Lailors, I attend their board; and take care,] Old Rev. There let him stay: [Bluntly] aḥ, Dexter, that my drapery is exquisitely fitted. madam, I see the effects of last night's agiLet the anatomy of my figure be fully dis- tation,-am grieved-but not surprised. Öh played; the bust ample; and the swell of the these husbands! these husbands! but I am talower muscles well defined. king an unwarrantable liberty.

Dex. Rely on my care.

[Exit.

Old Rev. For do you hear; if I can get into my clothes, I certainly won't have them. Mrs. Rev. Ha! ha!

Lady Stan. Dear sir, your feelings do you honour: your soothing sympathy

Old Reo, Lady Stanmore, I am a man, almost ashamed of being one: we are all tyOld Rev. Oh dear! Oh dear! But while all rants and bullies! but if women will not emis artificial, why not transform me into some- ploy those irresistible weapons nature has thing young and stylish? Have we not pearl armed them with, (and which are most puispowder for the pimpled, and cosmetics for the sant in Lady Stanmore) [Bowing] they must cadaverous? Have we not unguents, for re- be content to remain the slaves of these bomoving beards from the chins of dowagers, badil bashaws. and Macassar oil for placing them on the lips of boys? Have we not stockings for legs without calves, stays for calves without heads, and wigs for heads without brains? and is not the mind as artificial as the body? Have we not Lady Stan. In her absence, sir, may I reladies' lips, that can smile or pout at com- quest the honour of your confidence? the bemand? necks that can bend without humility? nefit of your experience? You have been more arms that can embrace without sincerity? and than once married? false bosoms that conceal falser hearts?

Lady Stan. The very words my dear Miss Raven has used.

Old Rev. Then she must be an amiable, well-meaning woman.

Old Rev. Two wives, madam: killed them no spirit, or they might have led me like a muzzled bear; but they adored, drooped, and died.

[Exeunt, both: SCENE II-A Breakfast-room at SIR ARTHUR STANMORE's; on one side the Stage, a Table with tea Equipage.

Enter LADY STANMORE.

Lady Stan. Sir Arthur not here yet? Heigho! what a miserable woman I am! I've kept my room till noon to make him suppose I've slept profoundly, though I have not closed my weary eyes. Oh, there's his servant. Randal!

Enter RANDAL.

Does Sir Arthur know breakfast waits?
Ran. Sir Arthur has breakfasted.
Lady Stan. Indeed!

Ran. [Aside] Alas! he tasted nothing.
Lady Stan. Then why don't you order

coffee? stay! where is your master?
Ran. In his library, madam.

Lady Stan. I own I love Sir Arthur.
Old Rev. Then prove it.

Lady Stan. How?

Old Rev. By curing him of his tyranny.
Lady Stan. In what way?

Old Rev. By leaving him.

Lady Stan. [Elated] 'Tis my fixed determination-I'm delighted you approve my plan. Yes, I will leave him.

Old Rev. [Smiling] No you won't.
Lady Stan. Why?

Old Rev. He won't let you.

Lady Stan. Do you think not? what a triumph! [Exulting] I'll put him to the test directly.

Old Rev. The sooner the better. Adieu!
Lady Stan. But, sir, if he should-'tis a

Lady Stan. With anxiety] Is he much foolish fear, perhaps-but-if-he-should not agitated, Randal?

Ran. Surprised] Agitated, madam?
Lady Stan. [Sharply] What is he doing?
Ran. Reading, my lady.

Lady Stan. How long has he been reading?
Ran. All the morning,

Lady Stan. Impossible! What did you say when he inquired for me?

Ran. He did not inquire for you, my lady. Lady Stan. [With vexation] Oh, very well!-Not inquire for me? Take away those things.

Ran. I thought you ordered coffee.

prevent-my-leaving him.

Old Rev. Then, madam, honour my house by your residence--my equipage by your employment-my fortune by your acceptance. Lady Stan. Kind, true friend!

Old Rev. That I am!

Lady Stan. My trunks are corded.
Old Rev. Bravo!

[Aside.

Lady Stan. They shall he brought here: then

Old Rev. [Aside] Out you go. [Gunfired at a distance] A signal for me to crowd sail and get aboard-"then seize the helm, and steer

Enter RANDAL.

[Exit.

