Young R. [Interrupting him] Is true to the pole. As a needle is true to the pole, says the Duke; so will your son, says the Duke, be to every thing spirited and fashionable, says the Duke.-Am I always to be tortured with your infernal needles? [Aside to Old Rapid. Old R. I never get a comfortable nap, never! Young R. You have a devilish good chance now- Confound all speeches-Oh!— Vortex. Pray be seated-[They sit on each side Vortex]-Now we'll suppose that the chair[Pointing to a Chair. Old R. Suppose it the chair! why it is a chair, an't it? his -'lis Vortex. Pshaw! I mean- Vortex. Oh, he's witty! Young R. Oh, remarkably brilliant, indeed! [Significantly to his Father. Vortex. What, you are a wit, sir! Old R. A what? Yes I arn-I am a wit. Vortex. Well, now I'll begin-Oh, what a Vortex. Now to sound them. I hear, gentle-delicious moment!-The house when they apmen, your business in this part of the country prove cry, "Hear him! hear him!"-I only is with Sir Hubert Stanley, respecting some give you a hint, in case any thing should strike money transactions. Old R. 'Tis a secret. Vortex. Oh! no-the Baronet wish to sell his estate. avows his Young R. Push on.—I can never stand it. [Aside. Vortex. Now I shall charm them-[Ad Old R. Oh! that alters the case, dresses the chair]-"Sir, had I met your Vortex. I think it would be a desirable eye at an earlier hour, I should not have purchase for you-I should be happy in such blink'd the present question-but having caught neighbours and if you should want forty or what has fallen from the other side, I shall fifty thousand, ready money, I'll supply it with scout the idea of going over the usual ground." pleasure. -What, no applause yet? [Aside. – During Old R. Oh, sir, how kind!-If my son this Old Rapid has fallen asleep, and Young wishes to purchase, I would rather leave it Rapid, after shewing great fretfulness and entirely to him. impatience, runs to the back scene, throws Young R. And I would rather leave it en-up the Window, and looks out]-“But I tirely to you. shall proceed, and, I trust, without interrupVortex. Very well, I'll propose for it.-tion."-[Turns round, and sees Old Rapid [Aide] This will cut Sir Hubert to the soul. asleep]-Upon my soul, this is-What do There is a very desirable borough interest you mean, sir? -then you could sit in parliament. Young R. I in parliament! ha! ha! Old R. No; that would be a botch. Young R. No, no, I was once in the gallery -crammed in—no moving-expected to hear the great guns-up got a little fellow, nobody knew who, gave us a three hours' speech-1 got devilish fidgetty-the house called for the question, I join'd the cry-"The question, the question," says I.-A member spied me Old R. Ob, Neddy, for shame of yourself clear'd the gallery-got hustl'd by my brother to fall asleep!- I mean to look out of the spectators-obliged to scud-Oh! it would window-I am very sorry, sir, never do for me. Vortex. But you must learn patience. Young R. Then make me speaker-if that wouldn't teach me patience, nothing would. Vortex. Do you dislike, sir, parliamentary eloquence? Old R. Sir, I never heard one of your real downright parliament speeches in my life[Yawns. Young R. By your yawning I shou'd think you had heard a great many. never. . Vortex. Oh, how lucky!-At last I shall get my dear speech spoken.-Sir, I am member, and I mean to a [Rapid awakes. Old R. What's the matter?—Hear him! bear him! Vortex. Pray, sir, don't you blush?-[Sees Young Rapid at the Window]-What the devil!- Yaung R. [Looking round] Hear him! hear him! Vortex. By the soul of Cicero, 'tis too much. any thing should go across the grain. -[ say, Ned smooth him down! Young R. I will-What the devil shall I say-The fact is, sir, I heard a cry of fireupon-the-the-the water, andVortex. Well, well-But do you wish to hear the end of my speech? Young R. Upon my honour, I do. Vortex. Then we'll only suppose this little interruption a message from the Lords, or Rapid fretful]-Where did I leave off? something of that sort. [They sit, Young Young R. Oh! I recollect; at—“I therefore briefly conclude with moving-an adjourn [Rising. Vortex. Nonsense! no such thing-Putting him down in a Chair]-Oh! I remember! "I shall therefore proceed, and, I trust, withVortex. What, speak my speech?