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written was blank from offences. I thanked him for the suggestion. “But, no,” I whispered to him, “there is more comeliness in a naked fault than in the best attired lie in the world ; so I'll even let it stand naked as its mother Eve, who was the first weak creature that took the other fig.” And here the Devil chuckled; for he recollected the good fortune that fell into the first trap he baited with sin, and was not disappointed that he had set one in vain for me. - I have never forgotten this little incident of any incidental life; it has served to check me, when I have coveted that which I did not want. And now, when l learn that soune one, always famous for his covetousness, has at last been detected in some slagrant dereliction from honesty, I do not wonder at it; for I attribute it” to a long unrestrained habit of taking the other fig. When I am told that a great gourmand of my acquaintance has died over his dessert table, I am not surprised, for I have myself noticed that he always would eat the other sig. When I hear that a man, once celebrated for the expensiveness of his living, and luxuriousness of his table, now wants a common plain dinner, I say, “It is a pity, but he always would have the other fig on the table.” When I see a sensible man daily and nightly staggering through the streets in drunken forgetfulness of himself and of the divine property of his being, and degrading the god-like uprightness of man to the grov, lling attitude of the brute, I sigh and say, “ This fellow, too, cannot refrain from the other fig.” When I look on the miserable miser, who, possessed of gold and land, yet lives without money or house, using not the one as it should alone be used, and enjoying not the other as it should be enjoyed, in all comfort and convenience ; and when I see that, though having more than he will use, he covets more, that he may still have more than he can use, I scorn him as a robber of the poor, not to make himself richer than they, but
poorer, and more thankless and comfortless, and say, “This poor rich wretch must grasp at the other fig.” When I hear of some wealthy veteran trader with the four quarters of the wide world, venturing forth again from his ark of safety, and home of his cla age, on his promised last voyage, and never returning to it, but perishing through the peril of the way, I cannot but pity the Insia who could not lay up in the safer harbour of home, because he still craved after the other fig. When I behold some swaggering, heavy-pursed gamester enter one of those temples, where Fortune snatches the golden offerings from the altars of her blind fools, to fling them at the feet of her knaves that see, and look at him issuing from thence without a “beggarly denier” to bless him with a dinner, I cannot help pitying him, that he should risk the fortune he had, for the other fig, which he has not. When I see some mighty conqueror of unen, having many thrones under his dominion, and many sceptres in his hand, struggling for other thrones and sceptres, and one after one losing those he held and commanded, in his rapncius, eagerness to snatch at and mount to those he would have, I cannot pity him if he loses so many fig, to possess the other fig. When I behold a rich merchant made poor by the extravagance and boldness of his trade specislations, when, if he could have been content with the wealth he had, he might have lived summiuously, and died rich, I cannot help thinking it a pity that he could not be content without the othr to. When I hear that a rich man has done a paltry action for the sake of soune petty penny-setting gain, I scorn him that he should so much covet the other fig. When I see a man already high in rank, and more ennobled by descent than desert, critoring and stooping to a little dispenser's heels fursue,
new honour, which is but a new disgrace where It is undeserved, it is difficult not to despise him, though even so honoured, who will so degrade himself for the sake of the other fig. the SiNGLE-SPEECH PAR Rot.
When I behold an old man panting and chasing after that pretty, fluttering, light-winged butterfly, beauty, and perhaps panting and toiling after her in vain, or, if he comes up with her, gets nothing of her but her scorn, I cannot but laugh to see the old man make himself so ridiculous for the sake of the other fig.
And, to conclude, when I see the detected thief dragged in fetters to the dungeons of durance, I think to myself. “Ay, this is one of the probable consequences of a wilful indulgence in the other fig.
The devil outwitted. A Tale.
A Vicar liv'd on this side Trent,
At christenings and each jovial feast, He singled out the sinful beast: Let all his pointed arrows fly, Told this and that, look'd very sly, ; And left my masters to apply. His tales were humorous, often true, And now and then set off to view With lucky fictions and sheer wit, That pierc'd, where truth could never hit # The laugh was always on his side, While passive fools by turns deride; And, giggling thus at one another, Each jeering lout reform'd his brother; Till the whole parish was with ease Sham’d into virtue by degrees: Them be advis'd, and try a tale, When Chrysostom and Austin fail. elwes the Miser. One very dark night, Mr. Elwes, hurrying along the street, ran with such violence against the pole of a sedan-chair, that he cut both his legs very deeply. Colonel Timms, at whose house he was, insisted on an apothecary being sent for, with which Mr. Elwes reluctantly complied. The apothecary, on his arrival, began to expatiate on the dangerous consequences of breaking the skin, the peculiar had appearance of the wounds, and the good fortune of his being sent for. “Very probably,” said old. Elwes, “but, in my opinion, my legs are not much hurt; now you think they are— so I will make this agreement ; I will take one leg, and you shall take the other ; y on siall do what you please to yours, and I shall do nothing to mine ; and I’ll wager you your bill that my leg gets well the first.” He used to boast that he
There is an eastern story of a person who taught his parrot to repeat only the words, “What doubt is there of that *** He carried it to the market for sale, fixing the price at 100 rupees. A mogul asked the parrot, “Are you worth 100 rupees #" The parrot answered, “What doubt is there of that?” The mogul was delighted, and bought the bird. He soon found out that this was all it could say. Ashamed now of his bargain, he said to himself, “I was a fool to buy this bird.” The parrot exclaimed as usual, “What doubt is there of that r"?
The ONLY conquest.
