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able woman, Mrs. Nightshade -- She behav'd|it's the clearest case in the world, I'll make it so strangely to her husband, a poor, inoffen- plain in a moment. sive, good-natur'd, good sort of a good-for-|* Lady R. Well, sir! ha, ha, ha! nothing kind of man-but she so te az'd bim
[With a sneering Laugh. -“How could you play that card? Ah, you've Sir C. I had four cards left-a trunıp was a head, and so has a pin-You're a numscull
, led—they were six--no, no, no, they were you know you are- e-Ma'am, he has the poor- seven, and we nine — then, you know-the est head in the world, he does not know what beauty of the play was tohe is about; you know you don't — Ah, lie! Lady R. Well, now it's amazing to me, I'm asham'd of you!"
that you can't see it give me leave, sir Sir C. She has serv’d to divert you, I see. Charles — your left hand adversary had led
Lady R. And then, to crown all-there was his last trump-and be had before finess'd my lady Clackit, who runs on with an eter- the club, and rough'd the diamond-now if nal volubility of nothing, out of all season, you bad pu: on your diamondtime, and place -- In the very midst of the Sir C. Zoons! madam, but we play'd for game she begins-"Lard, ma'am, I was ap- the odd trick. prehensive I should not be able to wait on Lady R. And sure the play for the odd your la'sbip--my poor little dog, Pompey-trickihe sweetest thing in the world--a spade led! Sir C. Death and fury! can't you hear me? - there's the knave - I was fetching a walk, Lady R. Go on, sir. me'm, the other morning in the Park—a fine, Sir C. Zoons! hear me, I say-Will you frosty morning it was- I love frosty weather hear me? of all things—let me look at the last trick- Lady R. I never heard the like in my life. and so, mc'm, little Pompey—and if your la?- (Hums a Tune, and walks cbout freifully. ship was to see the dear creature pinch'd Sir C., Why then you are enough to prowill the frost, and mincing his sleps' along voke the patience of a stoic. [Looks at her; the Mall-with his prelty, liitle, innocent face she walks about, and laughs uneasily]Very -I vow I don't know what to play-and so, well
, madam-you know no more of the game me'em, wbile I was talking to captain Flim-than your father's leaden Hercules on the top sey, - your la’ship, knows captain Flimsey- of the house-you know no more of whist nothing but rubbish in my hand-I can't help than he does of gardening. it?)—and so, me'm, five odious frights of dogs Lady R. Ha, ha, ba! beset my poor little Pompey-the dcar crea- [Takes out a Glass, and settles her Hair. ture baš ibe heart of a lion, but who can Sir C. You're a vile woman, and I'll not resist five at once?-And so Pompey barked sleep another night under one roof with you. for assistance—the hurt be received was upon Lady R. As you please, sir. his chest-the doctor would not advise him Sir Ć. Madam, it shall be as I please-I'll to venture out till the wound is heal'd, for order my chariot this moment. (Going] ! fear of an ir llammation-Pray what's trumps?" know how the cards should be play'd as well
Sir C. My dear, you'd make a most excel- as any man in England, that let me tell you. lent actress.
[Going] And when your family were standLady R. Well, now let's go to rest-but, ing behind counters, measuring out tape, and sir Charles, how shockingly
, you play'd that bartering for VV hitechapel needles, my anlast rubber, when I stood looking over you! cestors, my ancestors, madam, were squan
Sir C. My love, I play'd the truth of the game. dering away, whole estates at cards; whole Lady R. 'No, indeed, my dear, you play'd estates, my lady Racket. [She hums a Tune,
and he looks at her] Why then, by all that's Sir C. Po! nonsense! you don't under- dear to me, I'll never exchange another word stand it.
with you, good, bad, or indifferenl-Lookye, Lady R. I beg your pardon, I'm allowed my lady, Racket-thus it stood — the trump to play better than you.
being led, it was then my.
business. Ŝir C. All conceit, my dear; I was perfect- Lady R. To play the diamond, to be sure. ly right.
Sir C. Damo it, I have done with you for Lady R. No such thing, sir Charles; the ever, and so you may tell your father. [Exit
. diamond was the play;.
Lady R. What a passion the gentleman's Sir C. Po! po! ridiculous! the club was in! ha, ha! [Laughs in a peevish Manner] the card, against the world.
