deah Mrs. Sweet speak of you that I feel quite as if I knew you. Beautiful day, isn't it?" "Chawming!" "What a lovely wintah we are having." "Chawming! So very, very gay, isn't it?" "Oh, very, very gay! "I daresay you have. Haven't I met you at Mrs. Titters' teas?" Isn't she a deah?" "Oh, I am extravagantly fond of her!" "I am, too. So clevah!" "Of course you go to the opera?" "Oh, I couldn't exist without it. Oh, Melba! Melba!" "And Nordica! I rave over them all!" "I fairly CRY over them. And, do you know, I have a friend who does not care in the least for them. She isn't a bit musical." "Oh, how sad! I would die if I did not- -Who is the tall lady in black over by the piano?" "I'm sure I do not know. What exquisite lace on her gown! Do you know that I just simply rave over beautiful lace!" "Really?" "Yes, indeed! I care more for it than for jewels, because itDo you know the tall, fine-looking man who has just come in?" "I'm sure I have seen him somewhere, and yet I can not -Yes, thank you, I think I will have a cup of tea. How lovely the dining-room looks!" "Lovely!" "Mrs. Sweet has such exquisite taste!" "EXQUISITE! I often say-How do you do, my deah? So glad to see you!" "Thanks! So glad to meet YOU!" "So good of you to say so! Quite well, deah?" "Oh, vulgarly so. I really must say good-by to dear Mrs. Sweet and go. I must look in at Mrs. Shoddy's for a few minutes." "So must I. We'll go together." "HOW LOVELY! such a chawming time!" Good-by, deah Mrs. Sweet. Have had "Must you go so soon?" "Yes, really! Such a lovely time!" "So glad! But it is quite naughty of you to go so soon. "By-by. You will come to see me soon?" “Yes, indeed.” So "You MUST. By-by!" "By-by!" And as she gathers up her trailing skirts to walk down the steps, she says: "Thank goodness, that's over!" Reprinted from Lippincott's Magazine. KEEP A-GOIN'! BY FRANK L. STANTON If you strike a thorn or rose, 'If it hails or if it snows, 'Taint no use to sit an' whine Bait your hook an' keep on tryin'- When the weather kills your crop, When you tumble from the top, S'pose you're out of every dime? When it looks like all is up, Keep a-goin'! Drain the sweetness from the cup, See the wild birds on the wing! "O Kitty, you are so sweet, and I do love you so. you love me, dearie." Tell me "I do love you, Dick; why, I never supposed I could love anybody so much." "O little girl, I only wished you loved me half as much as I love you." "Half as much! Why, dear, I love you more than you love "Now, don't be silly, pet. It would be impossible for you to love me as much as I love you. Of course, I love you best." "Of course you don't! You love me, I know, but not as much as I love you." "Now, Kitty, be reasonable." "I will if you'll admit that I do love you best." "How can I admit what isn't true?" "Well, you might say it was so just to please me." "Oh, no, dear, I can't do that." "Because you don't love me enough!" "Oh, the idea!" "If you did love me the best, you'd say anything I asked you to, whether it was true or not." "Would you do that?" "Of course I would." "All right, then you admit that I love you best, because I ask you to do so!" "O Dick, how horrid you are! How can you be so cruel to me?” "There, there, don't cry. I'll admit that you love me best, but I only admit it because you ask me to." "Then that's all right." "But, don't you see, Kitty, when I say that because you ask me to, and you won't say it when I ask you to, that proves I love you best after all." "There you go on again! I do think you're too mean for anything !" HUMOROUS HITS 151 "Now, dear, it's all right. Let me see, is it your move, or mine?" "What are you trying to play? Do you think this is a game of baseball? Don't you know you've got to move cattecornered? 'Taint your move anyway. Put that back. There. Now I'll move there." “Oh, I know you're going to jump me and take my man," said Mrs. Italics, picking up the checker she had moved before and putting it in her mouth. "If I put it here, you'll—” "SWALLOW IT, why don't you? If you don't want it taken, why don't you masticate it? Can't you leave the thing alone until you get ready to move? Put it down before it chokes you.” "There, dear (swallowing it), I've put it down, but it hurt my throat." "What in thunder do you mean by eating up my set of checkers. When I said 'put it down' I meant put it back on the board. Will you please play this game instead of masticating it." "If I put this man there, you'll jump it." "Just watch and see." "Now, I'll put this man there,-no,-perhaps I had better move here, or I think I'll 99 "Going to move in six places at once? Think this is the first of May and that you're looking for a new flat? "Taint your move anyway. Now will you please hold the board straight? D'ye think this is a washboard? Well it isn't and it isn't a teeterboard either. Now, I'll move into your king row. Ha! ha!" "Then do I jump these two men and get a king? Of course, I do. Crown me! I've got the first king!" "No, you haven't. I didn't mean that move. If you can't play checkers without cackling like a hen you'd better stop. I'll take back that move. Now, so. Now you can move." "Over here." "Certainly. That's splendid. Now I'll take these two men." "I didn't see that, I'd rather put it here." "Too late now. You can't take back a move in this game. You should study your moves first." "Well, if I jump here I get another king." "What do you want to tumble them all over for? Haven't you got any sense scarcely? You make more fuss over a measly king than most women over a mouse. Don't you know it's my move? Give me back those men. Can't you hold the board straight? What's that? Oh, of course, you know. You know it all. All you want is a pair of hinges and painted sides to be a checker-box. If ever I want to play with some good player I'll put the coal-scuttle on your head and move you around for a king. There goes the whole business! Now, are you satisfied? Do you wonder a man won't play checkers with a woman? I'll throw the measly things out of the window so that I won't waste any time playing with you again." And Mr. Italics suited the action to the word. But then Mr. Italics was such an odd type. MODERN ROMANCE BY HENRY M. BLOSSOM, JR. Information, speculation; fluctuation; ruination. From The Smart Set, New York. |