anw," said he, "What times are these, when beg-coach overturned, and, asking what the matter Cars must be choosers! I say, bring this fellow a was, he was told that three or four members of overturned coach. parliament were in that mag of strong beer." "Oh," says he, "there let them be, my father always advised me not to meddle with state affairs."

PROOF OF AUTHORITY.

A gentleman speaking to his servant, said, "I Selieve I command more than any man; for before my servant will obey me in any thing, I must command him ten times over."

A COWARD'S WOUNDS.

ROAD TO HEAVEN.

Well,

A charitable divine, for the benefit of the country where he resided, commenced a large causeway, and as he was one day overlooking the A soldier was boasting before Julius Cæsar of work, a certain nobleman passed by, the wounds he had received in his face; Cæsar doctor," said he, "notwithstanding your pains knowing him to be a coward, told him he had best and charity, I don't take this to be the highway take care the next time he ran away, how he look-to heaven."-" Very true, my lord," replied the ed back. doctor, "for if it had, I should have wondered to meet your lordship here."

BAD COMPANY.

The deputies of Rochelle attending to speak Henry the Fourth of France, met with a phy-parish." en who had renounced the Protestant religion, 21 embraced the popish communion, whom they

to revile most grievously. The king hearfit, told the deputies, he advised them to age their religion too. For it is a dangerous rpion," said be," that your religion is not g-bred, when a physician has given it over."

"Died insolvent!" cries another, that's a lie, for he died in England, I am sure, I was at his burying."

PARTNERSHIP.

A countryman having bought a barn in partnership with a neighbour, neglected to make the least use of it, whilst the other had plentifully stored his with corn and hay. In a little time the latter came to him and expostulated with him A countryman passing along the Strand, saw a about laying out his money so fruitlessly. "Pray,

PARLIAMENTARY BUSINESS.

neighbour," says he, never trouble your head, you may do what you will with your part of the barn, but I will set mine on fire."

THE BOAR'S HEAD TAVERN.

or they have furnished examples of hair-braine prowess, which I have neither the opportunity so the inclinatiou to follow. But old Jack Falstadi kind Jack Falstaff! sweet Jack Falstaff has en larged the boundaries of human enjoyment; b As I honour all established usages of my bre-has added vast regions of wit and good humou thren of the quill, I thought it but proper to con- in which the poorest man may revel; and has be tribute my mite of homage to the memory of queated a never-failing inheritance of jolly laugh Shakspeare, our illustrious bard. I was for some ter, to make mankind merrier to the latest poste time, however, sorely puzzled in what way I should rity. discharge this duty. I found myself anticipated

A thought suddenly struck me; "I will mak in every attempt at a new reading. Every doubt-a pilgrimage to Eastcheap," said I, closing th ful line had been explained a dozen different ways, book," and see if the old Boar's Head Tavern stil and perplexed beyond the reach of elucidation; exists. Who knows but I may light upon sow and, as to fine passages, they had been amply legendary traces of Dame Quickly and her guests praised by previous admirers; nay, so completely at any rate, there will be a kindred pleasure had the bard of late been overlarded with pane-treading the halls once vocal with their mirth, t gyric by a great German critic, that it was diffi- that the toper enjoys in smelling the empty eas cult now to find even a fault that had not been once filled with generous wine." argued into a beauty.

The resolution was no sooner formed than pu in execution. I forbear to treat of the various ad ventures and wonders I encountered in my travels of the haunted regions of Cock-lane; of the fade glories of Little Britain and the parts adjacent what perils I ran at Cateaton-street and Old Jew ry; of the renowned Guildhall and its two stunte giants, the pride and wonder of the city, and th terror of all unlucky urchins; and how I visite London Stone, and struck my staff upon it, in im tation of that arch-rebel, Jack Cade. Let it suffic to say, that I at length arrived in merry Eastcheap that ancient region of wit and wassail, where th very names of the streets relished of good chee For my part, I love to give myself up to the as Pudding-lane bears testimony even at the pro illusions of poetry. A hero of fiction, that never sent day. For Eastcheap, says old Stow, “w: existed, is just as valuable to me as a hero of his-always famous for its convivial doings. The cook tory that existed a thousand years since; and, if I may be excused such an insensibility to the conmon ties of human nature, I would not give up fat Jack for half the great men of ancient chronicle. What have the heroes of yore done for me, or men like me? They have conquered countries, of which I do not enjoy an acre; or they have gained laurels of which I do not inherit a leaf;

