THE PILGRIM. See yon pilgrim's hallow'd impulse And ye, sacred sunbright mountains, In calm evening's purple glow; 'All too great these ceaseless labours, Thence his guardian stoops to save. 'How shall I new strength refuse thee, When the boon I bade thee crave? 'Fervours, and ecstatic dreaming, To the feeble soul are sweet; Nobler far the manful striving Which can blissful dreams complete.' Flies the angel-guest at dawning Up the strengthen'd pilgrim springs; Strives o'er every rugged mountainAt the golden portal sings! Suddenly, like arms maternal, Zion's pearly gates unclose; And the tones of angel-welcome Soothe the brave in heaven's repose. A CURE FOR A CONTRADICTORY SPIRIT. There are few good listeners in the world who make all the use they might of the understandings of others in the conduct of their own. No individual ingenuity can sift and examine a subject with as much variety and success as the minds of many men put in motion by many causes, and affected by an endless variety of accidents. Nothing, in my humble opinion, would bring an understanding so forward, as this habit of weighing the opinions of others; a point in which almost all men of abilities are deficient; whose first impulse, if they are young, is too often to contradict; or, if the manners of the world have cured them of that, to listen only with attentive ears, but with most obdurate and unconquerable entrails. I would recommend to such young men an intellectual regimen, of which I myself, in an earlier period of life, have felt the advantage; and that is, to assent to the two first propositions that they hear every day; and not only to assent to them, but, if they can, to improve and embellish them; and to make the speaker a little more in love with his own opinion than before. When they have a little got over the bitterness of assenting, they may gradually increase the number of assents, and so go on as their constitution will bear it.Sydney Smith. SAINT ANTHONY'S SERMON TO THE FISHES. Saint Anthony at church So he went to the ditches They wriggled their tails, Have open'd their jaws, Eager for each clause. No sermon beside Had the carps so edified. Who keep fighting like tikes, No sermon beside Had the pikes so edified. Had the cods so edified. Had the eels so edified. Much delighted were they, Much delighted were they, HOW TO RUIN YOUR HEALTH. 1st, stop in bed late; 2d, eat hot suppers; 3d, turn day into night, night into day; 4th, take no exercise; 5th, always ride when you can walk; 6th, never mind about wet feet; 7th, have half-a-dozen doctors; 8th, drink all the medicine they send you; 9th, try every new quack; 10th, if that doesn't kill you, quack yourself.-Punch. A young lady being asked by a politician, which party she was most in favour of, replied, that she preferred a wedding party. SAM SPRATT, THE AUCTIONEER. In a certain town in the west of England, there lived some time back an individual rejoicing in the euphonious name of Sam Spratt. He was by trade an auctioneer, and by character-an auctioneer. For all who have observed this class of men, as they appear at least in rural districts, must be aware that the auctioneer is here, there, and everywhere, one and the same being. If it be true that the gift of poetry is inborn and not to be acquired, as Cicero was obliged to conclude, after making some abortive attempts at writing verses which would have brought down on an Eton boy a shower of birch, it is equally true and unquestionable that the auctioneering talent is an endowment of nature. It is a profession not to be learned by apprenticeship; certain innate qualities are indispensable to the man who would follow it with success. Accordingly we find, on inquiring into any and every auctioneer's history, that he never began life in this capacity. He tried other trades, perhaps twenty of them, ere discovering the purpose for which he was brought into the world, and the sphere for which alone his peculiar genius fitted him. The qualities of the auctioneer need scarcely be described to any who remember a single specimen of the genus. A boundless 'gift of the gab,' or, in other words, a steam-engine power of talk; a keen perception of the ridiculous, and a strong bent to satire; impudence unlimited; no great nicety of conscience, or rather a decided dash of trickery, amounting very nearly, we are sorry to say, in many instances, to roguery; a thorough acquaintance with the ordinary foibles of humanity; and, to crown and guide all these qualities, a good general head-piece, with a sprinkling of mental cultivation: these are the essential requisites that go to the making of the finished district auctioneer. As to his physical man and habits of life, he is usually brisk and jolly-looking, and loves good eating and his glass, the latter often to a rather uncommendable excess. Such is, was, and possibly ever will be, the provincial auctioneer, and such was Sam Spratt. Indeed, Sam presented all the natural characteristics of his tribe in rather an extreme degree, conjoined with a larger store of acquired knowledge than usually falls to the lot of his brothers in trade. Sam Spratt was in short a clever which will prove it, and for the right apdog: and we have a story to tell of him