A facetious abbé, having engaged a box at the Opera-house, at Paris, was turned out of his possession by a mareschal, as remarkable for his ungentlemanlike behaviour, as for his cowardice and meanness. The abbé, for this unjustifiable breach of good-manners, brought his action in a court of honour, and solicited permission to be his own advocate, which was granted. When the day of trial arrived, he pleaded to the following effect: “'Tis not of Monsieur Suffrein, who acted so nobly in the East sidies—it is not of the Duke de Crebillon, who took Minorca—it is not of the Comte de Grasse, who so bravely fought Lord Rodncy, that I complain; but it is of Mareschal , who took my box at the opera-house, and never took any thing else.” This stroke of satire so sensibly convinced the court, that he had already inflicted sufficient punishment, that they refused to grant him a verdict.
EPITAPH ON CAPTAIN JAMES.
Tread softly, mortal; o'er the bones
exempi. ARY - Liberal.lty
Marshal Willars, upon the death of the fluke he Vendôme, in the reign of Louis the XIVth, was made Governor of Provence in his ruorn; and when he went to take possession of his new go.-vernment, the deputies of the province made him the usual present of a purse full of louis d'ors, but the person who had the honour to present it, said to him, “Here, my lord, is such another purse as that we gave to the Duke de Vendôme, when, like you, he came to be our governor; but the prince, after accepting of it as a testimony of our regard, very generously returned it.”—“Ah.” said Marshal Villars, putting the purse into his pocket, “ M. Vendône was a most surprising man ; he has not left his fellow behind.”
An English officer being quartered in a small town in Ireland, he and his lady were regularly besieged as they got into their carriage, by an old beggar-woman, who kept her post at the door, assailing them daily with fresh importunities. Their charity and patience became exhausted ; not so the petitioner's perseverance. One morning, our oratrix began—“Oh, my lady success to yout ladyship, and success to your honour's honour, this morning, of all the days in the year; for sure did I not dream last night that her ladyship gave me a pound of tea, and your honour gave me a pound of tobacco.”—“But, my good woman." said the general, “don’t you know that drease go by the rule of contrary "—“Do they so "rejoined the old woman, “ then it must maan, that your honour will give me the tea, and her ladyship the tobacco.”
A Great composer.
A Miracle enhanced.
A painter intending to describe the miracle of the fishes listening to the preaching of St. Anthony of Padun, painted the lobsters stretching out of the water red; having probably never seem them in their native state. Being questioned on this, and **-d how he could justify his representing the looter, as boited, he extricated himself by observirr, "that the miracle tras the greater.”
the stad E-COACH.
Resolv'd to visit a far distant friend, A porter to the Bull-and-gate, I send, And bid the slave at all events engage some place or other in the Chester stage; The slave returns—its done as soon as said– Yuur honour's sure when once the money's paid ; My brother whip, impatient of delay, Pet- to at three, and swears he cannot stay : Four distnal hours ere the break of day. Rea.’d from sound sleep, thrice call'd at length I ti-eYawning, stretch out my arms, half clos'd my eyes, or -teps and lanthorn, enter the machine, *** take my place, now cordially between T** aged matrons of excessive bulk, ** me to the matter too, of meaner folk; ** it in tike mode, jamm'd in on t'other side * ***.x captain, and a fair one, ride ; ***h as fair, and in whose lap a boy—— our plague eternal, and her only joy: **t, the glorious number to complete, rys in my landlord for that bodkin seat; ** room by ev'ry hillock, rut, and stone, * earh other's face by turns we're thrown ; * graduam scolds, that coughs, and Captain -- ears. **tar one screams, and has a thousand fears; ** our plump landlord, trained in other lore, **bers at ease, nor yet asham'd to snore; *4 master Dicky, in his mother's lap, **ning brings up at once three meals of pap ; *** company next time I do protest, sir, * * *aik to Dublin, ere I'll ride to Chester.
A good character.
Lord Mansfield had discharged a coachman wholn he suspected of having embezzled his corn ; a short time afterwards he received a letter from a merchaut in the city, requesting a character of the dismissed servant: his lordship accordingly wrote an answer, that he was a very sober man, and an excellent coachman, hut that he believed he had cheated him. Some time after this, going to Caen-wood, his lordship met his old coachman, who accosted him, expressing himself glad to see him in such good health, and thanked him for the character he had given him, in consequence of which he had got an excellent place.— “Your lordship,” he said, “has been pleased to say I was a sober man, and a good coachman, but that you believed I had cheated you; my master observed, that if I answered the two first descriptions, the last he thought little of, for he did not think the devil himself could cheat your lordship.”
ScArce Articles in A Republic.
George the First of England having frequently experienced the rapacity of the Dutch at Helvoetsluys, was, in one of his journeys, determined to avoid it by not stopping there. It was a fine summer's day i and while the servants were changing the horses, and stowing his baggage in the coach, he stopped at the door of the principal inn, and asked for three fresh eggs; which having eaten, he enquired what he had to pay for them. “Two hundred florins,” was the reply. “How !” cried the astonished monarch, “why so eggs are not scarce at Helvoetsluys.”—“No,” replied the landlord, “but kings are.”
Horne Tooke is said to have given in his vo under the property-tax, as having an incon only sixty pounds a year. Being, in c. quence, summon cd before the conteissioners found fault with his return, and desired h explain how he could live in the style be with so small an income t he replied, “ to had much more reasan to be dissat is fied wo smallness of his income than they liad - that their enquiry, there were three whys in people contrived to live above their or namely, by bogging, borroring, and stee on he left it to their sagacity, which of these in he employed,