Flagrant, for fragrant, as, very flagrant."

"this moss-rose is Fetch a walk, folch'd a walk, cotch'd cold. Know'd, for knew and known; also seed, for saw and seen; grow'd, throw'd, draw'd, for grown, thrown, drawn.

Mought, for might.

Obstacle, for obelisk.

The letter h is taken great liberties with by the genuine cockney, as in the following example. They saw a flower in the edge; and, in trying to get at it, trod just at the hedge of the stream. They have their air cut by a fashionable dresser; and have bought a most beautiful at, which is a most

Fit, for fought; a Five's-court abbreviation of becoming ed-dress, and they shall wear it the sert

the preterite fought.

A-dry, a-hungry, a-cold, &c.

This here; that there; if so be as how-and so.
Refusial, for refusal.

Rayly, for really.

Wind, for wine.

Scithers, for scissors.

Postponded, for postponed.

Kwine, for coin.

Moral, for model; "The child is the very moral of his father," who may not have much morality to spare.

Hisn, hern, for his or hers.

Ourn, yourn, for our's, your's.

Nolus bolus, for nolens volens. They also call part of the funeral service," De profundis," (the| 130th Psalm,) by the style and title of " Deborah Fundish." An ignorant imprisoned cockney pickpocket once called a 99 66 "habeas corpus," a hap'orth of copperas," which is the language of Newgate.

Weal, for veal,
Winegar, for vinegar.
Vicked, for wicked.
Vig, for wig.

Widowhood, neighbourhood, and livelihood,are
called widow-wood, neighbour-wood, lively-wood.
Howdacious, for audacious.
Underminded, for undermined.

time they go hout to dinner.

A City servant once began a letter to his master, the alderman, with Horned Sir, instead of Honoured Sir.

"Is there none here but you?" a usual query used by Dean Swift to his clerk, Roger Cox, who, turning over the leaves of his prayer-book, dryly replied, “Sure, you are here too!"

THE IRISHMAN'S RECKONING.

"Who lives there, honest fellow?" said a travelling stranger,

As on thro' the county of Antrim he sped, And who fancied that houses shut up implied danger,

"Lives there," answered Teague, "why a man that is dead."

"When did he die?" cried the stranger more gaily;

Teague paus'd, scratch'd his caxon, so straight and go sleek,

66

Then replied, By my conscience, my jewel. why really,

If he'd lived till to-day, he'd been dead a whold week!"

DOUBLE CONFESSION.

A pamphlet called "The Snake in the Grass," being reported to be written by an illiterate nobleman, (probably in joke,) the gentleman abused in it sent bim a challenge. His lordship protested his innocence; but the gentleman m being satisfied without having it under his hand, This is

Mullygrubs, a neat symphonous expression for the nobleman took a pen, and began. megrims.

Nincompoop, (a corruption of the mnos.) a fool. an idiot,

tin non

to scratify, that the buk, called the Sank-
"Oh, my lord," said the person, “I am quits
satisfied now You are not the author."

MUTUAL MISTAKE.

LOGIC.

Cries logical Bobby to Ned, will you dare
A bet, which has most legs, a mare, or no mare.
A mare, to be sure, replied Ned, with a grin,
And fifty I'll lay, for I'm certain to win.
Quoth Bob, you have lost, sure as you are alive,
A mare has but four legs, and no mare has five.

TEDIOUS BREAKFAST.

An Irish pig-merchant, who had more money in bis pocket than his ragged appearance denoted, once took an inside passage in a Liverpool stagecoach. An exquisite, of the first order, who was a fellow-passenger, was evidently annoyed by the presence of Pat; and having missed his handkerthief, tasked him with having picked his pocket, threatening to have him taken before a magistrate, at the next stage. Before they arrived there, When Buonaparte was preparing to invade however, the exquisite found his handkerchief, Spain, Talleyrand remonstrated against it as which he had deposited in his hat. He made a very awkward kind of an apology upon the occa-fraught with difficulties. "No, no," said Nasion; but Pat stopped him short with this remark,poleon, “the war with Spain will be only a break"Make yourself easy, my honey; there's no fast for me."-" I fear," replied the minister, occasion for any bother about the matter. "that your Majesty may be long at table." took me for a thief; and I took you for a gentleman; and we are both mistaken; that's all honey."