I promise him I'll not give up my judgment. Lady R. Oh! no, no, no,
Re-enter Sir CHARLES RACKET. Sir C. Zounds! madam, I say it was the club. Sir C. My lady Racket, lookye, ma'am
Lady R. What do you fly into such a pas- once more, out of pure good naturesion for?
Lady R. Sir, I am convinc'd of your good Sir C. 'Sdeath and fury! do you think I nature. don't know what I'm about? I tell you once Sir C. That, and that only, prevails with more the club was the judgment of it. me to tell you the club was the play. Lady R. May be so-have it your own way, Lady R. Well, be it so-1 bave no ob
falks about and sings. jection. Sir C. Vexation! you're the strangest wo- Sir C. It's the clearest point in the world man that cver liv'd; there's no conversing -We were nine, andwith you-Look’ye here, my lady Rackel-1. Lady R. And for that very reason — - you 1) This is said iu reply to a look of astonishment from know the club was the best in the house, ber partner at ber playing such bad cards.
Sir C. There is no such thing as talking lo
you—You're a base woman-I'll part from you -10 disturb the serenity of my temper—Don't for ever; you may live here with your father, imagine that I'm in a passion—I'm not so easily and admire his fantastical evergreens, till you ruftled as you may imagine-But quietly and grow as fantastical yourself — I'll set out for deliberately I can repay the injuries done me London this instant - [Stops at the Door] by a false, ungrateful, deceitful wife. The club was not the best in the house, Drug. The injuries done you by a false,
Lady R. How calm you are! Well!--I'll ungrateful wife! My daughter, I hopego to bed—will you come? - You had better Sir C. Her character is now fully koown to -come then - you shall come to bed---not memshe's a vile woman! that's all I have to come to bed when I ask you!--Poor sir Char- say, sir. les!
[Looks and laughs; then exit. Drug. Hey! how! - a vile woman – what Sir C. That ease is provoking. [Crosses to has she done-I hope she is not capablethe opposite Door where she went out] ! Sir C. I shall enter into no detail, Mr. tell you the diamond was not the play, and Drugget; the time and circumstances won't I here take my final leave of you. [Walks allow it a present—But depend upon it I bare back as fast as he can] I am resolv'd upon done with her-a low, unpolish'd, uneducated, it, and I know the club was not the besi in false, imposing-See if the borses are put to. the house.
Drug. Mercy on me! in my old days to A CT II.
Enter MRS. DRUGGET.
Mrs. D. Deliver me! I am all over in such Dim. Ha, ha, ha! oh, heavens! I shall ex- a tremble—Sir Charles, I shall break my
heart pire in a fit of laughing-this is the modish if there's any thing amisscouple that were so happy-such a quarrel as Sir C. Madam, I am very sorry, for your they have had — the whole house is in an sake -- but there is no possibility of living uproar-ha, ha! a rare proof of the happiness with her. they enjoy in high life. I shall never bear Mrs. D. My poor dear girl! What can she people of fashion mentioned again but I shall bave done? be ready to die in a fit of laughter - ho, ho,
Sir C. What all her sex can do; the very ho! this is three weeks after marriage, I think. spirit of them all.
Drug. Ay, ay, ay !-She's bringing foul disEnter Drugger.
grace upon us- - This comes of her marrying Drug. Hey! how! what's the matter, Di- a man of fashion. mity ? —What am I call'd down stairs for? Sir C. Fashion, sir! – that should have inDim. Wby, there's two people of fashion-structed her better-she might have been sen
[Stifles a laugh. sible of her happiness - Whatever you may Drug. Why, you saucy minx!
<!-Explain this think of the fortune you gave her, my rank moment,
in life claims respect - claims obedience, atDim. The fond couple have been together tention, truth, and love, from one raised in the by the ears this half hour — Are you `satis- world, as she has been by an alliance with me. fied now?
Drug. And let me tell Drug. Ay!-what, have they quarrelld— may estimate your quality, my daughter is what was it about?
dear to me. Dim. Something above my comprehension, Sir C. And, sir, my character is dear to me. and yours too, I believe – People in bigh life Drug. Yet you must give me leave to tell understand their own forms best — And here youcomes one that can unriddle the whole affair. Sir C. I won't bear a word.
