Ris. Very good!

Dro. Then that I had gotten a young gentleman that resembled his son in years and favor, that having Accius' apparel should court Silena; whom she, finding wise, would after that by small entreaty be won without more words, and so the marriage clapped up by this cozenage, and his son never speak word for himself.

Ris. Thou boy! So have I done in every point, for the song, the calling her in, and the hoping that another shall woo Accius, and his daughter wed him. I told him this wooing should be tonight, and they early married in the morning, without any words saving to say after the priest.

Dro. All this fadges well; now if Halfpenny and Lucio have played their parts

we shall have excellent sport-and here they come. How wrought the wine, my lads?

Enter Halfpenny and Lucio. Half. How? Like wine, for my body being the rundlet 90 and my mouth the vent, it wrought two days over, till I had thought the hoops of my head would have flown asunder.

Luc. The best was our masters were as well whittled as we, for yet they lie by it. Ris. The better for us! We did but a little parboil our livers; they have sod 91 theirs in sack these forty years.

Half. That makes them spit white broth as they do. But to the purpose: Candius and Livia will send their attires, you must send the apparel of Accius and Silena; they wonder wherefore, but commit the matter to our quadrupartite wit. Luc. If you keep promise to marry them by your device, and their parents consent, you shall have ten pounds apiece for your pains.

Dro. If we do it not we are undone, for we have broached a cozenage already, and my master hath the tap in his hand that it must needs run out. Let them be ruled and bring hither their apparel, and we will determine; the rest commit to our intricate considerations. Depart. Exeunt Halfpenny and Lucio. Enter Accius and Silena. Here comes Accius tuning his pipes. I perceive my master keeps touch.92 Ris. And here comes Silena with her wit of proof; 9 marry, it will scarce hold out question shot. Let us in to instruct our masters in the cue.

Dro.

93

Ac.

Thy wings being clipped, and feet
held still,

Thy bow could not so many kill.
It is all one in Venus' wanton school
Who highest sits, the wise man or
the fool;

Fools in love's college

Have far more knowledge

To read a woman over,
Than a neat prating lover.
Nay, 'tis confest

That fools please women best.

Enter Memphio and Stellio.

Mem. Accius, come in, and that quickly! What! Walking without leave? Stel. Silena, I pray you look homeward; it is a cold air, and you want your muffler.

Exeunt Accius and Silena. Mem. (Aside.) This is pat! If the rest proceed, Stellio is like to marry his daughter to a fool; but a bargain is a bargain.

Stel. (Aside.) This frames to my wish! Memphio is like to marry a fool to his son; Accius' tongue shall tie all Memphio's land to Silena's dowry, let his father's teeth undo them if he can. But here I see Memphio; I must seem kind, for in kindness lies cozenage. Mem. (Aside.) Well, here is Stellio. I'll talk of other matters, and fly from the mark I shoot at, lapwing-like flying far from the place where I nestle.Stellio, what make you abroad? I heard you were sick since our last drinking. Stel. You see reports are no truths; I heard the like of you, and we are both well. I perceive sober men tell most lies, for in vino veritas; if they had drunk wine they would have told the truth. Mem. Our boys will be sure then never to lie, for they are ever swilling of wine. But, Stellio, I must strain courtesy with you; I have business, I cannot stay. Stel. In good time, Memphio, for I was about to crave your patience to depart; it stands me upon.- (Aside.) Perhaps I may move his patience ere it be long.

Mem. (Aside.) Good silly Stellio; we must buckle shortly.

SCENE 4.

Exeunt.

Enter Halfpenny, Lucio, Rixula, with clothes belonging to Candius and Livia.

94 plot. 95 mate.

Half. He loves thee well that would run after.

Rix. Why, Halfpenny, there's no goose so gray in the lake that cannot find a gander for her make.95

Luc. I love a nut-brown lass: 't is good to recreate.

Half. Thou meanest a brown nut is good to crack.

Luc. Why, would it not do thee good to crack such a nut?

Half. I fear she is worm-eaten within, she is so moth-eaten without.

Rix. If you take your pleasure of me, I'll in and tell your practices against your

masters.

Half. In faith, sour heart, he that takes

his pleasure on thee is very pleasurable. Rix. You mean knavishly, and yet I hope foul water will quench hot fire as soon as fair.

Half. Well then, let fair words cool that choler which foul speeches hath kindled; and because we are all in this case, and hope all to have good fortune, sing a roundelay, and we'll help, such as thou wast wont when thou beatedst hemp.96 Luc. It was crabs she stamped,97 and stole one away to make her a face.