Lady Stan. You thought? [Pettishly] Take to victory." them away. [Exit Randal, removing tea Equipage] The world combines to torment me: Miss Raven promised to be here, but she this token of my respect. I may not see you

deserts me.

Lady Stan. Randal! come hither; accept

again, old man. [Giving Purse] In a few minutes I leave this house for ever,

Ran. Leave the house!-no-no, indeed— no such thing.

Lady Stan. How dare you take that liberty? Ran. Indeed, lady, you take more liberty with me; you have no right to make me miserable.

Lady Stan. Silence! and tell your master I must speak with him instantly.

Ran, Ah, lady, where will yon find hap-| piness?

Lady Stan. Any where but here. Ran. I'm sure I would rather cry here than laugh any where else.

Lady Stan. Obey me, Sir, and order those trunks to be brought in. [Randal beckons Servants, who enter with Trunks] Now, Obstinacy, dear tutelary spirit of my sex, support me through this trial!-He's coming. [Collecting her Fortitude.

Enter SIR ARTHUR.

Jon. Madam, the fleet has doubled the point, the yachts are in sight.

(A dressed Ship is at anchor, towards which are steering the prize Yachts, attended Sir Arth. Randal! return that book to its by Steamers and numerous Boats gaily proper shelf. [Seeing the Trunks, starts-looks equipped; when the first passes the Ship anxiously at Lady Stanmore, but recovers at anchor - Guns are fired- Cheers are his Composure] Why do these trunks en- heard-The Band plays "Rule Britannia.”) cumber this apartment?

pro

Lady Stan, Neither the trunks nor their prietor will long encumber it: put them to the carriage.

Sir Arth. [Aside] Indeed! Manhood, be firm. Ran. To the carriage, my lady? Masternot-not to the

Sir Arth. [Calmly] Don't you hear your lady's orders? [Trunks are borne out. Exit Randal, following.

Lady Stan. Is it possible? [Aide] Oh, dear, he'll let me go.

Sir Arth. My servant, madam, informed me, you wish to see me. I instantly obeyed your summons, and now wait your commands.

Lady Stan. My commands! Don't insult me, Sir Arthur. I have borne insults enough: one more I must bear; that of being turned out of your house a beggar.

Sir Arth. Lady Stanmore! as this may be our last conference, it would be but decent to let truth preside at it. You turn yourself out. As to maintenance-name your wishes, and, on my honour, my signature shall follow the demand.

Enter DEXTER out of Breath. Dex. Madam! Madam! your husband is defeated, distanced, obliged to give in: he is come on shore in a terrible storm; but as I don't fancy these land breezes, I'll run into harbour. [Exil

Enter YOUNG Revel.

Y. Rev. Beat! disgraced! Bungling blackhead! dolt! idiot! What, to be last, when even to be first is a folly, a gewgaw, a toy! but if ever again I-Ab, Constance! you've heard, I suppose? but, hey day! here's a display, to celebrate my defeat, no doubt.

expense;

but

Mrs. Rev. 'Tis very stylish, is it not? Y. Rev. Why, wife, have you lost all sense of prudence? Such an expense! Mrs. Rev, Never mind the welcome the guests, my dear! Y. Rev. But they are not welcome, my dear! Mrs. Reo, Nonsense! Come, my jolly tar1), in, in, and refit; there's every thing in profusion,

Y. Rev. I dare say there is.

Mrs. Rev. Oh! the fortunate victor is landed,
I see.
Do you know who he is?
Y. Rev. I don't know the fellow: some ex-

Lady Stan. I dare say you will grudge no expense to get rid of me; but I won't accept a farthing. I have friends that are not weary of me. I must go, or I shall faint. [Aside] travagant puppy heedlessly sailing into the Sir Arthur Stanmore, if you have any thing vortex of ruin!

to add, this is the moment. [Pause] Nothing? Mrs. Rev. Whoever he is, I, as patroness Sir Arth, Only, Harriet, a sincere and heart of your fête, must receive him with polite refelt wish that you may find that happiness spect. it has not been my good fortune to secure to you. [Bows. [Rushes out. Sir Arth. [Walking about agitated She will not-must not go. Randal! Randal! re

Lady Stan. Barbarian! I - Farewell!

call

Enter RANDAL.

What noise is that?

Ran. The carriage driving off.
Sir Arth. Are you certain?

Ran. You may see it leaving the avenue.
Sir Arth. I cannot see it. [Covering his
Face] 'Tis done! My wife, gone?

