Flagrant, for fragrant, as, very flagrant." "this moss-rose is Fetch a walk, folch'd a walk, cotch'd cold. Know'd, for knew and known; also seed, for saw and seen; grow'd, throw'd, draw'd, for grown, thrown, drawn. Mought, for might. Obstacle, for obelisk. The letter h is taken great liberties with by the genuine cockney, as in the following example. They saw a flower in the edge; and, in trying to get at it, trod just at the hedge of the stream. They have their air cut by a fashionable dresser; and have bought a most beautiful at, which is a most Fit, for fought; a Five's-court abbreviation of becoming ed-dress, and they shall wear it the sert the preterite fought. A-dry, a-hungry, a-cold, &c. This here; that there; if so be as how-and so. Rayly, for really. Wind, for wine. Scithers, for scissors. Postponded, for postponed. Kwine, for coin. Moral, for model; "The child is the very moral of his father," who may not have much morality to spare. Hisn, hern, for his or hers. Ourn, yourn, for our's, your's. Nolus bolus, for nolens volens. They also call part of the funeral service," De profundis," (the| 130th Psalm,) by the style and title of " Deborah Fundish." An ignorant imprisoned cockney pickpocket once called a 99 66 "habeas corpus," a hap'orth of copperas," which is the language of Newgate. Weal, for veal, Widowhood, neighbourhood, and livelihood,are time they go hout to dinner. A City servant once began a letter to his master, the alderman, with Horned Sir, instead of Honoured Sir. "Is there none here but you?" a usual query used by Dean Swift to his clerk, Roger Cox, who, turning over the leaves of his prayer-book, dryly replied, “Sure, you are here too!" THE IRISHMAN'S RECKONING. "Who lives there, honest fellow?" said a travelling stranger, As on thro' the county of Antrim he sped, And who fancied that houses shut up implied danger, "Lives there," answered Teague, "why a man that is dead." "When did he die?" cried the stranger more gaily; Teague paus'd, scratch'd his caxon, so straight and go sleek, 66 Then replied, By my conscience, my jewel. why really, If he'd lived till to-day, he'd been dead a whold week!" DOUBLE CONFESSION. A pamphlet called "The Snake in the Grass," being reported to be written by an illiterate nobleman, (probably in joke,) the gentleman abused in it sent bim a challenge. His lordship protested his innocence; but the gentleman m being satisfied without having it under his hand, This is Mullygrubs, a neat symphonous expression for the nobleman took a pen, and began. megrims. Nincompoop, (a corruption of the mnos.) a fool. an idiot, tin non to scratify, that the buk, called the Sank- MUTUAL MISTAKE. LOGIC. Cries logical Bobby to Ned, will you dare TEDIOUS BREAKFAST. An Irish pig-merchant, who had more money in bis pocket than his ragged appearance denoted, once took an inside passage in a Liverpool stagecoach. An exquisite, of the first order, who was a fellow-passenger, was evidently annoyed by the presence of Pat; and having missed his handkerthief, tasked him with having picked his pocket, threatening to have him taken before a magistrate, at the next stage. Before they arrived there, When Buonaparte was preparing to invade however, the exquisite found his handkerchief, Spain, Talleyrand remonstrated against it as which he had deposited in his hat. He made a very awkward kind of an apology upon the occa-fraught with difficulties. "No, no," said Nasion; but Pat stopped him short with this remark,poleon, “the war with Spain will be only a break"Make yourself easy, my honey; there's no fast for me."-" I fear," replied the minister, occasion for any bother about the matter. "that your Majesty may be long at table." took me for a thief; and I took you for a gentleman; and we are both mistaken; that's all honey." You DR. ALDRICH'S FIVE REASONS FOR DRINKING. EARLY RECOLLECTIONS. Kennet, Lord Mayor of London, in the year 1780, began life as a waiter, and his manner Dever rose above his original station. When he was summoned to be examined in the House, one of the Members wittily observed-" If you ring the bell Kennet will come of course." One evening at the Alderman's Club, he was at the whist-table, and Mr. Alderman Pugh, a dealer in Hoap, and an extremely good-natured man, was at his elbow, smoaking his pipe. Ring the bell, snap-suds," said Mr. Kennet, in his coarse way. "Ring it yourself, Bar," replied the alderman, you have been twice as much used to it as I have." LOVE. If you cannot inspire a woman with love of you, fill her above the brim with love of herself; ** all that runs over will be yours. ROUGH ROADS. As no roads are so rough as those that have just been mended, so no sinners are so intolerant as those that have just turned saints. GREENWICH AND DULWICH. A celebrated living poet, occasionally a little absent of mind, was invited by a friend, whom he met in the street, to dine with him at a country lodging he had taken for the summer months. The address was near the Green Man at Dulwich," which, not to put his inviter to the trouble of pencilling down, our bard promised faithfully to remember. But when Sunday came, he made his way to Greenwich, and began inquiring for the sign of the Duil Man! No such sign was to be found; and, after losing an hour, a person guessed that though there was no Dull Man at Greenwich, there was a Green Man at Dulwich, which the gen tleman might possibly mean. MOURNING SUITS. Parsons and lawyers, both you'll find By mourning suits are known; The other for their own ODE TO MY PIPE. Pipe! whether plain in fashion of Frey-herr, Pipe! when I stuff into thee my canaster, I've no objections to a good segar, A true Havannah, smooth and moist, and brown; 1 rather follow in my smoking