DR. CHEYNE'S ANSWER. But yours your dearest friend. Were you to milk and straw confin'd, Thrice happy might you be; Perhaps you might regain your mind, And from your wit get free. I can't your kind prescription try, 'Tis natural you should bid me die, SCOTCH NOBILITY. Quin being asked if he had ever been in ScotJand, and how he liked the people, replied: " If you mean the lower order of them, I shall be at a loss to answer you; for I had no farther acquaintance with them than by the smell. As for the nobility they are numerous; and, for the most part, proud and beggarly. I remember, when I crossed from the north of Ireland into their country, I came to a little wretched village, consisting of a dozen huts, in the style of the Hottentots; the principal of which was an inn, and kept by an earl. I was mounted on a shrivelled quadruped, for there was no certainty of calling it horse, mare, or gelding; much like a North Wales goat, but larger, and without horns. The whole village was up in an instant to salute me; supposing, from the elegance of my appearance, that I must be some person of a large fortune and great family. The earl ran, and took hold of my stirrup while I dismounted; then turning to his eldest son, who stood by us without breeches, said, my lord, do you take the gentleman's horse to the stable, and desire your sister, Lady Betty, to draw him a pint of two-penny; for I suppose so great a mon will ha' the best liquor in the whol hous."-" I was obliged," continued Quin, "to stay here a whole night, and to make a supper of rotten potatoes and stinking eggs. The oldnobleman was indeed very complaisant, and made me accept of his own bed. I cannot say that the dormitory was the best in the world; for there was nothing but an old box to sit upon in the room, and there were neither sheets nor curtains to the bed. Lady Betty was kind enough to apologize for the apartment, assuring me, many persons of great degnaty had frequently slept in it; and that though the blonkets luked sae block, it was not quite four year sin they had been washed by the countess ber mother, and Lady Matilda Carolina Amelia Eleonora Sophia, one of her younger sisters. Suc then wished me a good night, and said, the vis count, her brother, would take particular care to grease my boots." ANACREONTIC. Ah! wherefore did I daring gaze Upon the radiance of thy charms Or let me take ten thousand more. As Queen Elizabeth was riding on horse b she was met by a beggar, who asked alms of The Queen remarking to her chamberlain, the man followed her wherever she went, quo this line out of Ovid: Pauper ubique jacet. Which may be thus translated: "In any place, in any bed, On The poor man rests his weary bead which the pauper instantly replied, In thalamis Regina tuis, hac nocte jace Si foret hoc verum, Pauper ubique jace. "Ah, beauteous Queen, if that were This very night I'd rest with you," tr HELL AND PURGATORY. A Venetian nobleman was one day rallied by priest, upon his refusing to give something to the urch, which the priest demanded for the deliverace of him from purgatory; when the priest king him, if he knew what an innumerable num-r of devils there were to take him? he answer"Yes, he knew how many devils there were in "" Indeed, how many?" says the priest, his riosity being raised by the novelty of the an"Why, ten millions, five hundred and even thousand, six hundred and seventy-five is and a half," says the nobleman. "A If?" says the priest, "pray what kind of a vil is that?" Yourself," says the nobleD," for you are half a devil already, and l be a whole one when you come there; for u are for deluding all you deal with, and bring soul and body into your hands, that you may paid for letting us go again.” er. WHERE'S THE POKER be poker lost, poor Susan storm' it tread each other's heels in throngs, rew ones-for the new ones went. There'd been, she swore, some devil or witch in, Be warn'd, ye fair, by Susan's crosses, THE LESS OF TWO EVILS: The doctrine of purgatory was once disputed between the Bishop of Waterford and Father O'Leary; it is not likely the former was convinced by the arguments of the latter, who, however, closed it very neatly by telling the bishop"Your lordship may go farther, and fare worse." HOW TO SAVE ONE THOUSAND POUNDS. It was observed that a certain covetous rich man never invited any one to dine with him. "I'll lay a wager," said a wag, "I get an invitation from him." The wager being accepted, he went the next day to the rich man's house, about the time that he was known to sit down to dinner, and told the servant that he must speak with his master immediately; for that he could save him a thousand pounds. "Sir," said the servant to his master, "here's a man in a great hurry to speak with you, who says he can save you a thousand pounds." Out comes the master," What's that you say, sir? That you can save me a thousand pounds?"-" Yes, sir, I can; but I see you are at dinner. I'll go and dine myself, and call again."-" Oh, pray, sir, come in, and take a dinner with me."-" Sir, I shall be troublesome." "Not at all." The invitation was accepted; and, dinner being over, and the family retiredWell, sir, said the man of the house, now to our business. Pray, sir, let me know how I am to world of the English language; and while I a save this thousand pounds."-" Why, sir," said the other," I hear you have a daughter to dispose of in marriage."" I have." And that you intend to portion her with ten thousand pounds!" —“ I do so.”—"Why then, sir, let me have her, and I'll take her with nine thousand." WRITTEN ON THE DOOR OF A CERTAIN HOUSE. Gold rules within, and reigns without these doors, Makes men take places, and poor maids turn w-s. Her blooming virtue's sold, his trust's betray'd, Debauch'd the member falls, alike the maid! coming into port, with a fair wind on a fine sur shiny day, my Lord Chesterfield sends out tw little cock-boats to tow me in. I am very sem ble of the favour, Mr. Moore, and should be sor to say an ill-natured thing of that nobleman: b I cannot help thinking he is a lord among w and a wit among lords. LETTER FROM AN IRISH GENTLEWOMAN T HER SON IN LONDON. My dear child, I thought it my duty incumbint apon me, to Each pleads excuse, tho' profit each does move-you know that your only living sister, Cam He votes for interest, as she yields for coin. PATRONAGE. The late Earl of Chesterfield was universally esteemed the Mæcenas of the age in which he lived. Dr. Johnson addressed the plan of his dictionary of the English language to him on that account; and his lordship