« ZurückWeiter »
with the greatest familiarity, reposes himself on a couch, and fancies himself at home. The master of the house at last comes in, Menalcas rises to receive him, and desires him to sit down ; he talks, muses, and then talks again. The gentleman of the house is tired and amazed ; Menalcas is no less so, but is every moment in hopes that his impertinent guest will at last end his tedious visit. Night comes on, when Menalcas is hardly undeceived. When he is playing at backgammon, he calls for a full glass of wine and water; it is his turn to throw ; he has the box in one hand, and his glass in the other, and being extremely dry, and unwilling to lose time, he swallows down both the dice, and at the same time throws his wine into the tables. He writes a letter and flings the sand into the ink-bottle; he writes a second, and mistakes the superscription ; a nobleman receives one of them, and upon opening it reads as follows: “I would have you, honest Jack, immediately upon the receipt of this, take in hay enough to serve me the winter.” His farmer receives the other, and is amazed to see in it, “My Lord, I received your Grace's commands with an entire submission to—” If he is at an entertainment, you may see the pieces of bread continually multiplying round his plate ; it is true the rest of the company want it, as well as their knives and forks, which Menalcas does not let them keep long. Sometimes in a morning he puts his whole family in a hurry, and at last goes out without being able to stay for his coach or dinner, and for that day you may see him in every part of the town, except the very place where he had appointed to be upon a business of importance. You would often take him for every thing that he is not ; for a fellow quite stupid, for he hears nothing ; for a fool, for he talks to himself, and has a hundred grimaces and motions with his head, which are altogether involuntary ; for a proud man, for he looks full upon you, and takes no notice of your saluting him ; the truth of it is, his eyes are open, but he makes no use of them,
Now if this passied pair should neet,
Impell'd by common sneers, li tither, or if both were shot, Pray who the devil cares 2 * Arrect Attox. *A had as the world Is, I find by very strict ob*vation upon virtue and vice, that if men apred no worse than they really are, I should * less work than at present I am obliged to ornake for their reformation. They have geto taken up a kind of inverted ambition, sorrt even faults and imperfections of which are innocent. The first of this order of men the Wal-tudinarians, who are never in health; complain of want of stomach or rest every day il Lvon, and then devour all which comes be
fore them. Lady Dainty is convinced, that it is necessary for a gentlewoman to be out of order; and to preserve that character, she dines every day in her closet at twelve, that she may become her table at two, and be unable to eat in public. About five years ago, I remember it was the fashion to be short-sighted. A man would not own an acquaintance until he had first examined him with his glass. At a lady’s entrance into the playhouse, you might see tubes immediately levelled at her from every quarter of the pit and side-boxes. However, that mode of infirmity is out, and the age has recovered its sight; but the blind seem to be succeeded by the lame, and a
janty limp is the present beauty. I think I have
formerly observed, a cane is part of the dress of a prig, and always worn upon a button, for fear he should be thought to have an occasion for it, or be esteemed really, and not genteelly a cripple. I have considered but could never find out the bottom of this vanity. I indeed have heard of a Gascon general, who, by the lucky grazing of a bullet on the roll of his stocking, took occasion to halt all his life after. But as for our peaceable cripples, I know no foundation for their behaviour, without it may be supposed that in this warlike age, some think a cane the next honour to a wooden leg. This sort of affectation I have known run from one limb or member to another. Before the Limpers came in, I remember a race of Lispers, fine persons, who took an aversion to particular letters in our language; some never uttered the letter H; and others had as mortal an aversion to S. Others have had their fashionable defect in their ears, and would make you repeat all you said twice over. I know an ancient friend of mine, whose table is every day surrounded with flatterers, that makes use of this, sometimes as a piece of grandeur, and at others as an art, to make them repeat their commendations. Such affectations have been indeed in the world in ancient times; but they fell into them out of politic ends. Alexander the Great had a wry neck, which unade it the fashion in his court the Single-speech PAR Rot.
There is an eastern story of a person who taught his parrot to repeat only the words, “What doubt is there of that *** He carried it to the market for sale, fixing the price at 100 rupees. A mogul asked the parrot, “Are you worth 100 rupees 2" The parrot answered, “What doubt is there of that?” The mogul was delighted, and bought the bird. He soon found out that this was all it could say. Ashamed now of his bargain, he said to himself, “I was a fool to buy this bird.” The parrot exclaimed as usual, “What doubt is there of that "?
the ONLY CONQUEST.
A facetious abbé, having engaged a box at the Opera-house, at Paris, was turned out of his possession by a mareschal, as remarkable for his ungentlemanlike behaviour, as for his cowardice and meanness. The abbé, for this unjustifiable breach of good-manners, brought his action in a court of honour, and solicited permission to be his own advocate, which was granted. When the day of trial arrived, he pleaded to the following effect: “'Tis not of Monsieur Suffrein, who acted so nobly in the East shqies—it is not of the Duke de Crebillon, who took Minorca—it is not of the Comte de Grasse, who so bravely fought Lord Rodney, that I complain; but it is of Mareschal , who took my box at the opera-house, and never took any thing else.” This stroke of satire so sensibly convinced the court, that he had already inflicted sufficient punishment, that they refused to grant him a verdict.
EPITAPH ON CAPTAIN JAMES.
Tread softly, mortal; o'er the bones
exempi, ARY - LIBERA Lity
Marshal Willars, upon the death of the Duke Me Vendôme, in the reign of Louis the XIVth, was made Governor of Provence in Isis ruomi and when he went to take possession of his new tovernment, the deputies of the province made hua the usual present of a purse full of louis d'ors, but the person who had the honour to present it, said to him, “Here, my lord, is such another purse as that we gave to the Duke de Vendôme, when, like you, he came to be onr governor; but the prince, after accepting of it as a testimony of our regard, very generously returned it.”—“ Ah." said Marshal Villars, putting the purse into him pocket,.'" M. Vendône was a most surprists man ; he has not left his fellow behind.”
An English officer being quartered in a smal town in Ireland, he and his lady were regular besieged as they got into their carriage, by an ol beggar-woman, who kept her post at the door. sailing them daily with fresh importunities. The charity and patience became exhausted ; not the petitioner's perseverance. One morning, a oratrix began—“Oh, my lady! success to , , ladyship, and success to your honour's hour, this morning, of all the days in the years for . did I not dream last night that her ladyship me a pound of tea, and your honour gave . pound of tobacco.”—“But, my good wores, said the general, “don’t you know that dr. go by the rule of contrary "–“ Do they so so joined the old woman, “then it must monas your honour will give me the tea, and her ship the tobacco.”
A GREAT composer.
Dormouse esteems it wond’rous ndd.
A good character.
Lord Mansfield had discharged a coachman wholn he suspected of having embezzled his corn ; a short time afterwards he received a letter from a merchaut in the city, requesting a character of the dismissed servant: his lordship accordingly wrote an answer, that he was a very sober man, and an excellent coachman, hut that he believed he had cheated him. Some time after this, going to Caen-wood, his lordship met his old coachman, who accosted him, expressing himself glad to see him in such good health, and thanked him for the character he had given him, in consequence of which he had got an excellent place.— “Your lordship,” he said, “has been pieased to say I was a sober man, and a good coachman, but that you believed I had cheated you; my master observed, that if I answered the iwo first descriptions, the last he thought little of, for he did
not think the devil himself could cheat your lordship.”
SCARce Articles in A RePUBLIC.
George the First of England having frequently experienced the rapacity of the Dutch at Helvoetsluys, was, in one of his journeys, determined to avoid it by not stopping there. It was a fine summer's day ; and while the servants were changing the horses, and stowing his baggage in the coach, he stopped at the door of the principal inn, and asked for three fresh eggs; which having eaten, he enquired what he had to pay for them. “Two hundred florins,” was the reply. “How !” cried the astonished monarch, “why so eggs are not scarce at Helvoetsluys.”—“No,” replied the landlord, “but kings are.”
to Dublin, ere I'll ride to Chester.
By Jove 'twould have made him mad.
Proofs of insANITY.
In a cause respecting a will, evidence was given to prove the testatrix (an apothecary's wife)
The steward of the Duke of Guise representing him the necessity there was of more economy
a lunatic; and, amongst many other things, it in his household, gave him a list of many peon
was deposed that she had swept a quantity of whose attendance was superduous.
pots, phials, lotions, potions, &c. into the streets, after reading it, said–" it is very true that 1 on as rubbish. “ I doubt,” said the learned judge. do without all these people, but have you asks:
them if they can do without me i” Universities.
No wonder that Oxford and Cambridge profound
On a lady's entering the assembly-room York, Sterne asked her name: he was told it a Mrs. Hobson ; on which he said, “ he had wo heard of Hobson's choice, but he never saw before.”
sixt N AND GRIEF.
Thy nags (the leanest things alive),
Horne Tooke is said to have given in his = under the property-tax, as having an inceonly sixty pounds a year. Being, in , quence, summon cd before the comunissioner
- found fault with his return, and dc sired
explain how he could live in the style = with so small an income: he replied. -- . had much more reason to be dissatis Ged -smallness of his incoinc than they had = the their enquiry, there were three wins - R people contrived to live above to ir namely, by bogging, borrorcing, and stee he left it to their sagacity, which of thosehe employed,