Rix. I agree, in hope that the hemp shall come to your wearing; a halfpenny halter may hang you both, that is, Halfpenny and you may hang in a halter. Half. Well brought about.

Rix. "T will when 't is about your neck. Luc. Nay, now she's in, she will never out.

Rix. Nor when your heads are in, as it is likely, they should not come out. But hearken to my song.

They sing.

97 crab-apples she pounded.

Enter Dromio and Riscio, with clothes belonging to Accius and Silena.

Dro. Yonder stand the wags; I am come in good time.

Ris. All here before me! You make haste!

Rix. I believe to hanging, for I think you have all robbed your masters; here's every man his baggage.

Half. That is, we are all with thee, for thou art a very baggage.

Rix. Hold thy peace, or of mine honesty I'll buy a halfpenny purse with thee. Dro. Indeed, that's big enough to put thy honesty in. But come, shall we go about the matter?

Luc. Now it is come to the pinch, my heart pants.

Half. I for my part am resolute, in utrumque paratus, ready to die or to run

away.

Luc. But hear me. I was troubled with a vile dream, and therefore it is little time spent to let Mother Bombie expound it; she is cunning in all things. Dro. Then will I know my fortune. Rix.

And I'll ask for a silver spoon which was lost last day, which I must pay for. Ris. And I'll know what will become of our devices.

Half. And I.

Dro. Then let us all go quickly; we must

not sleep in this business, our masters are so watchful about it.

They knock at Mother Bombie's door.
Enter Mother Bombie.

Bom. Why do you rap so hard at the door?

Dro. Because we would come in.
Bom. Nay, my house is no inn.
Half.

Cross yourselves, how she looks! Dro. Mark her not; she 'll turn us all to apes.

Bom. What would you with me?

Ris. They say you are cunning, and are called the good woman of Rochester. Bom. If never to do harm be to do good, I dare say I am not ill. But what's the matter?

Luc. I had an ill dream, and desire to know the signification.

Bom. Dreams, my son, have their weight; though they be of a troubled mind, yet are they signs of fortune. Say on. Luc. In the dawning of the day, for about that time by my starting out of sleep I found it to be, methought I saw a stately piece of beef, with a cape cloak of cabbage, embroidered with pepper; having two honorable pages with hats of mustard on their heads; himself in great pomp sitting upon a cushion of white brewis 1 lined with brown bread. Methought being powdered,2 he was much troubled with the salt rheum; and therefore there stood by him two great flagons of sack and beer, the one to dry up his rheum, the other to quench his choler. I, as one envying his ambition, hungering and thirsting after his honor, began to pull his cushion from under him, hoping by that means to give him a fall; and with putting out my hand awaked, and found nothing in all this dream about me but the salt rheum.

Dro.

Luc.

2 salted.

3 common.

4 neck of mutton. 5 hamstring.

Luc. So I do every night but Sundays. Prisius hath a weak stomach, and therefore we must starve.

Bom. Well, take this for answer, though the dream be fantastical:

They that in the morning sleep dream of eating

Are in danger of sickness or of beating, Or shall hear of a wedding fresh a-beating.

Luc. This may be true.

Half. Nay then, let me come in with a dream, short but sweet, that my mouth waters ever since I waked. Methought there sat upon a shelf three damask prunes in velvet caps and pressed satin gowns, like judges; and that there were a whole handful of currants to be arraigned of a riot, because they clung together in such clusters; twelve raisins of the sun were empaneled in a jury; and as a leaf of whole mace, which was bailiff, was carrying the quest 8 to consult, methought there came an angry cook and gelded the jury of their stones, and swept both judges, jurors, rebels, and bailiff into a porridge pot. Whereat I, being melancholy, fetched a deep sigh that waked myself and my bedfellow. Dro. This was devised, not dreamt; and the more foolish, being no dream, for that dreams excuse the fantasticalness. Half. Then ask my bedfellow-you know him-who dreamt that night that the king of diamonds was sick. Bom. But thy years and humors, pretty child, are subject to such fancies, which the more unsensible they seem, the more fantastical they are; therefore this dream is easy.

To children this is given from the gods: To dream of milk, fruit, babies, and rods;

They betoken nothing but that wantons must have rods.

Dro.

Ten to one thy dream is true; thou wilt be swinged.

Rix. Nay, Gammer, I pray you tell me who stole my spoon out of the buttery.

Bom. Thy spoon is not stolen, but mislaid; Thou art an ill housewife, though a good maid.

