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Orl. My lord, the first time that I ever saw him,
Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY.
Jaq. There is, sure, another flood toward, and these couples are coming to the ark! Here comes a pair of very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools.
Touch. Salutation and greeting to you all!
Jaq. Good my lord, bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded gentleman, that I have so often met in the forest: he hath been a courtier, he swears.
Touch. If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.
Jaq. And how was that ta'en up?
Touch. 'Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.
Jaq. How seventh cause?-Good my lord, like this fellow. Duke S. I like him very well.
Touch. God'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear, and to forswear; according as marriage binds, and blood breaks. A poor virgin, sir, an ill-favored thing, sir, but mine own; a poor humor of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will. Rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house; as your pearl in your foul oyster.
Duke S. By my faith, he is very swift and sententious. Touch. According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.
Jaq. But, for the seventh cause; how did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause?
Touch. Upon a lie seven times removed. Bear your body more seeming, Audrey:-as thus, sir. I did dislike. the cut of a certain courtier's beard; he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was: this is called the Retort courteous. If I send him word again, it was not well cut, he would send me word, he cut it to please himself: this is called the Quip modest. If again,
it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment: this is called the Reply churlish. If again, it was not well cut, he would answer, I spake not true: this is called the Reproof valiant. If again, it was not well cut, he would say, I lie: this is called the Countercheck quarrelsome: and so the Lie circumstantial, and the Lie direct.
Jaq. And how oft did you say, his beard was not well cut?
Touch. I durst go no further than the Lie circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie direct; and so we measured swords, and parted.
Jaq. Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?
Touch. O, sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you have books for good manners. I will name you the degrees. The first, the Retort courteous; the second, the Quip modest; the third, the Reply churlish; the fourth, the Reproof valiant; the fifth, the Countercheck quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with circumstance; the seventh, the Lie direct. All these you may avoid, but the lie direct, and you may avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel; but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as If you said so, then I said so; and they shook hands, and swore brothers. Your If is the only peace-maker; much virtue in If.
Jaq. Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? He's as good at any thing, and yet a fool.
Duke S. He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the presentation of that, he shoots his wit.
Enter HYMEN leading ROSALIND in women's clothes; and
Hym. Then is there mirth in heaven,
Good duke, receive thy daughter;
That thou might'st join her hand with his
Ros. To you I give myself, for I am yours.- [To Duke S. To you I give myself, for I am yours. [TO ORLANDO. Duke S. If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter. VOL. I.-41
Orl. If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind. Phe. If sight and shape be true, Why then, my love adieu!
Ros. I'll have no father, if you be not he.
Of these most strange events:
If truth holds true contents.
[To Duke S. [TO ORLANDO. [To PHEBE.
[To ORLANDO and ROSALIND. You and you are heart in heart: [To OLIVER and CELIA. You [To PHEBE.] to his love must accord, Or have a woman to your lord: You and you are sure together,
[To TOUCHSTONE and AUDRey.
As the winter to foul weather.
Duke S. O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me; Even daughter, welcome in no less degree.
Phe. I will not eat my word, now thou art mine; Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine. [To SILVIUS.
Enter JAQUES DE BOIS.
Jaq. de B. Let me have audience for a word or two;
In his own conduct purposely to take
Welcome, young man:
Play, music; -and you, brides and bridegrooms all,
Jaq. Sir, by your patience; if I heard you rightly,
Jaq. To him will I; out of these convertites There is much matter to be heard and learned.You to your former honor I bequeath: [To Duke S. Your patience and virtue well deserve it: your You To ORLANDO.] to a love that your true faith doth
You [To OLIVER.] to your land and love, and great
Is but for two months victualled. So to your pleasures; I am for other than for dancing measures.
Duke S. Stay, Jaques, stay.
Jaq. To see no pastime, I.-What you would have, I'll stay to know at your abandoned cave.
Duke S. Proceed, proceed. We will begin these rites, And we do trust they'll end in true delights.
Ros. It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue; but it is no more unhandsome, than to see the lord the prologue. If it be true, that good wine needs no bush, 'tis true that a good play needs no epilogue: yet to good wine they do use good bushes; and good plays prove the better by the help of good epilogues. What a case am I in, then, that am neither a good epilogue, nor cannot insinuate with you in the behalf of a good play? I am not furnished like a beggar; therefore to beg will not become me. My way is, to conjure you; and I'll begin with the women. I charge you, O women, for the love you bear to men, to like as much of this play as please you and I charge you, O men, for the love you bear to women, (as I perceive, by your simpering, none of you hate them,) that between you and the women the play may please. If I were a woman, I would kiss as many of you as had beards that pleased me, complexions that liked me, and breaths that I defied not; and I am sure, as many as have good beards, or good faces, or sweet breaths, will, for my kind offer, when I make courtesy, bid me farewell.