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Done with you, and root you from my heart
Enter DOWNRIGHT. for ever.
Down. Why, how now, seignior Gull? For you, sir, thus I demand my honour's due; Are you turned filcher of late? Come, deliver Resolvd to cool your lust, or end my shame. my cloak.
(Draws.. Step. Your cloak, sir! I bought it even now Kno. What lunacy is this? Put up your in open market. sword, and undeceive yourself. No arm that Brain. Master Downright, I bave a ware'er pois'd weapon can affright me; but I pity rant I must serve upop you, procured by these folly, nor cope with madness.
two gentlemeo. Kite. I will have proofs – I will — so you, Down. These gentlemen! These rascals! good wifebawd, Cob's wife; and you, that Brain. Keep the peace, I charge you in make husband such a monster; and you, her majesty's name. young pander, an old cuckoldmaker; l'II ba' Down. I obey thee. What must I do, officer you every one before the justice. – Nay, you Brain. Go before master justice Clement, shall answer it; I charge you go. Come forth, to answer what they can object against you, thou bawd.
sir. I will use you kindly, sir. [Goes into the House, and brings out Tib. Mat. Come, let's before, and make the justice, Kno. Marry, with all my heart, sir; I go captain
(E.xit willingly. Capt. B. The varlet's a tall
before Though I do taste this as a trick pul on me, beaven!
[Erit To punish my impertinent search, and justly; Down. Gull, you'll gi' me my cloak?" And half forgive my son for the device. Step. Sir, I bought it, and I'll keep it. Kite. Come, will you go?
Down. You will? Dame K. Go, to ihy shame believe it. Step. Ay, that I will. Kite. Though shane and sorrow both my Down. Officer, there's thy fee, arrest him. heart betide,
Brain. Master Stephen, I must arrest you. Come on-I must and will be satisfied. [Exeunt. Step. Arrest me, I scorn it; there, take your
cloak, I'll none on't. Scene III.–Stocks-market.
Down. Nay, that shall not serve your turn Enter BRAIN WORM.
now, sir. Officer, I'll go with thee to the Brain. Well, of all my disguises yet, now justice's. Bring him along. am I most like myself, being in this sergeant's Step. Why, is not here your cloak; what gown. A man of my present profession never would
have? counterfeits till he lays hold upon a debtor, Down. I'll ha' you answer it, sir. and says he' rests him; for then he brings him Brain. Sir, I'll take your word, and this to all manner of unrest. A kind of little kings gentleman's too, for his appearance. we are, bearing the diminutive of a mace, Down. I'll ha' no words taken. Bring him made like a young artichoke, that always car- along. ries pepper and salt in itself. Well, I know Brain. So, so, I have made a fair mash on't not what danger I undergo by this exploit; Step. Must I go? pray heaven I come well off!
Brain. I know no remedy, master Stephen
Down. Come along before me here. "I do Enter CAPTAIN BOBADIL and MASTER
not love your banging look behind. MATTHEW,
Step. Why, sir, I hope you cannot hang Mat. See, I think, yonder is the varlet, by me for it. Can he, fellow? his gown. 'Save you, friend; are not you Brain. I think nol, sir. It is but a whip here by appointment of justice Clement's man? ping matter, sure!
Brain. Yes, an' please you, sir, he told me Step. Why, then let him do his worst, i two gentlemen had willed him to procure a am resolute.
(Exeun / warrant from his master, which I have about me, to be served on one Downright. Scene IV. - A Hall in Justice CLEMENT'S Mat. It is honestly done of you both; and
House. see where the party comes you must arrest. Serve it upon him quickly, before he be aware.
Enter Justice CLEMENT, KNO'WELL, KITELT.
DAME KITELY, TIB, CASH, Cob, and Servants Enter MASTER STEPHEN in DOWNRIGHT'S Just. C. Nay, but stay, stay, give me leave Cloak.
My chair, sirrah. You, master Kno'well, Capt. B. Bear back, master Matthew. you went thither to meet your son?
