Why, z―ds! I've seen the man but twice-here, buru it. One from my cousin, Sophy Daw, Full of Aunt Margery's distresses. "The cat has kitten'd in the draw,' And ruin'd two bran-new silk dresses." From Sam, "The Chancellor's motto"-nay, Confound his puns, he knows I hate 'em ; "Pro Rege, Lege, Grege"--ay, "For king read mob!" Brougham's old erratum. From Seraphina Price-" At two Till then I can't, my dearest John, stir." Two more, because I did not go, Beginning" Wretch!" and "Faithless monster!" I wish they'd call'd it Nebuchadnezzar, "John Brown would take it as a favour". Another, and a surlier one, "I can't put up with sich behaviour." "Bill so long standing,"-" quite tired out," "Must sit down to insist on payment""Call'd ten times!"-here's a fuss about A few coats, waistcoats, and small raiment! For once I'll send an answer, and in-form Mr. Snip he needn't "call" so, But, when his bill's as "tired of standing" As he is, beg 'twill "sit down" also. This from my rich old uncle, Ned, Thanking me for my annual present, And saying he last Tuesday wed His cook-maid Nelly-vastly pleasant! An ill-spelt note from Tom at school, Begging I'll let him learn the fiddleAnother from that precious fool Miss Pyefinch, with a stupid riddle. "If you was in the puddle," how I should rejoice that sight to see!"And you were out on't, tell me now What that same puddle then would be?" "D'ye give it up?" Indeed I do! Confound these antiquated minxes, I won't play " Billy Black" to a "Blue," A note sent up from Kent, to show me, Four begging letters with petitions, In Bond-street, "when I go that way." And" buy at Pearsal's, in the city, Twelve skeins of silk for netting purses, Colour no matter-so it's pretty; Two hundred pens-two hundred curses. From Mistress Jones: "My little Billy And meet him when the coach comes in? "And then, perhaps, you will as well see For my new Album?" Aid me, Phœbus! "My hint is followed by my second; Yet should my first my second see, A dire mishap it would be reckon'd, And sadly shock'd my first would be! "Were I but what my Whole implies, And pass'd by chance across your portal, You'd cry, Can I believe my eyes? I never saw so queer a mortal !' "For then my head would not be on, My arms their shoulders must abandon; My very body would be gone, I should not have a leg to stand on !" Come, that's dispatch'd-what follows?-stay Reform demanded by the nation! Vote for Tagrag and Bobtail!"-ay, By Jove, a blessed Reformation! Jack, clap the saddle upon Rose.The devil take the rain-Here goesOr no-the filly-she's the fleeter ; I'm off-a plumper for Sir Peter! Black. Mag. THEATRICAL REMINISCENCES. Moss, an actor of the Scottish stage, whose powers were richly humorous and versatile, had only one fault, he was not sufficiently careful to be correct in the words of his author, in parts in which he did not expect to make a hit; or in others in which he trusted to his irresistible pleasantry, to supply the want of study. He was unexpectedly and suddenly called upon to perform a part in the comedy of 'She Would and she Would not.' Moss was very imperfect; he knew it, and accordingly bustled through his part with unusual spirit and grimace. When the curtain had fallen, some gentlemen from one of the stage-boxes came behind the scenes, and entered into conversation with our actor. "Moss," said one of them, " you must be a devilish clever fellow, to get through your part so well as you did to-night, without knowing five words together of your author. I had the book in my hand, and watched you."-" Pray, sir," replied Moss, 66 give me leave to look at your book, if you please." His request was granted, and Moss, having turned over a few leaves, returned the book, saying at the same time," I see how it is-just as I thought particularly; you have got one of the first copies of the piece, and we play by another edition, sir-we play by another edition;" and saluting the party with his passing bow, made a quick retreat to his dressing-room. Shuter, the adopted son of Momus, was an intimate friend of Moss's, and, when he took leave of the stage, took rather a whimsical mode of expressing his sense of the latter's abilities, which I shall relate in Moss's own words:"On the evening that Shuter bade farewell to the public, all the performers were assembled in the green-room by his invitation. After cake and wine were handed round, he proceeded to open his property-box, which had been previously placed in the room, and presented to each in succession some article which he had been accustomed to wear, as a memorial of him. At length every performer but myself had received his tributary gift of esteem, and Shuter shut the lid of his box. You must suppose I was not a little surprised to see myself forgotten, particularly, for we had been for a considerable time hand and glove, near as the two blades of a pair of scissors;-how I felt! I was burning and shivering at the same moment. Ned,' said I, hardly able to command a firm utterance, am I the only individual whom you have left out in your catalogue of friends?' 'No, no, Moss,' he returned; 6 as my choicest friend, I have reserved the most valuable gift of all for you. There,' he added, kicking off his stage shoes as he spoke, 'take these, for you're the fittest man I know. to stand in them.' 'Gad, was not that a compliment ?