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Stop thief! stop thief! a highwayman 1 Not one of them was mute;

And all and each that pass'd that way Did join in the pursuit.

And now the turnpike gates again Flew open in short space:

The toll-men thinking, as before, That Gilpin rode a race.

And so he did, and won it too,
For he got first to Town,

Nor stopp'd till where he first got up
He did again get down.

Now let us sing, long live the king, And Gilpin, long live he:

And when he next doth ride abroad, May I be there to see :


Weston the actor having borrowed, on note, five pounds, and failing in payment, the gentleman who had lent the money mentioned it in a public coffee-house, which caused Weston to send him a challenge. When in the field, the gentleman, being a little tender in point of courage, offered him the note to make it up ; to which our hero readily consented, and the note was delivered, “But now,” said the gentleman, “if we should return without fighting, our companions will laugh at us, therefore let us give each other a slight scratch, and say we wounded each other,”—“With all my heart” said Weston ; “come, I'll wound you first,” so drawing his sword, he thrust it through the fleshy part of his antagonist's arm, till he brought the tears into his eyes. This being done, and the wound tied up with a hankerchief, “Come,” said the gentleman, “where shall I wound you ?” Weston, putting himself in a posture of defence, replied, “where you can, sir.”

(PAst cURE.)

Comus proclaims aloud his wife's a w-f

Alas! good Comus ! what can we do more?

were thou no cuckold we could make thee one,

But, being so, we *: make thce none,


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A witness in the Court of King's Bench being cross-examined by Mr. Garrow, was asked if he was not a fortune-teller. “I am not,” answered the witness; “but if every one had his due, I should have no difficulty in telling your fortune.” —“Well, fellow,” says Mr. Garrow, “pray what is to be my fortune?”—“Why, sir,” rejoined the witness, “I understand you made your jirst speech at the Old Bailey, and I think it is probable that you will make your last speech there.” Lord Kenyon told the witness, angrily, “That he would commit him.”—“I hope,” answered he, “your lordship will not cominityourself.”

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The Miser's MANsion.

See, sir, see, here's the grand approach; This way is for his grace's coach: There lies the bridge, and here's the clock Observe the lion and the cock, The spacious court, the colonnade, And mark how wide the hall is made The chimnies are so well design'd, They never sunoke in any wind. The gallery’s contriv'd for walking; The windows, to retire and talk in ; The council-chamber for debate, And all the rest are rooms of state.— Thanks, sir, cried I; 'tis very fine But where d'ye sleep, or where d'yc dine? I find, by all you have been telling, This is a house, but not a dicelling.

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A gentleman, once advertising for a coachman, had a great number of applicants. One of them he approved of ; and told him, if his character answered, he would take him on the terms which they had agreed upon. “But,” said he, “my food fellow, as I am rather a particular man, it may be proper to inform you, that every evening, after the business of the stable is done, I shall expect you to come to my house for a quarter of an hour to attend family prayers. To this, I suppose, you can have no objection.”—“Why, as to that, sir,” replied the fellow, “I do not see much to say against it; but I hope you'll consider it in my rages.”

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Says my lord to his cook, “You son of a punk, ,
How comes it I see you, thus, every day drunk 2
Physicians, they say, once a month do allow
A man, for his health, to get drunk as a sow.”
“That is right,” quoth the cook, “but the day

they don't say, So for fear I should miss it, I’m drunk every


Negito CANdou Re A negro in the island of St. Christopher had so

cruel a master that he dreaded the sight of him. After exercising much tyranny among his slaves, the planter died, and left his son heir to his estates. Some short time after his death, a gentleman meeting the negro, asked him how his young master behaved. “I suppose,” says he, “he's a chip of the old block "-" No, no,” says the negro, “Massa be all block himself.”

AMERICAN ADVEl{TIs EMENT ExTRA or DiNARY. Ran away from his wife and helpless family. on Friday last, John Spriggs, by trade a tailor, aged thirty-five; has a wide mouth, zig-zag teeth, a nose of high-burned brick-blue with a lofty bridge, swivel-eyed, and a scar (not an honourable one) on his left cheek. He primes and loads (that is, takes snuff and tobacco); and is so loquacious that he tires every one in company but himself. In order that he may entrap the sinner and the saint, he carries a pack of cards in one pocket, and the Practice of Piety in the other. He is a great liar, and can varnish falsehood with a great deal of art. Had on, when he went away, a three-cocked hat, which probably he has since changed to a round one, with a blue body-coat, rather on the fade. He was seen in Bennington on Saturday last, disguised in a clean shirt.

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Sir Geoffrey Notch, who is the oldest of the club, has been in possession of the right-hand chair time out of mind, and is the only man among us that has the liberty of stirring the fire, This our foreman is a gentleman of an ancient family, that came to a great estate some years before he had discretion, and ran it out in hounds, horses, and cock-fighting for which, reason he looks upon himself as an honest, worthy gentle; man, who has had misfortunes in the world, and calls every thriving man a pitiful upstart. Major Matchlock is the next senior, who served in the last civil wars, and has all the battles by heart. He does not think any action in Europe worth talking of since the fight of Marston Moor; and every night tells us of his having been knocked off his horse at the rising of the London apprentices; for which he is in great esteem among us Honest old Dick Reptile is the third of our society. He is a good-natured indolent man, who speaks little himself, but laughs at our jokes; and brings his young nephew along with him, a youth of eighteen years old, to shew him good company, and give him a taste of the world. This young fellow , sits generally silent; but whenever he opens his mouth, or laughs at any thing that passes, he is constantly told by his uncle, after a jocular manner, “Ay, ay, Jack, you young men think us fools; but we old men know you are.” The greatest wit of our company, next to myself, is a bencher of the neighbouring inn, who in his youth frequented the ordinaries , about Charing-Cross, and pretends to have been intimate with Jack Ogle. He has about ten distichs of Hudibras without book, and never leaves the club until he has applied them all. If any modern wit be mentioned, or any town frolic spoken of, he shakes his head at the dulness of the present age, and tells us a story of Jack Ogle. For my own part, I am esteemed among them,

