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Heredwells strong Conviction, of Logic the glory, "honus'd with precision a posteriori, It promotes circulation, and thrills through each vein, The faculties quickens, and purges the brain. "hatever disorders prevail in the blood, The Birch can correct them, like guaiacum wood. ** *-rious its juice is, so sweet are its twigs, ibat at Sheffield we call them the Walkley-bank figs. As the fam'd rod of Circe to brutes would change then, * the twigs of the Birch can unbrute them again. Like the rod of the Sybil, that branch of pure rold, To twicz can the gate of Egysium unfold ; That Elysium of learning, where pleasures abound, These fruits that still flourish on classical ground. Thre is such be its virtues, we'll bow to the tree, Aad Birch, like the Muses, immortal shall be.
bearing down upon the Spanish fleet, whether he had reckoned the number of the enemy “No,” replied the captain, “it will be time enough to do that, when we have made then strike.”
PURCHA Si NG A HUSBAND.
A country girl, desirous of matrimony, received from her mistress a present of a five-pound banknote for her marriage-portion. Her mistress wished to see the object of Susan's favour; and a very diminutive fellow, swarthy as a Moor, and ugly as an ape, made his appearance. “Ah, Susan,” said her mistress, “what a strange choice you have made l’”—“ Ln, ma'am,” said Susan, “ in such hard times as these, when almost all the tall fellows are gone for soldiers, what more of a man than this can you expect for a five-pound note ***
Magistrate—“Did she strike you first?” Husband.—“No, your worship, but if you’ll please to hear my tale. you shall know all about it first, if you’ll please to hear me, you must know that I is of a very hot temper, and she’s plaguy hot well as I; well, so you know, says I to her yan morning, Bessy, my lass, we'll split our disturbances, t'ane of us shall be maister yan year, and t'other of next year, in regular succension : well, please your worship, she agreed to this regularment, and she been t maister all t’ last year; the time you know, that her time expired was last Friday four months. Well, your worship, of Friday four month's I told you that I was ganning to be’t maister; well, do you know, your worship, she took to law into her own hands, and said she'd be felled if she would’nt remain maister for 1'next year ; so I has put up with the degradation till last Friday–trer’nt it that day, Bessy " wife.—“Till last Friday.” Husband.—“Well, and then as how I thought ('law wad authorize me to boist her, as she had la’en t” law into her hands. (Much laughter.) Magistrate.—“Woman, what have you to sny to this ingenuous defence f" -- Please, your worship, I know I'se guilty of the alledgement he has lain again me; ise sorry for what I’ve done! I hope as that you'll forgive me this time, and I'll try him (pointing to her husband) till he misbehaves himself again.” The magistrate then advised her in future to let Iler husband he the master, and, after making mutual promises to kiss and be friends, they retired.
Justi Fi CATION.
A dog y.ng open-mouthed at a serjeant mpon a march, he ran the spear of his halbert into his thront and killed him. The owner was quite indignant that his dog was killed, and asked the serjeant why he could not as well have struck at nun with the blunt end of his halbert : “So I would,” said he, “if he had run at me with his tail.”
A veteran, at the battle of Trafalgar, who wo actively employed at one of the guns, having hi. leg shot of below the knee. observed to an officer “That's but a shilling touch ; an inch higher no I should have had my cighteen-pence for it s” o' luding to the scale of persions allowed for wounds The same man, as they were lifting him on a bro ther tar's shoulders, said to one of hi friends “ Bob, take a look for my leg, and give me to silver buckle out of my shoe : I’ll do as much fa you, please God, some other time.”
In a village in Picardy, a farmer's wife, aste long sickness, fell into a lethargy. Her husbao, was willing, good man, to believe her out of pain and so, according to the custom of that country she was wrapped in a sheet, and carried " to be buried. But, as ill-luck would have it. "h bearers carried her so near a liedge, that the thos" pierced the sheet, and waked the woman from he trance. Some years after, she died in reality and, as the fineral passed along, the husban wouid every now and then call out “Not too nea the hedge, not too uear the hedge, neighbour.
Some of our reverend gentlemen, who are denominated popular preachers, display great ingenuity in their choice of suitable texts. At an anniversary sermon before the Chelsea pensioners, a discourse was a few days since delivered from the following apposite text:—“Remember thy Creator in the days of thy youth, before the evil days come, and the days in which thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them.” A gentleman, who preached a sermon before the society for recovering persons apparently drowned ; selected the following:— “Trouble not yourselves about him, for he is not dead.” For a wedding sermon preached a short time since, at a country town in Shropshire, a rewerend gentleman took part of the story of Jepthah's daughter:—“And she went upon the moun
tains and bewailed her virginity." And a r rend dean, who published a sermon for the bel of the poor clergy in a provincial diocese, pro ly cnough selected the following:—“Set on great pot and seeth pottage for the sous of prophets.” *
A gentleman enquiring of a naval officer sailors generally take off their shirts when : into action, was answered, “that they wer willing to have any check to fighting.”
PROFESSIONAL DUTIES MUST BE PERFOR
An attorney presenting a copy of a writ auctioneer apologised for his unfriendly vi. he was merely performing an unpleasant d his profession. “Certainly not,” said th tioneer, “you must attend to the duties ol profession and so must I to mine ;” and in knocked him down.
A country sculptor was once ordered to e on a tombstone the following words: “A virtuous woman is a crown to her hus
But the stone being small he engraved on
** A virtuous woman is 5s, to her husba
A MAGISTRAte NO SAILOR.
A sailor who had been making a ri taken before a justice, who ordered him bail. “I have no bail,” said Jack. “T commit you,” said the justice. “You said the sailor, “then the Lord send you that stops the wind when the ship's at anc “What do you mean by that " said the “Why,” said Jack, “it’s the hanging roi yard-arm.”
When death puts out our flame the snuff w If we were war or tallow by the smell.