Now thieves to enter for your cash, smash, crash,
Past drowsy Charley, in a deep sleep, creep,
But frightened by Policeman B 3, flee,

And while they're going, whisper low, "No go!"
Now puss, while folks are in their beds, treads leads.
And sleepers waking, grumble: "Drat that cat!"
Who in the gutter caterwauls, squalls, mauls
Some feline foe, and screams in shrill ill will.

Now Bulls of Bashan, of a prize size, rise
In childish dreams, and with a roar gore poor
Georgy, or Charley, or Billy, willy-nilly;—
But Nursemaid, in a nightmare rest, chest-prest,
Dreameth of one of her old flames, James Games,
And that she hears-what faith is man's!-Ann's banns
And his, from Rev. Mr. Rice, twice, thrice:

White ribbons flourish, and a stout shout out,

That upward goes, shows Rose knows those bows' woes!

KATIE'S ANSWER

ANONYMOUS

Och, Katie's a rogue, it is thrue,

But her eyes, like the sky, are so blue,
An' her dimples so swate,

An' her ankles so nate,

She dazed, an' she bothered me, too—

Till one mornin' we wint for a ride,

Whin, demure as a bride, by my side,
The darlint, she.sat,

With the wickedest hat,

'Neath a purty girl's chin iver tied.

An' my heart, arrah, thin how it bate
For my Kate looked so temptin' an' swate,
Wid cheeks like the roses,

An' all the red posies,

That grow in her garden so nate.

But I sat just as mute as the dead,
Till she said, wid a toss of the head,
"If I'd known that to-day

You'd have nothing to say,

I'd have gone wid my cousin instead."

Thin I felt myself grow very bowld,
For I knew she'd not scold if I towld
Uv the love in my heart,
That would never depart,

Tho I lived to be wrinkled an' owld.

An' I said, "If I dared to do so,
I'd lit go uv the baste, an' I'd throw
Both arms 'round yer waist,
An' be stalin' a taste

Uv them lips that are coaxin' me so."

Then she blushed a more illegent red,
As she said, widout raisin' her head,
An' her eyes lookin' down

'Neath her lashes so brown,

"Would ye like me to drive, Misther Ted?"

“’SPÄCIALLY JIM”

ANONYMOUS

I wus mighty good-lookin' when I was young,

Peert an' black-eyed an' slim,

With fellers a-courtin' me Sunday nights, 'Späcially Jim!

The likeliest one of 'em all was he,

Chipper an' han'som' an' trim,

But I tossed up my head an' made fun o' the crowd, 'Späcially Jim!

I said I hadn't no 'pinion o' men,

An' I wouldn't take stock in him!

But they kep' up a-comin' in spite o' my talk, 'Späcially Jim!

I got so tired o' havin' 'em roun'
'Späcially Jim!

I made up my mind I'd settle down
An' take up with him.

So we was married one Sunday in church, "Twas crowded full to the brim;

'Twas the only way to get rid of 'em all, 'Späcially Jim.

AGNES, I LOVE THEE!

ANONYMOUS

I stood upon the ocean's briny shore;
And, with a fragile reed, I wrote
Upon the sand-"Agnes, I love thee!"

The mad waves rolled by, and blotted out
The fair impression.

Frail reed! cruel wave! treacherous sand!

I'll trust ye no more;

But, with giant hand, I'll pluck

From Norway's frozen shore

Her tallest pine, and dip its top

Into the crater of Vesuvius,

And upon the high and burnished heavens

I'll write,-"Agnes, I love thee !"—

And I would like to see any
Dog-goned wave wash that out!

THE GORILLA

ANONYMOUS

"O mighty ape!

Half beast, half man,
Thy uncouth shape

Betrays a plan

The gulf of Being at a bound to span.
Thou art the link between ourselves and brutes,
Lifting the lower to a higher plane;

Thy human face all cavilers refutes,

Who sneer at Darwin as a dreamer vain.
How camest thou beneath this canvas tent?
Within this cage? behind these iron bars?
Thou, whose young days in tropic lands were spent,
With strange companions, under foreign stars?
Art thou not lonely? What is life to thee
Thus mewed in prison, innocent of crime,
Become a spectacle for crowds to see,

And reckless boys to jeer at all the time?
Hast thou no feelings such as we possess?
Art thou devoid of any sense of shame?
Rise up, O brother, and thy wrongs redress;
Rise in thy might, and be no longer tame!"

I paused in my apostrophe. The animal arose;

He seized the bars that penned him in: my blood in terror froze.
He shook the cage from side to side; the frightened people fled;
Then, in a tone of savage wrath, the horrid monster said:
"I'm hired by the wake to wear the dhirty craythur's shkin;
I came from Tipperary, and me name is Micky Flynn !"

BANGING A SENSATIONAL NOVELIST

ANONYMOUS

The other day a stout woman, armed with an umbrella, and leading a small urchin, called at the office of a New York boys' story paper.

"Is this the place where they fight Indians?" she inquired of the young man in charge. "Is this the locality where the brave boy charges up the canyon and speeds a bullet to the heart of the dusky redskin?" and she jerked the urchin around by the ear and brought her umbrella down on the desk.

"We publish stories for boys, and

"I want to know if these are the premises on which the daring lad springs upon his fiery mustang, and, darting through the circle of thunderstruck savages, cuts the captive's cords and bears him away before the wondering Indians have recovered from their astonishment? That's the information I'm after. I want to know if that sort of thing is perpetrated here!" and she swung the umbrella around her head.

"I don't remember those specific facts, but"

"I want to know if this is the precinct where the adventurous boy jumps on the back of a buffalo and with unerring aim picks off one by one the bloodthirsty pursuers who bite the dust at every crack of the faithful rifle! I'm looking for the place where that sort of thing happens!" and this time she brought the unlucky man a tremendous whack across the back.

"I think- 99

"I'm in search of the shop in which the boy road-agent holds the quivering stage-driver powerless with his glittering eye, while he robs the male passengers with an adroitness born of long and tried experience, and kisses the hands of the lady passengers with a gallantry of bearing that bespeaks noble birth and a chivalrous nature! I'm looking for the apartment in which that business is transacted!"

"Upon my word, madam, I-"}

"I want to be introduced to the jars in which you keep the