ECONOMY Garrick was supping with Foote at a tavern, when the latter dropped a guinea, with which he was going to pay the waiter, and it rolled out of sight. "Where the deuce," said Foote, "can it be gone to?"-" Gone to the devil, I suppose,' cried Garrick. "Well, well, David," observed Foote, "you're always what I said you were, contriving to make a guinea go farther than any other man."

HOLY RELICS.

Horace Walpole thus describes some relics exhibited" in a small hovel of Capucius," at Radicofani, which were brought from Jerusalem by the king; " other things of great sanctity, there among is a set of gnashing teeth, the grinders very entire; a bit of the worm that never dies, preserved in spirits; a crow of St. Peter's cock, very useful against Easter; the crisping and curling, frizzling and frowning of Mary Magdalen's hair, which she cut off on growing devout. The good man that showed us all these commodities, was got into such a train of calling them the blessed this, and the blessed that, that at last he showed us the blessed fig-tree, that Christ cursed.

ON A YOUNG LADY WITH GREY HAIRS. Marked by extremes, Susannan's beauty bears Life's opposites--youth's blossom and grey hairs-Meet signs for one, in whom, combined, are seen Wisdom's ripe fruit, and roses of fifteen

IMPROMPTU,

A FAMILIAR TALE. Bubb Doddington was very lethargic. Fall asleep one day after dinner with Sir Richar Temple and Lord Cobham the general, the la reproached Doddington with his drowsior Doddington denied having been asleep; and prove he had not, offered to repeat all Lord Co ham had been saying. Cobham challenged t to do so. Doddington repeated a story; = Lord Cobham owned he had been telling Well," ," said Doddington, "and yet I did hear a word of it: but I went to sleep beca knew that about this time of day you tell that story."

I

A PRINTER'S WIDOW.

This daily publishing the weeds of woe,
Announces to my eye, as pica plain,
A dear romantic duodecimo,

Unbound, and going into sheets again,

ADVANTAGES Of Gibbets. Two highwaymen were crossing Houns heath, when one of them observed agat Curse those gibbets," said he, "if it were for them, ours would be the best trade i world."" You are a fool," cried the

there's nothing better for us than gibbets were it not for them, every person would turni wayman, and we should be ruined.”

PUNNING FLATTERY,

"What

One day when Sir Isaac Heard was with O III. it was announced that his majesty's hors ready for hunting. Sir Isaac," said the "are you a judge of horses?" In my o days, please your majesty," was the repl was a great deal among them,' think of this, then?" said the king, who this time preparing to mount his favourie without waiting for an answer, added, "W him Perfection."—“A most appropriate replied the courtly herald, bowing as his That the nation's asleep, and the Minister Rock-reached the saddle, “for he bears the bed

On Lord Rockingham's becoming minister during our disputes with America, when a declaratory bill was brought into the House of Commons, which was judged to be too tame a measure by the adverse party.

You had better declare, which you may, without shocking 'em,

AN ANATOMICAL EPITAPH ON AN INVALID.
Here lies a bead that often ach'd;
Here lie two hands that always shak'd;
Here lies a brain of old conceit;
Here lies a heart that often beat;
Here le two eyes that daily wept,
And in the night but seldom slept;
Here lies a tongue that whining talk'd;
Here lie two feet that feebly walk'd;
Here lie the midriff and the breast,
With loads of indigestion prest;
Here lies the liver, full of bile,
That ne'er secreted proper chyle;
Here lie the bowels, human tripes,
Torter'd with wind, and twisting gripes;
Here lies the livid dab, the spleen,
The source of life's sad tragic scene;
That left-side weight, that clogs the blood,
And stagnates nature's circling flood;
Here lie the nerves, so often twitch'd
With painful cramps and poignant stitch;
Here lies the back, oft rackt with pains,
Corroding kidneys, loins, and reins;
Here lies the skin by scurvy fed,
With pimples and eruptions red"
Here lies the man, from top to toe,
That fabric fram'd for pain and woe.

ner one evening treated to the gallery all the devils of the printing-office, that they might hiss Foote off the stage. Faulkner placed himself in the pit, to enjoy the actor's degradation, but when the objectionable scene came on, the unfortunate printer was excessively chagrined to find, that so far from a groan or a hiss being heard, his gallery" friends partook of the laugh. The next morning he inveighed against them for having neglected his injunctions, and on demanding some reason for their treachery," Arrah, master," said the spokesman, "do we not know you?-sure 'twas your own swate self that was on the stage; and shower light upon us, if we go to the play-house to hiss our worthy master."