You

DR. ALDRICH'S FIVE REASONS FOR DRINKING.
Good wine-a friend-or being dry-
Or lest we should be by and bye-
Or any other reason why.

EARLY RECOLLECTIONS.

Kennet, Lord Mayor of London, in the year 1780, began life as a waiter, and his manner Dever rose above his original station. When he was summoned to be examined in the House, one of the Members wittily observed-" If you ring

the bell Kennet will come of course." One evening at the Alderman's Club, he was at the whist-table, and Mr. Alderman Pugh, a dealer in Hoap, and an extremely good-natured man, was at his elbow, smoaking his pipe. Ring the bell, snap-suds," said Mr. Kennet, in his coarse way. "Ring it yourself, Bar," replied the alderman, you have been twice as much used to it as I have."

LOVE.

If you cannot inspire a woman with love of you, fill her above the brim with love of herself; ** all that runs over will be yours.

ROUGH ROADS.

As no roads are so rough as those that have just been mended, so no sinners are so intolerant as those that have just turned saints.

GREENWICH AND DULWICH.

A celebrated living poet, occasionally a little absent of mind, was invited by a friend, whom he met in the street, to dine with him at a country lodging he had taken for the summer months. The address was near the Green Man at Dulwich," which, not to put his inviter to the trouble of pencilling down, our bard promised faithfully to remember. But when Sunday came, he made his way to Greenwich, and began inquiring for the sign of the Duil Man! No such sign was to be found; and, after losing an hour, a person guessed that though there was no Dull Man at Greenwich, there was a Green Man at Dulwich, which the gen tleman might possibly mean.

MOURNING SUITS.

Parsons and lawyers, both you'll find

By mourning suits are known;
Those for the sins of all mankind,

The other for their own

ODE TO MY PIPE.

Pipe! whether plain in fashion of Frey-herr,
Or gaudy glittering in the taste of Boor,
Deep-darkened Meer-schaum or Ecume-demer,
Or snowy clay of Gowda, light and pure.
Let different people different pipes prefer,
Delft, horn, or catgut, long, short, older, newer,
Puff, every brother, as it likes him best,
De gustibus non disputandum est.

Pipe! when I stuff into thee my canaster,
With flower of camomile and leaf of rose,
And the calm rising fume comes fast and faster,
Curling with balmy circles near my nose
And all the while my dexter hand is master
Of the full cup from Meux's vat that flows.
Heavens! all my brain a soft oblivion wraps
Of wafered letters and of single taps,

I've no objections to a good segar,

A true Havannah, smooth and moist, and brown;
But then the smoke's too near the eye by far,
And out of doors 'tis in a twinkling flown;
And somehow it sets all my teeth ajar,
When to an inch or so we've smoked him down;
And if your leaf have got a straw within it,
You know 'tis like a cinder in a minute.
I have no doubt a long excursive hooker
Suits well some lordly lounger of Bengal,
Who never writes or looks into a book, or
Does any thing with earnestness at all;
He sits, and his tobacco's in the nook, or
Tended by some black heathen in the hall,
Lays up his legs, and thinks he does great things
If once in the half-hour a puff he brings.

1 rather follow in my smoking trim.
The example of Scots cotters and their wives,
Who, while the evening air is warm and dim,
In July sit beside their garden hives;
And, gazing all the while with wrinkles grim
To see how the concern of honey thrives,
Empty before they've done a four-ounce bag
Of sailors' twist, or, what's less common-shag.

MENDING A PEN.

When Mr. Penn, a young gentleman wellknown for his eccentricities, walked from Hydepark-corner to Hammersmith, for a wager of one hundred guineas, with the Hon. Butler Danvers, several gentlemen who had witnessed the contest spoke of it to the Duchess of Gordon, and added, it was a pity that a man with so many good qualities as this Penn had, should be incessantly playing these unaccountable pranks. "It is so," said her grace; "but why don't you advise him bet ter ? He seems to be a pen that every body cuti, but nobody mends.”

FEMALE VIRtue.

