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Therefore at first I will express at full,
Who is a true and perfect gull indeed.
A gull is he who fears a velvet gown,
And when a wench is brave, dares not speak to her:
A gull is he which traverseth the town,
And is for marriage known a common wooer.
A gull is he, which while he proudly wears,
A silver hilted rapier by his side,
Indures the lies, and knocks about the ears,
Whilst in his sheath, his sleeping sword doth bide.
A gull is he which wears good handsome clothes,
And stands in presence stroking up his hair,
And fills up his imperfect speech with oaths,
But speaks not one wise word throughout the year:
But to define a gull in terms precise,
A gull is he which seems, and is not wise.
Rufus the Courtier, at the theatre,
Leaving the best and most conspicuous place,
Doth either to the stage himself transfer,
Or through a grate, doth shew his double face.
For that the clamorous fry of Inns of court,
Fills up the private rooms of greater price,
And such a place where all may have resort,
He in his singularity doth despise.
Yet doth not his particular humour shun
The common stews and brothels of the town,
Though all the world in troops do thither run,
Clean and unclean, the gentle and the clown :
Then why should Rufus in his pride abhor,
A common seat, that loves a common whore.
IN QUINTUM. 4. Quintus the Dancer useth evermore, His feet in measure, and in rule to move, Yet on a time he called his mistress whore, And thought with that sweet word to win her love; Oh had his tongue like to his feet been taught, It never would have uttered such a thought.
Faustinus, Sextus, Cinna, Ponticus,
With Gella, Lesbia, Thais, Rhodope,
Rode all to Staines for no cause serious,
But for their mirth, and for their lechery.
Scarce were they settled in their lodging, when
Wenches, with wenches, men with men fell out : Men with their wenches, wenches with their men, Which straight dissolves, this ill assembled rout.
But since the devil brought them thus together,
To my discoursing thoughts it is a wonder,
Why presently as soon as they came thither,
The self same devil did them part asunder.
Doubtless it seems it was a foolish devil
That thus did part them, ere they did some evil.
Titus the brave and valorous young gallant,
Three years together in this town had been,
Yet my Lord Chancellor's tomb he hath not seen,
Nor the new water-work, nor the elephant:
I cannot tell the cause without a smile,
He hath been in the Counter all this while.
Faustus not lord, nor knight, nor wise, nor old,
To every place about the town doth ride,
He rides into the fields, plays to behold,
He rides to take boat at the water-side ;
He rides to Pauls, he rides to th' ordinary,
He rides unto the house of bawdry too:
Thither his horse so often doth him carry,
That shortly he will quite forget to go.
Kate being pleased, wish'd that her pleasure could
Endure as long as a buff jerkin would :
Content thee Kate, although thy pleasure wasteth,
Thy pleasure's place like a buff jerkin lasteth:
For no buff jerkin hath been oftener worn,
Nor hath more scrapings or more dressings borne.
IN LIBRUM. 9. Liber doth vaunt how chastely he hath liv'd, Since he hath been in town seven years and more, For that he swears he hath four only swiv'd, A maid, a wife, a widow and a whore:
Then Liber thou hast swiv'd all womenkind,
For a fifth sort I know thou canst not find.
IN ME DoN TEM. 10.
Great Captain Medon wears a chain of gold,
Which at five hundred crowns is valued,
For that it was his grandsire's chain of old,
When great king Henry Bullogne conquered.
And wear it Medon, for it may ensue,
That thou by virtue of this massy chain,
A stronger town than Bullogne may'st subdue,
If wise men's saws be not reputed vain.
For what said Philip king of Macedon 2
There is no castle so well fortified,
But if an ass laden with gold come on,
The guard will stoop, and gates fly open wide.
Gella, if thou dost love thyself, take heed,
Lest thou my rhymes, unto thy lover read,
For straight thou grinn'st, and then thy lover seeth,
Thy canker-eaten gums and rotten teeth.
IN QUINTUM. 12.
Quintus his wit infused into his brain,
Misliked the place, and fled into his feet,
And there it wanders up and down the streets,
Dabbled in the dirt, and soaked in the rain.
Doubtless his wit intends not to aspire,
Which leaves his head to travel in the mire.
The puritan Severus oft doth read,
This text that doth pronounce vain speech a sin,
That thing defiles a man that doth proceed
From out the mouth, not that which enters in.
Hence is it, that we seldom hear him swear,
And thereof like a Pharisee he vaunts,
But he devours more capons in a year,
Than would suffice a hundred protestants.
And sooth those sectaries are gluttons all,
As well the thread-bare cobbler as the knight,
For those poor slaves which have not wherewithal,
Feed on the rich, till they devour them quite.
And so like Pharaoh's kine, they eat up clean,
Those that be fat, yet still themselves be lean.
Leuca in presence once a fart did let,
Some laughed a little, she forsook the place;
And mad with shame, did eke her glove forget,
Which she return'd to fetch with bashful grace:
And when she would have said my glove,
My fart (quod she) which did more laughter move.
Thou canst not speak yet Macer, for to speak,
Is to distinguish sounds significant;
Thou with harsh noise, the air dost rudely break,
But what thou utterest common sense doth want: