The siege of Bulogne, and the plagy sweat,
The going to saint Quintin's and New-haven,
The rising in the North, the frost so great,
That cart-wheel prints on Thames' face were seen.
The fall of money, and burning of Paul's steeple,
The blazing star, and Spaniard's overthrow:
By these events notorious to the people,
He measures times, and things forepast doth show. But most of all, he chiefly reckons by,
A private chance, the death of his curst wife:
This is to him the dearest memory,
And th' happiest accident of all his life.
When Marcus comes from Mins, he still doth swear By, come a seven, that all is lost and
gone, But that's not true, for he hath lost his hair Only for that, he came too much at one.
The fine youth Cyprius is more terse and neat,
Than the new garden of the old Temple is,
And still the newest fashion he doth get,
And with the time doth change from that to this,
He wears a hat now of the flat crown-block,
The treble ruffs, long cloak, and doublet French:
He takes tobacco, and doth wear a lock,
And wastes more time in dressing than a wench,
Yet this new-fangled youth, made for these times, Doth above all, praise old Gascoigne's rhymes.
When Cineas comes amongst his friends in morning.
He slyly looks who first his cap doth move:
Him he salutes, the rest so grimly scorning,
As if for ever they had lost his love.
I knowing how it doth the humour fit,
Of this fond gull to be saluted first:
Catch at my cap, but move it not a whit:
Which perceiving he seems for spite to burst.
But Cineas, why expect you more of me,
Than I of you? I am as good a man,
And better too by many a quality,
For vault, and dance, and fence and rhyme I can :
You keep a whore at your own charge men tell me,
Indeed friend (Cineas) therein you excel me.
Gallus hath been this summer-time in Friesland,
And now returned he speaks such warlike words,
As if I could their English understand,
I fear me they would cut my throat like swords.
He talks of counterscarps and casamates,
Of parapets, of curteneys and pallisadoes,
Of flankers, ravelings, gabions he prates,
And of false brayes and sallies and scalados:
But to requite such gulling terms as these,
With words of my profession I reply;
I tell of foorching, vouchers and counterpleas,
Of withernams, essoines, and champarty :
So neither of us understanding either,
We part as wise as when we came together.
Audacious painters have nine worthies made,
But poet Decius more audacious far,
Making his mistress march with men of war,
With title of tenth worthy doth her lade;
Methinks that gull did use his terms as fit,
Which termed his love a giant for her wit.
If Gella's beauty be examined,
She hath a dull dead eye, a saddle rose,
An ill-shaped face, with morphew overspread,
And rotten teeth which she in laughing shows.
Briefly, she is the filthiest wench in town,
Of all that do the art of whoring use;
But when she hath put on her sattin gown,
Her out-lawn apron, and her velvet shoes,
Her green silk stockings, and her petticoat
Of taffeta, with golden fringe a-round;
And is withal perfumed with civet hot,
Which doth her valiant stinking breath confound;
Yet she with these additions is no more,
Then a sweet, filthy, fine, ill-favored whore.
Sylla is often challenged to the field,
To answer like a gentleman his foes,
But when doth he his only answer yield,
That he hath livings and fair lands to loose :
Sylla, if none but beggars valiant were,
The king of Spain would put us all in fear.
Who dares affirm that Sylla dare not fight?
When I dare swear he dares adventure more,
Than the most brave, most all-daring wight,
That ever arms with resolution bore:
He that dare touch the most unwholesome whore,
That ever was retired into the spital;
And dares court wenches standing at a door, The portion of his wit being passing little : He that dares give his dearest friends offences, Which other valiant fools do fear to do;
And when a fever doth confound his senses,
Dare eat raw beef, and drink strong wine thereto :
He that dares take tobacco on the stage,
Dares man a whore at noon-day through the street,
Dares dance in Paul's, and in this formal age,
Dares say and do whatever is unmeet:
Whom fear of shame could never yet affright,
Who dares affirm that Sylla dares not fight?
Haywood which in epigrams did excel,
Is now put down since my light muse arose;
As buckets are put down into a well,
Or as a school-boy putteth down his hose.
Amongst the poets Dacus number'd is,
Yet could he never make an English rhyme,
But some prose speeches I have heard of his,
Which have been spoken many a hundred time.
The man that keeps the elephant hath one,
Wherein he tells the wonders of the beast;
Another Banks pronounced long ago,
When he his curtail's qualities express'd:
He first taught him that keeps the monuments
At Westminster, his formal tale to say,
And also him with puppets represents,
And also hin which with the ape doth play;
Though all his poetry be like to this,
Amongst the poets numbered is.
When Priscus raised from low to high estate,
Rode through the street in pompous jollity,
Caius his poor familiar friend of late,
Bespake him thus, Sir, now you know not me:
"Tis likely friend (quoth Priscus) to be so,
For at this time myself I do not know.
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