Ran. Dear master, be comforted. Sir Arth. Do not speak, old man; follow me to my room. Hush! I thought I heard

[Strikes his Forehead and exit, Randal following.

SCENE III.-The Stage is occupied by Pavilions with silk Draperies and Flags.

Y. Rev. [Sullenly] I suppose you must. Enter in Procession-Sailors bearing Flags Peasants in their holyday Clothes, deco rated with blue Ribbons-the Crew of the Yacht handsomely equipped-Girls dressed with Garlands, bearing a small Platform decorated with miniature Flags, on which is placed the Prize-cup-the Procession closed by OLD REVEL in a dandy naval Costume the Company bow-he salutes them in passing—Shouts. the pleasure to congratulate you on your vicMrs. Rev. [Takes the Prize-cup] I have tory, and to present its splendid reward.

1

[Presenting the Cup, which Old Revel receives, and hands it to his Boatswain. Y. Rec. Though a stranger and a rival, must express my admiration of your skill, and -Eh-your-Why~No, it can'tOld Rev. Yes it can. Vy, Eddard! don't 1) Sailor.

Y. Rev. Certainly not; I begin to feel what gain. an inconsiderate ass I've been.

Dame. What! were these the terms? Give Old Rev. [Aside] Ha! ha! Brought him on her up to save me? Cruel boy! to suppose a his beam-ends *). But I say, messmate, why mother's happiness could he built on her child's so molancholy? You seem as much out of misery. your element as a grampus on a gravel walk. Frank. Never mind me; think of yourself. Rouse up, my hearty! and take a bit of backy. Dame. Myself? you are myself; Oh, ten [Opening a large Tobacco-box] No? then thousand times dearer than myself!

you don't know the staff of life. But avast! avast! tho': while we are sarving out this paJaver, the sports are taken aback. Ya! hoy! if Boatswain! pipe all hands, and clear decks for a dance; and do you hear? let it be elegant. Boats. A reel, my commander?

Old Reo. A reel, you lubber? You can dance that when you are drunk; which we must soon be, as in duty bound. No; get ready to your landlord. your grapplers; make prize of a full complement of pretty wenches; form two lines ahead, and manoeuvre a country dance; and then, to do the genteel thing, finish with a hornpipe.

A Country dance; after which a Girl dances a Hornpipe. Old Revel enjoys it; fidgets about; at last joins her in the Dance. Scene drops.

Dame. Heaven knows I would not Enter OLD REVEL, fashionably dressed. what will they say, if Frank fail in getting Old Rev. So, this is fashionable ease! Was the money? And how can he succeed? where ever unfortunate old gentleman so trussed up raise such a sum? "Tis impossible. I had better and spitted! But if the father's follies can teach and own the truth. 'Tis a sharp trial, but the son wisdom, I'd become emperor of the must meet it.

Butter, Hugely. Swinging on a gate all day more divorces than conjugal fidelity. In a is nothing to it. word, nations are indebted to it for peace, Old Rev. And have you thrown about your and refined society for its existence ! money?

Old Rev. Nay, don't laugh. Where's Ned? Mrs. Rev. Studying the multiplication-table, and projecting plans of economy, more absurd,

Y. Rev. You are an able advocate, madam. Mrs. Rev. Your insincere praise proves, at least, I have gained a convert.

Y. Rev. I love sincerity.

Mrs. Rev. So do I, but it is not a garment for everyday's wear and tear, being formal, starch, and plebeian.

Old Rev. When do you put it on?

Mrs. Rev. In the solemn hour of devotionin the privacy of wedded love-for the reception of real friendship—[bowing to Old Revel] I wear it now.

Old Rev. But, zounds, we are becoming moral!

Y. Rev. And very becoming it is.

Old Rev. That's more than your coat is:

if possible, than his schemes of extravagance: the collar is too low, my dear boy! there, he's coming, most dutifully, to admonish his [arranging it] that's better.

father.

Y. Rev. Jonathan, where's the book I ordered? [Taking a Book] Dr. Franklin! great political economist! [Reads] "Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." I'll get that by heart." "Take care of your shillings-guineas take care of themselves." That golden rule I'll double down for my improvident father. I must look into his afffairs.

[Returns Jonathan the Book, who goes off. Did Rev. [To Mrs. Revel] How kind, to do for me, what he never did for himself! Y.Rev. [Looking at Old Revel] My father, in that dress!