In this perplexity, I was one morning turning over his pages, when I casually opened upon the comic scenes of Henry IV., and was, in a moment, completely lost in the madcap revelry of the Boar's Head Tavern. So vividly and naturally are these scenes of humour depicted, and with such force and consistency are the characters sustained, that they become mingled up in the mind with the facts and personages of real life. To few readers does it occur, that these are all ideal creations of a poet's brain, and that, in sober truth, no such knot of merry roysters ever enlivened the dull neighbourhood of Eastcheap.

cried hot ribbes of beef rosted, pies well bake and other victuels; there was clattering of pewt pots, harpe, pipe, and sawtrie." Alas! how sad! is the scene changed since the roaring days of Fa staff and old Stow! the madcap royster has giv place to the plodding tradesman; the clatteri of pots, and the sound of "harpe and sawtrie," the din of carts and the accursed dinging of th

dustman's bell; and no song is heard, save, haply, the strain of some syren from Billingsgate, chaunting the eulogy of deceased mackarel.

I sought in vain for the ancient dwelling of Dame Quickly. The only relic of it is a boar's head, carved in relief, in stone, which formerly rved as the sign; but, at present, is built into the parting line of two houses, which stand on the site. of the renowned old tavern.

He stopped the chaise-“ Gemmen," says he, " I tains and bewailed her virginity." And a reve

"Yes, all-quick, quick!" replied the rogue, 68 your gold!

THE MISER.

rend dean, who published a sermon for the benef of the poor clergy in a provincial diocese, proper ly enough selected the following:-" Set on the great pot and seeth pottage for the sous of th prophets."

NAVAL PUN.

A gentleman enquiring of a naval officer wh sailors generally take off their shirts when goin into action, was answered, "that they were u

willing to have any check to fighting,"

PROFESSIONAL DUTIES MUST BE PERFORME

An attorney presenting a copy of a writ to : Make haste your watches too must be unfobb'd; auctioneer apologised for his unfriendly visit, Or d― my buttons, sirs, but you'll be robb`d !''' | he was merely performing an unpleasant duty his profession. "Certainly not," said the au tioneer, "you must attend to the duties of yo A miser, who had carefully deposited his darl-profession and so must I to mine ;" and instant ing treasure under a hedge, one day found that knocked him down. the hoard was gone. His cries and lamentations attracted several persons, and an unfeeling wag remarked," it was very surprising the old gentleman should lose his money, as it was put into the bank."

APPROPRIATE TEXTS.

THE CROWN.

A country sculptor was once ordered to engra on a tombstone the following words: "A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband But the stone being small he engraved on it, "A virtuous woman is 5s, to her husband."

A MAGISTRATE NO SAILOR.

Some of our reverend gentlemen, who are denominated popular preachers, display great ingenuity in their choice of suitable texts. At an anniversary sermon before the Chelsea pensioners, a disA sailor who had been making a riot, course was a few days since delivered from the taken before a justice, who ordered him to f following apposite text:-" Remember thy Crea- bail. "I have no bail," said Jack. "Then tor in the days of thy youth, before the evil days commit you," said the justice. "You will come, and the days in which thou shalt say, I have said the sailor," then the Lord send you the r no pleasure in them." A gentleman, who preached that stops the wind when the ship's at anchor. a sermon before the society for recovering person Why," said Jack, "it's the hanging rope at "What do you mean by that?" said the just apparently drowned; selected the following:"Trouble not yourselves about him, for he is not dead." For a wedding sermon preached a short time since, at a country town in Shropshire, a reverend gentleman took part of the story of Jepthah's daughter:-" And she went upon the moun

yard-arm."

ON CHARACTERS.

When death puts out our flame the snuff will te
If we were wax or tallow by the smell.

THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER.

Two gentlemen were disputing at a coffee-house upon the best mode of cooking a beef-steak, and enumerating the different processes for bringing it to table in the highest perfection. Mr. Wewitzer observed, that of all the methods of cooking a beef-steak, he thought Shakespeare's recipe the shortest and the best. Upon being asked "said for an explanation. "Why, gentlemen,' Wewitzer," it is this:

A friend overtaking Shuter one day in the street, mid to him, "Why, Ned, are you not ashamed to walk the streets with twenty holes in your stockings? why don't you get them mended?"-"No," my friend," said Ned, “I am above it; and if you have the pride of a gentleman, you will act Ble me, and walk with twenty holes rather than lave one darn."—" How," replied the other, How do you make that out?"-"Why," re plied Ned," a hole is the accident of the day but darn is premeditated poverty."