—That I out interruption-' will-I'll speak it. Young R. Keep moving. Vortex. Why, I mean to speak, I assure you; and Young R. Push on, then. Young R. Oh, the devil!-Don't yawn so. [To Old Rapid.| Serv. Dinner is waiting. Charles. Ah? Frank. And I've been fighting- Sir Hub. What's his business? Charles. Oh, sir! [Concealing his Agitation] Young R. [Jumping up.] Dinner waiting! My friend, Frank, consults me on a love -Come along, sir. Vortex. Never mind the dinner. Young R. But I like it smoking. Old R. So do I-Be it ever so little, let me have it hot. Vortex. Won't you hear my speech? Young R. To be sure we will-but now to dinner-Come, we'll move together - Capital speech!-Push on, sir-Come along, dad-Push him on, dad. [Exeunt, forcing Vortex out. SCENE III.-An Ancient Hall. Enter SIR HUBERT, leaning on CHARLES STANLEY. Charles. Take comfort, sir. Sir Hub. You are not hurt, young man? Frank. No, sur.-Thank heaven! my head be a pure hard one. Charles. Within! [Enter two Servants Attend my father. Sir Hub. My boy, don't stay from me long. [Exit, leaning on Servants. Charles. Now, good Frank, ease my tortur'd mind.-What of my father? Frank. Why, your honour, Mr. Bronze came laughing out of dining-room, and says, Sir Hub. Where shall I find it, boy?-To "Dom'me, how the old Baronet has been live on my estate, is ruin-to part with it, roasted." So, sur, I not knowing what they death. My heart is twin'd round it.-I've been could mean by roasting a Christian, axed. the patriarch of my tribe-the scourge of the "Why," says he, grinning, "they voted, that aggressor-the protector of the injur'd!-Can it was a pity the dignity of the bloody hand I forego these dignities?-My old grey-beaded interfer'd, or the old beggar might set up a servants, too, whose only remaining hope is shop." to lay their bones near their lov'd master, how shall I part with them?-1 prate, boy, 'tis the privilege of these white hairs. Charles. Oh! say on, sir. Sir Hub. All! all is dear to me!-these warlike trophies of my ancestors! — Charles, Charles. What! Frank. The old beggar might set up a shop. Charles. Unmanner'd, cowardly babblers! Frank. And that you, sur, would make a dapper 'prentice. Charles. I heed not that.-But, when I forthou see'st that goodly oak, 'twas planted at give a father's wrongs my birth-Would'st thou think it? In the late Frank. So says I, dom'me, if young 'squire hurricane, when the tempest humbled with had been among them, he would have knocked the dust the proudest of the forest, it bravely all their heads together. Now, wouldn't you, met the driving blast-my people, with shouts sur, have knock'd their heads together? Then of joy, bail'd the auspicious omen, and augur'd they all laugh'd at me; which somehow made from it prosperity to me and mine. - Fondly all the blood in my body come into my knuckles. I believ'd it-fondly I thought it. Fie! Fie! So says I, "Mr. Bronze, suppose a caseI doatsuppose me young 'squire Stanley-now say Charles. My father, I doubt not but they that again about his honour'd father."-So he augur'd truly. I must to the active world. did; and I lent him such a drive o'the faceWhy should I fear that the virtue and in- and I was knocking all their heads together dependence you have inspir'dpretty tightish-till the cook laid me flat wi' Sir Hub. Ah, boy! but while licentiousness the poker: then they all fell upon me; and and party zeal command the choicest gifts of when I could fight no longer, I fell a crying, fortune, virtue and genius must be content and ran to tell your honour. with their leavings. Enter Servant-delivers a Letter to SIR HU BERT, who reads it with great agitation. Charles. Ah! what is it shakes you, sir?— That letter! Sir Hub. Nothing, my dear boy!-'tis infirmity! I shall soon be better. Charles. Thanks, my affectionate lad!-Return to the Nabob's to-day. Frank. I be sartain I shall never do any good there. Charles. To-morrow you shall live with me. I shall dismiss all my servants-my circumstances require it. Frank. What! all but me!-What! I do Charles. Fxcuse me, dear sir-[Takes the all the work?