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mother, both of whom were extremely ill. “Yes,” said the general, “ honour your’ father and your mother, that your days may be long.”

Pope's v ErAcity.

Pope Alexander VIth. used to say, when re minded of promises he never intended to perform, “It is true I did make a promise, but I did not take an oath to keep it.”

on AN UCLY OLD WOMAN.

Whilst in the dark on thy soft hand I hung,
And heard the tempting Syren in thy tongue ;
What flames, what darts, what anguish I endur'd '
But when the candle enter’d, I was cur’d.

Roy AL REGULATION.

When George the Second was once told by some of his considential friends, that every thing was complained of, and that the people were extremely dissatisfied at the tardiness of making the public payments, he, in great wrath, sent for the Duke of Newcastle, his prime-minister, and told him he would no longer suffer such infamous delays, but was determined to inspect and regulate the accounts himself; and for this purpose he commanded that the proper papers should be immediately sent to St. James’s. “They shall be sent to your majesty to-morrow ;” replied the duke. When the king rose in the morning, and hooked out of his window, he saw two waggon-loads of papers, each tied with red tape, unloading in the area. Fnquiring what they were, he was told they came from the Duke of Newcastle; to whom he sent to know what it meant. “They are the papers for examination,” said the duke; “twelve more waggons-load for your majesty's inspection shall be sent in the course of the day.”—“ For my inspection 1’’ replied the enraged monarch ; “ for my inspection the devil's chief clerk may inspect

them, but I would as soon walk barefooted to Jerusalem.”

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In a storm at sea, the chaplain asked o crew, if he thought there was any danger yes,” replied the sailor; “if it blows as has it does now, we shall all be in heaven before t * o'clock at night.” The chaplain terrified expression, cried out, “ The Lord forbid."

the of

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o ANticipAtion.

A nabob, in a severe fit of the gout, told his physician he suffered the pains of the damned. The doctor coolly answered, “What, already.”

MAtri Moni Ali, CoNcord.

Who says that Giles and Joan at discord be
Th' observing neighbours no such mood can see.,
Indeed, poor Giles repents he married ever ;
But that his Joan doth too. And Giles would never
By his free will be in Joan's company;
No more would Joan he should. Giles rises early,
And having got him out of doors is glad ;
The like is Joan. But turning home is sad;
—And so is Joan. Oft-times, when Giles doth see
Harsh sights at home, Giles wisheth blind were he;
All this doth Joan. Or that his long-yarn’d life
Were quite outspun the like icish hath his wife.
The children that he keeps, Giles swears are none
Of his begetting; and so swears his Joan.
In all affections she concurreth still.
If now, with man and wife, to will and nill
The self-same things, a note of concord be,
I know no couple better can agree,

BEN Jonson.

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their lord was not well, and could see no compar that day. “But tell him,” said Lacy, " I unu see him, for I come to him from the Lord God

which being told the chief-justice, he ordered b to be called in, and asked him his business. come,” said he, “from the Lord, who has sent to thee, and would have thee grant a noli prose for John Atkins, who is his servant, and wh thou hast cast into prison.”—“Thou art a fa prophet,” answered Holt, “and a lying kna, if the Lord had sent thee, it would have been the attorney-general, for he knows that it is

in my power to grant a noli pro-equi.”

pine HAIR. _The lovely hair that Galla wears Is her's—Who could have thought it * She swears 'tis her's; and true she swears, For I know where she bought it.

SYCOPHAnt scum.

A courtier one day coming out of the Hous Lords, accosted a nobleman with, “How your pot boil, my lord, in these trouble times ** To which the other replied, “I nev into my kitchen ; but I dare say the scu uppermost.” PUR cell's PUNs.

Daniel Purcell, the famous punster, and a f of his going to a tavern, found the door shut. knocked at it, when one of the drawers 1, through a little wicket, and asked what would please to have “Why open your d said Daniel, “and draw us a pint of wine.” drawer said, “his master would not allow that day, for it was a fast-day.”—“ D–t master,” replied Purcell, “for a precise cor is he not contented to fast himself, but he make his doors fast too !"

The same gentleman calling for some pi a tavern, complained that they were too, the drawer said they had no other, and thos, but just come in. “Ay,” said Danic: , .. your master has not bought them very tons." The same gentleman was desired one night in tompany, to make a pun extempore. “Upon what subject "said Daniel, “The king,” answered the other. “O ! Sir,” said he, “ the king is so subject.” iRish LAW.

An Irish lawyer had a client of his own country, who was a sailor. During his absence at sea, his wife had married again, and he was rerolved to prosecute her; coming to advise with this counsellor, he was told that he must have witaeses to prove that he was alive when his wife married again. “ Arrah, by my shoul, but that will be impossible,” said the other ; “for my shipmates are all gone to sea again upon a long voyage, and will not return this twelvemonth.”— “Oh! then,” answered the lawyer, “there can be nothing done in it; and what a pity it is that such a brave cause should be lost now, only benause you cannot prove yourself to be alive.”

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A mayor of Yarmouth being by his office a justice of the peace, and one who was willing to though he could hardly read, procured the statute-book, where finding a law against firing a beacon, or causing any beacon to be fired after nine at night ; the sapient mayor read it, frying bacon, or causing any bacon to be fried. Accordingly he went out the next night on the scent, and being directed by his nose to a car. rier's house, he found the man and his wife both frying bacon, the husband holding the pan, while the wife turned it : being thus caught in the fact, and having nothing to say for themselves, his worship committed them both to gaol to abide the

dispense the laws wisely,

consequence of the offence. AN old PROVERB.

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the courtier, “what I look like, but this I know, that I have had the honour several times to repre

THE POOR SCHOLAR.

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Tom Thynne, who was celebrated for housekeeping and hospitality, was stand day at his gate in the country, when a

came up to him, and begged his worshi give him a mug of his simall brer. ** VW

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