[Erit. Drug. Not in behalf of my own daughter? Enter SIR CHARLES RACKET.
Sir C. Nothing can excuse her — 'tis to no
purpose — she has' married above her; and if Sir C. [To the People within] I say let that circumstance makes the lady forget her the horses be put to this moment – So, 'Mr. self, she at least shall see that I can, and will Drugget.
support my own dignity. Drug. Sir Charles, here's a terrible bustle- Drug. But, sir, I have a right to askI did not expect this-wbat can be the matter? Mrs. D. Patience, my dear; be a little calm. Sir C. I have been usd by your daughter Drug. Mrs. Drugget
, do you have patience; in so base, so contemptuous a manner, that II must and will inquire. am determined not to stay in this house to- Mrs. D. Don't be so basty, my love; bave night.
some respect for sir Charles's rank; don't be Drug. This is a thunderbolt to me! After violent with a man of his fashion. seeing how elegantly and fashionably you liva Drug. Hold your tongue, woman, 1 saya together, to find now all sunshine vanish'd— you're not a person of fashion at least — My Do, sir Charles, let me heal this breach, if daughter was ever a good girl. possible.
Sir C. I have found her out. Sir C. Sir, 'tis impossible-I'll not live with Drug. Oh! then it is all over-and it does her a day longer.
not signisy arguing about it. Drug. Nay, nay, don't be over hasty-let Mrs. D. That ever I should live to see this me entreat you, go to bed and sleep upon it-hour! how the unfortunate girl could take in the morning, when you're cool
such wickedness in her bead, I can't imagine Sir C. Oh, sir, I am very cool, I assure
-I'll go and speak lu the unhappy creature ha, ha!-it is not in her power, sir, to-a-althis moment.
you, bowever you
Sir C. She stands detected now-detected in Sir C. She can have nothing to say-no erher truest colours.
cuse can palliate such bebaviour. Drug. Well, grievous as it may be, let me Drug. Don't be too positive-there may be bear the circumstances of this unhappy business. some mistake.
Sir C. Mr. Drugget, I have noi leisure now Sir C. No mistake—did not I sce her, hear —but her behaviour has been so exasperating, her myself? that I sball make the best of my way to town Drug. Lack-a-day! then I am an unforlu
- My mind is fixed — She sees me no more; nate man! and so, your servant, sir.
[Exit. Sir C. She will be unfortunate too-with all Drug. What a calamity has here befallen my heart--she may thank herself-she might us! a good girl, and so well dispos'd, till the have been happy, had she been so dispos'd. evil communication of bigh life, and fashion- Drug. Why truly I think she might. able vices, turn'd her to folly. [E.rit.
Re-enter MRS. DRUGGET. Re-enter Mrs. DRUGGET and DIMITY, with Mrs. D. I wish you'd moderate your anger LADY RACKET.
a little and let us talk over this affair with Lady R. A cruel, barbarous man! to quar- temper— my daughter denies every little of rel in this unaccountable manner, to alarm your charge. tbe whole house, and expose me and him- Sir C. Denies it! denies it! self too.
Mrs. D. She does indeed. Mrs. D. Oh, child! I never thought I would Sir C. And that aggravates her fault. bave come to this - your shame won't end
Mrs. D. She vows you never found her out here! it will be all over St. James's parish by in any thing that was wrong. to-morrow morning,
Sir C. So! sbe does not allow it to be wrong Lady R. Well, if it must be so, there's one then!—Madam, I tell you again, I know her comfort, the story will tell more to his dis- thoroughly; I say, I have found her out, and grace than mine.
I am now acquainted with her character. Dim. As I'm a sinner, and so it will, ma- Mrs. D. Then you are in opposite storiesdam. He deserves what' he has met with, I she swears, my dear Mr. Drugget, the poor think.
girl swears she never was guilty of the smallMrs. D. Dimity, don't you encourage her-est infidelity to her husband in her born days. you shock me to hear you speak so — I did Sir C. And wbat thcn?-_What if sbe docs not think you had been so harden'd.
Lady R. Harden'd do you call it? – I have Mrs. D. And if she says truly, it is hard liv'd in the world to very little purpose, if such ber character should be blown upon without trifles as these are tn disturb my rest. ljust cause.
