So turning to his horse he said,

"I am in haste to dine;
'Twas for your pleasure you came here,'
You shall go back for mine."

Ah! luckless speech, and bootless boast!
For which he paid full dear;
For while he spake a braying ass
id sing most loud and clear!
Whereat his horse did snort as he
Had heard a lion roar;
And galloped off with all his might,
As he had done before.
Away went Gilpin, and away
Went Gilpin's hat and wig;
He lost them sooner than at first,
For why they were too big.

Now Mistress Gilpin, when she saw
Her husband posting down,

Into the country far away,

She pull'd out half a crown;

And thus unto the youth she said

That drove them to the Bell,

Stop thief! stop thief! a highwayman!
Not one of them was mute;
And all and each that pass'd that way

Did join in the pursuit.

And now the turnpike gates again

Flew open in short space:
The toll-men thinking, as before,
That Gilpin rode a race.

And so he did, and won it too,
For he got first to Town,
Nor stopp'd till where he first got up
He did again get down.

Now let us sing, long live the king,

And Gilpin, long live he;

And when he next doth ride abroad,

May I be there to see!

AFFAIR OF HONOUR ACCOMMODATED. Weston the actor having borrowed, on note, five pounds, and failing in payment, the gentleman who had lent the money mentioned it in a public coffee-house, which caused Weston to send him a challenge. When in the field, the gentleman,

"This shall be your's when you bring back being a little tender in point of courage, offered

My husband safe and well.

The youth did ride, and soon did meet

John coming back amain,

Whom in a trice he tried to stop
By catching at his rein;

Bat not performing what he meant
And gladly would have done,
The frighted steed he frighted more,
And made him faster run,

Away went Gilpin, and away

Went post-boy at his heels,
The post-boy's horse right glad to miss
The lumb'ring of the wheels.
Sxgratlemen upon the road,
Thus seeing Gilpin fly,

With post-boy scamp'ring in the rear,
They rais'd the hue and cry;

him the note to make it up; to which our hero readily consented, and the note was delivered," But now, ," said the gentleman, "if we should return without fighting, our companions will laugh at us, therefore let us give each other a slight scratch, and say we wounded each other,"-" With all my heart" said Weston; "come, I'll wound you first," so drawing his sword, he thrust it through the fleshy part of his antagonist's arm, till he brought the tears into his eyes. This being done, and the wound tied up with a hankerchief, “Come," said the gentleman, "where shall I wound you?" Weston, putting himself in a posture of defence, replied," where you can, sir."

(past cure.)

Comus proclaims aloud his wife's a w
Alas! good Comus! what can we do more?
Were thou no cuckold we could make thee one,
But, being so, we cannot make thee none,

THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER.

A FAIR BARGAIN.

66

my

REASON FOR GETTING DRUNK.

day." So for fear I should miss it, I'm drunk every

Á gentleman, once advertising for a coachman, Says my lord to his cook, "You son of a punk, ad a great number of applicants. One of them How comes it I see you, thus, every day drunk? he approved of; and told him, if his character Physicians, they say, once a month do allow nswered, he would take him on the terms which A man, for his health, to get drunk as a sow." "That is right," quoth the cook, "but the day "But," said be, hey had agreed upon. it they don't say, good fellow, as I am rather a particular man, ay be proper to inform you, that every evening, after the business of the stable is done, I shall Expect you to come to my house for a quarter of hour to attend family prayers. To this, I appose, you can have no objection."-"Why, as s that, sir," replied the fellow, "I do not see much to say against it; but I hope you'll consider in my wages."

A DIALOGUE.

M. Get along, Sir-I hate you; that's flat.

Let me go then-Lord bless me !-be quietIf you won't keep your hands off-take that ;D'ye think I came here to a riot?

Sir?

N. Why, madam,-how now? Do you scratch
In short, Miss, I won't bear this usage-
You're a little unthinking cross-patch-
And yet you're of Miss I know who's age.
Of this, or of that Miss's age,
What business have fellows with me,
yourself into ne'er such a rage,
care not three skips of a flea, Sir,
Lord, madam, I hope no offence ;-
My words seldom bear any meaning:
des, you're a lady of sense,
And anger would scorn to be seen in
Bach rudeness would ruffle a saint;
wish you could learn to be civil.—
One kiss, and I will, I'll maintain't-
M. Well! sure you're an impudent devil.
ere now you are satisfied?-N. No:

What again!-how can folks be so teasing,
While your lips so much sweetness bestow,
ngth can do nothing displeasing.

NEGRO CANDOUR.

