Lady R. Well, sir! ha, ha, ha! able woman, Mrs. Nightshade-She behav'd it's the clearest case in the world, I'll make it so strangely to her husband, a poor, inoffen-plain in a moment. sive, good-natur'd, good sort of a good-fornothing kind of man-but she so teaz'd him -"How could you play that card? Ah, you've a head, and so has a pin-You're a numscull, you know you are-Ma'am, he has the poorest head in the world, he does not know what he is about; you know you don't — Ah, fie! I'm asham'd of you!" [With a sneering Laugh. Sir C. I had four cards left-a trump was led-they were six-no, no, no, they were seven, and we nine-then, you know-the beauty of the play was to Sir C. Zoons! madam, but we play'd for Lady R. And sure the play for the odd Sir C. Death and fury! can't you hear me? Sir C. Zoons! hear me, I say-Will you hear me? Lady R. Well, now it's amazing to me, that you can't see it give me leave, sir Sir C. She has serv'd to divert you, I see. Charles- your left hand adversary had led Lady R. And then, to crown all-there was his last trump-and he had before finess'd my lady Clackit, who runs on with an eter- the club, and rough'd the diamond-now if nal volubility of nothing, out of all season, you had put on your diamondtime, and place-In the very midst of the game she begins—“Lard, ma'am, I was ap- the odd trick. prehensive I should not be able to wait on your la'ship-my poor little dog, Pompey-trickthe sweetest thing in the world-a spade led! -there's the knave-I was fetching a walk, me'm, the other morning in the Park-a fine frosty morning it was-I love frosty weather of all things-let me look at the last trick- Lady R. I never heard the like in my life. and so, me'm, little Pompey-and if your la'- [Hums a Tune, and walks about fretfully. ship was to see the dear creature pinch'd Sir C. Why then you are enough to prowith the frost, and mincing his steps along voke the patience of a stoic. [Looks at her; the Mall with his pretty, little, innocent face she walks about, and laughs uneasily]Very -I vow I don't know what to play-and so, well, madam-you know no more of the game me'em, while I was talking to captain Flim- than your father's leaden Hercules on the top sey-your la'ship knows captain Flimsey of the house-you know no more of whist nothing but rubbish in my hand-I can't help than he does of gardening. it 1)-and so, me'm, five odious frights of dogs beset my poor little Pompey-the dear creature has the heart of a lion, but who can resist five at once?-And so Pompey barked for assistance-the hurt he received was upon his chest-the doctor would not advise him Sir C. Madam, it shall be as I please-I'll to venture out till the wound is heal'd, for order my chariot this moment. [Going] I fear of an ir lammation-Pray what's trumps?" know how the cards should be play'd as well Sir C. My dear, you'd make a most excel- as any man in England, that let me tell you. lent actress. [Going] And when your family were standLady R. Well, now let's go to rest-but, ing behind counters, measuring out tape, and sir Charles, how shockingly you play'd that bartering for Whitechapel needles, my anlast rubber, when I stood looking over you! cestors, my ancestors, madam, were squanSir C. My love, I play'd the truth of the game. dering away whole estates at cards; whole Lady R. No, indeed, my dear, you play'd it wrong. Sir C. Po! nonsense! you don't stand it. Lady R. I beg your pardon, I'm to play better than you. Lady R. Ha, ha, ha! [Takes out a Glass, and settles her Hair. Sir C. You're a vile woman, and I'll not sleep another night under one roof with you. Lady R. As you please, sir. estates, my lady Racket. [She hums a Tune, and he looks at her] Why then, by all that's under- dear to me, I'll never exchange another word with you, good, bad, or indifferent-Lookye, allowed my lady Racket-thus it stood-the trump being led, it was then my business. Sir C. All conceit, my dear; I was perfectly right. Lady R. No such thing, sir Charles; the diamond was the play. Sir C. Po! po! ridiculous! the club was the card, against the world. Lady R. Oh! no, no, no, I say it was he diamond. Sir C. Zounds! madam, I say it was the club. Lady R. What do you fly into such a passion for? I Lady R. To play the diamond, to be sure. Sir C. Damn it, I have done with you for ever, and so you may tell your father. [Exit. Lady R. What a passion the gentleman's in! ha, ha! [Laughs in a peevish Manner] promise him I'll not give up my judgment. Re-enter SIR CHARLES RACKET. Sir C. My lady Racket, lookye, ma'amonce more, out of pure