Mrs. D. You vicked girl!-Do you call it Sir C. And is she therefore to behare ill in a trifle to be guilty of falsehood to your husband. other respects? I never chargd her with infi
Lady R. How! [Turns short and staręs delity to me, madam—there I allow her innocent. at her] Well, I protest and vow I don't com- Drug. And did not you charge her then? prehend all this — has sir Charles accus'd me Sir C. No, sir, I never dreamt of such a of any impropriety in my conduct?
thing Mrs. D. Oh! too true, he has-be has found Drug. Why then, if she's innocent, let me you out, and you have bebav'd basely, he says. tell you, you're a scandalous person. Lady R. Madam!
Mrs. D. Prythee, my dearMrs. D. You have fallen into frailty, like Drug. Be quiet - though he is a man of many others of your sex, he says; and he is quality, I will tell him of it — did not I fine resolv'd to come to a separation directly. for sherifi?-Yes, you are a scandalous person
Lady R. Why then, if he is so base a lo defame an honest man's daughter. wretch as to dishono'ır me in that manner, Sir C. What have you taken into your his heart shall ache before I live with him again. head now?
Dim. Hold to that, ma'am, and let his head Drug. You charg'd her with falsehood to ache into the bargain.
bed. Lady R. Then let your doors be open'd for Sir C. No-never-never. bim this very moment-let him return to Lon- Drug. But I say you did-you
yourdon-if he does not, I'll lock myself up, and self a cuckold did not he, wise? the false one shan't approach me, though he Mrs. D. Yes, lovey, I'm wilness. beg on bis knees at my very door
Sir C. Absurd! I said no such thing. injurious man!
[Exit. Drug. But I aver you did. Mrs. D. Dimity, do let us follow, and hear Mrs. D. You did indeed, sir. what she has to say for herself. [E.cit. Sir C. But I tell you no-positively no.
Dim. She has excuse enough, I warrant Drug. Mrs. D. And I say yes--positively yes. ber-What a noise is here indeed!--I have Sir Č. 'Sdeath, this is all madnessliv'd in polite families, where there was Drug. You said she follow'd the ways of such bustle made about nothing. [Exit. most of her sex.
Sir C. I said so—and what then ? Re-enter SIR CHARLES RACKET and DRUGGET.
Drug. There he ownsit-owns that he calld Sir C. 'Tis in vain, sir; my resolution is bimself a cuckold-and without rhyme or reataken
son into the bargain. Drug. Well, but consider, I am her father Sir C. I never own'd any such thing. -indulge me only till we hear what the girl Drug. You ownd it even bas to say in her defence,
Re-enter DIMITY, in a fit of Laughing. Sir C. Madam, it shall be my fault if ever
Dim. What do you think it was all about, I am treated so again - I'll have nothing to ha, ha! the whole secret is come out, ha, ha! say to her-[Going, stops] Does she give up It was all about a game of cards-ha, ba!- the point? Drug. A game of cards!
Mrs. D. She does, she agrees to any thing. Dim. [Laughing] It was all about a club Sir C. Does she allow that the club was and a diamond. [Runs out Laughing. the play?
Drug. And was that all, sir Charles ? Mrs. D. Just as you please-she's all subSir C. And enough too, sir.
mission. Drug. And was that what you found her Sir C. Does she own that the club was not out in?
the best in the bouse? Sir C. I can't bear to be contradicted when Mrs. D. She does—she does. I'm clear that I'm in the right.
Sir C. Then I'll step and speak to her -1 Drug. I never heard such a heap of non- never was clearer in any thing in my life. sense in all my life. Why does not he go
. and beg her pardon, then ?
Mrs. D. Lord love 'em, they'll make it up Sir Č. I beg her pardon! I won't debase now and then they'll be as happy as ever. myself to any of you — I shan't forgive her,
[Exit you may rest assur'd.
[Exit. Drug. Now there—there's a pretty fellow
Enler DRUGGET and Lovelace.
Drug. So, Mr. Lorelace! any news from Mrs. D. I'll step, and prevail on my lady above stairs ?' Is this absurd quarrel at an end Racket to speak to him-ihen all will be well. -Have they made it up?