Brain. Master Downright, I arrest you i'the Kno. Ay, sir. queen's name, and must carry you before a Just. C. But who directed you thither? justice, by virtue of this warrant,
Kno. That did mine own man, sir. Step. Me, friend, I am no Downright, I. Just. C. Where is be? I am master Stephen; you do not well to ar- Kno. Nay, I know not now; I left him wit! rest me, I tell you truly. I am in nobody's your clerk; and appointed him to stay for me bonds or books, I would you should know Just. C. My clerk! About what time was this it. A plague on you heartily, for making me Kno. Marry, between one and two, as I take it thus afraid before my time.
Just. C. And what time came my man with Brain. Why, now you are deceived, gen- the false message to you, master Kitely? tlemen!
Kite. After two, sir. Capt. B. He wears such a cloak, and that Just. C. Very good; but, Mrs. Kitely, how deceived us. But see, here he comes indeed! chanced it that you were at Cob's? Ha This is he, officer.
Dame K. An please you, sir, I'll tell you My brother Wellbred told me, that Cob'sl. Mat. An't please your worship, he was bouse was a suspected place
bound to the peace. Just. C. So it appears, methinks: but on. Just. C. Why, an' he were, sir, his hands
Dame K. And that my husband used thither were not bound, were they? daily
Serv. There's one of the varlets of the city, Just C. No malter, so be us'd himself well, sir, has brought two gentlemen here; one mistress.
upon your worship's warrant. Dame K. True, sir; but you know what Jusi. C. My warrant? grows by such haunts, oftentimes.
Sero. Yes, sir, the officer says, procured by Just. C. I see rank fruits of a jealous brain, these lwo. mistress Kitely. But did you find your hus- Just. C. Bid him come in. Set by this band there, in that case, as you suspected ? picture. What, Mr. Downright, are you Kite. I found her there, sir.
brought at Mr. Freshwater's suit here? Just. C. Did you so? That alters the case. Who gave you knowledge of your wife's Enter Downright, Master Stephen, and being there?
BRAINWORM. Kite. Marry, that did my brother Wellbred. Down. l'faith, sir. And here's another, Just. C. How! Wellbred first tell her, then brought at my suit. tell you after! Where is Wellbred?
Just. C. What are you, sir? Kite. Gone with my sister, sir, I know not Step. A gentleman, sir! Oh, uncle! whither.
Just. C. Uncle! Who, Master Kno'well? Just. C. Why, this is a mere trick, a de- Kno. Ay, sir, this is a wise kinsman of mine. vice; you are gulled in this most grossly, all! Step. Uncle, I am wrong'd bere nionstrously ; Alas, poor wench! wert thou suspected for this? he charges me with stealing of his cloak; and Tib. Yes, an't please you.
would I might never stir, if I did not find it Just. C. Í smell mischief here; plot and con- in the street by chance. trivance, master Kitely. However, if you will Down. Oh, did you find it, 'now? You said step into the next room with your wise, and you bought it ere-while. think coolly of matters, you'll find some trick Step. And you said I stole it. Nay, now has been played you—fear there have been my uncle is here, I'll do well enough with you. jealousies on both parts, and the wags have Just
. C. Well, let this breathe awhile. You been merry with you.
that have cause to complain there, stand forth. Kite. I begin to feel it-I'll take your coun- Had you my warrant for this gentleman's apsel-- Will you go in, dame?
prehension? Dame K. I will have justice, Mr. Kitely. Capt. B. Ay, an't please your worship
[Exeunt Kitely and Dame Kitely. Just. C. Nay, do not speak in passion so. Just. C. You will be woman, Mrs. Kitely, Where had you it? that I see-How now, what's the matter? Capt. B. Of your clerk, sir.
Just. C. That's well, an' my clerk can make Enter a Servant.
warrants, and my hand not at 'em! Where Sero. Sir, there's a gentleman i'the court is the warrant? Officer, have you it? without desires to speak with your worship. [Captain Bobadil and Matihew steal off. Just. C. A gentleman! What's he?
Brain. No, sir, your worship’s man, master Serv. A soldier, sir, he says.
Formal, bid me do it for these gentlemen, Just. C. A soldier! My sword, quickly. A and he would be my discharge. soldier speak with me! Stand by; I will end Just. C. Why, master Downrighi, are you your matters anon - Let the soldier enter. such a novice to be served, and never see the Now, sir, what ha' you to say to me?
