Abbildungen der Seite

with the greatest familiarity, reposes himself on a couch, and fancies himself at home. The master ~ of the house at last comes in, Menalcas rises to receive him, and desires him to sit down ; he talks, muses, and then talks again. The gentleman of the house is tired and amazed ; Menalcas is no less so, but is every moment in hopes that his impertinent guest will at last end his tedious visit. Night comes on, when Menalcas is hardly undeceived. When he is playing at backgammon, he calls for a full glass of wine and water; it is his turn to throw ; he has the box in one hand, and his glass in the other, and being extremely dry, and unwilling to lose time, he swallows down both the dice, and at the same time throws his wine into the tables. He writes a letter and flings the sand into the ink-bottle; he writes a second, and mistakes the superscription; a nobleman receives one of them, and upon opening it reads as follows: “I would have you, honest Jack, immediately upon the receipt of this, take in hay enough to serve me the winter.” His farmer receives the other, and is amazed to see in it, “My Lord, I received your Grace's commands with an entire submission to—” If he is at an entertainment, you may see the pieces of bread continually multiplying round his plate ; it is true the rest of the company want it, as well as their knives and forks, which Menalcas does not let them keep long. Sometimes in a morning he puts his whole family in a hurry, and at last goes out without being able to stay for his coach or dinner, and for that day you may see him in every part of the town, except the very place where he had appointed to be upon a business of importance. You would often take him for every thing that he is not; for a fellow quite stupid, for he hears nothing ; for a fool, for he talks to himself, and has a hundred grimaces and motions with his head, which are altogether involuntary 5 for a proud man, for he looks full upon you, and takes no notice of your saluting him ; the truth of it is, his eyes are open, but he makes no use of them,

and neither sees you, nor any man, nor any thint else; he came once from his country-house, and his own footmen undertook to rob him, and succeeded ; they held a flambeau to his throat, and bad him deliver his purse; he did so, and coming home told his friends he had been robbed ; they desired to know the particulars, “Ask my servants,” said Menalcas, “for they were with me." BRUY rar.

the sui TOR.

Lucas, with ragged coat, attends
My lord's levee; and, as he bends,
The gaping wounds expose to view
All else beneath as ragged too.
But hark the peer: “My friends, to-day
By great affairs I'm call'd away;
Attend to-morrow at this hour,
Your suits shall claim lay utmost pow'r,"
The crowd, retiring, thanks exprest,
Save Lucas, who, behind the rest,
Desponding loiter'd, cries my lord,
“Why, Lucas, do you doubt my word **
No, sir, 'tis too well understood–
To-morrow !”—Here his garb he view" d.
Alas ! my lord can I be inute 2
To-inorrow 1 shall have no suit.”


A theatrical manager, one evening when I band was playing an overture, went up to horn players, and asked why they were not *** ing. They said they had twenty bars "r, “ Rest to says he, “I’ll have no rest in my -pany, I pay you for playing not for resting.” APPROPRIATE PRESENTs.

On the City of London presentio Keppel with the freedoun in a box of ...?. and Lord Rodney in a gold box : -

Each admiral's defective part,
Satiric cits, you’ve told :

The wealthy Keppel wanted heart t

The gallant Rodney, gold,

[ocr errors][merged small][merged small][merged small][ocr errors][ocr errors][ocr errors][merged small][merged small][merged small]

janty limp is the present beauty.