Y. Reo. My dear sir, I have left off the fancy for these

Old Rev. Left off the fancy! but you've got the gloves1), I hope? [Sparring at him.

Enter JONATHAN.

Jon. One of your honour's tenants waits.
Y. Reo. Indeed! [with importance] nobody
must wait for me: I'll go immediately.
Old Rev. Their time is valuable.

Y. Rev. Not more than mine, I assure you.
Pardon my leaving you, sir,—but business must
be minded. [Exeunt Y. Rev. and Jonathan.
Old Rev. Ha ha!

Mrs. Rev. 'Tis the mother of young Ryeland: she will not spare him.

Old Rev. I hope not; for nothing will cure him but his sounding the bass string of bumility, and draining the chalice to its bitterest Old Rev. [Alarmed] What's the matter dregs. But here comes my blushing darling, with it? If any thing is out of taste I shall Fanny! Now to rouse her vanity—try her fifaint! Call back the tailors!

Y. Rev. Oh no, they have done quite enough. [With Solemnity] I have been reflecting on my past life, my father!

Old Rev. [In the same Tone] You have done quite right, my son! take a pinch.[Presenting Snuff-box. Y. Reo And 'tis high time for me to have done with levity. Old Rev. It is indeed, Ned! La, la, la, la ! [Attempts waltzing with Mrs. Revel. Y. Rec. How can you, Constance, lend yourself to such absurdity? I thought you a reasonable woman.

Mrs. Rev. A reasonable woman! My love, don't propagate such a report, or I shall be supposed to have lost my senses.

Y. Rev. Come-this folly is assumed! I detest dissimulation!

delity-and if she comes pure from the ordeal, then bless her with the man of her heart. See how I'll play the young lover..

Enter FANNY BLOOMLY. Fanny. Oh! good venerable old gentleman! Mrs. Rev. Rather an awkward beginning! [To Old Recel Fanny. I would beg, but my poor heart beats so

Old Rev. So does mine. You were no doubt thinking of my passion-my sighs— [you. Fanny. Indeed, sir, I was not thinking about Old Rev. You'll make me wretched, Fanny! Fanny. Never mind that, sir.

Old Rev. And, then, I must leave you. Fanny. Thank you, sir. Oh, madam! [Running to Mrs. Revel. Mrs. Rev. Be comforted: I'll love you. Fanny. Will you, lady? ah, but then what signifies your love compared to my dear Frank's?

Old Rev. Bless her constant heart! I can withhold no longer: I'll give her the promise. [Takes out paper] Fanny, I here offer you settlement that will make you as happy as

Mrs. Rev. Detest disssimulation? Would you, with Gothic sternness, break the bonds of civilized society? 'Tis the school of mutual instruction, where faithless husbands learn prudence and uxoriousness, and vixen wives to lisp my duck and my deary: where lawyers a pretend to quarrel, and doctors to agree. Dis-a princess. simulation is the cementer of new friendships, Fanny. I won't have it-I had rather not and the tinker1) of old ones: it makes more be as happy as a princess. matches than mutual attachment, and prevents 1) Boxers are called gentlemen of the Fancy; and eld

1) Mender.

Revel is thus made guilty of a miserable pun,

Old Rev Nay, but look at it.

[Giving the Paper. Fanny. [Seeing Frank's Writing, runs into Old Revel's Arms, and kisses him] How I love you!

Old Rev. Do you? [Delighted] I almost wish I had the paper again!

Fanny. I'm the happiest young girl!
Old Kee. And I'm the happiest old boy!
Fanny. Now to show this to dear Frank!
Old Rev. Not till I give you leave, remember.
Fanny. Oh, you dear man!

abuse, scold, insult, or, with stones, sticks, or staves, assault, beat, or batter, the aforesaid Sir Arthur-"

Lady Stan. May I inquire what those parchments are?

Old Rev. [Chucking her under the Chin] Your articles of separation, my dear! No fear of your husband's troubling you when this is executed. [Aside.

Lady Stan. I'm sick at heart.

Old Rev. I'll tell the lawyer to wait on you at home.

Lady Stan. [Hanging her head] Sir, I—I

[Extending her Arms. Old Rev. Prudence! not to be again ventur--have no home. ed, or the consequences might be.-Out of my sight, you tempting, teasing, tickling—

[Exit Fanny. He goes up the Stage in Ecstasy.