-Lord, Lord, how glad I be, Letter and reads] "Mr. Vortex, at the request sur, you can't afford to keep any body but I. of Mr. Rapid, informs Sir Hubert Stanley it Charles. Good Frank, farewell! - Holdis inconvenient for him to advance more money here. [Presenting a Purse. on mortgage. Mr. Vortex laments Sir Hubert's Frank. [Refusing] Nay, pray'ee, sur, dan't pecuniary embarrassments"—damnation!--"to you beheave unkind to me-1 be a poor lad, relieve which he will purchase the castle and that do worship and love you-not a spy for estate."-Sooner shall its massy ruins crumble the lucre of gain-pray use me kindly, and me to dust. Don't despond, my father! don't gi' me a farding. bear up! Enter FRANK, running-his Face bloody. Frank. Oh, sur!-at Neabob's table they've been so abusing your father! Charles. Frank, I beg your pardon.—Farewell. Frank. Lord, how glad I be he can only afford to keep I. [Exit. Charles. Insult my father!-unmanly vil it! lain!-whoe'er thou art, thy life shall answer-how the newspapers would teem with[Exit. "The elegant Charles Stanley was called out by the dashing Young Rapid, about some trifle." Young R. Bravo! ACT IV. Letter. Vortex. Any thing docs for a duel now-aEnter VORTEX, in great Terror, reading a days-the length of a dancer's great toe-an election leg of mutton and trimmings1). Vortex. Dear me!-here's a terrible affair!! Young R. Say no more— e-I'll do it. By heavens -[Reads] "Give me up the author of the no man of fashion shall be more infamous-l slander on my father" that was myself-I mean more famous.—I'll go write to him dinever can find in my heart to give myself rectly. "or personally answer the consequenCHARLES STANLEY." upces. -Oh, dear! since I find my words are taken Vortex. First take another bottle of Champaigne. You can't think what a free dashing style it will give you. Young R. I will [Going-returns] No, I can't take up this quarrel. Vortex. Oh dear-Why not? [Alarmed. Young R. Because I'm sure I'm depriving you of a pleasure. Young R. [Without] Huzza, my fine fellows bravo! Vortex. Oh don't mind me! I give it you, Vortex. Eh! egad, a fine thought.-Young to shew my regard for you.-Indeed, I've had Rapid is loaded muzzle high with Champaigne so much fighting in my time, that with me it -I'll tell him he said the words, and make really ceases to be a pleasure-the sweetest him own them. I've persuaded him into a things will cloy-so the quarrel's your'smarriage with my daughter: after that, the wash my hands of it. devil's in't if I can't persuade him into a duel. Young R. You're a damn'd good-hearted, generous fellow! Vortex. Then you'll return triumphant, and marry my daughter. Enter YOUNG RAPID-tipsy. Young R. Here I am, tip-top spirits-ripe for any thing. Young R. To be sure-keep moving [GoVortex. How did you like my Champaigne? ing] I hope he'll fight directly.-Like a sailor, Young R. Oh! it suits me exactly; a man I hate a calm, particularly when an enemy's is such a damn'd long while getting tipsy with in sight.-Hold-what must we fight with?” 1 other wine-Champaigne settles the business can fence. directly—it has made me— Vortex. Lively, I see. Young R. Lively-it has made me like a Young R. I like bullets-they come so quick. skyrocket. Well, how did I behave?- Quite But I must push on-the other bottle and then easy, wasn't I?-Push'd on-at every thing--I'm a first-rate fellow. -Champaigne for barr'd prosing.-Jolly dogs within the fat ever! parson's a fine fellow-kept the bottle moving Vortex. You shall have my pistols-they're said a nice short grace. never been used. Vortex. Well, and did you lose at play the five hundred pounds I lent you? Young R. As easy as could be. Vortex. That was lucky. Vortex. You have no objection to pistols and bullets? Enter MISS VORTEX. [Exit Here's policy. "Crown me, shadow me with laurels."-Oh, my dear, I've achiev'd two such Young R. Very-particularly for those who difficult points! won it. Vortex. Well, now you'll do. [Staggering and strutting about. Vortex. You only want a quarrel to make you Young R. A what?-A quarrel. - Dam'me, I'll settle that in two minutes. [Runnig off. Vortex. Stop.-You need not go out of the room for that." Young R. What! will you quarrel with me, eh!-With all my heart. Vortex. Me! oh no! I say I could get you such fame— Young R. How, my dear fellow?-Dash on. Vortex. Why, at dinner you reflected on the Baronet. Young R. No, it was you. Young R. Yes, it was you. Vortex. Well, it might be I; but I don't say it was Young R. I do,--push on. Vortex. Young Stanley has demanded the author.-Now, if you were to own the words Miss V. How, my dear Nabob? Vortex. In the first place, I've persuaded young Rapid to marry you. Miss V. Was that so difficult? Miss V. A duel! and about me? her so. Miss V. Charming! Vortex. Now an't I a kind father to set two young men fighting about you? Miss V. Ah! that is, indeed acting like a parent! Vortex. Egad, I must look after Rapid, though. Miss V. But how did you manage it? Vortex. By policy to be sure; for as 1 observe in my speech - "Policy is-" Miss V. And a very good observation it is Vortex. How do you know, till it?" Policy-" you hear 1) The trimmings are all the expences attendant p eating said leg of matton, such as a dozen of part, few bottles of Champagne, elc. I'm in such uncommon spirits, Oatland! Jessy. A duel!-horrible thought! the oppression of our common grief, thou, sweet girl, must bear the agonizing weight of disappointed love.-Come, rest on my arm. Jessy. Oh, such kindness!-I cannot speak -but indeed my heart feels it. [Exeunt, Ellen supporting Jessy. SCENE II.-Another Apartment in VORTEX'S House. Enter YOUNG RAPID, followed by FRANK, who carries Pistols, a Sword, and Champaigne. Young R. Got the pistols, eh? Miss V. Sensibility, I vow!-Too comic, a vast deal! Ha! ha! cottage pathos must pro- Frank. Here they be. [Lays them down] ceed from a source unknown to me, I'm sure! Your feyther were axing for you, sur. Jessy. It proceeds, madam, from the heart. Young R. My father!- Should any thing Miss V. Umph.-Let me have no more of happen-when I reflect-Reflect-Zounds, that it. [Sharply. won't do. Some Champaigne! [Singing] “If Jessy. I beg your pardon-I forgot the ex- a man can then die much bolder with brandy." tent of a servant's duty.-I forgot that servants [Drinks] I'll write to him, however;-a few have no right to feel pleasure or pain, but as words on a scrap of paper may cheer him. their employers please; and that suppressing [Takes a letter out of his Pocket, and is the sensibilities of nature is considered in their about to tear a Piece of it off]-What! [Sarcastically. [Reads] "Dear Edward, your faithful Jessy That's so very Oatland." [Strikes his Head]-Jessy Oatland! forgive you, Oat--What a scoundrel I am! Kisses the LetStanley will be so ter]—Oh, Jessy, what an infernal pain at my heart!-More Champaigne! wages. Miss V. No doubt of it. sensibly observed, that I'll land. The pride of young humbled. -- Jessy. Is the safety of that noble youth implicated? I Enter Servant. Miss V. What!-a lover, I suppose-came Serv. A letter, sir, from young Stanley. to the farm, I warrant-attended Miss Jessy Young R. Then the die is cast.-[Reads] in the dairy-ruffled the cream with his sighs "You are a scoundrel-meet me immediately, -talked of Arcadia, and sipped butter-milk. or,"-Um, um, a short decisive letter enough. -Ha! ha! I should not wonder, after what I Damn this pain.- Quick! my pistols! Take have seen of his taste.-Yes, he is implicated them to Stanley park: there wait for me.-Oh -I dare say Mr. Rapid will.— [Going. Jessy! Jessy. Heavens! Is Edward--[Catching hold of a Chair for support.] Miss V'. Edward! Enter OLD RAPID, at the back Scene. Frank. Ecod, he'll kill thee.-I'll lay halfa-crown 'Squire Stanley hits thee the first shot. [Exit Frank, with the Pistols. Old R. [Coming forward] Pistols — kill – Stanley-Ned, tell me Young R. [Aside] My father here. Oh, sir, nothing.-Come, drink. Old R. Look at me.-Ah! that agitation! Tell me the cause!-A parent commands you. -Your old doating father entreats it! Young R. [Aside] I must deceive him.-Sir, I've received an insult that no gentleman of fashion can submit to. Old R. Gentleman of fashion! Need a man resent it? Young R. Read that letter, and judge. a Young R. Would you have me submit to be call'd a scoundrel? Old R. No, I wou'dn't-[with Tears]-Yes, Young R. Sir, you don't feel like a man. Old R. [Reads] "And unless" [Wipes the Young R. [Takes the Letter and reads] "And unless you immediately give me the satisfaction of a gentleman, expect the chastisement due to a coward." Old R. Chastisement! Chastisement! Coward! [With irritation] We are flesh and blood, Ned. Young R. Wou'd you see me spurn'd? Old R. [Emphatically, and running into his son's arms] No! Young R. Pray leave me, sir. Old R. Where shall I go? What shall I do? What will become of me? Oh, boy, try All. Who? Jessy. Ah, my poor Edward! to avoid it. Remember your old father; re-dejected] Wretch that I am, to forget thy member his life hangs on your's. But, Ned, sorrows! Take comfort, sweet girl!