preciation of which these preliminaries have been stated. Sam was on one occasion intrusted with the task of selling the furniture of an old and decayed mansion-house, situated at a considerable distance from the little town which he honoured by his own residence. After all the valuables of the place, once a manorial dwelling of note, had been duly disposed of, a quantity of timeworn odds and ends of all kinds still remained, for which no purchaser could be found. In these circumstances it struck our auctioneer, who was ever on the alert for a speculation, that it might be worth his while to pick up the said articles; and he forthwith offered a trifling sum for them, which was immediately accepted by the proprietor's agents. On his way homewards, with his purchase in the boot of his gig, Sam revolved deeply in his mind the best way of turning it to account; and as a promising plan developed itself gradually in the recesses of his scheming brain, he chuckled audibly, and visibly rubbed his hands. As soon as he reached home, he sat down and penned a flourishing circular, which he got thrown off with all possible speed from the village press-a machine, by the way, so old, that Faust might have worked it, though it could never work fast. This circular he immediately distributed through the whole neighbourhood, announcing that a 'magnificent sale, and such a one as had never before occurred in the vicinity,' would take place on that day week, 'in the large room of the Hen and Chickens,' the best inn of which the place could boast. Having issued this note, with many accompanying flourishes about the extraordinary desire which 'S. S.' always had to please, accommodate, and serve his fellow-townsmen, our auctioneer left the thing to work for eight days in the minds of the people of the place and its neighbourhood. And the announcement did ferment briskly and well, a 'magnificent sale' being by no means a common occurrence in the place, Curiosity was fully aroused. On the day appointed for the affair, the street opposite to the Hen and Chickens was filled with persons lounging about, waiting for the hour of twelve. The squire of the manor and his lady were there; the notary and his whole family marched about; the half-pay quartermaster displayed his Ta martial graces, and his yet quarter-martial attire; the grocer, the greatest mercantile man in the village, strutted about with a lordly air, his wife and daughter hanging on his arms; and finally, not to speak of many smaller personages, the schoolmaster himself was on the field, having given a holiday to his boys for the purpose. Sam Spratt had judiciously ordered that the saleroom should not on any account be opened till the hour of twelve struck, being somewhat afraid of the first impression which the display of his articles might produce, if he was not there in person to guide and rectify the people's judgment. When the doors were opened, in truth, the disappointment of the entrants was excessive at seeing before them a table covered with old rusty, musty, fusty, household implements, without more than three or four articles of any seeming value among them. These few articles Spratt had mingled purposely with his grand purchase. People began to whisper, and to laugh, and to snarl, according to their dispositions, as if assured that a hoax had been played upon them. But ere long Sam Spratt entered, and all eyes were fixed upon him. The auctioneer wore the triumphant yet dignified look of a Roman conqueror. As the first stroke of his great game, he caused a table to be brought forward, which presented a goodly array of pots of beer, and liquors of a more ardent kind, of which he pressed the company to partake, by way of refreshing and amusing themselves (he said), until he had made some slight preparations for commencing busi ness. Having nothing else to do, the people of the commoner sort were not slow in accepting the invitation; and even the magnates took a sip. Having thus opened their hearts-for well he knew the effects of such auxiliaries at a sale-Sam mounted a table, and in a grave and impressive tone of voice began his real business operations. 'Ladies and gentlemen,' said he, 'proud and happy am I to find myself this day in the midst of so respectable an assemblage. Often have I had occasion to admire the excellence of your taste and the profundity of your judgment; and I trust that this day's proceedings will but afford new proofs of both, since it is principally to your taste and judgment, to your intelligence and your patriotism, that I shall this day appeal. The first articles which I offer to you, ladies and gentlemen, are a few unimportant and commonplace ones, which I almost blush to see on the same table with the others.' With this preface, the auctioneer put up the only four or five articles which seemed to the company of the slightest value. They were sold at once, and well; for the people were dubious whether any of the others would be worth buying. Sam then entreated the company again to refresh themselves; and after a short pause, resumed his harangue. 