good nature Lady R. Sir, I am convinc'd of your good nature. Sir C. That, and that only, prevails with me to tell you the club was the play. Lady R. Well, be it so I have no objection. Sir C. It's the clearest point in the world we were nine, and Lady R. And for that very reason- - you know the club was the best in the house. Sir G. There is no such thing as talking to you-You're a base woman-) -I'll part from you -to disturb the serenity of my temper-Don't for ever; you may live here with your father, imagine that I'm in a passion-I'm not so easily and admire his fantastical evergreens, till you ruffled as you may imagine-But quietly and grow as fantastical yourself— I'll set out for deliberately I can repay the injuries done me London this instant-[Stops at the Door] by a false, ungrateful, deceitful wife. The club was not the best in the house. Drug. The injuries done you by a false, Lady R. How calm you are! Well! I'll ungrateful wife! My daughter, I hopego to bed-will you come?-You had better Sir C. Her character is now fully known to -come then-you shall come to bed-not me-she's a vile woman! that's all I have to come to bed when I ask you!-Poor sir Char-say, sir. les! [Looks and laughs; then exit. Drug. Hey! how!. a vile woman - what Sir C. That ease is provoking. [Crosses to has she done-I hope she is not capablethe opposite Door where she went out] ! Sir C. I shall enter into no detail, Mr. tell you the diamond was not the play, and Drugget; the time and circumstances won't I here take my final leave of you. [Walks allow it a present-But depend upon it I have back as fast as he can] I am resolv'd upon done with her-a low, unpolish'd, "uneducated, it, and I know the club was not the best in false, imposing-See if the horses are put to. Drug. Mercy on me! in my old days to hear this. the house. A CT II. Enter DIMITY. [Exit. Enter MRS. DRUGGET. Mrs. D. Deliver me! I am all over in such Dim. Ha, ha, ha! oh, heavens! I shall ex-a tremble-Sir Charles, I shall break my heart pire in a fit of laughing-this is the modish if there's any thing amiss with her. couple that were so happy-such a quarrel as Sir C. Madam, I am very sorry, for your they have had the whole house is in an sake- but there is no possibility of living uproar-ha, ha! a rare proof of the happiness they enjoy in high life. I shall never hear people of fashion mentioned again but I shall be ready to die in a fit of laughter — ho, ho, ho! this is three weeks after marriage, I think. Enter DRUGGET. Mrs. D. My poor dear girl! What can she have done? Sir C. What all her sex can do; the very spirit of them all. Drug. Ay, ay, ay!—She's bringing foul disgrace upon us— This comes of her marrying Drug. Hey! how! what's the matter, Di-a man of fashion. mity? What am I call'd down stairs for? Sir C. Fashion, sir!- that should have inĎim. Why, there's two people of fashion-structed her better-she might have been sen[Stifles a laugh. sible of her happiness - Whatever you may Drug. Why, you saucy minx!-Explain this think of the fortune you gave her, my rank in life claims respect- - claims obedience, atDim. The fond couple have been together tention, truth, and love, from one raised in the by the ears this half hour-Are you satis-world, as she has been by an alliance with me. fied now? moment. Drug. Ay!-what, have they quarrell'd what was it about? Dim. Something above my comprehension, and yours too, I believe People in high life understand their own forms best- And here comes one that can unriddle the whole affair. [Exit. Enter SIR CHARLES RACKET. Drug. Sir Charles, here's a terrible bustle- Drug. And let me tell you, however you may estimate your quality, my daughter is dear to me. Sir C. And, sir, my character is dear to me. Drug. Yet you must give me leave to tell you Sir C. I won't hear a word, Drug. Not in behalf of my own daughter? Sir C. Nothing can excuse her 'tis to no purpose- she has married above her; and if that circumstance makes the lady forget herself, she at least shall see that I can, and will support my own dignity. Drug. But, sir, I have a right to ask- Mrs. D. Don't be so hasty, my love; have some respect for sir Charles's rank; don't be violent with a man of his fashion. Drug. This is a thunderbolt to me! After seeing how elegantly and fashionably you liv'd Drug. Hold your tongue, woman, I saytogether, to find now all sunshine vanish'd you're not a person of fashion at least - My Do, sir Charles, let me heal this breach, if possible. Sir C. Sir, 'tis impossible-I'll not live with her a day longer. Drug. Nay, nay, don't be over hasty-let me entreat you, go to bed and sleep upon itin the morning, when you're cool daughter was ever a good girl. Mrs. D. That ever I should live to see this hour! how the unfortunate girl could take such wickedness in her head, I can't imagine Sir C. Oh, sir, I am very cool, I assure- I'll go and speak to the unhappy creature ha, ha!