-perhapsdon't forget you're a man! Enter OLD RAPID capering. me, sir. Young R. Pray leave Old R. I will.-Farewell, my dear boy, twill break my old heart.-But remember you're a man, Ned. Enter SIR HUBERT STANLEY. Old R. My boy, Neddy,-my darling, Neddy, safe and sound,-tol de rol lol. [Sees Sir Hubert, and bows respectfully. Jessy and Ellen talk apart. Sir Hub. So, Mr. Rapid! How happened Young R. [Alone] So, I'm proceeding full tilt to murder; have planted a dagger in a kind father's heart. But here goes. Fills wine -throws away the bottle and glass] Its is gone. Oh-this infernal pain! Could power with honour avoid?—but [Looking at the this, sir? letter] Chastisement! Coward-Damnation! I Old R. Really, Sir Hubert, I don't undermust push on. Fool! Dolt! Villain that I am! stand the cut of it; all I can say is, your son's [Exit. behaviour was-oh-superline; when they had SCENE III.—Aretired place in Stanley Park and your son disarm'd Neddy, and then he fired their pistols they drew dut their swords, generously gave him his sword again, which Sir Hub. What can it mean? Charles parted was extremely genteel; for it was a brand from me in an agony the ingenuousness of new silver-hilted sword, and I suppose, by the his nature had not art to conceal; he grasp'd laws of honour, he might have kept it, my hand, bade me farewell, as if it were for Sir Hub. Mr. Rapid, why did you break ever; then broke away, leaving me a prey to your appointment. wild conjecture and despair; soon shall I be at peace. Infirmity, when goaded on by sorrow, presses to the goal of life with doubled speed. Surely through that laurel grove I see two female figures glide along; my eyes are not of the best, and the sorrow I have felt for my dear boy has not strengthened themthey approach Enter ELLEN and JESSY. Ellen. Pardon, Sir Hubert, this intrusion! My name, sir, is Ellen Vortex. Sir H. Madam, I welcome you as my daughter. Ellen. Oh, sir! the urgency of the moment will not allow me to thank such goodness as I ought;-your son, sir I Old R. Mr. Vortex, sir Sir Hub. Mr. Vortex. I fear your son has selected an imprudent preceptor. Old R. Chose a bad pattern, you think, sir? am afraid he has. Sir Hub. Will you, sir, favour me with a few minutes conversation? Old R. You know, Sir Hubert, I'm your faithful servant to command. Sir Hub. [To Ellen] Come, let us to our hero. Will you, fair creature, condescend to be a crutch to an old man? [Takes Ellen's arm] I shall expect you, sir. Ellen. Jessy! Jessy. I follow, madam. [Exeunt Sir Hu bert and Ellen] Do I address the father of Mr. Rapid? Old R. You do, pretty one! Jessy. [Taking his hand and kissing it beg your pardon; but are you sure your son's life is safe-quite safe? Sir Hub. Ah! What of him? Ellen. I saw him pass along, he fled from my outstretch'd arms, he was deaf to my cries;-e'en now he's engaged in a duel. I Sir Hub. Ha! [Draws his sword, and is running out, staggers, drops his sword, El- Old R. Yes. A very charming girl, I declare! len and Jessy support him] My functions I'm very much obliged to you for taking are suspended! Oh nature! dost thou desert tice of my Neddy! Poor fellow! nobody me at this moment-Who is the villain that seem'd to care what became of him. I'm very has caused it? no much oblig'd to you. A sweet pretty-spoken creature as ever I saw! But I must away to the Nabob's, or I shall be too late for the wedding. Jessy. Wedding! whose, sir? Old R. Whose? why, my boy Neddy's, with Miss Vortex, to be sure! Jessy, Married! Edward married! 'Tis too much. [Leans on Old Rapid for support. Old R. Eh! what! speak-tell me! Jessy. Oh, Edward! is this the return for my love? Have I merited this cruel desertion? Old R. Desertion!-What!-has the rascal! -I shall choke myself-Has he behaved ill to so sweet a creature? Your tears tell me so. |