Wilkes once observed to Lord Townshend :"You, my lord, are the handsomest man in the kingdom, and I the plainest; but I would give your lordship half-an-hour's start, and yet come up with you in the affections of any woman we both wished to win; because, all those attentions which you would omit, on the score of your fine exterior, I should be obliged to pay, owing to the deficiencies of mine.

An old gentleman riding over Putney-bridge, turned round to his servant, and said," Do you versation ended. The same gentleman, riding like eggs, Jolin?"-"Yes, sir." Here the conover the same bridge that day twelvemonth, again turned round and said, how?" Poached, sir," was the answer.

An officer being wounded by a musket-ball at When Foole was acting in Dublin, he intro- the siege of La Rochelle, the surgeon who first "Can you, Aed into one of his pieces the character of dressed the wound declared that it was very danFakter, the printer, whose manners and dress gerous, for he could see the brain. 1 closely imitated, that the poor fellow could indeed?" said he," do me the favour then to take appear in public, without meeting with scolls out a little of it, and send it in a linen rag to the fers from the very boys in the streets. En- Cardinal de Richelieu, who has told me a hundred od at the ridicule thas brought upon him, Faulk-times a day that I have none."

DESCRIPTION OF GEORGE III.

but if ye'll no object to the method, I would say that ye guess right, sir, and that I come from the By sunrise on Sunday morning, Wylie was brush-shire of Ayr." ing the early dew in the little park at Windsor, to "Ah, shire of Ayr! a fine country that good taste the freshness of the morning gale, or, as he farming there-no smuggling now among you, himself better expressed it, to take a snuff of caller eh ?-No excisemen shooting lords now ?-Bad air. On stepping over a style, he saw close before game, bad game. Poor Lord Eglinton had a trae bim a stout and tall elderly man, in a plain blue taste for agriculture; the country, I have heard, coat, with scarlet cuffs and collar, which at first he owes him much.-Still improving? Nothing like took for a livery. There was something, how-it-the war needs men—corn is our dragon's teetä ever, in the air of the wearer, which convinced-potatoes do as well in Ireland, eh ?** him that he could not be a servant; and an ivory- The humour of this sally tickled our hero as beaded cane virled with gold, which he carried in well as the author of it, and they both laughed a sort of negligent poking manner, led him to con- themselves into greater intimacy. "Well; bui clude that he was either an old officer, or one of Sir," said Andrew," as I am only a stranger here. the poor knights of Windsor; for he had added to I would like to ask you a question or two about his learning, in the course of the preceding even- the king, just as to what sort of a man he really ing, a knowledge of the existence of this appen-is; for we can place no sort of dependence o dage to the noble Order of the Garter. "This," newspapers or history-books, in matters anent said the embryo courtier to himself, “is just the rulers and men of government.”—“ What! like verra thing that I hae been seeking. I'll mak up Sir Robert Walpole, not believe history? Scote to this decent carl; for nae doubt he's well ac- men very cautious." But the old gentleman addquaint with a' about the king;" and he stepped ed in a graver accent, "The king is not so good alertly forward But before he had advanced as some say to him he is; nor is he so bad many paces, the old gentleman turned round, and others say of him. But I know that he has con seeing a stranger, stopped; and looking at him scientiously endeavoured to do his duty; and the for two or three seconds, said to himself, loud best men can do no more, be their trusts high o enough, however, to be heard, "Strange man,-low." don't know him,- don't know him," and then he "That, I believe, we a' in general think; ever paused till our hero had come up. the blacknebs never dispute his honesty, thoug "Gude-day, sir," said Wylie, as he approach-they undervalue his talents. But what I wish ed; "ye're early a-fit on the Sabbath morning; but I'm thinking his majesty, honest man, sets you a' bere an example of sobriety and early rising." "Scotsman, eh!" said the old gentleman; "fine morning, fine morning, sir,-weather "Ha!" said the stranger, briskly, relapsis warmer here than with you? What part of Scot-into his wonted freedom, "very particular, ve land do you come from? How do you like Wind- particular, indeed. What reason, friend, have y sor? Come to see the king, eh?" And loudly to be so particular?-Must have some; peop he made the echoes ring with his laughter. never so without a reason,'