—it is not in her power, sir, to—a—a this moment. [Exit Sir C. She stands detected now-detected in her truest colours. Sir C. She can have nothing to say—no excuse can palliate such behaviour. Drug. Don't be too positive-there may be some mistake. Sir C. No mistake-did not I see her, hear Drug. Well, grievous as it may be, let me hear the circumstances of this unhappy business, Sir C. Mr. Drugget, I have not leisure now -but her behaviour has been so exasperating, her myself? that I shall make the best of my way to town Drug. Lack-a-day! then I am an unfortu My mind is fixed - She sees me no more; nate man! and so, your servant, sir. [Exit. Sir C. She will be unfortunate too-with all Drug. What a calamity has here befallen my heart--she may thank herself-she might us! a good girl, and so well dispos'd, till the have been happy, had she been so dispos'd. evil communication of high life, and fashion- Drug. Why truly I think she might. able vices, turn'd her to folly. LADY RACKET. [Exit. Re-enter MRS. DRUGGET. Re-enter MRS. DRUGGET and DIMITY, with Mrs. D. I wish you'd moderate your anger a little and let us talk over this affair with Lady R. A cruel, barbarous man! to quar-temper - my daughter denies every tittle of rel in this unaccountable manner, to alarm your charge. the whole house, and expose me and himself too. -- Mrs. D. Oh, child ! I never thought I would | have come to this - your shame won't end here! it will be all over St. James's parish by in to-morrow morning. Lady R. Well, if it must be so, there's one comfort, the story will tell more to his grace than mine. think. Sir C. Denies it! denies it! Sir C. And that aggravates her fault. Sir C. So! she does not allow it to be wrong then!-Madam, I tell you again, I know her dis- thoroughly; I say, I have found her out, and I am now acquainted with her character. Dim. As I'm a sinner, and so it will, ma- Mrs. D. Then you are in opposite stories— dam. He deserves what he has met with, I she swears, my dear Mr. Drugget, the poor girl swears she never was guilty of the smallMrs. D. Dimity, don't you encourage her-est infidelity to her husband in her born days. you shock me to hear you speak so- I did Sir C. And what then?-What if she does not think you had been so harden'd. say so? Lady R. Harden'd do you call it? I have Mrs. D. And if she says truly, it is hard liv'd in the world to very little purpose, if such her character should be blown upon without trifles as these are to disturb my rest. just cause. Mrs. D. You wicked girl!-Do you call it Sir C. And is she therefore to behave ill in a trifle to be guilty of falsehood to your husband. other respects? I never charg'd her with infiLady R. How! [Turns short and stares delity to me, madam-there I allow her innocent. at her] Well, I protest and vow I don't com- Drug. And did not you charge her then? prehend all this has sir Charles accus'd me Sir C. No, sir, I never dreamt of such a of any impropriety in my conduct? thing. Mrs. D. Oh! too true, he has-he has found you out, and you have behav'd basely, he says. Lady R. Madam! Drug. Why then, if she's innocent, let me tell you, you're a scandalous person. Mrs. D. Pr'ythee, my dear Mrs. D. You have fallen into frailty, like Drug. Be quiet - though he is a man of many others of your sex, he says; and he is quality, I will tell him of it - did not I fine for sheriff?-Yes, you are a scandalous person resolv'd to come to a separation directly. Lady R. Why then, if he is so base a to defame an honest man's daughter. wretch as to dishonor me in that manner, Sir C. What have you taken into your his heart shall ache before I live with him again. head now? Lady R. Then let your doors be open'd for Mrs. D. Dimity, do let us follow, and hear what she has to say for herself. Erit. Dim. She has excuse enough, I warrant her-What a noise is here indeed!--I have liv'd in polite families, where there was no such bustle made about nothing. [Exit. Re-enter SIR CHARLES RACKET and DRUGget. Sir C. 