Down. Sir, he did not serve it on me. Enter Captain BOBADIL and MASTER
Just. C. No; how then ?
Down. Marry, sir, he came to n:e, and said Capt. B. By your worship's favour--- he must serve it, and he would use me kindly,
Just. C. Nay, keep out, sir, I koow not your and sopretence; you send me word, sir, you are a Just. C. O, God's pity, was it so, sir? lle soldier? Why, sir, you shall be answered must serve it? Give me a warrant; I must here; bere be them have been among soldiers. serve one too. You knave, you slave, you Sir, your pleasure ?
rogue; do you say you must, sirrah? Away Capt. B. Faith, sir, so it is, this gentleman with bim lo gaol.' i'll teach you a trick for and myself have been most uncivilly wronged your must, sir. and beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow Brain. Good sir, I beseech you be good about the town here; and, for my own part, to me. I protest, being a man in no sort given to Just. C. Tell him he shall to the gaol; away this filthy humour of quarrelling, he hath as- with him, I say. saulted me in the way of my peace; despoiled Brain. Ay, sir, if you will commit me, me of mine honour; disarmed me of my wea- shall be for committing more than this. I pons; and rudely laid me along in the open will not lose by my travel any grain of my streets, when I 'not so much as once offered fame certain. [Throws off his Disguisr. to resist him.
Just. C. How is this? Just. C. Oh, God's precious! is this the sol- Kno. My man, Brainworm! dier? Lie there, my sword, 'twill make him Step. ( yes, uncle, Brainworm bas been swoon, I fear; he is not fit to look on't, that with my cousiu Edward and I all this day: will put up a blow.
i Just. C. I told you all there was some device.
Brain. Nay, excellent justice, since I have ring drank off, this is my sentence, pledge me. laid myself tbus open to you, now stand strong Thou hast done, or assisted to nothing, in my for me, both with your sword and your balance. judgment, but deserves to be pardoned for the
Just. C. Body o'me, a merry knave! Give wit o'the offence. Go into the next room; me a bowl of sack. [A Servant brings it let master Kitely into this whimsical business; him if he belongs to you, master Kno'well, and if he does not forgive thee, he bas less I bespeak your patience.
mirth in him than an honest man ought to Brain. That is it I bave most need of. Sir, bave. [Exit Brainworni] Call master Kitely if you'll pardon me only, I'll glory in all the and his wife there. rest of my exploits. Kno. Sir, you know I love not to have my
Re-enter KITELY and DAME KITELY. favours come hard from me. You have your Did not I tell you there was a plot against pardon; though I suspect you shrewdly for you? Did I not smell it out, as a wise mabeing of counsel with my son against me. gistrate ought? Have not you traced, have not
Brain. Yes, faith, I have, sir; though you you sound it, eh, master Kitely? retained me doubly this morning for your-| Kite. I have-I confess my folly, and own self; first, as Brainworm; aster, as Fitz-sword. I have deserved what I have suffer'd for it. I was your reformed soldier. 'Twas I sent The trial has been severe, but it is past. All you to Cob's upon the errand without end. I have to ask now, is, that as my folly is
Kno. Is it possible? Or that thou shouldst cured, and my persecutors forgiven, my shame disguise thyself so as I should not know thee? may be forgotten.
Brain, 0, sir! this has been the day of my Just. C. That will depend upon yourself, metamorphoses; it is not that shape alone that master Kitely; do not you yourself create the I have run through to-day. I brought master food for mischief, and the mischievous will not Kitely a message too, in the form of master prey upon you. But come, let a general iejustice's man bere, to draw him out o'the way, conciliation go round, and let all discontents as well as your worship; while master Well- be laid aside. You, Mr. Downright, put off bred might make a conveyance of mistress your anger; you, master Kno'well, your cares; Bridget to my young master.
and do you, master Kitely, and your wife, Just. C. But, I pray thee, what hast thou put off your jealousies. done with my man, formal ?
| Kite. Sir, thus they go from me: kiss me, Brain. Faith, sir, after some ceremony past,
my wife; as making him drunk, first with story, and see what a drove of horns fly in the air, then with wine, but all in kindness, and strip-Wing'd with my cleansed and my credulous ping him to his shirt, I left him in that cool
breath; vein, deparled, sold your worship’s warrant Watch 'em, suspicious eyes, watch where to these two, pawned his livcry for that var
ihey fall; let's gown to serve it in; and thus bave brought See, sec, on heads that think they're none at myself, by sny activity, to your worship's con-..
