« ZurückWeiter »
u RAMMATICAL. I.- A r N1 No. An author left a comedy with Foote for perusal; and on the next visit asked for his judgment on it, with rather an ignorant degree of assurance. “If you locked a little more to the grammar of it, I think,” said Foote, “it would be better.”—“To the grammar of it, sir! What I would you send me to school again?”—“And pray, sir," replied Foote, very gravely, “would that do you any harm *" CAM prince and oxford. Under George the Second, the former of these universities was distinguished for its attachment to whig principles and the reigning family, while the latter was strongly infected with the leaven of Jacobitism. On the breaking out of the rebellion in Scotland in 1745, the sovereign marked his feeling towards these two eminent bodies, by sending to Cambridge a munificent present of books for the university library; but detached some dragoons to Oxford to awe the refractory disposition suspected to exist in her sons. This circumstance gave birth to the following epigram from the pen of an Oxonian. Our gracious monarch view'd, with equal eye, The wants of either university. Troops he to Oxford sent, well knowing why, That learned body wanted loyalty: But books to Cambridge sent, as well discerning, That that right loyal body wanted learning.
Which effusion elicited the subjoined reply from a Cantab.
As some raw youth in country bred, To arms by thirst of honour led ; When at a skirmish first he hears The bullets whistling round his ears, Will duck his had aside, will start, , And feel a trembling at his heart; "Till 'scaping oft' without a wound, Lessens the terror of the sound; Fly bullets now as thick as hops' He runs into a cannon's chops; –An author thus who pants for fame, Begins the world with fear and shame; When first in print, you see him dread Each pop-gun levell'd at his head; The lead yon critic's quill contains Is destin'd to beat out his brains ; As if he heard loud thunders roll, Cries, Lord have mercy on his soul ? Concluding that another shot Would strike him dead upon the spot; But, when with squibbing, slashing, popping, He cannot see one creature dropping, That missing fire, or missing aim, His life is safe, I mean his fame, The danger past, takes heart of grace, And looks a critic in the face.
Tom Ashe was a facetious, pleasant companion, but the most eternal unwearied punster that ever lived. He was thick and short in his person, being not above five feet high at the most, and had something very droll in his appearance. He died about the year 1719, and left his whole estate, about a thousand pounds a year, to Richard Ashe, of Ashfield, Esq. There is a whimsical story, and a very true one, of Tom Ashe, which is well remembereo to this day. It happened that while he was travelling on horseback, and at a considerable distance from any town, there burst from the clouds such a torrent of rain as wetted him through. He galloped forward, and as soon as he came to an inta. he was met instantly by a drawer: “Here," said he to the fellow, stretching out one of his arms,
satire upon Dress and Fashion. The grand monde worship a sort of idol, which *aily creates men by a kind of manufactory operation. This idol" is placed in the highest parts of the house on an altar erected about three feet; he **own in the posture of a Persian emperor, sittag on a superficies, with his legs interwoven under *m. This god had a goose for his ensign; whence * is that some learned men pretend to deduce his onginal from Jupiter Capitolinus. At his left hand, **ath the altar, Hell seemed to open and catch * the animals the idol was creating; to prevent **, certain of his priests hourly flung in pieces of the uninformed mass, or substance, and some*** whole limbs already enlivened, which that gulf insatiably swallowed, terrible to be* The goose was also held a subaltern divinity, * * *inorum gention, before whose shrine was *qired that creature, whose hourly food is human *, and who is in so great renown abroad for og the delight and favourite of the Egyptian *otorca. Millions of these animals are hourly *ce every day to appease the hunger of that ing deity. The chief idol was also wor** she invcator-of-the yard and needle, *the god-of-seamen, or on account of mystical; attributea, which hath not been cleared. swift.
The following articles bear a very high value on account of their scarcity at present in this coun
Sincerity—in patriotism. Honour—among attornies. Friendship—without interest. Love—without deceit. Charity—without ostcatation. Honesty—in parish officers. Fair play—among gamblers. Beauty—without pride. An advocate—without a fee. Chastity—in married life. A parson—practising what he professes. A fashionable man—without foopery. A fashionable woman—without paint. A sanctified look—without hypocrisy. A prude—without incontinence. A blustering man—without cowardice. A subaltern officer—with money. A Jew—without usury. Opposition—without a sinister view. Administration—inattentive to private interest.
24 Miepic Al Nomenci. At URh.
Porson one day visiting his brother-in-law, Mr. Perry, who at that time lived in Lancaster-court, in the Strand, found him indisposed, and under the influence of medicine. On returning to the house of a common friend, he of course expected to be asked after the health of his relation. After waiting with philosophic patience, without the expected question being proposed, he reproached the company for not giving him an opportunity of giving the following answer, which he had comosed on his walk : My Lord of Lancaster, when late I came from it, Was taking a medicine of names not a few, In Greek an emetic, in Latin a vomit, In English a puke, and in vulgar a
on the popular play of pizarro.
As I walked through the Strand so careless and gay,
* And politely informed the whole house they going * To entreat heaven's curses on noble Pizarro Rolla made a fine speech with much logic grammar, As must sure raise the envy of Counsellor
A naval officer, who held a civil employ Rhode Island during the American war of ir ence, and who was of a remarkably spate like figure, was stopped by a sentinel late o on his return from a visit, and shut up in th box, the soldier declaring that he should there until his officer came his rounds a o'clock. “My good fellow," said Mr. Whave told you who I am ; and I really to ought to take my word,”—“It will not do." the soldier: “I am by no means satisfied. taking from his yo a quarter of a dollar senting it, “Will that satisfy you?”—“ Wh think it will.”—“And, now that I am releo tell me why you detained me at your post 2' prehended you,” said the soldier, “as a de the church-yard."