'Tis in vain, sir; my resolution is taken Drug. Well, but consider, I am her father -indulge me only till we hear what the girl has to say in her defence. Drug. You charg'd her with falsehood to your bed. Sir C. No-never-never. Drug. But I say you did-you call'd your- Sir C. But I tell you no-positively no. Sir C. I said so-and what then? Sir C. I never own'd any such thing. now-now. now now Re-enter DIMITY, in a fit of Laughing. Sir C. Madam, it shall be my fault if ever Dim. What do you think it was all about-I am treated so again - I'll have nothing to ha, ha! the whole secret is come out, ha, ha!- say to her-[Going, stops] Does she give up It was all about a game of cards-ha, ba!—the point? Drug. A game of cards! Mrs. D. She does, she agrees to any thing. Sir C. Does she allow that the club was Dim. [Laughing] It was all about a club and a diamond. [Runs out Laughing. the play? Drug. And was that all, sir Charles? Sir C. And enough too, sir. Drug. And was that what you found her out in? Sir C. I can't bear to be contradicted when I'm clear that I'm in the right. Mrs. D. Just as you please-she's all submission. Sir C. Does she own that the club was not the best in the house? Mrs. D. She does-she does. Sir C. Then I'll step and speak to her-1 Exit. Drug. I never heard such a heap of non-never was clearer in any thing in my life. sense in all my life. Why does not he go and beg her pardon, then? Mrs. D. Lord love 'em, they'll make it up Sir C. I beg her pardon! I won't debase now- and then they'll be as happy as ever. myself to any of you I shan't forgive her, you may rest assur'd. [Exit. Drug. Now there-there's a pretty fellow for you. Mrs. D. I'll step and prevail on my lady Racket to speak to him-then all will be well. [Exit. Drug. A ridiculous fop! I'm glad it's no worse, however. Enter NANCY. So, Nancy-you seem in confusion, my girl! Nan. How can one help it?--With all this noise in the house, and you're going to marry me as ill as my sister-I hate Mr. Lovelace. Drug. Why so, child? Nan. I know these people of quality despise us all out of pride, and would be glad to marry us out of avarice. Drug. The girl's right. Nan. They marry one woman, live with another, and love only themselves. Drug. And then quarrel about a card. Nan. I don't want to be a gay lady—I want to be happy. [Exit. Enter DRUGGET and LOVELACE. Drug. So, Mr. Lovelace! any news from above stairs? Is this absurd quarrel at an end Have they made it up? Love. Oh! a mere bagatelle, sir-these little fracas among the better sort of people never last long-elegant trifles cause elegant disputes, and we come together elegantly again-as you for here they come, in perfect good see - humour. Re-enter SIR CHARLES RACKET and MRS. Sir C. Mr. Drugget, I embrace you; sir, you see me now in the most perfect harmony of spirits. Drug. What, all reconcil'd again? Lady R. All made up, si-l knew how to bring him to my lure-This is the first difference, I think, we ever had, sir Charles? Sir C. And I'll be sworn it shall be the last. Drug. I am happy at last-Sir Charles, I can spare you an image to put on the top Drug. And so you shall-don't fright your-of your house in London. self, child-step to your sister, bid her make herself easy-go, and comfort her, go. Nan. Yes, sir. [Exit. Sir C. Infinitely obliged to you. Drug. Well, well!-It's time to retire now I am glad to see you reconciled-and now Drug. I'll step and settle the matter with I'll wish you a good night, si: Charles - Mr. Mr. Woodley this moment. [Exit. Lovelace, this is your way-fare ye well both -I am glad your quarrels are at an endThis way, Mr. Lovelace. SCENE II.-Another Apartment. SIR CHARLES RACKET discovered with a Pack of Cards in his Hand. Sir C. Never was any thing like her be [Exeunt Drugget, Mrs. Drugget, and Lovelace. Lady R. Ah! you're a sad man, sir Charles, haviour-I can pick out the very cards I had to behave to me as you have done. in my hand, and then 'tis as plain as the sun- Sir C. My dear, I grant it- and such an -there absurd quarrel too-ha, ha! it was-now let's see-they had four by honours-and we play'd for the odd trick-dam Lady R. Yes-ha, ha!-about such a trifle. Sir C. It's pleasant how we could both fall nation!-honours were divided-ay! honours into such an error-ha, ha! were divided-and then a trump was led-and Lady R. Ridiculous, beyond expressionthe other side had the-confusion!-this pre-ha, ha! posterous woman has put it all out of my head-[Puts the Cards into his Pocke] mother fell into-ha, ha! Mighty well, madam; I have done with you. Enter MRS. DRUGGET. Mrs D. Come, sir Charles, let me Come with me and speak to her. Sir C. And then the mistake your father and Lady R. That too is a diverting part of the story-ha, ha!