-particularly, particularly! I think I hear Ned speaking now; I shall never forget his uttering these words as long as I live." 6 Moss was a great punster. Punning was a trick beneath his superior talents; but a pun tickled on his tongue, and forced its way from his lips, in spite of his better judgment. One evening, in the town of Paisley, he and I were together on the stage, in the two Heartalls in the 'Soldier's Daughter.' An orange thrown from the gallery at random fell at Moss's feet; and even at that mo ment he could not resist his rage for punning; so, stooping down leisurely, he picked it up, and casting his eyes round him, he said, "I have my doubts whether this be a civil (Seville) orange or not; however, I'll pocket the affront if it is one." I recollect hearing Mr. Fawcett utter some words of a similar kind during the farce of the Paragraphs, at Covent Garden Theatre. One more pun, and I have done with punning. As Moss was passing along a street in Annan, he observed a man driving posts into the ground, for the protection of a newly-made footpath. Walking gravely up to him, he accosted him with "Good morning to you; have you any thing for me to-day?" "For you, Maister Moss?" returned the man, (for every body knew Maister Moss,) what like sud I hae for you?" Why, I thought you might have a letter for me," replied Moss, " as I see you are a postman!"-"Eha! Maister Moss, Maister Moss," rejoined the man, with a grin, and a sagacious shake of his head, "thy foolish talk be all alike atop o' the stage, and off on't.”—“ No, indeed, it is not, my good fellow,' "" retorted Moss; for here I give it you for nothing, and on the stage I make you pay for it." It is now seventeen years since I saw Moss for the last time. He was confined to bed in Falkirk, from which he was shortly after removed to Edinburgh, for the benefit of medical advice. But it availed not-his sands were run, and a few days terminated his earthly career. That excellent man and actor, Mr. Win. Murray, paid him the most praiseworthy attentions during his last moments, and at the head of his respectable company, followed his remains to the Canongate churchyard, where they were deposited in the neighbouring grave to that occupied by the dust of his old and valued friend Digges. Aberdeen Mag. JOHN BULL AND HIS BROTHER JONATHAN. THE following dialogue, in his own hand-writing, and bearing various marks of correction in the same, has been found among Mr. Huskisson's MS. papers; and as there is every reason to believe it to have been his own composition, it is inserted as a specimen of that easy playfulness which has been mentioned as one of the charms of his private society: Fraternal Dialogue between John Bull and his brother Jonathan.— (Date, July, 1825.) Jonathan.-You are a very good and constant customer, John, at my shop, for flour, hoops, staves, and many other articles of my trade; you are good pay, and I am always glad to deal with you. John.-I believe all you say-I wish to continue a good customer; but I must say your mode of dealing with me is rather hard. Every time I travel to, or send to your shop (Sunday or not), I am obliged to pay double toll at the turnpike-gate, which is close before it. Jon.-You need not take that trouble. I prefer sending my goods to my customers by my own porters; and, as they are always ready and punctual in delivering the packages, I do not see why you should complain. John.-I complain because my own cart and horses have nothing to do, and my people are upon the poor-rate, whilst I am paying you for porterage. I will not go on in this way. Jon-Well! we will consider of it next Christmass, when the partners in our firm meet to talk over the con cern. (John remains patient for another year; when, finding the Sunday toll still continued, he asks what brother Jonathan and his firm have decided. July, 1826.) Jon. -We have resolved to grant a a new lease of the tolls, without making any alteration in the terms. John.-You have!-then I withdraw my custom. Jon.—The devil you do? (Aside.) We mistook him for a more patient ass than he proves to be. How shall we contrive to bring him back to our shop?" Huskisson's Speeches. Snatches from Oblivion. Out of the old fields cometh the new corn. THE SPEECH OF STIGAND, AT THE HEAD [It has been related by some historians, that the people of Kent, by surprising William the Conqueror in his march with boughs in their hands, which made them appear at a distance like a moving forest, extorted some concessions from the Norman victor. However, as William of Poitiers makes no mention of this event, Rapin suspects it to be fabulous. But as William of Poitiers was a foreigner, and had probably no vast regard for the English nation, as is partly allowed by Rapin himself, why might he not designedly pass over in silence the above-mention ed adventure, as in some respect glorious to them, and disadvantageous to his hero? Be that as it will, since the Kentish men, even at this day, enjoy some extraordinary privileges peculiar to themselves, and ascribe their enjoyment of them to the preceding memorable event, the account of it handed down to us seems not to be entirely without foundation; and therefore the following speech of Stigand cannot be unworthy the attention of the curious ]' SPEECH. You are accosted, illustrious general, by the men of Kent, who are ready to submit to your government, provided