Mama supports me to the room for munching,
There turkey's breast she crams, and wing of
pullet;

Islobbering jelly, and hard nuts am crunching,
And pouring tuns of trifle down my gullet.

No beau invites me to a glass of sherry;
Above me stops the salver of champaigne ;
While all the rest are tossing brimmers merry,
[with cold water comfort my disdain.

le bucks of Londen! and ye tasteless creatures!
Te vapid Dandies! how I scorn you all!—
reen slender slips, with pale cheese-pairing fea-

tures,

nd awkward, lumbring, red-faced boobies tall.
range compounds of the beau and the attorney!
aw lairds! and school-boys for a whisker shav-
ing!

ay injured beauty's glance of fury burn ye!
tate you-clowns and fools!--but hah!-I'm
raving!

BENEFIT OF STAMMERING.

A nobleman, who stammered a great deal, being & cockpit, and proposing several bets which he d have lost if he could have replied in time, ength offered five thousand pounds to a hun4.A gambler who stood by said done; but ordship's fit of stuttering happening to seize he could not repeat the word 'done before his Barite cock was beat. On this Colonel Thorngiving him a knowing jog, observed, "If lordship had been a plain speaking man, you ld have been ruined by this time.

the original dialogue, “I protest there's a candle
coming along the gallery with a man in its hand;
but the mistake by Mrs. Gibbs seemed so uDin-
tentional, and unpremeditated, that the effect was
irresistible, and the audience celebrated the joke
with three rounds of applause.

THE ADVANTAGE OF TOPING.
Some say topers should never get mellow,
That a drunken man's a stupid fellow,
For if 'tis true that he always sees double,
He's twice his neighbour's portion of trouble:
But an argument soonest admits of digestion,
When you take the pleasant side of the question;
And if our lives by this standard we measure,
Then all get drunk if you wish to be happy, [py,
He's twice his neighbour's portion of pleasure
To shun pleasure that courts you is stupid and sap-
Drink away, you'll be nobly repaid for your la-
bour,
[neighbour,

Why 'twill make you as happy again as your
Suppose, while you're racking your piamater
Why what's to do? get drunk you ninny, [guinea:
You've not cash enough to pay the waiter
"Twill make ten and sixpence appear like a
Then if to do good you receive satisfaction, [tion,
How charming to think that, for every kind ac-
of conferring two you'li bave the employment,
And can any man shew me a sweeter enjoyment

Then all get drunk, &c.

Since friendship's so rare and so bright a jewel,
To the fire of life that so kindly adds fuel, [ple,
With wine make your clay so moist, and so sup-
Instead of one friend why you'll meet with a cou-
ple:
[pers,

THEATRICAL MISTAKES. laughable blunder was once made by Mrs. of Covent Garden Theatre, in the part of Merling in the "Clandestine Marriage:" when ing of the conduct of Betty, who had locked or of Miss Fanny's room, and walked away e key, Mrs. Gibbs said, "She has locked and carried away the door in her pocket." Davonport, as Mre. Heidleberg, had prely excited a hearty laugh by substituting for The drunken miser would double his treasure,

Then when you come with the drink in your nap-
How sweet of two wives to hear the clappers!
But that would be covetous out of season,
For one wife at a time is enough in all reason.
Then all get drunk, &c.
Thus, were the world drunk, 'twould double their
pleasure,

A city feast would have double the covers, And ladies would double the list of their lovers: With two sparks would Miss be to Scotland eloping, [a toping, Parsons find two tithe-pigs, could we catch them The drunkard two bowls, as he's drinking and The following old Scottish song is from a M roaring, [encoring collection of poems, written and collected by a And, if you were all drunk, you'd my song bedrew Sympson, school-master, at Stirling, AL Then all get drunk, &c.

scenery, machinery, dresses, and decorations), the following entertainment:

"An entirely new grand serio-comic-pantomimic-operatic-tragical Drama, called, The Idiot,' or Deaf, Dumb, and Blind.'

"In Act 1st. A scene of the interior of St. Bartholomew's Hospital, including various surgical operations, and a dance by invalids on crutches, with a pas seul by the matron.

In Act 2d. A procession of physicians, surgeons, and apothecaries, on a cattle-day, productive consequently of much comic confusion.

In Act 3d. A sea-fight by condemned malefac

UNLUCKY HINTS. Bishop Burnet was very remarkable for his temporary absence of mind; in the days of the great Marlborough, he obtained an interview with him, and was even asked to dine, but cautioned to be on his guard and not commit himself. Among other great company was Prince Eugene, who seeing a dignified clergyman present, asked who he was, and having heard he had been at Paris in 1680, asked him how long it was since he had left it. Burnet, fluttered, answered with precipitation he could not recollect the year, but it was at the time that the Countess of Soissons tors, a proper number of whom will be killed on was imprisoned on suspicion of practicing a con- the stage, by particular desire of several persons ecaled mode of poisoning people. This lady happened to be the mother of Prince Eugene, and of distinction. Scene, An Indian Coast: savage both parties' eyes being fixed upon each other, spectators by the patients of the Small-pox HosThe only he perceived his mistake, stammered, pital. Spologized, and retired in the utmost confusion. Upon another occasion, the Bishop dining one day with Sarah Duchess of Marlborough, the conversation turned upon the ingratitude of the Goerument to the Duke, who had just lost his aces. Burnet aptly compared him to Belisarius; hen her Grace asked what was the occasion of downfal? "Oh! madam, (says Burnet) poor isarius had a shocking brimstone of a wife."

