Flagrant, for fragrant, as, very flagrant.' "this moss-rose is Fetch a walk, fotch'd a walk, cotch'd cold.. Know'd, for knew and known; also seed, for saw and seen; grow'd, throw'd, draw'd, for grown, thrown, drawn. Mought, for might. Obstacle, for obelisk, The letter h is taken great liberties with by the genuine cockney, as in the following example. They saw a flower in the edge; and, in trying to get at it, trod just at the hedge of the stream. They bave their air cut by a fashionable dresser; ani have bought a most beautiful at, which is a most Fit, for fought; a Five's-court abbreviation of becoming ed-dress, and they shall wear it the nex the preterite fought. A-dry, a-hungry, a-cold, &c. This here; that there; if so be as how-and so. Rayly, for really. Wind, for wine. Scithers, for scissors. Postponded, for postponed. Kwine, for coin. Inigo Jones, the architect, has been often complimented as Indigo Jones, Rizz, for risen. Lunnun, for London. Moral, for model; "The child is the very moral of his father," who may not have much morality to spare. Hisn, hern, for his or hers. Ourn, yourn, for our's, your's. Nolus bolus, for nolens volens. They also call part of the funeral service," De profundis,” (the 130th Psalm,) by the style and title of "Deborah Fundish." An ignorant imprisoned cockney pickpocket once called a 99 66 habeas corpus," a hap'orth of copperas," which is the language of Newgate. Weal, for veal, Widowhood, neighbourhood, and livelihood, are time they go hout to dinner. A City servant once began a letter to his master the alderman, with Horned Sir, instead of Ho noured Sir. "Is there none here but you?" a usual query used by Dean Swift to his clerk, Roger Cor who, turning over the leaves of his prayer-book dryly replied, "Sure, you are here too!" THE IRISHMAN'S RECKONING. "Who lives there, honest fellow?" said a tr velling stranger, As on thro' the county of Antrim he sped, And who fancied that houses shut up imp danger, "Lives there," answered Teague, “why a s that is dead." "When did he die?" cried the stranger m gaily; Teague paus'd, scratch'd his caxon, so strai and so sleek, Then replied, why really, 66 By my conscience, my je If he'd lived till to-day, he'd been dead a w week!" DOUBLE CONFESSION. A pamphlet called "The Soake in the Gr being reported to be written by an ill nobleman, (probably in joke,) the gentl abused in it sent him a challenge. His loc protested his innocence; but the gentlema being satisfied without having it under bis the nobleman took a pen, and began. to scratify, that the buk, called the Soalnon" Oh, my lord," said the person, I am satisfied now vou are not the author." Mullygrubs, a neat symphonous expression for megrims. Nincompoop, (a corruption of the mos.) a fool. an idiot, tin MUTUAL MISTAKE. An Irish pig-merchant, who had more money in his pocket than his ragged appearance denoted, once took an inside passage in a Liverpool stageenach. An exquisite, of the first order, who was a fellow-passenger, was evidently annoyed by the presence of Pat; and having missed his handkerchief, tasked him with having picked his pocket, threatening to have him taken before a magistrate, at the next stage. Before they arrived there, bowever, the exquisite found his handkerchief, which he had deposited in his hat. He made a very awkward kind of an apology upon the occasion; but Pat stopped him short with this remark, "Make yourself easy, my honey; there's no occasion for any bother about the matter. You took me for a thief; and I took you for a genfleman; and we are both mistaken; that's all boney." DR. ALDRICH'S FIVE REASONS FOR DRINKING. EARLY RECOLLECTIONS. Kennet, Lord Mayor of London, in the year 120, began life as a waiter, and his manner ever rose above his original station. When he summoned to be examined in the House, one the Members wittily observed-"If you ring bell Kennet will come of course." One ening at the Alderman's Club, he was at the host-table, and Mr. Alderman Pugh, a dealer in ap, and an extremely good-natured man, was his elbow, smoaking his pipe. "Ring the bell, -suds," said Mr. Kennet, in his coarse way. King it yourself, Bar," replied the alderman, you have been twice as much used to it as I tare " LOVE. If you cannot inspire a woman with love of fill ber above the brim with love of herself; il that runs over will be yours. LOGIC. Cries logical Bobby to Ned, will you dare TEDIOUS BREAKFAST. When Buonaparte