you shall make proper concessions to such sort of men as are determined to their most equitable demands, being retain that liberty they have received from their ancestors, together with the laws and customs of their country ;neither will they be reduced to a state of servitude, which they never experienced, or endure a new legislature; for they can bear with a regal, but not a tyrannical authority. With their liberty, therefore, unassailed, and their ancient laws and cuscustoms reserved to them, receive the men of Kent, not as a parcel of slaves, and love. but subjects attached to you in loyalty them of their freedom, and the immunity But if you shall attempt to deprive their lives also. For they had rather of their laws, you shall deprive them of engage with you in a determined battle, and fall under certain enemies, than in a court of justice under uncertain laws. For the rest of the English can suffer slavery, to be free is the property of the men of Kent. The Naturalist. THE DARTER, OR SNAKE Bird.The snake bird is an inhabitant of the Carolinas, Georgia, the Floridas, and Louisiana, and is common in Cayenne and Brazil. In It seems to have derived its name from the singular form of its head and neck, which at a distance might be mistaken for a serpent. those countries where noxious animals abound, we may readily conceive that the appearance of this bird, extending its slender neck through the foliage of a tree, would tend to startle the wary traveller, whose imagination had portrayed objects of danger lurking in every thicket. Its habits, too, while in the water, have not a little contributed to its name. It generally swims with its body immerged, especially when apprehensive of danger. The first individual that I saw in Florida was sneaking away, to avoid me, along the shore of a reedy marsh, which was lined with alligators, and the first impression on my mind was that I beheld a snake, but the recollection of the habits of the bird soon undeceived me. On approaching it, it gradually sank, and my next view of it was at many fathoms distance, its head merely out of the water. To pursue these birds at such times is useless, as they cannot be induced to rise, or even expose their bodies. Wherever the limbs of a tree project over, and dip into the water, there the darters are sure to be found, these situations being convenient resting places for the purpose of sunning and preening themselves, and, probably, giving them a better opportunity than when swimming of observing their finny prey. They crawl from the water upon the limbs, and fix themselves in an upright position, which they maintain in the utmost silence. If there be foliage, or the long moss, they secrete themselves in it in such a manner that they cannot be perceived, unless one be close to them. When approached, they drop into the water with such surprising skill, that one is astonished how so large a body can plunge with so little noise, the agitation of the water being apparently not greater than that occasioned by the gliding of an eel. Formerly, the darter was considered by voyagers as an anomalous production, a monster partaking of the nature of the snake and the duck; and, in some ancient charts which I have seen, it is delineated in all the extravagance of fiction. From Mr. William Bartram we have received the following account of the subject of our history : "There is in this river,* and in the waters all over Florida, a very curious and handsome bird, the people call them snake birds; I think I have seen paintings of them on the Chinese screens and other Indian pictures; they seem to be a species of colymbus, but far more beautiful and delicately formed than any other that I have ever seen. They delight to sit in little peaceable communities, on the dry limbs of trees, hanging over the still waters, with their wings and tails expanded, I suppose to cool and air themselves, when at the same time they behold their images in the watery mirror. At such times, when we approach them, they drop off the limbs into the water, as if dead, and for a minute or two are not to be seen; when, on a sudden, at a great distance, their long slender head and neck ap The River St Juan, East Florida, pear, like a snake rising erect out of the water; and no other part of them is to be seen when swimming, except sometimes the tip end of their tail. in the heat of the day they are seen in great numbers, sailing very high in the air over lakes and rivers. "I doubt not but if this bird had been an inhabitant of the Tiber in Ovid's days, it would have furnished him with a subject for some beautiful and entertaining metamorphoses. I believe they feed entirely on fish, for their flesh smells and tastes intolerably strong of it: it is scarcely to be eaten, unless one is constrained by insufferable hunger. They inhabit the waters of Cape Fear River, and, southerly, East and West Florida. American Ornithology. Science and Art. DISTANCES OF THE PLANETS FROM THE SUN.-The vast extent of the solar system is but vaguely to be conceived from the ordinary mode of stating it in millions of miles. To demonstrate it in a more striking and impressive manner, a continental astronomer has proposed, or rather renewed the proposal, that the computed distances of the planets be measured by comparison with the velocity of a cannon-ball, rated at 1 German mile per minute. With this velocity, a cannon-ball, fired from the sun, would reach the planet Mercury in 9 years 6 months; Venus in 18 years; the Earth in 25 years; Mars in 38; Jupiter in 130! Saturn in 208; and Uranus (Herschel) in 479 years. With the same velocity a slot would reach the moon from the earth in 23 days, little more than three weeks. A NEW HYDROMETER.