Love. Oh! a mere bagatelle, sir—these little Drug: A ridiculous fop! I'm glad it's no fracas among the better sort of people never worse, however,
last long-elegant trifles cause elegant disputes, Enter Nancy.
and we come together elegantly again-as you
- for here they come, in perfect good So, Nancy-you seem in confusion, my girl! humour.
Nan. How can one help it?--With all this noise in the house, and you're going to marry
Re-enter SIR CHARLES Racket and Mrs. me as ill as my sister-I hate Mr. Lovelace. Drugget, with Lady Racket. Drug. Why so, child?
Sir C. Mr. Drugget, I embrace you; sir, Nan. I know these people of quality des- you see me now in the most perfect harmony pise us all out of pride, and would be glad of spirits. to marry us out of avarice.
Drug. What, all reconcil'd again? Drug. The girl's right.
Lady R. All made up, si-_I knew how to Nan. They, marry, one woman, live with bring him to my lure - This is the first difanother, and love only themselves.
ference, I think, we ever had, sir Charles? Drug. And then quarrel about a card. Sir C. And I'll be sworn it shall be the last.
Nan. I don't want to be a gay lady-I want Drug. I am happy at last — Sir Charles, I to be happy
can spare you an image to put on the top Drug. And so you shall—don't fright your- of your house in London. self, child - step to your sister, bid her make Šir C. Infinitely obliged to you. herself easy-go, and comfort her, go.
Drug. Well, well!- It's time to retire now Nan. Yes, sir.
[Exit. -I am glad to see you reconciled—and now Drug. I'll step and settle the matter with I'll wish you a good night, si: Charles - Mr. Mr. Woodley this moment.
[Exit. Lovelace, this is your way-fare ye well both SCENE II.- Another Apartment.
- am glad your quarrels are at an end
This way, Mr. Lovelace. Sir CHARLES RACKET discovered with a Pack
[Exeunt Drugget, Mrs. Drugget, of Cards in his Hand.
and Lovelace. Sir C. Never was any thing like her be- Lady R. Ah! you're a sad man, sir Charles, haviour-I can pick out the very cards I had to behave to me as you have done. in my band, and then 'uis as plain as the sun- Sir C. My dear, I grant it- and such an there-now-there--no-damn it- - no- there absurd quarrel too-ha, ha! it was—now let's see-they had four by ho- Lady R. Yes,ha, ha!-about such a trile. nours-and we play'd for ihe odd trick-dam- Sir C. It's pleasant how we could both fall nation!-honours were divided-ay! honours into such an error-ba, ha! were divided—and then a trump was led—and Lady R. Ridiculous, beyond espressionthe other side had the-confusion!-this pre- ba, ha! posterous wonian bas put it all out of my Sir C. And then the mistake your falber and head — [Puts the Cards into his Pocke] mother fell into-ba, ha! Mighty well, madam; I have done with you. Lady R. That too is a diverting part of the
story-ba, ha!-But, sir Charles, must I stay Enter MRS. DRUGGET,
and live with my father till I grow as fanMrs D. Come, sir Charles, let me prevail-tastical as his own evergreens? Come with me and speak to her.
Sir C. No, no, pr’ythee-don't remind me Sir C. I don't desire to see her face. of my folly.
Mrs. D. If you were to see her all bath'd Lady R. Ah! my relations were all standing in tears, I am sure it would melt your very behind counters, selling Whitechapel needies beart.
while your family were spending great estates
Sir C. Nay, nay, spare my blushes.
Sir C. Stay a moment, can't ye? Lady R. How could you say so harsh a Lady R. No-my head begins to achething?-I don't love you.
[Affectedly. Sir C. It was indelicate, I grant it.
Sir C. Why then, damn the cards—thereLady R. Am I a vile woman?
there [Throwing the Cards about] and there, Sir C. How can you, my angel?
and there - You may go to bed by yourself; Lady R. I shan't forgive you!—I'll have you and confusion seize me if I live a moment on your knees for this. [Sings, and plays longer with you — [Putting on his Shoes with him] - Go, naughiy man. — Ah! sir again! No, never, madam. Charles !