because they see I am something respected by others; though, at the same time, I understand by their behaviour, that I am considered by them as a man of a great deal of learning, but no knowledge of the world ; insomuch, that the Major sometimes, in the height of his military pride, calls me the philosopher: and Sir Geoffrey, no longer ago than last night, upon a dispute what day of the month it was then in Holland, pulled his pipe out of his mouth, and cried, “What does the scholar say to it?” Our club meets precisely at six of the o'clock in the evening; but I did not come last night outd half-an-hour after seven, by which means I cocaped the battle of Naseby, which the Manor usually begins at about three-quarters after sixI found also, that my good friend, the Bencher, had already spent three of his distichs; and onto waited an opportunity to hear a sermon spokes of, that he might introduce the couplet wher. “a stick” rhimes to “ecclesiastic.” At my en trance into the room, they were naming a re. petticoat and a cloak, by which I found that th Bencher had been diverting them with a story, Jack Ogle. I had no sooner taken my seat, but Sir Geo frey, to shew his good-will towards inc, gave a pipe of his own tobacco, and stirred up the E. I look upon it as a point of morality, to obliged by those who endeavour, to oblige = and, therefore, in requital for his kindness, and set the conversation a-going, I took the best --sion I could to put him upon telling us the st of old Gantlett, which he always does with , particular concern. He traced up his descen: both sides for several generations, describing diet and manner of life, with his several so and particularly that in which he fell Gantlett was a game-cock, upon whose head knight, in his youth, had won five hundred Peo and lost two thousand. This naturall --Major upon the account of Edgehill fishi. ended in a duel of Jack Ogle's. stat. Old Reptile was extremely attentive to all was said, though it was the same he had heard every night for these twenty years, and upon all occasions winked upon his nephew to mind what pa-sed. This may suffice to give the world a taste of our innocent conversation, which we spun out until about ten of the clock, when my maid came

with a lattern to light me home. *

Reduction of YEARS.

The author of the following receipt asserts, that it will reduce a man of sixty to the appearance of fifty at least : Close shaving (if a black complexion) two years ; false hair, one ; powder, one; a new set of artificial teeth, two; a clean hirt, one; some two; false eye-brows, one; false calves, one; corns pared, and thin shoes, **.

'aologue, spokeN by BARRINGTON, The pickpocker, on opening the the ATRE At sibney, botANY BAY.

from distant climes o'er wide-spread seas we corne, *o not with much eclat or beat of drum; e patriots all, for be it understood, r left our country for our country’s good ; private views disgrac'd our generous zeal, urg'd our travels, was our country's weal; none will doubt, but that our emigration prov'd most useful to the British nation. you enquire what could our breasts inflame this new fashion for theatric fame * in the practice of our former days d-hape our talents to exhibit plays patience, sirs, some observations made, 11 grant us equal to the scenic trade. who to midnight ladders is no stranger, ‘ll own will make an admirable Ranger. Matheath we have not far to roain. sure in Fitch I shall be quite at home :

ali'd there, none will dispute my claim pre-eminence and exalted fame.

As oft on Gadshill we have ta'en our stand,
When 'twas so dark you could not see your hand,
Some true-bred Falstaff we may hope to start,
Who, when well bolster'd, well will play his
The scene to vary, we shall try in time
To treat you with a little pantomime;
Here light and easy columbines are found,
And well-tried harlequins with us abound:
From durance vile our precious selves to keep,
We often had recourse to a flying-leap !
To a black face have sometimes owed a 'scape,
And Hounslow-Heath has prov'd the worth of
But how, you ask, can we e'er hope to soar
Above these scenes, and rise to tragic lore ?
Too oft, alas! we forc’d the unwilling tear,
And petrified the heart with real fear !
Macbeth a harvest of applause will reap,
For some of us, I fear, have murder'd siecp !
His lady too, with grace will sleep and talk ;
Our females have been us’d at night to walk.
Sometimes, indeed, so various is our art,
An actor may improve and mend his part.
“Give me a horse!” bawls Richard like a drone;
We'll find a man would help himself to one.
Grant us your favour, put us to the test,
To raise your smiles we'll do our very best;
And without dread of future turnkey Lockits.
Thus, in an honest way, still pick your pockets.

EPITAPH ON A MARSHAL of THE KING's BENCH. Some years since there was a Marshal of the King's Bench whose name was Thomas, that became extremely obnoxious to the prisoners; one of them, on some occasion or other, spread a report of his death, which gave rise to the following epitaph :— Beneath this stone lies Marshal Thomas. He's gone: ’tis well; We thank thee, Hell, For taking such a rascal from us.

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