Look for thy spoon where thou hadst like to be no maid.

Rix. Body of me! let me fetch the spoon! I remember the place!

6 under way.

Luc. Soft, swift; the place, if it be there now, will be there tomorrow.

Rix. Aye, but perchance the spoon will

not.

Half. Wert thou once put to it?
Rix. No, sir boy, it was put to me.
Luc. How was it missed?

Dro. I'll warrant for want of a mist.
But what's my fortune, mother?

Bom.

Thy father doth live because he doth dye;

Thou hast spent all thy thrift with a die,

And so like a beggar thou shalt die. Ris. I would have liked well if all the gerunds had been there, di, do, and dum; but all in die, that 's too deadly.

Dro. My father indeed is a dyer, and I have been a dicer; but to die a beggar, give me leave not to believe, Mother Bombie. And yet it may be: I have nothing to live by but knavery, and if the world grow honest, welcome beggary. what hast thou to say, Riscio?

But

Dro. Now have we nothing to do but to go about this business. Accius' apparel let Candius put on, and I will array Accius with Candius' clothes.

Ris. Here is Silena's attire; Lucio, put it upon Livia, and give me Livia's for Silena. This done, let Candius and Livia come forth, and let Dromio and me alone for the rest.

Half. What shall become of Accius and Silena?

Dro. Tush! their turn shall be next, all must be done orderly. Let's to it, for now it works.

Exeunt.

8 jury.

ACT IV.

SCENE 1.

Enter Candius and Livia in the clothes of Accius and Silena.

Liv. This attire is very fit. But how if this make me a fool and Silena wise? You will then woo me and wed her. Can. Thou knowest that Accius is also a fool, and his raiment fits me, so that if apparel be infectious, I am also like to be a fool, and he wise. What would be the conclusion, I marvel.

Enter Dromio and Riscio.

Liv. Here comes our counsellors.
Dro. Well said; I perceive turtles fly in
couples.

Ris. Else how should they couple?
Liv. So do knaves go double, else how
should they be so cunning in doubling?
Can. Bona verba, Livia.

Dro. I understand Latin; that is, Livia is a good word.

Can. No, I bid her use good words.

Ris. And what deeds?

Can. None but a deed of gift.
Ris. What gift?

Can. Her heart.

Dro. Give me leave to pose you, though you be a graduate; for I tell you we in Rochester spur so many hackneys that we must needs spur scholars, for we take them for hackneys.

Liv. Why so, sir boy?

Dro. Because I knew two hired for ten groats apiece to say service on Sunday, and that's no more than a post-horse from hence to Canterbury.

Ris. He knows what he says, for he once served the post-master.

Can. Indeed, I think he served some post to his master. But come, Dromio, post

me.

9

Dro. You say you would have her heart for a deed.

Can. Dro.

Well?

will make one ache at the heart in their body.

Enter Prisius and Sperantus.

Liv. I beshrew your hearts, I hear one coming; I know it is my father by his coming.

Can. What must we do?

Dro. Why, as I told you, and let me alone with the old men. Fall you to your bridal.

Pris. Come, neighbor, I perceive the love of our children waxeth key-cold. Sper. I think it was never but lukewarm. Pris. Bavins 10 will have their flashes and youth their fancies, the one as soon quenched as the other burnt. But who be these?

Can. Here do I plight my faith, taking thee for the staff of my age, and of my youth the solace.

Liv. And I vow to thee affection which nothing can dissolve, neither the length of time, nor malice of fortune, nor distance of place.

Can. But when shall we be married?
Liv. A good question, for that one delay

in wedding brings an hundred dangers in
the church: we will not be asked,11 and a
license is too chargeable, and to tarry till
tomorrow too tedious.

Dro. There's a girl stands on pricks till she be married.

Can. To avoid danger, charge, and tediousness, let us now conclude it in the next church.

Liv. Agreed.

Pris. What be these that hasten so to marry?

Dro. Marry, sir, Accius, son to Memphio, and Silena, Stellio's daughter.

Sper. I am sorry, neighbor, for our purposes are disappointed.

Pris. You see marriage is destiny; made in heaven, though consummated on earth. Ris. How like you them? Be they not a pretty couple?

Pris. Yes; God give them joy, seeing in spite of our hearts they must join. Dro. I am sure you are not angry, seeing

things past cannot be recalled; and being witnesses to their contract, will be also well-willers to the match.

Sper. For my part, I wish them well. Pris. And I; and since there is no remedy, I am glad of it.

11 the banns will not be asked.