She shall go with him :- her mother hath in- The better to denote her to the doctor, SCENE III. The Street in Windsor. Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Dr. Caius. Mrs. Page. Master doctor, my daughter is in green; when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and despatch it quickly: Go before into the park; we two must go together. Caius. I know vat I have to do; Adieu. Mrs. Page. Fare you well, sir. [Exit Caius.] My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me: of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's marAnd here it rests,-that you'll procure the vicarrying my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better To stay for me at church, 'twixt twelve and one, And, in the lawful name of marrying, To give our hearts united ceremony. Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar: Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest. ACT V. [Exeunt. SCENE 1. A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter Falstaff and Mrs. Quickly. Fal. Pr'ythee, no more prattling ;-go.-I'll hold: This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers. Away, go; they say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.-Away. Quick. I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. Fal. Away, Isay; time wears: hold up your [Exit Mrs. Quickly. head and mince. Enter Ford. How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the Inatter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall see wonders. a little chiding, than a great deal of heart-break. Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mrs. Page. If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be mocked. Mrs. Ford. We'll betray him finely. Those that betray them do no treachery. Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Fairies. Eva. Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember the pit; and when I give the watch-'or da, do as your parts; be pold, I pray you; follow me into I pid you; Come, come; trib, trib. [Exeunt. SCENE V. Another part of the Park. Enter Falstaff disguised, with a buck's head on. Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute draws on: Now, the hot-blooded gods Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as assist me ;-Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull you told me you had appointed? for thy Europa; love set on thy horns-O powFal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, erful love! that in some respects, makes a beast like a poor old man: but I came from her, mas-a man; in some other, a man a beast.-You were ter Brook, like a poor old woman. That same also, Jupiter, a swan, for the love of Leda ;-0, knave, Ford, her husband, hath the finest mad omnipotent love! how near the god drew to the devil of jealousy in him, master Brook, that complexion of a goose ?-A fault done first in ever governed frenzy. I will tell you.-He beat the form of a beast;-0 Jove, a beastly fault! and me grievously in the shape of a woman; for in then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; the shape of man, master Brook, I fear not Go- think on't, Jove: a foul fanlt.-When gods have liath with a weaver's beam; because I know hot backs, what shall poor men do ? For me, I also, life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, with me; I'll tell you all, master Brook. Since i' the forest: send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or I plucked geese, played truant,and whipped top, who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who I knew not what it was to be beaten, till lately. comes here ? my doe ? Follow me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford: on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow: Strange things in hand, master Brook! follow. [Exeunt. SCENE II. Windsor Park. Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender. Page. Come, come; we'll couch i' the castleditch, till we see the light of our fairies.-Remember, son Slender, my daughter. Enter Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Page. Mrs. Ford. Sir John? art thou there, my deer, my male deer? Fal. My doe with the black scut 7-Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune o. Green Sleeves; hail kissing-comfits, and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest of provoca tion, I will shelter me here. [Embracing her. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page is come with me. sweetheart. Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, Fal. Divide me like a bride-buck, each a and we have a nay word how to know one ano-haunch: I will keep my sides to myself, my ther. I come to her in white, and cry, mum; shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my she cries, budget; and by that we know one ano-horns I bequeath your husbands. Am I a woodther. man? hal Speak I like Herne the hunter ?- Mrs. Page. Alas! What noise? Away, away. [They run off Fal. I think, the devil will not have me damn-1 ed, lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me thus. Enter Sir Hugh Evans, like a satyr; Mrs. Quickly, und Pistol; Anne Page, as the Fairy Queen, attended by her brother and others, dressed like fairies, with waxen tapers on their heads. Quick. Fairies, black, gray, green, and white, Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap: unswept, There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry: shall die: eye. I'll wink and couch: No man their works must Eva. Where's Pede-Go you, and where you [Lies down upon his face. find a maid, That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said, Raise up the organs of her fantasy, Sleep she as sound as careless infancy; But those as sleep, and think not on their sins, Pinch them, arins, legs, backs, shoulders, sides and shins. Quick. About, about; Search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out: And nightly, meadow-fairies, look, you sing, And twenty glowworms shall our lanterns be, Quick. With trial fire touch me his finger-end; Come, Eva. Come, will this wood take fire? Quick. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire! SONG. Fye on sinful fantasy! Fed in heart; whose flames aspire, Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about, out. During this song, the fairies pinch Falstaff. Enter Page, Ford, Mrs. Page, and Mrs. Ford. Page. Nay, do not fly: I think, we have Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn? Mrs. Page. I pray you, come; hold up the jest no higher : wives? See you these, husband 7 do not these fair yokes Ford. Now, sir, who's a cuckold now ?-Maater Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldy knave; here are his horns, master Brook: And, master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money, which must be paid to master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, master Brook. Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck, we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again, but I will always count you my deer. an ass. Ford. Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are extant. Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three. or four times in the thought, they were not fairies; and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossdespite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that ness of the foppery into a received belief, in made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employthey were fairies. See now, how wit may be ment! Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you. Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Evu. And leave you your jealousies too, 1 pray you. Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in good English. dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross Fal. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and o'er-reaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? Shall I have a coxcomb of frize? 'tis cheese. time I were choked with a piece of toasted Eva. Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is all putter. Fal. Seese and putter ? Have I lived to stand at the tannt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late walking through the realm. Mrs. Page. Why, Sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have the devil could have made you our delight? given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax? Mrs. Page. A puffed man? Page. Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails? Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan? Ford. And as wicked as his wife? Eva. And given to fornications, and to ta- green; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor verns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and at the deanery, and there married. to drinkings, and swearings and starings, pribbles and prabbles7 Fal Well, I am your theme; you have the start of me I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel, ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me: use me as you will. Ford. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor,to one master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that money will be a biting affliction. Mrs. Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make amends; Forgive that suri, and so we'll all be friends. Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven at last. Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat 8 posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: Tell her, master Slender hath married Der daughter. Mrs. Page. Doctors doubt that: If Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by this, doctor Caius [Aside. wife. Enter Slender. Slen. Whoo! ho! ho! father Page! Page. Son! how now? how now son ? have you despatched? Sten. Despatched!-I'll make the best in Gloucestershire know on't: 'would, I were hanged, la, else. Page. Of what, son? Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy. If it had not been i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir, and 'tis a post-master's boy. Page. Upon my life then you took the wrong, Sten. What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl: If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had him. Page. Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you, how you should know my daughter by her garments? Sten. I went to her in white, and cry'd mum; and she cry'd budget, as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a postmaster's boy. Eva. Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see but marry poys? Page. O, I am vexed at heart: What shall I do? Mrs. Puge. Good George, be not angry: 1 knew of your purpose: turned my daughter into Enter Cains. Caius. Vere is mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened: I ha' married un garcon, a boy; un paisan, by gar, a boy: it is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozened. Mrs. Page. Why, did you take her in green? Caius. Ay, be gar, and 'tis a boy; be gar, I'll raise all Windsor. [Exit Cains. Ford. This is strange! Who hath got the right Anne 7 Page. My heart misgives me: Here comes master Fenton. Enter Fenton and Anne Page. How now, master Fenton ? Anne. Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon! Page. Now, mistress! how chance you went not with master Slender ? Mrs. Page. Why went you not with master doctor, maid? Fent. You do amaze her: Hear the truth of it. You would have married her most shamefully, Where there was no proportion held in love. The truth is, she and I, long since contracted, Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us. The offence is holy that she hath committed: And this deceit loses the name of craft, Of disobedience, or unduteous title; Since therein she doth evitate and shun A thousand irreligious cursed hours, Which forced marriage would have brought upon her. state: Ford. Stand not amazed here is no remedy: In love, the heavens themselves do guide the Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a spe cial stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced. Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy ! What cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd. Heaven give you many, many merry days! Ford. Let it be so-Sir John, To master Brook you yet shall hold your word; For he to-night shall fie with mistress Ford. [Exeunt. TWELFTH NIGHT; OR, WHAT YOU WILL. PERSONS REPRESENTED. ORSINO, Duke of Illyria. SIR ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK. ANTONIO, a Sea Captain, friend to Sebas tian. Duke. SIR TOBY BELCH, Uncle of Olivia. Lords, Priests, Sailors, Officers, Musicians, and other Attendants. Scene-A City in Illyria; and the Sea Coast near it. ACT I. SCENEI. An Apartment in the Duke's Palace. Ent. Duke, Curio, Lords; Musicians attending. Duke. If musick be the food of love, play on, Give me excess of it; that surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die. O spirit of love, how quick and fresh art thou ! He was a bachelor then. That notwithstanding thy capacity Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there, Duke. Cur. The hart. Duke. Why, so I do, the noblest that I have: O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first, Methought, she purged the air of pestilence; That instant was I turn'd into a hart; And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds, E'er since pursue me.-How now ? what news from her? Enter Valentine. Val. So please my lord, I might not be admitted, But from her handmaid do return this answer: And lasting, in her sad remembrance. Сар. And so is now, Or was so very late: for but a month Vio. What's she? Cap. A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count That died some twelvemonth since; then leaving her In the protection of his son, her brother, Vio. Vio. There is a fair behaviour in thee, captain; And though that nature with a beauteous wall Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee I will believe, thou hast a mind that suits Duke. O, she, that hath a heart of that fine The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke; frame, To pay this debt of love but to a brother, (Her sweet perfections) with one self king! SCENE II. The Sea Coast. Enter Viola, Captain, and Sailors. Vio. What country, friends, is this? Сар. Illyria, lady. Vio. And what should I do in Illyria ? My brother he is in Elysium. Perchance he is not drown'd:-What think you, sailors? Cap. It is perchance that you yourself were saved. Vio. O my poor brother! and so, perchance, may he be. Cap. True, madam and to comfort you with chance, Assure yourself, after our ship did split, When you, and that poor number saved with you, Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother, To a strong mast, that lived upon the sea. Not three hours' travel from this very place. As in his name. A noble duke, in nature, Vio. What is his name? Orsino. Vio. Orsino! I have heard my father name Aim: Thou shalt present me as an eunuch to him, Cap. Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be: When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see! Vio. I thank thee: Lead me on. [Exeuns. SCENE III. A Room in Olivia's House. Enter Sir Toby Belch and Maria. Sir To. What a plague means my niece, to take the death of her brother thus? I am sure, care's an enemy to life. Mar. By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o'nights; your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours. Sir To. Why, let her except before excepted. Mar. Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of order. Sir To. Confine? I'll confine myself no finer than I am: these clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too; an they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps. Mar. That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish knight, that you brought in one night here, to be her wooer. Sir To. Who, Sir Andrew Ague-cheek? Sir To. He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria. Sir To. Why, he has three thousand ducats a year. Mar. Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats; he's a very fool and a prodigal. Sir To. Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o'the viol-de-gambo, and speaks three or four languages word for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of nature. Mar. He hath, indeed,-almost natural: for, besides that he's a fool, he's a great quarreller; and, but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the prudent, he would quickly have the gift of a grave. Sir To. By this hand they are scoundrels, and substractors, that say so of him. Who are they? Mar. They that add moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company. Sir To. With drinking healths to my niece; I'll drink to her, as long as there is a passage in my throat, and drink in Illyria: He's a coward, and a coystril, that will not drink to my niece, till his brains turn o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench? Castiliano volto; for here comes Sir Andrew Ague-face. Enter Sir Andrew Ague-cheek. Sir And. I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the strangest mind i' the world; I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether. Sir To. Art thou good at these kickshaws, knight? Sir And. As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare with an old man. Sir To. What is thy excellence in a galliard, Sir And. Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby knight? Sir To. Sweet Sir Andrew ! Sir And. Bless you, fair shrew. Mar. And you too, sir. Sir To. Accost, Sir Andrew, accost. Sir And. What's that? Sir To. My niece's chamber-maid. Sir And. 'Faith, I can cut a caper. Sir To. And I can cut the mutton to't. Sir And. And, I think I have the back trick, simply as strong as any man in Illyria. Sir To. Wherefore are these things hid 7 wherefore have these gifts a curtain before them? are they like to take dust, like Mistress Mall's pic Sir And. Good mistress Accost, I desire better ture? why dost thou not go to church in a gal acquaintance Mar. My name is Mary, sir. Sir And. Good mistress Mary Accost,Sir To. You mistake, knight: accost, is, front her, board her, woo her, assail her. Sir And. By mytroth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of accost? Mar. Fare you well, gentlemen. Sir To. Anthou let part so, Sir Andrew, 'would thou might'st never draw sword again. Sir And. An you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand? Mar Sir, I have not you by the hand. Sir And. Marry, but you shall have; and here's my hand. Mar. Now, sir, thought is free: I pray you, bring your hand to the buttery-bar, and let it drink. Sir And. Wherefore, sweetheart? what's your metaphor? Mar. It's dry, sir. Sir And. Why, I think so; I am not such an ass, but I can keep my hand dry. But what's your jest? Mar. A dry jest, sir. Sir And. Are you full of them? Mar. Ay, sir; I have them at my fingers' ends: marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren. [Exit Maria. liard, and come home in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not so much as make water, but in a sink-a-pace. What dost thou mean? is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard." Sir And. Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a flame-coloured stock. Shall we set about some revels! Sir To. What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus? Sir And. Taurus 7 that's sides and heart. Sir To. No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee caper; ha! higher: ha, ha!-excellent! [Exeunt. SCENE IV. A Room in the Duke's Palace Enter Valentine and Viola in man's attire. Val. If the Duke continue these favours to wards you, Cesario, you are like to be much advanced; he hath known you but three days, and already you are no stranger. Vio. You either fear his humour, or my neg. ligence, that you call in question the continuance of his love: Is he inconstant, sir, in his favours? Val. No, believe me. Enter Duke, Curio, and Attendants. Vio. I thank you. Here comes the count. Sir To. O knight, thou lack'st a cup of caDuke. Who saw Cesario, ho? nary: When did I see thee so put down? Vio. On your attendance, my lord; here. Sir And. Never in your life, I think; unless Duke. Stand you awhile aloof.-Cesario, you see canary put me down: Methinks, some-Thou know'st no less but all; I have unciasp'd times I have no more wit than a christian, or an ordinary man has: but I am a great eater of beef, and, I believe, that does harm to my wit. Sir To. No question. Sir And. An I thought that, I'd forswear it. I'll ride home to-morrow, Sir Toby. Sir To. Pourquoy, my dear knight? Sir And What is pourquoy? do or not do? I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues, that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting: O, had I but followed the arts? Sir To. Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair? Sir And. Why, would that have mended my hair ? Sir To. Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by nature. Sir And. But it becomes me well enough, does't not? Sir To. Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs and spin it off. Sir And. 'Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby your niece will not be seen; or, if she be, it's four to one she'll one of me: the count himself, here hard by, woos her. Sir To. She'll none o' the count; she'll not match above her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her swear it. Tu, there's life in't man. To thee the book even of my secret soul: Sure, my noble lord, Duke. O, then unfold the passion of my love, Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith: It shall become thee well to act my woes; She will attend it better in thy youth, Than in a nuncio of more grave aspect. Vio. I think not so, my lord. Duke. Dear lad, believe it For they shall yet belie thy happy years That say, thou art a man: Diana's lip Is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe Is as the maiden's organ, shrill and sound, And all is semblative a woman's part. I know thy constellation is right apt For this affair:-Some four or five attend him; All, if you will; for I myself am best, When least in company :-Prosper well in this, And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord, To call his fortunes thing. |