Mrs. Rev. My brother!

Enter SIR ARTHUR STANMORE. Sir Arth. Constance, she is gone-lost to me for ever!

Old Rev. Another couple to make happy! -I've as much hammering together as the Scotch blacksmith 1).

Sir Arth. She must have been the victim of some envious meddling adviser-some insidious serpent

Old Rev. That was me.

Old Rev. True: then at Miss Raven's.
Lady Stan. [Shuddering] Don't name her.
Old Rev. Not your friend?

Lady Stan. Friend! she has caused all my misery; and when I flew to her with open arms to seek the shelter of her heart and home, she insulted-refused to see me.

Old Reo. That's always the way with these meddling advisers; but you'll find my conduct very different.

Lady Stan. I'm sure I shall.

Old Rev. So, whenever you happen to come this way, and will call in and take a lunch[Lady Stanmore starts] And I'm sure, Constance, you'll make Lady Stanmore welcome, as far as a cup of tea and a muffin goes. Lady Stan. Insupportable humiliation! Sir, [Indignantly. I hope I feel, as I ought, your protecting Old Rev. To be sure you are! now here's courtesy, and have the honour to wish you gratitude! and but that I am the sweetest-good morning. tempered

Sir Arth. And am I indebted to you for the loss of my wife?

Mrs. Rev. [To Old Revel] Come, sir, this is too distressing.

Mrs. Rev. Where are you going, my dear

sister?

Lady Stan. I know not-farewell!
Mrs. Rev. Stay and hear me: I insist.
Lady Stan. Excuse me-

[Going. Mrs. Rev. I entreat. [Lady Stanmore curt

Old Rev. Not a bit: do him good. I have seen Lady Stanmore: she loves you, and when I mentioned your name, she blessed you, and a tear of repentant love fell upon this hand. seys, and remains] There is an asylum I Sir Arth. [Eagerly taking it] What! on would propose, [beckoning to Sir Arthur, this hand? you have raised me from despair! who enters,] where the world's malice could -a precious drop! and on this hand? never reach you, where tranquil happiness Old Rev. I beg your pardon; I just want would beam around you, and peace enshrine my hand for a minute, to take a pinch of in its lovely temple. snuff: upon my hononr you shall have it again. Mrs. Rev. Ah! Lady Stanmore's carriage! Sir Arth. Let me fly to her!

Old Rev. [Holding him] Fly to her you nay; but go to her you shall not. Retire!

Mrs. Rev. Dear brother! all is concerted for your happiness; pray retire, and watch my signal.

Sir Arth. [To Old Revel] Restore but my Harriet to these arms, and I am your debtor beyond what gratitude can pay!

[Exil.

Lady Stan. Is there such a haven for a wretch like me to shelter in?

Mrs. Rev. Yes, dearest sister; its gates are now open: I will lead you to your sanctuary. [Leads her towards Sir Arthur. Lady Stan. [Seeing Sir Arthur, with Arms extended, rushes to his Feet] My husband! Sir Arth. Rise to my heart! [Raising her] 'tis your home, my Harriet!

Lady Stan. I can only offer tears. Sir Arth. Then let mine, which spring from Old Rev. Within there! those old parch- joy's purest fountain, change their bitterness ments quick! [Servant brings in Parch- to balmy sweetness, to connubial joy. ments, and exit] What have we here? an Old Rev. [Throwing away parchment, old cancelled deed: it will do. "I must be and wiping his eyes] This snuff is always cruel only to be kind."

Enter LADY STANMORE.

getting into my eyes! That's finished; and now for Ned, and then my task is done. Come, come, time enough for raptures: to business! Lady Stan. Good morning, madam. [Bow-to business. I shall want you all;-you, Sir ing to Mrs. Revel] My dear Sir, I have taken Arthur, must become a black-leg, and your ladyship a blue-stocking 1). Hollo, Dexter!

the freedom

Old Rev. Ah! is it you? [Nods, pretending to read, but secretly observing Lady Stanmore] "And further, that the aforesaid Harriet Stanmore shall not, by tumult of tongue, 1) Marrying at Gretna Green.

1) The blue stockings or blues are the femmes savantes of England, a most formidable party in Literature at the present day. They are called blues, from their affected negligence of dress, so far as to wear (horrible for a lady) a blue stocking.