ACT II. SCENE I. Rochester. An Inn Yard. Enter a Carrier, with a lantern in his hand. 1 Car. Heigh ho! An't be not four by the day, I'll be hanged: Charles' Wain is over the new chimney, and yet our horse not packed. What, ostler! Ost. [Within.] Anon, anon. I Car. I pr'ythee, Tom, beat Cut's saddle, put a few flocks in the point: the poor jade is wrung in the withers out of all cess. 1 Car. Poor fellow! never joyed since the price of oats rose; it was the death of him. 2 Car. I think, this be the most villanous house in all London road for fleas: I am stung like a tench. 1 Car. Like a tench? by the mass, there is ne'er a king in Christendom could be better bit than have been since the first cock. 2 Car. Why, they will allow us ne'er a jorden, and then we leak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie breeds fleas like a loach. 1 Car What, ostler! come away and be hanged, come away. I 2 Car. I have a gammon of bacon, and two razes of ginger, to be delivered as far as Charing Crosa. 1 Car 'Odsbody! the turkeys in my pannier are quite starved-What, ostler 1-A plague on thee! hast thou never an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An 'twere not as good a deed as drink, to break the pate of thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged:-Hast no faith in thee? Enter Gadshill. Gads. Good morrow, carriers. What's o'clock? 1 Car. I think it be two o'clock. Gads. I pr'ythee, lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding in the stable. 1 Car. Nay, soft, I pray ye; I know a trick worth two of that, i' faith. Gads. I pr'ythee, lend me thine. 2 Car. Ay, when? canst tell?-Lend me thy lantern, quoth a?-marry, I'll see thee hanged first. Gade. Surrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London 7 2 Car. Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant thee.-Come, neighbour Mugs, we'll call up the gentlemen; they will along with company, for they have great charge. [Exeunt Carriers. Gads. What, ho! chamberlain ! Cham. Within.] At hand, quoth pick-purse. Gads. That's even as fair as-at hand, quoth the chamberlain: for thou variest no more from picking of purses, than giving direction doth from labouring; thou lay'st the plot how. Gads. What talk'st thou to me of the hangman? if I hang, I'll make a fat pair of gallows: for, if I hang, old Sir John hangs with me; and, thou knowest, he's no starveling. Tut! there are other Trojans that thou dreamest not of, the which, for sport sake, are content to do the profession some grace; that would, if matters should be looked into, for their own credit sake, make all whole. I am joined with no foot landrakers, no long-staff, sixpenny strikers; none of these mad, mustachio, purple-hued maltworms: but with nobility, and tranquillity; burgomasters, and great oneyers; such as can hold in; such as will strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner than pray: And yet I lie; for they pray continually to their saint, the commonwealth; or, rather, not pray to her, but prey on her; for they ride up and down on her, and make her their boots. Cham. What, the commonwealth their boots 7 will she hold out water in foul way? Gads She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We steal as in a castle, cock-sure; we have the receipt of fern-seed, we walk invisible, Cham. Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholden to the night, than to fern-seed, for your walking invisible. Gads. Give me thy hand; thou shalt have a share in our purchase, as I am a true man. Cham. Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief. Gads. Go to; Homo is a common name to all men. Bid the ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell, you muddy knave. [Exeunt. SCENE II. The Road by Gadshill. Poins. Come, shelter, shelter: 1 have removed Enter Falstaff. Fal. Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins! P. Hen. He is walked up to the top of the hill; I'll go seek him. [Pretends to seck Poins Fal. I am accursed to rob in that thief's company: the rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I know not where. If I travel but four foot by the squire further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I 'scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly, any time this two-and-twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue's company. If the rascal have not given me medicines to make me love him, I'll be hanged; It could not be else; I have drunk medicines.Poins!-Hal!-a plague upon you both!Bardolph-Peto!-I'll starve, ere I'll rob a foot further. An 'twere not as good a deed as drink, Cham. Good morrow, master Gadshill. It to turn true man, and leave these rogues, I am holds current, that I told you yesternight: the veriest varlet that ever chew'd with a tooth. There's a franklin in the wild of Kent, hath Eight yards of uneven ground, is threescore and brought three hundred marks with him in gold: ten miles afoot with me; and the stony-hearted I heard him tell it to one of his company, last villains know it well enough: A plague upon't, night at supper; kind of auditor; one that when thieves cannot be true to one another! hath abundance of charge too, God knows what. [They whistle.] Whew!