'Ladies and gentlemen, nothing but the firm reliance which I have on your powers of discrimination could induce me to offer for sale here the precious rarities which you now behold, and which I have procured at the cost of almost unequalled exertion and research. All the articles now before you, ladies and gentlemen, possess a deep historical interest; having belonged to personages who have in past times been the glory of old England. You are the descendants of these great men, and, like pious sons, will bless the opportunity, I am sure, now held out to you of acquiring some small relics of those illustrious individuals who have given you such a heritage of renown.' Having delivered these emphatic words, Sam stretched out his hand to the table, and raising a very odd-looking_article, exclaimed, 'Behold, for example, this boot-jack, so little worthy, to appearance, of your notice! What will you say, ladies and gentlemen, when I inform you that this antique boot-jack belonged to William the Conqueror, and that every day saw the hands of that mighty warrior and monarch applied to this article which mine now so unworthily, but respectfully, touch? Where is the Englishman, proud of his descent from the followers of the victorious Norman, who would not delight in the possession of such a relic as this!' Here the squire, a person much better acquainted with the receipts of 'Lawson's Complete Farrier' than with the fashions of the eleventh century, drew up his head with grace and dignity, and seemed to gain two inches of stature, from the recollection that his ancestor had helped to rob the Saxons of life and lands at the Conquest. The auctioneer, at one glance, saw that he might now pass from William the Conqueror's boot-jack, in the assurance that a customer had been found for it. 'You also behold these three volumes, he resumed, 'which many persons would pass by with contempt, regarding only their age and tattered condition. These books, however, ladies and gentlemen, belonged to the illustrious author of 'Paradise Lost,' and should, and must, be inestimable in the eyes of those by whom learning and the muses are held in honour.' In uttering these words, Sam shot a side-glance at the pedantic schoolmaster, who thought himself a 'mute inglorious Milton,' ever since he had written a copy of psalm-tune verses for the squire's birthday feast. The schoolmaster did not leave the effect made upon him now to be guessed, seeing that he audibly exclaimed, at mention of the muses, 'This is my business!' 'Behold,' continued Sam, 'this rusty sabre, which, alas! is now sheathless. With what enthusiasm will this sword be clasped by those who have bravely served their country in the field, when they know that it has been wielded by the arm of Marlborough himself, and is yet stained with the gore of our enemies.' This was a home-stroke with the old sabre. The half-pay quartermaster looked 'fierce as ten furies;' and Spratt saw that the rusty sword was sold. "There is another treasure,' said Sam, 'almost more precious, ladies and gentlemen, than any of the others. This old broom which I now hold up once waved at the mast-head of the Dutch Admiral Van Tromp's ship, being placed there by him to warn the English that he designed to sweep them from the seas; but the English showed him they could handle a broom as well as he. This is a glorious relic for any Briton; but it must be more peculiarly dear to all who have belonged to the brave body of Britain's tars.' The old village carpenter, who had spent a great part of his life on board of a man-of-war, internally resolved that he would have Van Tromp's broom, if he should spend his last farthing upon it. The auctioneer knew where this sweeping hit took effect, and proceeded: This pair of pistols, ladies and gentlemen, of which one wants the stock and the other the barrel, are invaluable articles, having first been in the possession of the real Robinson Crusoe, and afterwards of the celebrated circumnavigator, Captain Cook. If there be any one here whose heart and thoughts follow with interest the course of illustrious voyagers, to that person these pistols must indeed be precious memorials.' Here Mrs Simkins, the wife of a ship'ssteward in the Russian tallow trade, put her hand into her pocket, and gave an audible rattle, to be certain that she had brought a sufficient supply of money with her. Sam heard the pleasing chink, and knew that the pistols had not missed fire. 'Ladies,' continued the auctioneer, 'I have been guilty of a glaring breach of politeness, in not sooner pointing to some of those rarities which must particularly interest the fair sex. I now present to you this ruff, so marked by envious holes, as an article which was once worn around the neck of Mary Stuart, and, doubtless, has often been wet with the tears of that unfortunate princess. How precious must this appear in the eyes of every lady versed in historical studies, and whose heart sympathises with the misfortunes of | her sex!' The notary's wife, who had bought from Spratt, at his last sale, a compendious 'History of England' by Oliver Goldsmith, here turned to her husband, and whispered, in tones too decisive for the honest man to think of contradiction, 'Remember, I must have Mary Stuart's ruff, Mr Humphries.' Sam Spratt proceeded in his triumphant course. 