The enator was a little at a loss which question to answer first; but delighted with the hearty freedom of the salutation, jocularly said "It's no easy to answer so many questions all at once;

know and understand, is no wi' regard to h kingly faculties, but as to his familiar ways an behaviour, the things in which he is like the gen. rality of the world."

"Surely, sir, its a very natural curiosity fer subject to inquire what sort of a man the se reign is, whom he has sworn to honour and obe and to bear true allegiance to with hand and heaca

"True, true, true;" exclaimed the old gentle- of the fancy.-What's your name ?"

man,

Land

The old

just remark.-Come on business to Eng- gentleman looked sharply; but in a moment his What business?" countenance resumed its wonted open cheerfulness, "My chief business, in truth, sir, at present and he said, "So you are in Parliament, eh ?—İ here is, to see and learn something about the have a seat there too.-Don't often go, however. King. I have no other turn in hand at this time." Perhaps may see you there.-Good-bye, good"Turn, torn," cried the stranger, perplexed.-bye." "What turn? Would place the king on your lathe, eh?"

"Ye'll excuse my freedom, sir," said Andrew, somewhat rebuked by the air and manner in which his new acquaintance separated from him; "but if you are not better engaged, I would be glad if we could breakfast together."-" Can't, can't," cried the old gentleman, shortly, as he walked away; but turning half round after he had walked two or three paces, he added, " obliged to breakfast with the king-he won't without me;" and a loud and mirthful laugh gave notice to all the surrounding echoes that a light and pleased spirit claimed their blithest responses.

THE INCURIOUS BENCHER.

Our hero did not well know what to make of his quick and versatile companion; and while the old gentleman was laughing at the jocular turn which he had himself given to the Scotticism, he said, "I'm thinking, friend, ye're commanded not to speak with strangers anent his majesty's conduct, for ye blink the question, as they say in Parliament."" Parliament - Been there How do you like it?-Much cry and little wool among them, eh?"-" Ye say Gude's truth, sir; and I wish they would make their speeches as short and pithy as the king's. I'm told his majesty has a very gracious and pleasant delivery," At Jenny Mann's, where heroes meet, replied our hero, pawkily; and the stranger, not And lay their laurels at her feet; beeding his drift, said with simplicity, It was The modern Pallas, at whose shrine a thought when he was young; but he is now an They bow, and by whose aid they dine, old man, and not what I have known him."-"I Colonel Brocade, among the rest, suppose,” replied our hero," that you have been Was every day a welcome guest. long in his service."-" Yes, I am one of his One night, as carelessly he stood, sidest servants.-Ever since I could help myself," was the answer, with a sly smile, "I may say I kave been his servant."-" And I dinna doubt," replied the senator," that you have had an easy

Clearing his reins before the fire, (So every true-born Briton should) Like that he chaf'd, and fum'd, with ire. Jenny," ," said he," 'tis very hard “I have certainly obeyed his will," cried That no man's honour can be spar'd; the stranger, in a lively laughing tone; but chang- If I but sup with Lady Duchess, leg into a graver he added, "But what may be Or play a game at ombre, such is By reward, at least in this world, it is for you The malice of the world, 'tis said, others to judge."-"I'm mista'en, then, if it Although his Grace lay drunk in bed, fold to be liberal," replied Andrew;" for ye 'Twas I that caus'd his aching head. framan of discretion, and doubtless merit the If Madam Doodle would be witty, peye have so long possessed. May be some day And I am summoned to the city," Parliament, I may call this conversation to mind To play at blind-man's-buff, or so, for your behoof. The king canna gang far wrang What won't such hellish malice do? Me lang at he keeps counsel with such douce and If I but catch her in a corner

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prudent-like men, even though ye hae a bit flight | Humph-'tis your servant, Colonel Horner;