The same officer, when a young man, and to London, stopped agentleman to ask his Admiralty. “Are you not mistaken in your said the gentleman: “I should think thaat ness lias with the Victuallinor Core-"
the miser ruxished. A miser having lost an hundred pounds, promised ten pounds reward to any one who should Mring it him. A poor mnn brought it to the old grotteman, and demanded the ten pounds; but the miser, to baffle him, alleged there were an hundred and ten ponnds in the bag when lost. The poor man, however, was advised to sue for the money; and when the cause came on to be tried, it appearing that the seal had not been broken, nor the bag ripped, the judge said to the defendant's counsel, “The bag you lost had an hundred and ten pounds in it, you say?”—“Yes, my lord,” says he. “Then,” replied the judge, “according to the evidence given in court, this cannot be your money, for here are only an hundred pounds; therefore the plaintist must keep it till the true owner appears.” PRINTers’ Devils. • Old Lucifer, both kind and civil, To every Printer lends a devil : But balancing accounts each winter, For every Devil takes a Printer.
A gentle sprinkle of rain happening, a ploughboy left his work, and went home : but his master seeing him there, told him he should not have left his work for so trifling an affair, and begged for the future he would stay till it rained downright. sometime afterwards, upon a very rainy day. the boy staid till dusk, and returned almost drowned. His master asked him why he did not come before ? “Why, I should,” said the boy, “ but you zed I shoul’dn't come hoom wore it rained downright; and it has not rained downright yet, for it was aslaunt all day long.”
oRIGINAL coPY of A HAND-BILL
I william Ringrose Bell-hanger from Scarbro intend to begin hanging of Bells which he has dons for several years past God willing. He hangs bells from back door to fore door and from fore door to back door and all over the house.
N. B. The person who advised him to this was several people that I wrought for.
From your humble servt.
A traveller calling at a little inn, the landlord of which was very tenacious of the character of his home-brewed ale, after sipping the beverage begged to have it warmed. “What! warm my ales” exclaimed Boniface, “Curse that stomach that wont warm the ale, say It"—“And,” cried the traveller, “curse that ale that wont tearm the stomach, say I.”
A lawyer of strasburgh being in a dying state, sent for a brother lawyer to make his will, by which he bequeathed his estate to the Hospital des Foils (idiots). His brother advocate expressing his surprise at this bequest, “Why not bestow it upon then. ”—said the dying man, “you know I got my money by fools, and therefore to fools it
ought to return.”
An Englishman and Dutchman disputing adout their different countries, the Dutchman said, “Your country thinks of nothing but guttling, and even the names of your places have a reference to it; you have your Ports-mouths, your Plymouths, your Yar-mouths, your Fal-mouths, your Dart-mouths, your Ex-mouths ; and you are all mouths together.”—“Ay,” replies the Englishnan, and you have your Amster-dams, and your Rotterdams—and d you altogether, say I.”
THE FORCE OF HABIT. Tom's fruitful spouse produced a yearly child, And he felt happy whilst the bantling smil’d. Some years ago he join'd the martial train, And sought for laurels o'er the distant main ; Yet, such the force of habit, Nell, they say, Still bears her yearly child, tho’ Tom's away. M. Usi CAL puffs.
Some years ago a gentleman at Windsor took teh place of the organist, with * view to shew his
superiority in erecution. Among other pieces, ht was playing one of Dr. Blow's anthems, and jus as he had finished the verse part and began the ful chorus, the organ ceased. On this he called to Dic the bellow's bloteer, to know what was the matter —“The matter,” says Dick, “I have played th anthem below.”—“Aye,” says the other, “but have not played it above.”—“No matter,” quo Dick, “ you might have made more haste then I knote hour many puffs go to one of Dr. Blair anthens as well as you do : I have not played u organ so inany years for nothing.”
THE ExPED iTIOUS works; M.A.N. A bricklayer, who was working at the top of mouse, happened to fall through the rafters, a not being hurt, he bounced up, and cried, wit triumphant tone, to his fellow-labourers, “ I do any inan to go through his work as quick as I did To MONS." ALEx AND RE, THE v ENTRI loot ts ON HIS SUCCESSFUL ASSUMPTION () to A v ARIETY OF CII ARACTERS IN ONE P1 ECF, Of yore in old England it was not thought you To carry two visages under one hood ; What should folks say to you? who have f. such plenty, That from under one hood you last night sho us twenty + Stand forth, arch deceiver ! and tell us in trut Are you handsome or ugly, in age or in youth Man, woman, or child, a dog, or a mouse? Or are you, at once, each live th, ug in the ho Each live thing, did I ask each dead imple, too ! A work-shop in your person—saw, chissel, screw, Above all, are you one individual 2 I know You must be, at the least, Alexandre and ce. But I think you're a troop—an assemblas mob ; And that I, as the sheriff, must take up the ju And, instead of rehears ing your wonders in v. Must read you the riot-act, and bid you disp. “WAL-rett Sco.