O, what a plenteous world of this will come; Just. C. And I will consider thee in a cup When air rains horns, all may be sure of some. of sack. Here's to thee; [Drinks] which ha
is eldest daughter of Mr. John Lee. The author of The Children of Thespis relates of this Mr. Lee, that when be was manager of the Edinburgh Theatre, he was delcrmined to improve upon stage thunder; and haping procured s parcel of nine-pound shot, they were put into a wheelbarrow, to which he affixed a nine-pound wheel: this done, ridges were placed at the back of the stage, and one of the carpenters was ordered to trundle this wheelbarrow, $ filled, backwards and forwards over those ridges; the play was Lear, and in the two first efforts the thander had. good effect : at length, as the King was braving the pelting of the pitiless storm, the thunderer's foot slipped, and down he came, wheelbarrow and all, the stage being on a declivity the balls made their way towards the orchestra, and meeting with but a feeble resistance from the scene, laid it Bal. This sturm was more difficult for Lear to escounter than the tempest of which he had so loudly complained; the balls taking every direction, he was obliged to skip about like the man who dances the egg hornpipe: the fiddlers, alarmed for their catgut, hurried out of the orchestra, and, to crown this scene of glorious confusion, the sprawling thunderer lay prostrate in sight of the audience, like ano ther Salmoneus. We were sorry to obserye, from the spirit which discovered itself in the preface to her first dramatic performance that she seemed to possess much of her father's petulance and irascibility. Justice, howeyer, calls upon us to declare, that the play exhibited a degree of merit which promised much future entertainment to the pablic. I was entided, The Chapter of Accidents; and has been followed by Almeida, The Asrignation. Besides the dramas that have mentioned, Miss Lee is author ef an elegant novel, called The Recess. This Jady, with her sister Hartiel, beton noticed, opened a school, called Belvidere House, at Bath, soon after the death of her father, which they have code ducted with great ability and credit.
THE CHAPTER OF ACCIDENTS,
Comedy by Miss Lee. Acted at the Haymarket 1750. This play, which is built on Diderot's Père de Fam without being a servile copy, possesses considerable merit, and was acted with much applause. It has kept por of the stage now thirty years. Improving upon the model of Kelly, and the sentimental trash of his day, it mixes pathus of comedy with the broadest farce, and, all together, proved one of the most successful pieces of
sslal pieces of this betero
geneous kind that had ever appeared. The characters of Jacob Gawkey and Bridget have been materials upon which many popalar dramatists have worked, but without approaching to the originals; and the more serious parts of the piece have been a source of pillage and imitation with as little success, The author published it, with an occasional preface, wherein shu complains of the conduct of Mr. Harris respecting this piece, which, she insinuates, he had too long kept in his possession; and delayed bringing out. Prefaces of this kind seldom do any good; they generally resali from a hasty and partial view of things, and oftener discredit the writers than the objects of them,
says I, "her father unluckily died just before
the duke his brother, and so could not leave Scene I. - A Hall.
her one shilling of all that fine fortune; and Enter Vang, in a Riding-dress, followed Woodville," says 1. –“He does," cries be;
so my lord intends to marry her to Mr. by a Footman.
“ heaven be praised l'm come in time to mar Vane. Run, and tell Mrs. Warner, my lord that dainty project, however. You may, go, is at hand; and bid the butler send me a bottle woman, and tell miss I don't want any thing of bock. ) [Throws himself along the hall more to-night.” So up goes 1 to miss MorChairs, wiping his Forehead] Phew! the timer, and tells her all this. Lord! how glad months bave jumbled out of their places, and she was, to find be intended to break the we bave July in September.
match, though she can't guess what he means.