fore them. Lady Dainty is convinced, that it is necessary for a gentlewoman to be out of order; and to preserve that character, she dines every day in her closet at twelve, that she may become her table at two, and be unable to eat in public. About five years ago, I remeinber it was the fashion to be short-sighted. A man would not own an acquaintance until he had first examined. him with his glass. At a lady’s entrance into the playhouse, you might see tubes immediately levelled at her from every quarter of the pit and side-boxes. However, that mode of infirmity is out, and the age has recovered its sight; but the blind seem to be succeeded by the lame, and a I think I have formerly observed, a cane is part of the dress of a prig, and always worn upon a button, for fear he should be thought to have an occasion for it, or be esteemed really, and not genteelly a cripple. I have considered but could never find out the bottom of this vanity. I indeed have heard of a Gascon general, who, by the lucky grazing of a bullet on the roll of his stocking, took occasion to halt all his life after. But as for our peaceable cripples, I know no foundation for their behaviour, without it may be supposed that in this warlike age, some think a cane the next honour to a wooden leg. This sort of affectation I have known run from one limb or member to another. Before the Limpers came in, I remember a race of Lispers, fine persons, who took an aversion to particular letters in our language; some never uttered the letter H, and others had as mortal an aversion to S. Others have had their fashionable defect in their ears, and would make you repeat all you said twice over. I know an ancient friend of mine, whose table is every day surrounded with flatterers, that makes use of this, sometimes as a piece of grandeur, and at others as an art, to make them repeat their commendations. Such affectations have been indeed in the world in ancient times; but they fell into them out of politic ends. Alexander the Great had a wry neck, which made it the fashion in his court to carry their heads on one side when they carne into the presence. One who titought to outshine the whole court, carried his head so over-compiaisantly, that this martial prince gave him so great a box on the ear, as set all the heads of the court upright.


This humour takes place in our minds as well as bodies. I know at this time a young gentleman, who talks atheistically all day in coffeehouses, and in his degrees of understanding sets up for a freethinker; though it can be proved upon him, he says his prayers every morning and *vening.

Of the like turn nre all your marriage-haters, who rail at the noose, at the words, “ for ever and aye,” and at the same tide are secretly pining for some young thing or other that makes their hearts ache by her refusal. The next to these, are such as pretend to govern their wives, and boast how ill they use them ; when, at the same time, go to their houses, and you shall see them step as if they feared making a noise, and arc as fond as an alderman. I do not know, but sometimes these pretences may arise from a desire to conceal a contrary defect than they set up for. I remember, when I was a young fellow, we had a companion of a very fearful complexion, who, when we sat in to drink, would desire us to take his sword frum him when he grew fuddled, for it was his misfortune to be quarrelsome.

As the desire of faune in men of true wit and gallantry shews itself in proper instances, the same desire in men who have the ambition without proper faculties, runs wild, and discovers itself in a thousand extravagances, by which they would signalize themselves from others, and gain a set of admirers When I was a middle-aged man, there were many societies of ambitious young men in England, who, in their pursuits aster fame, were every night employed in roasting porters, smoking cobblers. knocking down watchmen, overturning coustables, breaking windows, blackening sign-posts, and the like immortal ente; prizcs.

A low ICE to Loverts. Pool Hal caught his death, standing under a spout, Expecting till midnight when Nan would coue out 3ut fatal his patience, as cruel the dame, And curs'd was the weather that quench'd the man's flame.

Whoe'er thou art tilat read'st these moral rhymes, Make love at hone, and go to bed betimes.

Cop Y OF A LETTER OF APPLICATION PROM 1 shoe MAker's wife, To A custom Elt of H ER DECEAs fed utosbAND. Madam,_My husband is dead, but that is nothing at all; for Thomas Wild, our journeyman, will keep doing for me the same as he did before, and he can work a great deal better than he did. poor man, at the last, as I have experience of. because of his age and ailment; so I hope for your ladyship's custom. From your humble wer. want, ANN R—s.” THE BISHOP AND THE PEASANT. A German clown, at work in his field, seek his bishop pass by, attended by a train be corner a peer, he could not forbear laughing, and that. loud, that the reverend gentleman asked the 1-, son of it. The clown answered ; –“ I laugh to I think of St. Peter and St. Paul, and so-o- you such an equipage.”—“How is that *" said the shop.–" Do you ask how " said the fell, “They were ill-advised to walk alone on r, throughout the world, when they were the ...-, of the Christian church, and lieutennnts of 3 * Christ, the king of king: ; and thou, who art .. our bishop, go so well mounted, as to have .... train of Hectors, that thou resemblest more s of the realm, than a pastor of the chor rei, - . this his reverence replied, “But, my frien.: . dost not consider that I nm both a count baron, as well as thy bishop.” . The rustic is more than before ; and the bishop askio. R. reason of it, he answered, “Sir, when in "T and the baron, which you say yon cre, hell, where will the bishop be?”