'This pipe, ladies and gentlemen,' said he, pointing to a strange-looking piece of blackened ivory, 'is a genuine bijou, having been the very pipe used by the favourite sultana of Solyman the First, Emperor of the Turks.' The squire's wife having once appeared at a county fancy-ball in a Turkish dress, had ever since considered herself as an authority upon all oriental matters, and she now cast an attentive and longing look upon Solyman's sultana's pipe, which perfectly satisfied the knowing auctioneer as to its fate. 'But it is time now, ladies and gentlemen, to close this long, yet, I hope, satisfactory exposition of the claims of a few of these articles to your attention; others there are as wonderful, as will be seen when they are put up. I cannot, however, refrain from noticing, preliminarily, one other portion of these relics. This quantity of broken china which you see, constitutes all that now remains of a set which were ordered from Potsdam by Henry the Eighth for his wife, Catherine Howard. Three London manufacturers, who have been informed of the perfect workmanship of these articles, have sent a request to me to reserve the things for them at any price, and, consequently, they will not now be sold.' This speech of sly Sam brought out the feelings of the assemblage completely, and showed the irresistible effects of his skill and address. All present exclaimed against the injustice and impropriety of showing articles which were not to be sold; and, after a time, Sam condescended to assure the company that he preferred the friends around him to all the world, and that the three London manufacturers should not have the china. The curiosity and attention of the audience were more awakened now than ever; and after Sam had given the obliging assurance just alluded to, one person pointed to a broken corkscrew, which was placed prominently on one of the china dishes made for Catherine Howard. 'What screw is this?' was the question addressed to the auctioneer. 'Ah! gentlemen,' cried Spratt, deprecatingly; I entreat you not to rob me of this one precious relic. This alone would I reserve for myself!' Of course, the curiosity of the company was only the more aroused by this, and everybody called for an explanation about the corkscrew. 'Gentlemen,' said Sam, 'its history is this: You all remember that when Cromwell was enjoying himself freely at dinner one day with some intimate friends, a message was brought to him, to the effect that a deputation wished to see him. The Protector was at the time engaged in seeking for the corkscrew, which had fallen below the table, and he desired the deputation to be told that he was engaged in devotion. Afterwards, he turned to his friends, and said, "These fools think we are seeking the Lord, when we are only seeking the corkscrew. Gentlemen, that is the cork screw.' This gave the finishing stroke to the enthusiasm of the company; and Sam, striking while the iron glowed, at once commenced the sale. Ere an hour went over, every article on the table had been sold, and at high prices. Sam Spratt left the Hen and Chickens a very considerable gainer by his little speculation in the odds and ends of the old mansionhouse. And now, when we have brought the history of his adventure to a close, we would not have the world to be too hard upon tricky Sam. All that he did was to puff off his goods without the OUR VILLAGE FAVOURITES. Years ago, when Colonel Thornton, ripe in honours, and sated with the toil and tumult of public life, came back to the shady green retreats of Hawthornden, he looked out in pride over the rich acres that stretched away from his window, and over the green lawn before his door, to the noble grove of oak and elm, and down to the village that lay slumbering along the silvery winding stream down in the valley; and then, as he thought of the great wealth and the proud position he enjoyed, he remembered the four beautiful girls who sat down at his table, and the noble boy who should bear his name down to another generation. Who will ever forget little Sidney Thornton, that beautiful boy of thirteen summers? Who does not remember his flashing dark eyes, that were as full of fickle feeling as ever were a woman's-one moment filling fast with tears, and then sparkling through the drops with boyish glee? or the sweet childish lips that were for ever moving, quivering now with fleeting sorrow, or pouting in momentary anger? Old men used to gaze upon his broad sunny brow, so clustered round with glossy curls, and bless the child. Everybody loved the boy; who could help it? and the gruff blacksmith, who had his shop down by the river, used to wipe his smutty face when he heard his clear laugh of an afternoon, and would let his iron cool, to follow him about the shop, answering all his questions, and teaching him to use his tools. And the surly old shoemaker, that was never known to sleep, nor ever to be really awake-stitching, and hammering, and boring holes the livelong day, and far into the dark hours of the night-even he used to look up through his great brassrimmed spectacles with a strange grim smile upon his careworn face, when little Sidney stood in his shop-door; and he would stop his endless 'rap-tap' upon his lapstone, and get up to hunt about among the odd strips of leather and |