-But, sir Charles, must 1 stay and live with my father till I grow as fanprevail-tastical as his own evergreens? Sir C. I don't desire to see her face. Sir C. No, no, pr'ythee-don't remind me of my folly. Lady R. Ah! my relations were all standing in tears, I am sure it would melt your very behind counters, selling Whitechapel needles, heart. while your family were spending great estates, 1 Sir C. Nay, nay, spare my blushes. Lady R. How could you say so harsh a thing?-I don't love you. Sir C. It was indelicate, I grant it. Lady R. Am I a vile woman? Sir C. How can you, my angel? Lady R. I shan't forgive you!—I'll have you on your knees for this. [Sings, and plays with him]-Go, naughty man. -Ah! sir Charles! Sir C. The rest of my life shall aim at convincing you how sincerely I love Lady R. [Sings] Go, naughty man, I can't abide you. Well! come let us go to rest. [Going] Ah, sir Charles!-now it is all over, the diamond was the play. Sir C. Stay a moment, can't ye? Sir C. Why then, damn the cards-therethere [Throwing the Cards about] and there, and there- You may go to bed by yourself; and confusion seize me if I live a moment longer with you - [Putting on his Shoes again] No, never, madam. Lady R. Take your own way, sir. Sir C. Now then, I tell you once more you are a vile woman. Lady R. Ha, ha! don't make me laugh again, sir Charles. Sir C. I wish I had never seen your faceI wish I was a thousand miles off; will you Sir C. Oh no, no, no,-my dear! ha, ha!-sit down quietly and let me convince you? it was the club indeed. Lady R. Indeed, iny love, you're mistaken. Sir C. Oh, no, no, no. Lady R. But I say, yes, yes, yes [Both Laughing. Sir C. Pshaw! no such thing-ha, ha! Lady R. 'Tis so, indeed-ha, ha! Sir C. No, no, no-you'll make me die with laughing. [Sits down. Lady R. I'm disposed to walk about, sir, I thank you. Sir C. Why then, may I perish if ever-a blockhead—an idiot I was to marry [Walks about] such a provoking-impertinent-[She sits down] - Damnation! I am so clear in the thing-she is not worth my notice-[Sits down, turns his Back, and looks uneasy] Lady R. Ay, and you make me laugh too—I'll take no more pains about it-[Pauses for ha, ha! [Toying with him. Enter Footman. Footm. Your honour's cap and slippers. Sir C. Ay, lay down my nightcap-and here, take these shoes off. [He takes them off, and leaves them at a distance] Indeed, my lady Racket, you make me ready to expire with laughing-ha, ha! Lady R. You may laugh- but I'm right, notwithstanding. Sir C. How can you say so? Lady R. So we can-and it's for that reason I venture to speak to you-are these the ruffles 1 bought for you? Sir C. They are, my dear. some time, then looks at her] Is not it very strange that you won't hear me? Lady R. Sir, I am very ready to hear you. Sir C. Very well then-very well-my dear you remember how the game stood. Lady R. I wish you'd untie my necklace, it hurts me. Sir C. Why can't you listen? Lady R. I tell you it hurts me terribly. Re-enter DRUGGET, MRS. DRUGGET, and LOVE- and Lady R. They are very pretty-but indeed yet he has been raving about the room like you played the card wrong. Str C. How can you talk so?— [Somewhat peevish. Lady R. See there now a madman. Drug. And about a club again, I suppose.— Come hither, Nancy; Mr. Woodley, she is yours for life. Mrs. D. My dear, how can you be soDrug. It shall be so-take her for life, Mr. Woodley. Sir C. Listen to me-this was the affair- Wood. My whole life shall be devoted to Love. The devil! and so I am to be left in Lady R. You may talk till to-morrow; I the lurch in this manner, am I? know I'm right. [Walks about. Lady R. Oh! this is only one of those po Sir C. Why then, by all that's perverse, lite disputes which people of quality, who have you are the most headstrong-Can't you look nothing else to differ about, must always be here now-here are the very cards. liable to-This will all be made up. Lady R. Go on; you'll find it out at last. Drug. Never tell me-it's too late now Sir C. Damn it! will you let a man show Mr. Woodley, I recommend my girl to your you. Po! it's all nonsense-I'll talk no more care-I shall have nothing now to think of about it-[Puts up the Cards] Come, we'll but my greens, and my images, and my shrubgo to bed. [Going] Now only stay a mo- bery-though, mercy on all married folks, say ment-[Takes out the Cards] Now, mind I! for these wranglings are, I am afraid, what me-see herewe must all come to. Lady R. No, it does not signify-your head will be clearer in the morning-I'll go to bed, Lady R. [Advancing] What we must all come to? What?-Come to what? |