"In Act 4th. A new and unrivalled compounited efforts of our best musicians,) to be sung by sition, called The Whooping Cough;' (the Mr. Incledon. The execution of this bravura will completely immortalize the fame of the singer.

metic by the three Miss Stentors; an amputation ;
In Act 5th. A grand shock of electricity-an
a chorus of hysterical and hypocondriac persons,
male and female; to conclude with an apoplectic
fit, which carries off all the characters.
"After which will be presented a Farce, called
The Maniac and the Cripple.'"

THE FARCE OF PHYSIC.

When Dr., some years since, went to practise at Bath, a gentleman asked Dr. Delacour, what could bring a practitioner from the metropolis to open a shop in the country. "The reason," replied he," is obvious enough, sir; when a doctor breaks down on the London turf, he retires to cover at Bath for a guinea and a shilling."-" Why, my dear doctor, this makes physic a mere farce."-"True," rejoined he, “ direct farce, for it is generally the last act before the curtain drops."

a

THE BAKER'S FUNERAL. her sufferings, and relieve her by marriage, from The death of Mr. Holland of Drury-lane theatre, the distresses, bolts, and bars, she labours under. who was the son of a baker at Chiswick, had a N. B. She is quite easy as to fortune, and will be very great effect upon the spirits of Foote, who as well contented with a partner of 1,000 per had a very warm friendship for him; being a le-annum, as with a larger sum.

gatee, as well as appointed by the will of the deceased one of the bearers, he attended the corpse to the family vault at Chiswick, and there very sincerely paid a plentiful tribute of tears to his memory. On his return to town, by way of alleviating his grief, he called in at the Bedford-cof fee-house; when Harry Woodward coming up to him, asked him if he had not been paying the last compliment to his friend Holland? Yes, poor fellow," says Foote, almost weeping at the same time, "I have just seen him shoved into the family oven."

THE DECANTER.

O thou, that high thy head dost bear,
With round smooth neck, and single ear,
With well-turn'd narrow mouth, from whence
Flow streams of noblest eloquence;
"Tis thou that first the bard divine,
Sacred to Phobus, and the nine,
That mirth and soft delight can'st move,
Sacred to Venus, and to love :
Yet, spite of all thy virtues rare,
Thou'rt not a boon-companion fair;
Thou'rt full of wine, when thirsty I;
And when I'm drunk, then thou art dry.

VULGAR NATURES.
Tender-handed stroke a nettle,

And it stings you for your pains;
Grasp it, like a man of mettle,

And it soft as silk remains.
'Tis the same with vulgar natures,
Use them kindly, they rebel;
But be rough as nutmeg graters,
And the rogues obey you well.

FIGHTING AND PAINTING.

When Hayman was painting the pictures of th British heroes for the Rotunda at Vauxhall, Marquis of Granby paid him a visit at his hee in St. Martin's-lane, and told him he came at t request of his friend Tyers, the proprietor of Va hall Gardens, to sit for his portrait. Frank," said the Marquis," before I sit to ye insist on having a set-to with you." Hay not understanding him, and appearing much · prised at the oddity of the declaration, the quis exclaimed: "I have been told you were of the best boxers of the school of Broughton, I am not altogether deficient in the pugilistic a but, since I have been in Germany, I have little out of practice, therefore I will have MATRIMONIAL ADVERTISEMENT. trial of strength and skill." Hayman pleade Confined in a certain street, the north-end of the age and gout as insuperable obstacles. To the city, up three pair of stairs backwards, by the position the marquis replied that there was cruelty of a most unnatural mother, and the indo-little difference between them; to the latter, lence of a father, who doth not want for sense, but exercise was a specific remedy, and added, t spirit to wear the breeches, a young girl, turned few rounds would cause a glow that would of one-and-twenty, not very tall, but thought to be animation to the canvass. At length they b too much so by her mother, who still keeps her in and after the exertion of much skill and str flat-heeled shoes. The young lady cannot boast of on both sides, Hayman gave the marquis a as much beauty as her mamma, but she has the ad-on the stomach, when they both fell with vantage of her in an easy temper, and would be mendons noise, which brought up the a quiet if she would let her. She would be much Mrs Hayman, who found them rolling ove obliged to any gentleman who could take pity on other on the carpet, like two bears.