
Makes woeful purchase of calamities,
And finds in it no profit, or no prise:
Filth, cold, and hunger, dwell within the

door,

And thus a prison always doth sip sere

PARISIAN ENGLISH. Chaucer langhs at the French spoken in his days, in London.

CAUSE OF GOUT.

Alderman Barber one morning, while he was in bed, was visited by a friend, who being told he was "After the school at Stratford at the Bow." ill of the gout, walked into his chamber without The Parisians have probably some such school any ceremony. The visitor sat down, and entered in the neighbourhood for teaching a peculiar dia-into conversation; but observed the curtains to be lect of the English language; and the abundant close drawn, and the alderman to be more reserved dex of our countrymen into the French metro-than usual, and looking under the bed, spied a jalis of late years, has brought this dialect into woman's shoe, "Well, Mr. Alderman," said he, auch repute. One often sees emblazoned in large I hope you are not dangerously ill." "I am etters, over a shop-window, meant probably as miserably tormented in my feet,” replied the aldecoy, but more likely, one would think, to derman. "I do not wonder at that," said the perate as a warning to English travellers-other," when you wear such narrow-toed shoes." THE LAW-SUIT.

6

"Here they SPIKE the English." Which (being translated) merely declares that An Irishman loaded with faggots, cried loudly e English language is spoken in the house. A lady as he passed along, Make way! make way!" in London, perceiving this inscription over a that people might beware in time, as is usual. A milliner's door, its import being explained to her, coxcomb, who thought it beneath him to take the e went in, when, having with some difficulty fellow's counsel, pushed by him, and had hi: coat and out which of the Damoiselles it was that considerably torn. He flew in a violent passion, as skilled in spiking the English, she attempted and had the man taken before a magistrate. plead (converse with her about a hat which she was ing for payment of the damage. The Irishman ging on. After many vain attempts on both rs, the young French woman at last, observing the hat was too small, brought out this accule phrase:

"Is, matame, be is too little big." the Rue St. Honoré, a hair-dresser has the lowing captivating invitation:

liear to cut off hares in English fashion.". the Rae de Faubourg Poissonnière dwells a Gamed Conraizy, who tells the world, by › of her sign-board, that she is a Washerwoman and wash embroideries, lace, ars, silk-stockings, also household's furniture's en table-cloths, napkins, and Calender's all Ime's desire; she will also charge herself of the rtaining the works that is to be done to all of lines for the body, and will be exactly -firered at one's desire."

ON A WAGGONER.
Here I be-dead and gone,
Kill'd by a fall from a waggon.

was interrogated, but he merely opened his mouth without speaking. Are you dumb? my friend," said the magistrate. "No," interrupted the plaintiff," mere malice, because he cannot defend himself; he appears dumb now, but when we met this morning, he bawled, Make way! make way!' like a very devil; you might have heard him a mile.”—“And why, then," said the magistrate, did you not make way."

THE SWEEP,

An Irish gentleman being confined to his bed by a severe fit of the gout, some sweeps were employed to clean the chimies of the house next to him, and one of the boys by mistake came down into the gentleman's apartment. The boy, confused at his mistake, seeing the gentleman in bed, said,

Sir, my master will come for you presently." "Will he, by G-d!" said the gentleman, leaping out of bed; I beg to be excused staying here any longer then," and immediately ran down stairs.