was preparing to invade Spain, Talleyrand remonstrated against it as fraught with difficulties. "No, no," said Napoleon, "the war with Spain will be only a breakfast for me.' "-" I fear," replied the minister, "that your Majesty may be long at table," ROUGH ROADS. As no roads are so rough as those that have just been mended, so no sinners are so intolerant as those that have just turned saints. GREENWICH AND DULWICH. A celebrated living poet, occasionally a little met in the street, to dine with him at a country absent of mind, was invited by a friend, whom he lodging he had taken for the summer months. The address was near the Green Man at Dulwich," which, not to put his inviter to the trouble of pencilling down, our bard promised faithfully to remember. But when Sunday came, he made his way to Greenwich, and began inquiring for the sign of the Dull Man! No such sign was to be found; and, after losing an hour, a person guessed that though there was no Dull Man at Greenwich, there was a Green Man at Dulwich, which the gentleman might possibly mean. MOURNING SUITS. Parsons and lawyers, both you'll find By mourning suits are known; Those for the sins of all mankind, The other for their own ODE TO MY PIPE. Pipe! whether plain in fashion of Frey-herr, Pipe! when I stuff into thee my canaster, I've no objections to a good segar, A true Havannah, smooth and moist, and brown; 1 rather follow in my smoking trim. MENDING A PEN. When Mr. Penn, a young gentleman wellknown for his eccentricities, walked from Hydepark-corner to Hammersmith, for a wager of one hundred guineas, with the Hon. Butler Danvers, several gentlemen who had witnessed the conte spoke of it to the Duchess of Gordon, and added, it was a pity that a man with so many good qualities as this Penn had, should be incessantly playing these unaccountable pranks. “It is so," sa her grace; "but why don't you advise him bel ter? He seems to be a pen that every body cuts, but nobody mends." FEMALE VIRtue. Did ladies now (as we are told SWIFT ON STOCK JOBBERS. He who sells that of which he is not possezzeć the bear runs in the woods; and it being comm is said, proverbially, to sell the bear's skin, while for stock-jobbers to make contracts for trans ferring stock at a future time, though they wen not possessed of the stock to be transferred, thr were called sellers of bear-skins, or "bears. Another interpretation arises from the gener. character for trampling under-foot, which agres with their department of business, viz. to kee down the stocks. ON A PHYSICIAN. Here Doctor Fisher lies interr'd, Who filled the half of the church-yard. A gentleman once asserted that he did nog lieve that there was a truly honest man in 1 whole world; Sir, said a bye-stander, it is qu impossible that any one man should know all world; but it is very possible that some ene= |—may know himself. AMATEUR THEATRICALS. My poverty, but not my will consents, When taken-To be well shaken. Suppose us, now, at Mrs. Flourish's,-chairs A beggarly account of empty boxes, id sofas all crowded; the ceremonies of tea and Calling aloud-What, ho! Apothecary !" Tee quite finished, and the eyes and ears of the sitants all expanded for the promised display good old lady winked, nodded, and prompted, During this very extraordinary exhibition, the Now, my dear Diggory," said the young gen- but all to no purpose. The fact was, Master Digman's doting mamma, "make your best bow the company, my love, and let Doctor Tadpole gory's speeches were literally at his fingers' ends, ways like my Diggory to say summat happli- same manoeuvre was always to be performed at ar you speak “The Newcastle Apothecary!" I as, being accustomed to work them into his head, by scratching himself with a particular finger, the ble."" Then suppose, Madam," replied the the recital, and the application of a wrong digit ictor, " suppose the young gentleman recites Why, y's fable of The Old Hen and the Cock!" invariably introduced a wrong passage. Deary me, Doctor, he shall larn that next, after Diggory, my love!" at length exclaimed his perhas got Gimlet,' and Mounseer Tonson,' Now do try again, chuck, and let the company turbed mamma,-" you were sadly out, my dear! 1 Bucks have at you all!' and Young Nor-near Gimlet's sillyliquus about Toby." Master , and Old Towler,' and All the World's a Flourish, junior, accordingly again hah'd and ge,' and-"-" Hold,hold, my dear madam! y there's enough for the