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Stop thief! stop thief! a highwayman?
And so he did, and won it too, For he got first to Town, Nor stopp'd till where he first got up - He did again get down.
Now let us sing, long live the king,
* And Gilpin, long live he;
And when he next doth ride abroad, May I be there to see .
AFFAIR OF HONOUR Accommod ATED.
Weston the actor having borrowed, on note, five pounds, and failing in payment, the gentleman who had lent the money mentioned it in a public coffee-house, which caused Weston to send him a challenge. When in the field, the gentleman, being a little tender in point of courage, offered him the note to make it up ; to which our hero readily consented, and the note was delivered. “But now,” said the gentleman, “if we should return without fighting, our companions will laugh at us, therefore let us give each other a slight scratch, and say we wounded each other,”—“With all my heart” said Weston ; “come, I'll wound you first,” so drawing his sword, he thrust it through the fleshy part of his antagonist's arm, till he brought the tears into his eyes. This being done, and the wound tied up with a hankerchief, “Come,” said the gentleman, “where shall I wound you?” Weston, putting himself in a posture of defence, replied, “where you can, sir.”
Comus proclaims aloud his wife's a w-f
Alas! good Comus ! what can we do more?
were thou no cuckold we could make thee one,
But, being so, we *: make thee none.
A witness in the Court of King's Bench being cross-examined by Mr. Garrow, was asked if he was not a fortune-teller. “I am not,” answered the witness; “but if every one had his due, I should have no difficulty in telling your fortune.” —“Well, fellow,” says Mr. Garrow, “pray what is to be my fortune?”—“Why, sir,” rejoined the witness, “I understand you made your jirst speech at the Old Bailey, and I think it is probable that you will make your last speech there.” Lord Kenyon told the witness, angrily, “That he would commit him.”—“I hope,” answered he, “your lordship will not cominityourself.”
The non-resident freemen of Berwick-uponTweed living in London, being put on board two vessels in the Thames, a few days previous to the election of 1768, in order to be conveyed to Berwick by water, Mr. Taylor, one of the candidates in opposition, covenanted with the naval commander of this election cargo, for the sum of £400, to land the freemen in Norway. This was accordingly done, and in consequence Mr. Taylor and Lord Delaval secured their seats without any
farther expense. - *
The Miser's MANsion.
See, sir, see, here's the grand approach ;
A FAIR BARGAIN.
A gentleman, once advertising for a coachman, had a great number of applicants. One of them he approved of ; and told him, if his character answered, he would take him on the terms which they had agreed upon. “But,” said he, “my good fellow, as I am rather a particular man, it may be proper to inform you, that every evening, after the business of the stable is done, I shall expect you to come to my house for a quarter of an hour to attend family prayers. To this, I suppose, you can have no objection.”—“Why, as to that, sir,” replied the fellow, “I do not see much to say against it; but I hope you'll consider it in my leages.”
REASON FOR GEtti NG DRUNk.
Says my lord to his cook, “You son of a punk, ,
NEGRO CAND OUR.
A negro in the island of St. Christopher had so cruel a master that he dreaded the sight of him. After exercising much tyranny among his slaves, the planter died, and left his son heir to his estates. Some short time after his death, a gentleman meeting the negro, asked him how his young master behaved. “I suppose,” says he, “he’s a chip of the old block "-" No, no,” says the negro, “Massa be all block himself.”
AMERICAN ADVERTIs EMENT Extrao RDINARY. Ran away from his wife and helpless family. on Friday last, John Spriggs, by trade a tailor, aged thirty-five has a wide mouth, zig-zag teeth, a nose of high-burned brick-blue with a lofty bridge, swivel-eyed, and a scar (not an honourable one) on his left cheek. He primes and loads (that is, takes snuff and tobacco); and is so lo- quacious that he tires every one in company but himself. In order that he may entrap the sinner and the saint, he carries a pack of cards in one pocket, and the Practice of Piety in the other. He is a great liar, and can varnish falsehood with a great deal of art. Had on, when he went away, a three-cocked hat, which probably he has since changed to a round one, with a blue body-coat, rather on the fade. He was seen in Bennington on Saturday last, disguised in a clean shirt.
HUMoURS OF A CLUB.
Sir Geoffrey Notch, who is the oldest of the club, has been in possession of the right-hand chair time out of mind, and is the only man among us that has the liberty of stirring the fire, This our foreman is a gentleman of an ancient family, that came to a great estate some years before he had discretion, and ran it out in hounds, horses, and cock-fighting ; for which, reason he looks upon himself as an honest, worthy gentleman, who has had misfortunes in the world, and calls every thriving man a pitiful upstart. Major Matchlock is the next senior, who served in the last civil wars, and has all the battles by heart. He does not think any action in Europe worth talking of since the fight of Marston Moor; and every night tells us of his having been knocked off his horse at the rising of the London apprentices; for which he is in great esteem among us Honest old Dick Reptile is the third of our society. He is a good-natured indolent man, who speaks little himself, but laughs at our jokes; and brings his young nephew along with him, a youth of eighteen years old, to shew him good company, and give him a taste, of the world. This young fellow , sits generally silent; but whenever he opens his mouth, or laughs at any thing that passes, he is constantly told by his uncle, after a jocular manner, “Ay, ay, Jack, ou young men think us fools; but we old men now you are.” The greatest wit of our company, next to myself, is a bencher of the neighbouring inn, who in his youth frequented the ordinaries, about Charing-Cross, and pretends to have been intimate with Jack Ogle. He has about ten distichs of Hudibras without book, and never leaves the club until he has applied them all. If any modern wit be mentioned, or any town frolic spoken of, he shakes his head at the dulness of the present age, and tells us a story of Jack Ogle.
because they see I am something resperto others; though, at the same time, funderstano their behaviour, that I am considered by When to a man of a great deal of learning, but no koo": ledge of the world; insomuch, that the Major sometimes, in the height of his military wo calls me the philosopher: and Sir Geoffrey, "" longer ago than last night, upon a dispute "" day of the month it was then in Holland, pulle" his pipe out of his mouth, and cried, “What doo the scholar say to it?” Our club meets precisely at six of the o'clock in the evening; but i did not come last night until half-an-hour after seven, by which means 1 to caped the battle of Naseby, which the Major usually begins at about three-quarters after sixI found also, that my good friend, the Bencher. had already spent three of his distichs; and to waited an opportunity to hear a sermon spokeof, that he might introduce the couplet wher: “a stick” rhimes to “ecclesiastic.” At my entrance into the room, they were naming a to petticoat and a cloak, by which I found that the Bencher had been diverting them with a story 4 Jack Ogle. I had no sooner taken my seat, but Sir Geel frey, to shew his good-will towards ine, gave to a pipe of his own tobacco, and stirred up the ot I look upon it as a point of morality, to obliged by those who endeavour to oblige to and, therefore, in requital for his kindness, and set the conversation a-going, I took the best oc. sion I could to put him upon telling us the su of old Gantlett, which he always does with * particular concern. He traced up his descent both sides for several generations, describing diet and manner of life, with his several bat. and particularly that in which he fem Gantlett was a game-cock, upon whose head knight, in his youth, had won five hundred pou and lost two thousand. This naturaly" so Major upon the account of Edgehill figh, ended in a duel of Jack Ogle's. star.
For my own part, I am esteemed among them,
Old Reptile was extremely attentive to ol.
As oft on Gadshill we have ta'en our stand,
epit ApH on A MARSHAL of the king's BeNch.