trim. MENDING A PEN. When Mr. Penn, a young gentleman wellknown for his eccentricities, walked from Hydepark-corner to Hammersmith, for a wager of one hundred guineas, with the Hon. Butler Danvers, several gentlemen who had witnessed the contest spoke of it to the Duchess of Gordon, and added, it was a pity that a man with so many good qualities as this Penn had, should be incessantly playing these unaccountable pranks. "It is so," said her grace; "but why don't you advise him bet ter ? He seems to be a pen that every body cuti, but nobody mends.” FEMALE VIRtue. Did ladies now (as we are told SWIFT ON STOCK JOBBERS. He who sells that of which he is not possessed, the bear runs in the woods; and it being common is said, proverbially, to sell the bear's skin, while for stock-jobbers to make contracts for trans. ferring stock at a future time, though they were not possessed of the stock to be transferred, they were called sellers of bear-skins, or "bears." Another interpretation arises from the general character for trampling under-foot, which agrees with their department of business, viz. to keep down the stocks. ON A PHYSICIAN. A gentleman once asserted that he did not believe that there was a truly honest man in the whole world; Sir, said a bye-stander, it is quite impossible that any one man should know all the world; but it is very possible that some one man —may know himself. AMATEUR THEATRICALS. My poverty, but not my will consents, When taken-To be well shaken. juppose us, now, at Mrs. Flourish's,chairs A beggarly account of empty boxes, sofas all crowded; the ceremonies of tea and Calling aloud-What, ho! Apothecary!" lee quite finished, and the eyes and ears of the During this very extraordinary exhibition, the itants all expanded for the promised display. Now, my dear Diggory," said the young gen- but all to no purpose. The fact was, Master Diggood old lady winked, nodded, and prompted, nan's doting mamma, "make your best bow he company, my love, and let Doctor Tadpole gory's speeches were literally at his fingers' ends, r you speak "The Newcastle Apothecary!" I as, being accustomed to work them into his head, ays like my Diggory to say summat happli- by scratching himself with a particular finger, the le."" Then suppose, Madam," replied the the recital, and the application of a wrong digit same manœuvre was always to be performed at ctor, " suppose the young gentleman recites 's fable of The Old Hen and the Cock!" invariably introduced a wrong passage. Why, Deary me, Doctor, he shall larn that next, after Diggory, my love!" at length exclaimed his perturbed mamma,—“ you were sadly out, my dear! has got Gimlet,' and 'Mounseer Tonson,' * Bucks have at you all!' and Young Nor-Now do try again, chuck, and let the company near Gimlet's sillyliquus about Toby." Master and Old Towler,' and 'All the World's a ;e,' and—”—“ Hold, hold, my dear madam! Flourish, junior, accordingly again hah'd and there's enough for the next nine months al-emmed; and, after the usual evolutions, thus dy-why, you'd multiply the ten parts of reh by forty, and let us have all of them!"- "Toby, or not Toby,-that there s the question? ome then, Diggory, my man, I'll ring the bell, Whether-my name is Norval souff the candles, and you shall give us that e one first, howsomever; and we'll have hers afterwards." The Doctor interfered no her; the company adjusted themselves in proorder, and sat in rueful expectation of the ing pleasure. must here premise, that Master Flourish's iory, although tolerably tenacious as to the ber of its subjects, was rather variable as to method of detailing them; thus making a kind ramatic cross-reading, which sometimes marthe solemn effect of his tragedy. At length, rfore, after blacking his face, clearing his at, and pulling up his trowsers, he thus I do remember an apothecary, A member of this Esculapian line His name was Bolus ! broke out: on the Grampian hills,—My father feeds his Aye, there's the rub! for, for, for,- moon!" Here young Hopeful concluded; most of the company expressed themselves perfectly satisfied, and even Doctor Tadpole was convinced that, in some cases, a single dose is one too many HALF-WAY AND BACK. An old gentleman, who had been accustomed to walk round St. James's Park every day, was once met by a clergyman in the Mall, who asked him if he still continued to take his usual walk, "No, sir," replied the old man, “ I cannot do so much now; I cannot get round the Park; but I will tell you what I do instead, I go half round and back again." GREENWICH FAIR. The glorious sun now rises gay, Now the throng begins to pour Now adown fair Thames they glide, Cuckold's awful Point they pass, Hark! the French-horn's cheerful note, While England's banner o'er them waves, "Britons never will be slaves!” "What a charming group of sailors!” "Ma'am you're wrong."-" What! are they tailors ?"" Bustle, bustle; noise and bustle; Now among the boats they rustle: The narrow keel now cuts the strand, Each joyous soul prepares to land, 'Midst shouting, swearing, wrangling, laughter Some in mud, and some in water; While the cropp'd lass, and jemmy spark,. Hark! the merry bells are ringing, Lo, the Park, and many a stall, From its primeval stage,—a cart! Now the Park's small entrance view, Ah! what struggling to get through; "Bless me, sir! don't squeeze me so !” "Ma'am, your heel is on my toe!" One general push, now—“Yo-oh-hoy Huzza! we're in the Park, my boy!"' Mercy on us! what a do "I've lost a cloak!"" and I a shoe!" Stop thief, pray stop that running fellow. He's scampering off with my umbrella,” See the rumpled lasses stand, Lending each a helping hand, The anxious-school-boy takes his stand To drive the orange o'er the ring. |