next nine months al-emmed; and, after the usual evolutions, thus dy-why, you'd multiply the ten parts of ech by forty, and let us have all of them!"Come then, Diggory, my man, I'll ring the bell, souff the candles, and you shall give us that re one first, howsomever; and we'll have hers afterwards." The Doctor interfered no her; the company adjusted themselves in proorder, and sat in rueful expectation of the ing pleasure. must here premise, that Master Flourish's bory, although tolerably tenacious as to the iber of its subjects, was rather variable as to method of detailing them; thus making a kind Iramatic cross-reading, which sometimes marthe solemn effect of his tragedy. At length, refore, after blacking his face, clearing his at, and pulling up his trowsers, he thus "I do remember an apothecary, A member of this Esculapian line His same was Bolus ! broke out: "Toby, or not Toby,-that there s the question? on the Grampian hills,-My father feeds his Aye, there's the rub! for, for, for,— moon!" Here young Hopeful concluded; most of the company expressed themselves perfectly satisfied, and even Doctor Tadpole was convinced that, in some cases, a single dose is one too many HALF-WAY AND BACK. An old gentleman, who had been accustomed to walk round St. James's Park every day, was once met by a clergyman in the Mall, who asked him if he still continued to take his usual walk, "No, sir," replied the old man," I cannot do so much now; I cannot get round the Park; but I will tell you what I do instead, I go half round and back again." THE BERKSHIRE PUBLICAN. 9. If anie man break a glasse hee shall answer Friend Isaac, 'tis strange you, that live so near the price thereof out of his wages: and if it be Bray, not known who breake it, the butler shall pay f it, on paine of 12d. Should not set up the sign of the vicar; 10. The table must be couered half-an-bour Though it may be an odd one, you cannot but say, before 11 at dinner, and 6 at supper, or before, It must be the sign of good liquor. The Answer. Indeed, master poet, your reason's but poor; HOUSEHOLD SERVANTS. The following paper contains regulations for the household-servants of an English baronet, about the year 1566. 1. That no seruant bee absent from praier, at morning or euening, without a lawfull excuse, to bee alleged within one day after vppon paine to forfeit for eury tyme 2d. 2. That none sweare any othe vppon pain for eury one Id. 3. That no man leau any doore open that he findeth shut, without theare be cause, vppon paine for eury tyme ld. 4. That none of the men be in bed, from our Lady-day to Michaelmas, after 6 of the clock in the morning; nor out of his bed after 10 of the clock at night; nor from Michaelmas till our Lady-day, in bed after in the morning, nor out after 9 at night, without reasonable cause, on paine of 2d. 5. That no man's bed be vnmade, nor fire or candle-box vncleane after 8 of the clock in the morning, on paine of 1d. 6. That no man teach any of the children any unhonest speeche, or othe, on pain of 4d. 7. That no man waite at table without a trencher in his hand, except it be vppon some good cause, on paine of 1d. 8. That no man appointed to waite at my table be absent that meale without reasonable cause, on paine of Id. paine of 2d. 11. That meate be readie at 11, or before, dinner, and 6, or before, at supper, on paine off 12. That none be absent without leave or ge cause, the whole day, or anie part of it, ou pa of 4d. 13. That no man strike his fellow, on paine losse of seruice; nor reuile or threaten, or p uoke one another to strike, on paine of 124, 14. That no man come to the kitchen with reasonable cause on paine of Id. and the c likewise to forfeit Id. 4d. 15. That none toy with the maids, on paind 16. That no man weare foul shirt on Sund nor broken hose or shooes, or dublett without tons, on paine of 1d. 17. That when any stranger goeth bence, chamber be dressed vp againe within four ha after, on paine of Id. 18. That the hall bee made cleane eury day eighth in the winter and seuen in the summer paine of him that shall doe it Id. 19. That the court-gate bee shut each m and not opened during dinner and supper, out just cause, on paine the porter to forfe euery tyme ld. that need shall require, bee made cleane on All which summes shall be duly paide quarter-day out of their wages, and bestov the poore, or other goodly use. OUT OF DEBT. You say you nothing owe, and so I say, |