Vane. Upon my soul, I think it is full as Enter MRS. WARNER.
hard to guess what she means. What the Mrs. W. Servant, Mr. Vane.
devil, will not my lord's title, fortune, and Vane. Ah! my dear creature! how have only son, be a great catch for a girl without you done these fifty ages?
a friend or a shilling? Mrs. W. Why, methinks you are grown Mrs. W. Ay; but I could tell litule mighty grand, or you would bave come to story would explain all. You must knowthe still-room to ask; will you choose any
[Sits down. A loud knocking: chocolate?
Vane. [Starts up] Zounds, here's my lord! Vane. Why don't you see I am dead?
[Exeunt confusedly. absolutely dead; and, if you was to touch me, I should shake to mere dust, like an Egyptian Scene II. - An Anti-chamber. mummy. Because it was not provoking enough to lounge away a whole summer in the coun- Enter Lord GlenMORE and GOVERNOR HARtry, here am í driven up to town, as if the COURT meeting ; the latter hobbling. devil was at my heels, in the shape of our Lord G. You are welcome to England, hopeful heir; who has neither suffered my brother! I am sorry your native air pays you lord nor me to rest one moment, through so ill a compliment after sixteen years abhis confounded impatience to see his uncle.
Mrs. W. Umph—he'll have enough of the Gov. H. Faith, my lord, and so am I too, old gentleman presently. He is the very mo- I promise you: I put up with these things ral of my poor dear lady, his sister, who never tolerably well in the Indies; I did not go was at peace herself, por suffered any one there to be happy; but after all my labours, else to be so. Such a house as we have had to find I have just got the money when it is ever since he came! Why, he is more full out of my power to enjoy it, is a cursed of importance and airs than a bailiff in pos- stroke: like a fine ship of war, I am only session; and hectors ?), over miss Mortimer, come home to be dismasted and converted till she almost keeps' her chamber to avoid into an hospital. However, I am glad you him.
hold it better; I don't ibink you looked as Vane. Hales miss Mortimer! Why, here'll well when we parted. My sister, poor Susan! be the devil to pay about her, I suppose! she is gone too: well, we never live a
Mrs. W. Hate ber? ay, that he does. He day the longer for thinking on't. Where's looked as if he could have killed her, the mo-Frank? Is he still the image of his mother? ment she came down to see him; and got Lord G. Just as you left him; but that the into his chamber presently after, where he innocence of the boy is dignified by the knowsends for me. “Who is this young woman, ledge of the man. Mrs. What's-your-name?" says he. "Why, Gov. H. He will hardly remember his old sir,” says I, she is the orphan of a colonel uncle! I did love the rogue, that's the truth Mortimer, whose intimacy with my lord," says on't; and never looked at my money-bags I. — “Pho, pho,” says he, "all that I know, but I thought of bim. However you have woman; what does she do in this bouse ?" provided him a wife. says he, his face wrinkling all over like Lord G. I have; you saw her on your arcream, when it's skimming. — “Why, sir," rival, I suppose, for I left her in town to attend 1) Hochheimer.
a sick aunt. Poor Mortimer! be died one 2) To hector, means to command: this with the words month before the duke his brother, and missed
tantalize and to pander, easily shows ils derivation, a fine title and estate. You know how I loved
the honest fellow, and cannot wonder I took Lord G. Indeed! is that possible? home his orphan daughter as a match for Gov. H. How do you think I contrived to Woodville.
make them obey my instructions? I saw they Gov. H. Brother, brother, you are too ge- suspected I was some rich humourist, and nerous; it is your foible, and artful people was afraid they would after all make a little know how to convert it to their own advantage. bit of a gentlewoman of her, for which reason,
Lord G. It is, if a foible, the noblest inci- except the first year in advance, they never dent to humanity. Sophia has birth, merit, bad a single shilling of my money. accomplishments; and wants nothing but mo- Lord G. This is almost incredible! And ney to qualify her for any rank.
so you left your only child to the charity of Gov. H. Can she have a worse want on strangers ? earth? Birth, merit, accomplishments, are the Gov. H. No, no, not so bad as that neither. very things that render money more essential. You remember my honest servant Hardy?