-A plague upon you They are up already, and call for eggs and all! Give me my horse, you rogues; give me my butter: They will away presently. horse, and be hanged. Enter Chamberlain. Gads. Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas' clerks, I'll give thee this neck. P. Hen. Peace, ye fat-guts; lie down; lay thine ear close to the ground, and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers. Cham. No, I'll none of it: I pr'ythee, keep that for the hangman; for, I know, thou wor- Fal. Have you any levers to lift me up again, ship'st Saint Nicholas as truly as a man of false-being down 7 'Sblood, I'll not bear mine own hood may. flesh so far afoot again, for all the coin in thy father's exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus? P. Her. Thou liest, thou art not colted, thou art uncolted. Fal. I pr'ythee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse: good king's son. P. Hen. Out, you rogue! shall I be your ostler ? Fal. Go, hang thyself in thy own heir-apparent garters! If I be ta'en, I'll peach for this. An I have not ballads made on you all, and sung to filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison: When a jest is so forward, and afoot too,-I hate it. light on us. Peto. How many be there of them? Fal. Zounds! will they not rob us? P. Hen. What, a coward, Sir John Paunch? Fal. Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather; but yet no coward, Hal. P. Hen. Well, we leave that to the proof. Poins. Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge; when thou needest him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell, and stand fast. Fal. Now cannot I strike him, if I should be banged. P. Hen. Ned, where are our disguises? [Exeunt P. Hen. and Poins. Fal. Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I; every man to his business. 1 Trav. O, we are undone, both we and ours, for ever. P. Hen. Your money. Poins. Villains. [Rushing out upon them [As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them. Falstaff, after a blow or two, and the rest, run away, leaving their booty Now merrily behind them. Hen. Got with much ease. to horse : P. The thieves are scatter'd, and possess'd with fear So strongly, that they dare not meet each other; Each takes his fellow for an officer. Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death, And lards the lean earth as he walks along: Wer't not for laughing, 1 should pity him. Poins. How the rogue roar'd! [Exeunt. SCENE III. Warkworth. A Room in the Castle. Enter Hotspur, reading a Letter. But, for mine own part, my lord, I could be well contented to be there, in respect of the love I bear your house-He could be contented,-Why is he not then? In the respect of the love he bears our house:-he shows in this, he loves his own barn better than he loves our house. Let me see some more. The purpose you undertake is dangerous;-Why, that's certain; 'tis dangerous to take a cold, to sleep, to drink! but I tell you, my lord fool, out of this nettle danger, we pluck this flower, safety. The purpose you undertake is dangerous; the friends you have named, uncertain; the time itself unsorted; and your whole plot too light, for the counterpoise of so great an opposition.-Say you so, say you so? I say unto you again, you are a shallow, cowardly hind, and you lie. What a lack-brain is this? By the Lord our plot is a good plot as ever was laid; our friends true and constant; a good plot, good friends, and full of expectation: an excellent plot, very good friends. What a frosty-spirited rogue is this? Why, my lord of York commends the plot, and the general course of the action. 'Zounds, an I were now by this rascal, I could brain him with his lady's fan. Is there not my father, my uncle, and myself? Lord Edmund Mortimer, my lord of York, and Owen Glendower? Is there not, besides, the Douglas? Have I not all their letters, to meet me in arms by the ninth of the next month; and are they not, some of them, set forward already? What a pagan rascal is this? an infidel? Ha! you shall see now, in very sincerity of fear and cold heart, will he to the king and lay open all our proceedings. O, f could divide myself, and go to buffets, for moving such a dish of skimmed milk with so honourable an action! Hang him! let him tell the king; We are prepared: I will set forward to-night. Enter Lady Percy. two hours. Fal. Hang ye, gorbellied knaves: Are ye un-How now, Kate? I must leave you within these done? No, ye fat chuffs; I would, your store were here! On, bacons, on! What' ye knaves? young men must live: You are grand jurors are ye? We'll jure ye, i'faith. [Exeunt Fal. &c. driving the Travellers out. Re-enter Prince Henry and Poins. P. Hen. The thieves have bound the true men: Now could thou and I rob the thieves, and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week, laughter for a month, and a good jest for ever. Poins. Stand close, I hear them coming. Fal. Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day. An the prince and Poins be not two arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring: there's no more valour in that Poins, than in a wild duck. alone? Lady. O my good lord, why are you thus Tell me, sweet lord, what is't that takes from thee A banish'd woman from my Harry's bed? talk'd Of sallies, and retires; of trenches, tents, [Exit Servant. Lady. But hear you, my lord. I'll know your business, Harry, that I will. I fear my brother Mortimer doth stir Hot. So far afoot, I shall be weary, love. Lady. Come, come, you paraquito, answer me In faith, I'll break thy little finger, Harry, Away, you trifler!-Love? I love thee not, What say'st thou, Kate? what would'st thou have with me? Lady. Do you not love me? do you not indeed Well, do not then; for since you love me not, I will not love myself. Do you not love me?' Nay, tell me, if you speak in jest, or no. Hot. Come, wilt thou see me ride? And when I am o' horseback, I will swear I love thee infinitely. But hark you, Kate; I must not have you henceforth question me Whither I go, nor reason whereabout: Whither I must, I must: and, to conclude, This evening must I leave you, gentle Kate. I know you wise; but yet no further wise, Than Harry Percy's wife: constant you are; But yet a woman: and for secrecy, No lady closer; for I well believe, Thou wilt not utter what thou dost not know; And so far will I trust thee, gentle Kate! Lady. How! so far? Hot. Not an inch farther. But hark you, Kate; Whither I go, thither shall yon go too; Today will I set forth, to-morrow yon.Will this content you, Kate? Lady. It must, of force. [Exeunt. SCENE IV. Eastcheap. A Room in the Boar's Head Tavern. Enter Prince Henry and Poins. P. Hen. Ned, pr'ythee, come out of that fat roon, and lend me thy hand to laugh a little. ? Poins. Where hast been, Hal? P. Hen. With three or four loggerheads, amongst three or four score hogsheads. I have sounded the very base string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother to a leash of drawers; and can call them all by their Christian names, asTom, Dick, and Francis. They take it already upon their salvation, that, though I be but prince of Wales, yet I am the king of courtesy; and tell me flatly I am no proud Jack, like Falstaff: but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy, by the lord, so they call me; and when I am king of England, I shall command all the good lads in Eastcheap. They call-drinking deep, dying scarlet; and when you breathe in your watering, they cry-hem! and bid you play it off-To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour, that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honour, that thou wert not with me in this action. But, sweet Ned, to sweeten which name of Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapp'd even now into my hand by an under-skinker; one that never spake other English in his life, thanEight shillings and sixpence, and-You are welcome; with his shrill addition, Anon, anon, sir! Score a pint of bastard in the Half-moon, or so. But, Ned, to drive away the time till Falstaff come, I pr'ythee, do thou stand in some by. room, while f question my puny drawer, to what end he gave me the sugar; and do thou never leave calling-Francis, that his tale to me may be nothing but-anon. Step aside, and I'll show thee a precedent. Poins. Francis! P. Hen. Thou art perfect. Enter Francis. [Exit Poins. Fran. Anon, anon, sir. Look down into the Pomegranate, Ralph. P. Hen. Come hither, Francis. P. Hen. How long hast thou to serve, Francis? P. Hen. Five years! by'rlady a long lease for the clinking of pewter. But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant, as to play the coward with thy indenture, and to show it a fair pair of heels, and run from it? Fran. O lord, sir! I'll be sworn upon all the books in England, I could find in my heartPoins. [Within.] Francis! Fran. Anon, anon, sir. P. Hen. How old art thou, Francis? Fran. Let me see,-About Michaelmas next I shall be Poins. [Within.] Francis! Fran, Anon, sir.-Pray you, stay a little, my lord. P. Hen. Nay, but hark you, Francis: For the sugar thou gavest me, 'twas a pennyworth, was't not? Fran. O lord, sir! I would it had been two. P. Hen. I will give thee for it a thousand pound: ask me when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it. Poins. [Within.] Francis! P. Hen. Anon, Francis ? No, Francis: but to-morrow, Francis; or, Francis, on Thursday; or, indeed, Francis, when thou wilt. But, Fran cis, Fran. My lord? P. Hen. Wilt thou rob this leathern-jerkin. crystal-button, nott-pated, agate-ring, pukestocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch,-. Fran. O ford, sir, who do you mean? P. Hen. Why then, your brown bastard is your only drink: for, look you, Francis, your white canvass doublet will sully: in Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much. Fran. What, sir? Poins. [Within.] Francis! P. Hen. Away, you rogue; Dost thou not hear .hem call? [Here they both call him; the Drawer stands amazed, not knowing which way to go. Enter Vintner. Vint. What! stand'st thou still, and hear'st such a calling? Look to the guests within. [Exit Fran. My lord, old sir John, with half a dozen more, are at the door; Shall I let them in ? P. Hen. Let them alone awhile, and then open the door. [Exit Vintner.] Poins! Re-enter Poitis. Poins. Anon, anon, sir. P. Hen. Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at the door; Shall we be merry? Poins. As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye; What cunning match have you made with this jest of a drawer? come, what's the issue? P. Hen. I am now of all humours, that have show'd themselves humours, since the old days of goodman Adam, to the pupil age of this present twelve o'clock at midnight. [Re-enter Francis with wine.] What's o'clock, Francis? Fran. Anon, anon, sir. P. Hen. Why, you whoreson round man! what's the matter?" Fal. Are you not a coward? answer me to that; and Poins there? Poins. 'Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, I'll stab thee. Fal. I call thee coward! I'll see thee damned ere I call thee coward: but I would give a thousand pound, I could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees your back: Call you that backing of your friends? A plague upon such backing! give me them that will face me.Give me a cup of sack;-I am a rogue, if I drunk to-day. P. Hen. O villain, thy lips are scarce wiped Fal. All's one for that. A plague of all cow- P. Hen. What's the matter? P. Hen. What, a hundred, man? Fal. I am a rogue, if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them two hours together. I have 'scap'd by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the doublet; four, through the hose; my buckler cut through and through; my sword hacked like a hand-saw, ecce signum. I never dealt better since I was a man: all would not P. Hen. That ever this fellow should have do. A plague of all cowards!-let them speak; fewer words than a parrot, and yet the son of a it they speak more or less than truth, they are woman!-His industry is-up-stairs, and down-villains, and the sons of darkness. stairs: his eloquence, the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy's mind, the Hotspur of the north: he that kills me some six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his hands, and says to his wife,-Fie upon this quiet life! I want work. O my sweet Harry, says she, how many hast thou killed to-day? Give my roan horse a drench, says he; and answers, Some fourteen, an hour after; a trifle, a trifle, pr'ythee, call in Falstaff; I'll play Percy, and that damned brawn shall play dame Mortimer his wife. Rivo, says the drunkard. Call in ribs, call in tallow. P. Hen. Speak, sirs; how was it? Fal. And unbound the rest, and then come in the other. P. Hen. What, fought you with them all? Fal. All? I know not what ye call, all: but if I fought not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish: if there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old Jack, then I am no two-leg Poins. 'Pray God, you have not murdered some of them. Enter Falstaff, Gadshill, Bardolph, and Peto. Poins. Welcome, Jack. Where hast thou been? Fal A plague of all cowards, I say, and aged creature. vengeance too! marry, and amen!-Give me a cup of sack, boy.-Ere I lead this life long, I'll sew nether-stocks, and mend them, and foot them A plague of all cowards!-Give me a cup of sack, rogue.-Is there no virtue extant? [He drinks. P. Hen. Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter? pitiful-hearted butter, that melted at the sweet tale of the sun! if thou didst, then behold that compound. too. Fal. You rogue, here's lime in this sack too: There is nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man: Yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in it; a villanous coward. -Go thy ways, old Jack; die when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten herring. There live not three good men unhanged in England; and one of them is fat,and grows old: God help the while! a bad world, I say! I would, I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or any thing: A plague of all cowards, I say still. P. Hen. How now, wool-sack? what mutter you ? Fal. A king's son! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy subjects afore thee like a flock of wild geese, I'll never wear hair on my face more. You prince of Wales! Fal. Nay, that's past praying for: for I have peppered two of them: two, I am sure, I have paid; two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal,-if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward;here 1 lay, and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me,P. Hen. What, four? thou saidst but two, even now. Fal. Four, Hal; I told thee four. Poins. Ay, ay, he said four. Fal. These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado, but took all their seven points in my target, thus. P. Hen. Seven? why, there were but four, even now. Fal. In buckram. Poins. Ay, four, in buckram suits. Fal. Dost thou hear me, Hal? Poins. Down fell their hose. Fal. Began to give me ground: But I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and, with a thought, seven of the eleven I paid. P. Hen. O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two! Ful. What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth, the truth? the court at door, would speak with you: he says he comes from your father. P. Hen. Give him as much as will make him Fal. What manner of man is he 7 Fal. What doth gravity out of his bed at mid- Fal. But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves, in Kendal green, came at my back, and let drive at me ;-for it was so dark, Hal, that thon could'st not see thy hand. P. Hen. These lies are like the father that Fl. 