Did ladies now (as we are told
Our great grandmother did of old)
Wake to a sense of blasted fame,
The fig-tree spoil to hide their shame,
So numerous are these modern Eves,
A forest scarce could find them leaves.

SWIFT ON STOCK JOBBERS.

He who sells that of which he is not possessed, the bear runs in the woods; and it being common is said, proverbially, to sell the bear's skin, while for stock-jobbers to make contracts for trans. ferring stock at a future time, though they were not possessed of the stock to be transferred, they were called sellers of bear-skins, or "bears." Another interpretation arises from the general character for trampling under-foot, which agrees with their department of business, viz. to keep down the stocks.

ON A PHYSICIAN.
Here Doctor Fisher lies interr'd,
Who filled the half of the church-yard.
HONESTY.

A gentleman once asserted that he did not believe that there was a truly honest man in the whole world; Sir, said a bye-stander, it is quite impossible that any one man should know all the world; but it is very possible that some one man —may know himself.

AMATEUR THEATRICALS. My poverty, but not my will consents, When taken-To be well shaken. juppose us, now, at Mrs. Flourish's,chairs A beggarly account of empty boxes, sofas all crowded; the ceremonies of tea and Calling aloud-What, ho! Apothecary!" lee quite finished, and the eyes and ears of the During this very extraordinary exhibition, the itants all expanded for the promised display. Now, my dear Diggory," said the young gen- but all to no purpose. The fact was, Master Diggood old lady winked, nodded, and prompted, nan's doting mamma, "make your best bow he company, my love, and let Doctor Tadpole gory's speeches were literally at his fingers' ends, r you speak "The Newcastle Apothecary!" I as, being accustomed to work them into his head, ays like my Diggory to say summat happli- by scratching himself with a particular finger, the le."" Then suppose, Madam," replied the the recital, and the application of a wrong digit same manœuvre was always to be performed at ctor, " suppose the young gentleman recites 's fable of The Old Hen and the Cock!" invariably introduced a wrong passage. Why, Deary me, Doctor, he shall larn that next, after Diggory, my love!" at length exclaimed his perturbed mamma,—“ you were sadly out, my dear! has got Gimlet,' and 'Mounseer Tonson,' * Bucks have at you all!' and Young Nor-Now do try again, chuck, and let the company near Gimlet's sillyliquus about Toby." Master and Old Towler,' and 'All the World's a ;e,' and—”—“ Hold, hold, my dear madam! Flourish, junior, accordingly again hah'd and there's enough for the next nine months al-emmed; and, after the usual evolutions, thus dy-why, you'd multiply the ten parts of reh by forty, and let us have all of them!"- "Toby, or not Toby,-that there s the question? ome then, Diggory, my man, I'll ring the bell, Whether-my name is Norval souff the candles, and you shall give us that e one first, howsomever; and we'll have hers afterwards." The Doctor interfered no her; the company adjusted themselves in proorder, and sat in rueful expectation of the ing pleasure.

must here premise, that Master Flourish's iory, although tolerably tenacious as to the ber of its subjects, was rather variable as to method of detailing them; thus making a kind ramatic cross-reading, which sometimes marthe solemn effect of his tragedy. At length, rfore, after blacking his face, clearing his at, and pulling up his trowsers, he thus

I do remember an apothecary,
And in his needy shop a tortoise hang,
A halligator staff'd ;-

A member of this Esculapian line
Lived at Newcastle-upon-Tyne,

His name was Bolus !

broke out:

on the Grampian hills,—My father feeds his
Pigs,-no, sheep,-his flocks-flocks of
Pigeons, that flesh is heir to.
To die, to sleep, a horse! a horse!-
My kingdom for a horse!

Aye, there's the rub! for, for, for,-
Heaven soon granted what my sire denied, yon

moon!"

Here young Hopeful concluded; most of the company expressed themselves perfectly satisfied, and even Doctor Tadpole was convinced that, in some cases, a single dose is one too many

HALF-WAY AND BACK.

An old gentleman, who had been accustomed to walk round St. James's Park every day, was once met by a clergyman in the Mall, who asked him if he still continued to take his usual walk, "No, sir," replied the old man, “ I cannot do so much now; I cannot get round the Park; but I will tell you what I do instead, I go half round and back again."