Lord G. You are too captious, brother! After the poor fellow's leg was shot off in my Gov. H. And you too placid brother! If, tent, I promised him a maintenance; so inlike me, you had been toiling a third of your trusting him with the secret, I ordered him days to compass a favourite design, and found to live in the neighbourhood, have an eye on it disappointed at the moment you thought it the girl, and claim her if ill used: fine accomplete, what would even your serene lord-counts I had from him, faith! The old parship say and do? Here have I promised my- son and his wife having no children, and not self a son in yours, an heir in yours; instead finding any one own her, gave out she was of which
theirs, and doated on her; in short, she is Lord G. His marriage with miss Mortimer the little wonder of the country; tall as the palmwill not make him unworthy either title. tree! with cheeks, that might shame the draw
Gov. H. Never mention her name to me, I ing-room; and eyes, will dim the diamouds I beg, my lord! the wife I would have given have brought over to adorn them. This conhim, has beauty without knowing it, in- founded gout bas kept me in continual alarm, nocence without knowing it, because she or else she should have spoke for herself. knows nothing else, and, to surprise you Lord G. Why then does not Hardy bring further, forty thousand pounds 'without know-her up to you?" ing it; nay, to bring all your surprises to- Gov. H. Why, for two very sufficient reagether, is my daughter without knowing it. sons. In the first place, that identical parson
Lord G. Your daughter? Why, have you paid him the last compliment, that is, buried married since my sister's death? Your daughter him a twelvemonth ago; and in the second, by her you lost before you went abroad. they would hardly entrust her to any man
Gov. H. Yes, but I shall find her again, I but him who delivered her to them. Here believe. I know you will call this one of my was a girl, my lord, to support your title, of" odd whims as usual, but we have all some; which I dare swear you are as fond as ever. witness this dainty project of yours; and so Lord G. I thank your intention, hrother; I will tell you the truth in spite of that pro- but am far from wishing the chief accomject. From the very birth of this girl, I saw plishments of Woodville's lady should be the her mother would spoil her had she lived, making cream cheeses, goats whey, and elder and proposed kidnapping miss in her infancy. wine.
Lord G. Kidnap your own daughter! Why, Gov. H. Let me tell your lordship, women brother, I need only prove this to obtain a were never better than when those were the commission of lunacy, and shut you up for life. chief accomplishments. But I may be ridi
Gov. H. Why, though my wife was your culous my own way without being singular. lordship's sister, I will venture to tell you Harcourt shall have my girl, and my money she was plaguy fantastical, and contrived to too. Cream cheeses, quotha! no, no, making torment me as much with her virtues, as cream faces is an accomplishment which the others by their vices. Such a fuss about ber de- bellcs of these days oftener excel in. licacy, her sensibility, and her refinement, that Lord G. I would not advise you to publish I could neither look, move, nor speak, with this opinion, governor; for though you should out offending one or the other; and exe-call no anger into the cheeks of the ladies, crated the inventor of the jargon every hour doubt you would into their hearts. in the four and twenty : a jargon, I resolved Gov. H. But where is this son of yours! my girl should never learn; and heaven no sure he has not totally forgot his old uncle? sooner took her mother (heaven be praised Lord G. He will be here immediately. for all things !) than I dispatched her draggle-l Gov. H. Nay, I must e'en take an old man's tailed French governess; made a bonfire of fate, and follow his mistress without complaint. every book on education; wbipped miss into Lord G. You have no reason for the rea post-chaise, under a prelence of placing her proach; this is not bis bour for visiting miss in a nunnery; instead of which, I journeyed Mortimer. into Wales, and left her in the care of a Gov. H. Miss Mortimer! ha, ba, ha! why, poor curate's wife, whose name was up as do you think I took her for his mistress? ihe best housewife in the whole country; then What, I warrant I can tell you news of your returned with a solemn history of her death own family, though I have bardly been three in the small-pox
days in it. Woodville keeps a girl, and in Lord G. Well, this is indeed astonishing! great splendour! nay, they tell me, that the an admirable tutoress truly for my niece! unconscionable young rogue encroaches so
Gov. H. Yes, but there's a better jest than far on the privileges of threescore, as to in thal.
tend marrying the slut.