'Faith, and I'll send him packing. [Exit. begets them; gross as a mountain, open, palpa- P. Hen. Now, sirs; by'r lady, you fought fair; ble. Why, thou clay-brained guts: thou knotty-so did you, Petoso did you, Bardolph; pated fool; thou whoreson, obscene, greasy tal-you are lions too, you ran away upon instinct, low-keech,you will not touch the true prince, no,-fie! Bard. 'Faith, I ran when I saw others run. P. Hen. Tell me now in earnest, How came Falstaff's sword so hacked? Peto. Why, he hacked it with his dagger; and said, he would swear truth out of England, but he would make you believe it was done in fight; and persuaded us to do the like. Bard. Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear. grass, to make them bleed; and then to beslubber our garments with it, and to swear it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven year before, I blushed to hear his monstrous devices. P. Hen. Why, how could'st thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thon could'st not see thy hand? come, tell us your reason; What sayest thou to this? Poins. Come, your reason, Jack, your reason. Fal. What, upon compulsion? No; were I at the strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion! if reasons were as plenty as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsión, I. P. Hen. I'll be no longer guilty of this sin: P. Hen. Well, breathe awhile, and then to it P. Hen. O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since thou hast blushed extempore: Thou hast fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou ran'st away; What instinct hadst thou for it 7 Bard. My lord, do you see these meteors 7 do Bard. What think you they portend 7 P. Hen. We two saw you four set on four; you bound them, and were masters of their wealth.Mark now, how plain a tale shall put you down.-Then did we two set on you Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-bone. four: and, with a word, outfaced you from your How now, my sweet creature of bombast? How prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you long is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own here in the house-and, Falstaff, you carried knee 7 your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy, and still ran and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou hast done; and then say, it was in fight ? What trick, what device, what starting hole, canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent share? Poins. Come, let's hear, Jack; What trick hast thou now? Fal. By the Lord, I knew ye, as well as he that made ye. Why, hear ye, my masters: Was it for me to kill the heir apparent ? Should turn upon the true prince? Why, thou knowest, I am as valiant as Hercules: but beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself and thee, during my life; I, for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money.Hostess, clap to the doors; watch to-night, pray to-morrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be merry? shall we have a play extempore? P. Hen. Content ;-and the argument shall be, thy running away. Fal. Ah! no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me. Enter Hostess. Host. My lord the prince, Host. Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of Fal. My own knee? when I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an eagle's talon in the waist; 1 could have crept into an alderman's thumb-ring: a plague of sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a bladder. There's_villanous news abroad: here was Sir John Bracy from your father; You must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the north, Percy; and he of Wales, that gave Amaimon the bastinado, and made Lucifer cuckold, and swore the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh hook,-What, a plague, call you him? Poins. O, Glendower. Fal. Owen, Owen; the same;-and his sonin-law, Mortimer; and old Northumberland; and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs o' horseback up a bill perpendicular. P. Hen. He that rides at high speed, and with his pistol kills a sparrow flying. Fal. You have hit it. P. Hen. So did he never the sparrow. Fal. Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him; he will not run. P. Hen. Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so for running? Fal. O' horseback, ye cuckoo ! but, afoot, he will not budge a foot. P. Hen. Yes, Jack, upon instinct. Fal. I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more; Worcester is stolen away tonight; thy father's beard is turned white with the news; you may buy land now as cheap as stinking mackarel. |