Lady R. Take your own way, sir. Sir C. The rest of my life shall aim at con- Sir C. Now then, I tell you once more you vincing you how sincerely I love
are a vile woman. Lady R. [Sings] Go, naughty man, I can't Lady R. Ha, ha! don't make me laugh again, abide you. – Well! come let us go to rest. sir Charles. [Going] Ah, sir Charles!—now it is all over, Sir C. I wish I bad never seen your facethe diamond was the play.
I wish I was a thousand miles off; will you Sir C. Oh no, no, no,-my dear! ba, ha!- sit down quietly and let me convince you? it was the club indeed.
[Sits down. Lady R. Indeed, iny love, you're mistaken. Lady R. I'm disposed to walk about, sir, Sir C. Oh, no, no, no.
you. Lady R. But I say, yes, yes, yes
Sir C Why then, may I perish if ever-a
[Both Laughing.blockhead-an idiot I was to marry [Walks Sir C. Pshaw! no such thing-ba, ha!
about] such a provoking-impertineni-[She Lady R. 'Tis so, indeed-ha, ha! sits down] - Damnation !- I'am so clear in
Sir. C. No, no, no-you'll make me dic with the thing-she is not worth my notice-[Sits laughing:
down, turns his Back, and looks uneasy] Lady R. Ay, and you make me laugh too—I'll take no more pains about it-[Pauses for ha, ha? [Toying with him. some time, then looks at her] is not it
very strange thal you won't hear me? Enter Footinun.
Lady R. Sir, I am very ready to hear you. Footm. Your honour's cap and slippers. Sir C. Very well then--very well--my dear
Sir C. Ay, lay down my nightcap- and here,|-you remember how the game stood. take these shoes off. [He takes them off, and Lady R. I wish you'd untie my necklace, it leaves them at a distance) Indeed, my lady burls me. Racket, you makc me ready to expire with Sir C. Why can't you listen ? laughing-ha, ha!
Lady R. I jell you it hurts me terribly. Lady R. You may laugh -- but I'm right, Sir C. Why thus-you may be as wrong notwithstanding.
as you please, and may I never hold four by Sir C. How can you say
honours, if I ever endeavour to set you right Lady R. How can you say olherwise ? again.
Erit. Sir C. Well now mind me, my lady Racket-i We can now talk of this matter in good hu- Re-enter Drugget, Mrs. Drugget, and Lovemour-We can discuss it coolly.
LACE; with WOODLEY and NANCY. Lady R. So we can-and it's for that reason I venture to speak to you-are these the Drug. What's here to do now? ruffles I bought for you?
Lady R. Never was such a man born --I Sir C. They are, my dear.
did not say a word to the gentleman and Lady R. They are very pretty-but indeed yet he has been raving about the room like you played the card wrong.
a madman. Sir C. How can you talk so ?-
Drug. And about a club again, I suppose.[Somewhat peevish. Come hither, Nancy; Mr. Woodley, she is Lady R. See there nowSir C. Listen to me this was the affair Mrs. D. My dear, how can you be soLady R. Pshaw! siddlestick! hear me first, Drug. It shall be so-lake her for life, Mr. Sir C. Po-no-damn it, let me speak.
Woodley. Lady R. Very well, sir! fly out again. Wood. My whole life shall be devoted to
Sir C. Look here now - here's a pack of her happiness. cards-now you shall be convinced
Love. The devil! and so I am to be left in Lady R. You may talk till to-morrow; 1 the lurch in this manner, am I? know I'm rigbt.
[Walks about Lady R. Oh! this is only one of those poSir C. Why then, by all that's perverse, lite disputes which people of quality, who have you are the most headstrong-Can't you look nothing else to differ about, must always be bere now-here are the very cards.
liable io- This will all be made up. Lady R. Go on; you'll find it out at last. Drug. Never tell me it's too late now
Sir C. Damn it! will you let a man show Mr. Woodley, I recommend my girl to your you. Po! it's all nonsense-I'll talk no more care - I shall have nothing now to think of about it - [Puts up the Cards] Come, we'll but my, greens, and my images, and my shrubgo to bed." [Going] Now only stay á mo- bery-though, mercy on all married folks, say ment - [Takes out the Cards) Now, mind I! for these wranglings are, I am afraid, what me-see here
we must all come to. Lady R. No, it does not signify-your head Lady R. [.Advancing] What we must all will be clearer in the morning-I'll go to bed. |
come to? What?- Come to what?
yours for life.