[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]
[merged small][ocr errors]

“Such pig for me; why, man alive,
Ne'er from this moment hope to thrive ;
Think you for this I preach and pray
Hence 1 bring me better tythes, I say.”
Hodge heard, and, tho’ by nature warm,
Replied, “kind sir, I meant no harm;
Since what I proster you refuse,
The stye is open, pick and chuse.”
Pleas'd with the offer, in he goes—
His heart with exultation glows;
He rolls his eye, his lips he licks,
And scarce can tell on which to fix ;
At length he cries, “Heaven save the king !
This rogue in black is just the thing !
Hence shall I gain a rich regale !”
Nor more, but seiz'd it by the tail.
Loud squeak"d the pig; the sow was near—
The piercing sound assail'd her ear;
Eager to save her darling young,
Fierce on the bending priest she sprung;
Full in the mire his reverence cast,
Then seiz'd his breech and held him fast
The parson roar'd, surpris’d to find
A foe so desperate close behind;
On Hodge, on Madge, he calls for aid,
Hut both were deaf to all he said.
The scene a numerous circle draws,
Who hail the sow with loud applause:
Pleas'd they beheld his rev'rence writhe,
And swore 'twas fairly tythe for tythe.
“Tythe 1” cried the parson, “Tythe, d'ye say.
See here—one half is rent away s”
The case, ’tis true, was most forlorn ;
His gown, his wig, his breech was torn;
And, what the mildest priest might ruffle,
The pig was lost amidst the scuffle.
“Give, give me which you please,” he cried ;
“Nay, pick and choose,” still Hodge replied.
“Choose ! honest friend ; alas ! but how
Heaven shield me from your murdering sow.
When tythes invite, in spite of foes,
I dare take Satan by the nose!
Like Theseus, o'er the Styx I’d venture;
But who that dreadful stye would enter t

PRoofs of insANITY.

In a cause respecting a will, evidence was

RIGid ECONOMY. The steward of the Duke of Guise representis

given to prove the testatrix (an apothecary’s wife) to him the necessity there was of more econom a lunatic; and, amongst many other things, it in his household, gave him a list of many perso

was deposed that she had swept a quantity of pots, phials, lotions, potions, &c. into the streets, as rubbish. “I doubt,” said the learned judge. “whether sweeping physic into the street be any proof of insanity.”—“True, my lord,” replied the counsel; “ but sweeping the pots away certainly was.” losto thuklow's Religion.

Mr. Tierney once observed of Lord Thurlow, who was much given to swearing and parsimony, that he was a rigid disciplinarian in his religion. for that in his house it was passion-week in the parlour, and lent in the kitchen, all the year round.


An eminent director of fireworks being in company with some ladies, was highly cominending the epitaph in the abbey on Mr. Purcell's monument“He is gone to that place where only his own Ilarmony can be exceeded.” “. Lord, sir,” said one of the ladies, “the same epitaph might serve for you, by altering a single word— “He is gone to that place where only his own Fire-works can be exceeded.”


Of those who time so ill support,
The calculation's wrong ;
Else, why is life accounted short,
While days appear so long
By action 'tis we life enjoy;
In idleness we're dead ;
The soul's a fire will self destroy,
If not with fuel fed. Voltaire.

- found fault with his return, and desired

whose attendance was superduous. The duk after reading it, said—“it is very true that 1 a do without all these people, but have you ask

theim if they can do without me :"

[blocks in formation]
[merged small][ocr errors][merged small][ocr errors]

Horne Tooke is said to have given in his r under the property-tax, as having an inces only sixty pounds a year. Being. in a quence, summoned before the comini-sion.-r-, explain how he could live in the style to with so small an income t he replied, --, had much more reasan to be dissatisfied on smallness of his incoinc than they had = the their enquiry, there were three who s i. people contrived to live above their . namely, by bogging, borrotting, and ste -t

he left it to their sagacity, which of these . he employed,

« ZurückWeiter »