A negro in the island of St. Christopher had so cruel a master that he dreaded the sight of him. After exercising much tyranny among his slaves, the planter died, and left his son heir to his estates. Some short time after his death, a gentleman meeting the negro, asked him how his "I suppose," says he, young master behaved. he's a chip of the old block ?”—“ No, no,' says the negro," Massa be all block himself." AMERICAN ADVERTISEMENT EXTRAORDINARY.

Ran away from his wife and helpless family, on Friday last, John Spriggs, by trade a tailor, aged thirty-five; has a wide mouth, zig-zag teeth, a nose of high-burned brick-blue with a lofty bridge, swivel-eyed, and a scar (not an honourable one) on his left cheek. He primes and loads (that is, takes snuff and tobacco); and is so loquacious that he tires every one in company but himself. In order that he may entrap the sinner and the saint, he carries a pack of cards in one pocket, and the Practice of Piety in the other. He is a great liar, and can varnish falsehood with a great deal of art. Had on, when he went away, a three-cocked hat, which probably he has since changed to a round one, with a blue body-coat, rather on the fade. He was seen in Bennington on Saturday last, disguised in a clean shirt.

THE LOYAL PAIR.

"I'll list for a soldier," says Robin to Sue, To avoid these eternal disputes !"—

66

Aye, aye," cries the termagant," do, Robin, do 1 "I'll raise, the mean while, fresh recruits,"

HUMOURS OF A CLUB.

Sir Geoffrey Notch, who is the oldest of the club, has been in possession of the right-hand chair time out of mind, and is the only man among us that has the liberty of stirring the fire. This our foreman is a gentleman of an ancient family, that came to a great estate some years before he had discretion, and ran it out in hounds, horses, and cock-fighting; for which reason he looks upon himself as an honest, worthy gentleman, who has had misfortunes in the world, and calls every thriving man a pitiful upstart.

because they see I am something respected by others; though, at the same time, I noderstand by their behaviour, that I am considered by them a a man of a great deal of learning, but no know ledge of the world; insomuch, that the Maj sometimes, in the height of his military pride calls me the philosopher: and Sir Geoffrey, longer ago than last night, upon a dispute wh day of the month it was then in Holland, pull his pipe out of his mouth, and cried, "What do the scholar say to it?"

Our club meets precisely at six of the o'clock the evening; but I did not come last night on Major Matchlock is the next senior, who served half-an-hour after seven, by which means I in the last civil wars, and has all the battles by caped the battle of Naseby, which the Ma heart. He does not think any action in Europe usually begins at about three-quarters after › worth talking of since the fight of Marston I found also, that my good friend, the Bench Moor; and every night tells us of his having been knocked off his horse at the rising of the London apprentices; for which he is in great

esteem among us

had already spent three of his distichs; and o waited an opportunity to hear a sermon spo of, that he might introduce the couplet w "a stick" rhimes to "ecclesiastic." At my trauce into the room, they were naming a petticoat and a cloak, by which I found tha Bencher had been diverting them with a sto Jack Ogle.

Honest old Dick Reptile is the third of our society. He is a good-natured indolent man, who speaks little himself, but laughs at our jokes; and brings his young nephew along with him, a youth of eighteen years old, to shew him good I had no sooner taken my seat, but Sir company, and give him a taste of the world. frey, to shew his good-will towards me, ga This young fellow sits generally silent; but a pipe of his own tobacco, and stirred up the whenever he opens his mouth, or laughs at any thing that passes, he is constantly told by his uncle, after a jocular manner, "Ay, ay, Jack, you young men think us fools; but we old men know you are."

The greatest wit of our company, next to myself, is a bencher of the neighbouring inn, who in his youth frequented the ordinaries about Charing Cross, and pretends to have been intimate with Jack Ogle. He has about ten distichs of Hudibras without book, and never leaves the club until he has applied them all. If any modern wit be mentioned, or any town frolic spoken of, he shakes his head at the dulness of the present age, and tells us a story of Jack Ogle,

For my own part, I am esteemed among them,

I look upon it as a point of morality, obliged by those who endeavour to oblig and, therefore, in requital for his kindness, set the conversation a-going, I took the best sion I could to put him upon telling us the of old Gantlett, which he always does wit particular concern. He traced up his desc both sides for several generations, describ diet and manner of life, with his several and particularly that in which he fell Gantlett was a game-cock, upon whose he knight, in his youth, had won five hundred and lost two thousand. This naturally Major upon the account of Edgehill fig ended in a duel of Jack Ogle's.

Old Reptile was extremely attentive to

way said, though it was the same he had heard | As oft on Gadshill we have ta’en our stand, very night for these twenty years, and upon all When 'twas so dark you could not see your hand, ccasions winked upon his nephew to mind what Some true-bred Falstaff we may hope to start, assed. Who, when well bolster'd, well wili play his part;