-A new instrument to measure the degrees of moisture in the atmosphere, of which the following is a description, has been recently invented by M. Baptiste Lendi, of St. Gall. In a white flint bottle is suspended a piece of metal about the size of a hazel nut, which not only looks extremely beautiful, and contributes to the ornament of a room, but likewise predicts every possible change of weather twelve or fourteen hours before it occurs. As soon as the metal is suspended in the bottle with water, it begins to increase in bulk, and in ten or twelve days forms an admirable pyramid, which resembles polished brass, and it undergoes several changes till it has attained its full dimensions. In rainy weather this pyramid, is con stantly covered with pearly drops of water; in case of thunder or hail, it will change to the finest red, and throw out rays; in case of wind or fog, it will appear dull and spotted; and previously to snow it will look quite muddy. If placed in a moderate temperature, it will require no other trouble than to pour out a common tumbler full of water, and put in the same quantity of fresh. REMARKABLE ECHOES.-In the cathedral of Girgenti, in Sicily, the slightest whisper is borne with perfect distinctness from the great western door to the cornice behind the high altar, a distance of 250 feet. By a most unlucky coincidence, the precise focus of divergence at the former station was chosen for the place of the confessional. Secrets never intended for the public ear thus became known, to the dismay of the confessors and the scandal of the people, by the resort of the curious to the opposite point, (which seems to have been discovered accidentally,) till at length one listener, having had his curiosity somewhat overgratified by hearing his wife's avowal of her own infidelity, this telltale peculiarity became generally known and the confessional was removed. Beneath the Suspension Bridge across the Menai Strait in Wales, close to one of the main piers, is a remarkably fine echo. The sound of a blow on the pier with a hammer is returned in succession from each of the cross-beams which support the road-way, and from the opposite pier, at a distance of 579 feet; and in addition to this, the sound is many times repeated between the water and the road-way. The effect is a series of sounds, which may be thus described: the first return is sharp and strong from the road-way overhead; the rattling which succeeds dies away rapidly, but the single repercussion from the opposite pier is very strong, and is succeeded by a faint palpitation, repeating the sound at the rate of twenty-eight times in five seconds, and which therefore corresponds to a distance of 184 feet, or very nearly the double interval from the road-way to the water. Thus it appears, that in the repercussion between the water and the road-way, that from the latter only affects the ear, the line drawn from the auditor to the water being too oblique for the sound to diverge sufficiently in that direction. Another peculiarity deserves especial notice, namely, that the echo from the opposite pier is best heard when the auditor stands precisely opposite to the middle of the breadth of the pier, and strikes just on that point. As it deviates to one or the other side, the return is proportionably fainter, and is scarcely heard by him when his station is a little beyond the extreme edge of the pier, though another person, stationed (on the same side of the water) at an equal distance from the central point, so as to have the pier between them, hears it well. Herschell on Sounds. NEW CEMENT. - A composition of marble, flint, chalk, lime, and water, denominated Vitruvian cement, when dry, is capable of being brought to a high state of polish. The proportions are one part of pulverised marble, one part of pulverised flint, and one part of chalk, mixed together, and sifted through a very fine sieve; to this is to be added one other part of lime which has been slacked at least three months. A sufficient quantity of water is to be added to make the whole into a thin paste, and in that state is to be spread as thinly as possible over a coarse ground, and brought to a smooth surface by the trowel. This cement when dry, may be polished with pulverised Venetian talc. New Music. My Heart is thine, the Words by A. T. M'Douall. The Music by J. Waller. London, Wybrow. fail to recommend itself to the lovers of A delicate and pretty air, that cannot melody. Like the Rose-bud fair is Woman's Love; the Words by J. Town. The Music by W. Grantham. London. We have not a word to say of the originality of this song-the four first bars are evidently borrowed from Reeve's "Bee proffers Honey." The poetry will speak for itself-here is a specimen :— "The Rose full blown is womanhood, The Note Book. I will make a prief of it in my Note-book. M.W. of Windsor. IGNORANCE IN ENGLAND IN EARLY TIMES.-There was a time in this kingdom, when letters were so low, that whoever could prove himself in a court |