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the HUMoUROUS REFUSAL; or, sun DRY

novel objections AGA inst Going To sea.

Of a vein most facetious and quaint was Dick
Swill, -
But the joys of the bottle his thoughts aye did
fill;
One day to his sire, who made a great fuss
In begging to sea he would go, Dick spoke thus:
** Dear father, no further insist on this matter—
Ods heart! the trite subject is worn to a tatter;
But yet, ere in toto we wisely dismiss it,
Just hear me expound my refusal explicit:-
Your son well-advised from such dangers would
keep—
He's a vast deal too deep, sir, to tempt the vast
deep;
Nor into the hazard of drowning e'er poor he,
Unless in epitome, drowning—by dropsy
The ocean, oh shun I would I say to my soul,
Or be thy main sport but a brimming punch-bowl.
Then, sir, living at sea would be scarcely to me
life,
Who like to see life, though I like not a sea life.
Obeying, I quickly most wretched should be,
And besides being sea-sick, quite sick of the sea.
What vessels care I for, save vessels of wine :
What anchors, save anchors of brandy divine
Say, how can I harbour a thought about Port,
Save that which creates the gay Bacchanal's
sport
Besides, who could ever regard as a treat
That compound of leather and brine, their salt
rheat
"Twere not fair to expect with such fare life to
drag on ;
No-give me a slagon—I'll ne'er think a flag on.
Then, hang it ! that word of such ominous scope,
Rope's-end—which suggests the sad end by a

rope. But should some grand booty (like Colchis' rich fleece)

Reward my sea perils, thro' Fate's kind caprice,

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fort. That man must possess, sir, a mind that monot minds, Who at the ship's stern can endure the stern winds;

Ah! think what a toil, in one’s life's latter stage, To be ploughing the main 'midst the furror of age : I prefer a deep glass to the glassy deep, far, And now pitch to oblivion all thoughts 'bout a far. Thus, as for the sea, my dear father now known all The motives which urge me to wave the preposal." A BANDY Joke. A company of itinerant actors once attemptio to gratify the inhabitants of a country town by their united efforts; one of our best tragedies ww. selected for the night’s amusement. In the fourt act of the tragedy, the Duke, sitting in judginra. ordered the culprit into court, in these words– “Bring the vile offender straight before us." The messenger, who was a wag, stepped forwar and exclaiined in the superlative, * 11's impo sible, your grace, to bring him straight befo you, for he is one of the bandyest legged fello, you ever saw in all your life;” which occasion such a universal roar, that a considerable to

elapsed before the comical tragedy could be ceeded with.

* ON A Postillon.

Here I lays,

Killed by a chaise.

Bed,

Bed is a bundle of paradoxes; we go to it reluctance, yet we quit it with regret * and make up our minds every night to leave it c, o we make up our bodies every morning to . it late.

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lively holy monke, which was continually tempted and troubled with a deuill, euen tyll his olde days; and when, in the eude, hee began to waxe weery of it, hee then did pray the deuil), very friendly, that hee won!de let him alone in quiet; where. upon the deuill did answere him, that so farre as he woulde promise to doe, and sweare to keepe secrete a thing that hee woulde commande him, then he woulde leaue off to trouble him any more. The monke did promyse him, and tooke thereupon a deepe othe. Then sayde the deuill ; “If thou wilt that I shall trouble thee no more, then thou must not pray any more to that image;” and it was an image of our ladie, holding her childe in armes. But the monke was more craftie than the deuill ; for he went and confessed him of it, the next daye, to the abbot, and the abbot did dispence with him for his othe, upon condition that hee should continue his praying to the image.

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168 The LAUGhing philosopher.

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the frt Arts of di./on.-A tale. When honest men confess'd their sius, And paid the church genteely— In Burgundy two Capuchins Lived jovially and freely. They march'd about from place to place, With shrift and dispensation; And mended broken consciences, Soul-tinkers by vocation. One friar was Father Boniface, And he ne'er knew disquiet, Save when condemn’d to saying grace O'er laortifying diet. The other was lean Dominick, Whose slender form and sallow, Would scarce have made a candlewick For Boniface's tallow. Albeit, he tippled like a fish, Though not the same potation; And mortal man ne'er clear'd a dish With nimbler mastication.

Those saints without the shirts arrived,
One evening late, to pigeon

A country pair for alms, that lived
About a league from Dijon—

Whose supper pot was set to boil, On faggots briskly crackling i

The friars enter'd, with a smile, To Jacquez and to Jacqueline

They bow'd, and bless'd the dame, and -o
In prious terms besought her,

To give two holy-minded men
A meal of bread and water.

For water and a crust they crave,
Those mouths that even on Lent days-
Scarce knew the taste of water, save
When watering for dainties.
Quoth Jacquez. “That were sorry cheer
For men fatigued and dusty :
And if ye supp'd on crusts, I fear
You'd go to bed but crusty."

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Sir, If you please to send me a scarlet cardina!, let it be full yard long, and let it be full, it is for a large woman ; they tell me I may have a large one and a handsome one for eleven shillings, I should not be willing to give more than twelve; but if you have any as long either duffel or cloth. if it comes cheaper I should like to have it, for I am not to give more than twelve shillings; I beg you, sir. to be so good as not to fail sending me this cardinal on Wednesday without fail, let it be full yard long, I beg, or else it will not do, fail not on Wednesday, and by so doing you will oblige, Your humble servant, M. W.

P.S.. I hope you will charge your lowest price, and if you please not to send me a dussel one, but cloth, full yard long and full, and please to send it to Mr. Field's the waterman, who comes to the Beehive, at Queenhither pray don't send me a duffel one, but cloth ; I have altered my mind, I should not like it dussel, but cloth; let it be full yard long, and let it be cloth, for I don’t like duffel ; it must not be more than twelve shillings at most, one of the cheapest you have and full yard long; send two, both of a length, and both large ones full yard long; both of a price, they be both for one woman, they must be exactly alike for goodness and price, fail then not on Wednes

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the frt Arts of oi...on.-A tale. When honest men confess'd their sius, And paid the church genteely— In Burgundy two Capuchins Lived jovially and freely. They march'd about from place to place, With shrift and dispensation : And mended broken consciences, Soul-tinkers by vocation. One friar was Father Boniface, And he ne'er knew disquiet, Save when condemn'd to saying grace O'er unortifying diet. The other was lean Dominick, Whose slender form and sallow, Would scarce have made a candlewick For Boniface's tallow. Albeit, he tippled like a fish, Though not the same potation; And mortal man ne'er clear'd a dish With nimbler mastication.

Those saints without the shirts arrived,
One evening late, to pigeon

A country pair for alms, that lived
About a league from Dijon—

Whose supper pot was set to boil, On faggots briskly crackling i

The friars enter'd, with a smile, To Jacquez and to Jacqueline

They bow'd, and bless'd the dame, and is
In pious terms besought her, -

To give two holy-minded men
A meal of bread and water.

For water and a crust they crave.
Those mouths that even on Lent days
Scarce knew the taste of water, say."
When watering for dainties.
Quoth Jacquez, “That were sorry cheer
For men fatigued and dusty :
And if ye supp'd on crusts, I fear
You'd go to bed but crusty."

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