endeavoured to be grateful by recommending that valuable work in two essays, which, among others, be published in a paper intituled the World, conducted by Mr, Moore and his literary friends. Some time after, however, the doctor took great offence at being refused admittance to Lord Chesterfield, which happened by a mistake of the porter; and just before the work was finished, on Mr. Moore's expressing his surprise that Dr. Johnson did not intend to dedicate the book to his lordship, the lexicographer declared he was under no obligation to any great man whatever, and therefore should not make him Mac-Frame, has been violently ill of a fit of s ness, and is dead; therefore we have small or hopes of her gitting bitter. Your dear modu constantly prayed for a long and speedy recove I am sorry to acquaint you, that your godfa Patrick O'Conner, is also dead. His dith was casioned by ateing rid-hirrings stuffed wid pa tes, or parates stuffed wid rid hirrings, I d know which; and notwithstanding the surg attended him for three weeks, he died sodd for want of hilp on the day of his dith, which Sunday night last. The great bulk of his e comes to an only dead child in the family. I have made a prisent of your sister's diam ring to Mr. O'Hara, the great small-beer bre for three guineas; and I have taken the corner-house that is burnt down, on a repa lase. I have sint you a Dublin Canary-bird, wa have carefully put up in a rat-trap, with food in a snuff-box, which will come free charges, only paying the captain for the pass Pray sind me the news of the prosadeings House of Commons nixt week; for we hea have given us leave to import all our para England, which is great news indeed. his patron, Pardon me, sir," said Moore, "you are certainly obliged to his lordship for the two elegant papers he has written in favour of your performance."-"You quite mistake the Write immediately, and don't stay for the thing," returned Johnson," I confess no obliga- Dirict for me nixt door to the Bible and tion. I feel my own dignity, sir; I have made a in Copper Alley, Dublin, for there I ar Commodore Anson's voyage round the whole but I shall remove to-morrow into my new Den't sind to me in a frank again; for the last ter that came free was charged thirteen-pince, So no more at prisent from Your dutiful modther, CAMEY CARRNAYL MAC FRAME. P.S. I did not sale this litter, to prevint it from being broke open; therefore send word if it miscarries. Your cousin-in-law, Thady O'Dogharty, is gone for a light-horseman among the marines. IMPOSSIBLE TO SCREEN A FOOL. A master tailor, as tis said, By back ram, canvass, tape, and thread, With which their uncouth bills abound The son, a gay young swagg'ring blade, To Oxford first he made his way, There soon he found new cause of grief For (dining on some fine roast beef) They asked him which he did prefer, Some cabbage or some cucumber. What was design'd a complient, There with the beaux, he drank about, "Well done," said Jack, a buck of York, The name of stitch was such reproach, You put the cap on, and it fits, Proud coxcombs and fantastic beaux, To shew their wealth and want of sense; is a friend of his, and all his friends are “ migh good kind of men." He pulls off his hat every third person he meets, though he knows a even the name of one in twenty-A young m born with this demonstrated propensity of mi ty goodness," has every chance of advanci CHARACTER OF A MIGHTY GOOD KIND OF A his fortune. Thus, if in orders, he will contr MAN. to pick up a tolerable living, or become tutor a dunce of quality. If "a mighty good kind The good qualities of such a man (if he has any) man" is a counsellor, he will draw from the att are of the negative kind. He does very little nies a large supply of chamber cases and spec harm, but you never find him do any good. He is pleadings, or bills and answers, he being grea careful to have all the externals of sense and vir- qualified for a dray-horse of the law. If he is tue, but you never perceive his heart concerned inmitted into the college as M, D. he will have er any word, thought, or action. To him every body chance to be at the top of the profession, a is his dear friend, with which he always begins all whole success of the faculty depends upon old his letters, and ends them with Your ever sincere men, or fanciful young ones, hypochondriac and affectionate friend." He is usually seen with and ricketty children; to the generosity of persous older than himself, but always richer. He these nothing so much recommends a physician is not prominent in his conversation, but merely his being "a mighty good kind of a man." puts in his "Yes, sir," and "No, sir," to every past dispute that a good man, and a man of se thing said by the elevated or overbearing; which should possess in some degree the outline desc confirms him in their opinion as " a very sensible ed; yet, if he possesses no more, he will be at and discerning person," as well as a “mighty good but a vapid and valueless character. Many kind of a man."-He is so familiarized to assent perficial observers are deceived by French p to every thing advanced, that I have known him it has the glitter of a diamond, but the was approve opposite sentiments in the course of five hardness discovers the counterfeit, and for minutes! The weather is a leading topic with "a out to be of no intrinsic value! If the bend mighty good kind of a man," and you may make heart are to be omitted in the character, you him agree in one breath, that it is hot and cold, as well seek for female beauty without a ne frost and thaw, and that the wind blows from every an eye, as expect a valuable man without point of the compass! He is so civil and well-standing or sensibility. But besides this, it bred, as to keep you in the rain, rather than as- happens that those "mighty good kind of cend a carriage before you; and the dinner would are wolves in sheep's clothing, and that the grow cold in your attempt to move him from the sibie cunning of their outward deportment i lower end of the table. Not a glass approaches culated to entrap the unwary, and to promo his lips unless he has disturbed half the company |nister designs. to drink their health. He never omits his glass with the mistress of the house, nor forgets to notice little master and miss, which with mamma always makes him "a mighty good kind of a man," and also assures her, that he would make a very good husband. No man is ever half so happy, or so general, in his friendships--every one he names MADAM, MY WIFE. Ye lovers of quiet, and conjugal joys |