table-cut things. They would make you look|ter, mamma? I hope nothing has happened to like the court of king Solomon at a puppet-any of the good family.

show. Besides, I believe I can't readily come Mrs. H. We are robbed. My bureau has at them. They may be missing, for aught I been broke open, the jewels taken out, and know to the contrary. I'm undone.

Tony. [Apurt to Mrs. Hardcastle] Then Tony. Oh! is that all? Ha! ha! ha! By the why don't you tell her so at once, as she's so laws, I never saw it better acted in my life. longing for them. Tell her they're lost. It's Ecod, I thought you was ruin'd in earnest, the only way to quiet her. Say they're lost, ha! ha! ha!

and call me to bear witness.

Mrs. H. VVhy, boy, I am ruined in earnest. Mrs. H. [Apart to Tony] You know, my My bureau has been broke open, and all tadear, I'm only keeping them for you. So if ken away. I say they're gone, you'll bear me witness, will you? He, he, he!

Tony. Never fear me. Ecod! I'll say I

Tony. Stick to that! ba! ha! ha! stick to that; call me to bear witness.

Mrs. H. I tell you, Tony, by all that's pre

saw them taken out with my own eyes. cious, the jewels are gone, and I shall be Miss N. I desire them but for a day, ma-ruin'd for ever.

dam. Just to be permitted to show them as Tony. Sure I know they're gone, and I am relics, and then they may be lock'd up again. to say so. Mrs. H. To be plain with you, my dear

Mrs. H. My dearest Tony, but hear me.

Constance, if I could find them, you should They're gone, I say.

have them. They're missing, I assure you, Tony. By the laws, mamma, you make me Lost, for aught I know; but we must have for to laugh, ha! ha! I know who took them patience wherever they are. well enough, ha! ha! ha! Miss N. I'll not believe it; this is but a Mrs. H. Was there ever such a blockhead, shallow pretence to deny me. I know they're that can't tell the difference between jest and too valuable to be so slightly kept, and as you earnest. I tell you I'm not in jest, booby. are to answer for the loss. Tony. That's right, that's right: you must Mrs. H. Don't be alarm'd, Constance. If be in a bitter passion, and then nobody will they be lost, I must restore an equivalent. suspect either of us. I'll bear witness that But my son knows they are missing, and not they are gone. to be found.

Tony. That I can bear witness to. They are missing, and not to be found, I'll take my oath on't.

Mrs. H. You must learn resignation, my dear; for though we lose our fortune, yet we should not lose our patience. See me, how calm I am.

Miss N. Ay, people are generally calm at the misfortunes of others.

Mrs. H. Now I wonder a girl of your good sense should waste a thought upon such trumpery We shall soon find them; and, in the mean time, you shall make use of my garnels till your jewels be found.

Miss N. I detest garnets.

Mrs. H. The most becoming things in the world, to set off a clear complexion. You have

Mrs. H. Can you bear witness that you're no better than a fool? Was ever poor woman so beset with fools on one hand, and thieves on the other.

Tony. I can bear witness to that.

Mrs. H. Bear witness again, you blockhead you, and I'll turn you out of the room directly. My poor niece, what will become of her! Do you laugh, you unfeeling brute, as if you enjoy'd my distress?

Tony. I can bear witness to that.

Mrs. H. Do you insult me, monster? I'll teach you to vex your mother, I will. Tony. I can bear witness to that.

[Runs off; Mrs. Hardcastle follows him. Enter Miss HARDCASTLE and Maid. Miss H. What an unaccountable creature is

often seen how well they look upon me. You that brother of mine, to send them to the house shall have them. [Exit. as an inn, ha! ha! I don't wonder at his im

Miss N. I dislike them of all things. You pudence. shan't stir-Was ever any thing so provoking, Maid. But what is more, madam, the young to mislay my own jewels, and force me to gentleman, as you passed by in your present wear trumpery. dress, ask'd me if you were the bar-maid? He Tony. Don't be a fool. If she gives you mistook you for the bar-maid, madam. the garnets, take what you can get. The jew- Miss H. Did he? Then as I live I'm resolv'd

els are your own already. I have stolen to keep up the delusion. Tell me how you them out of her bureau, and she does not do like my present dress. Don't you think I know it. Fly to your spark, he'll tell you look something like Cherry in the Beaux' more of the matter. Leave me to manage her. Stratagem? Miss N. My dear cousin.

Tony. Vanish.. She's here, and has missed them already. Zounds! how she fidgets and spits about like a Catharine wheel. 1)

Enter MRS. HARDCASTLE.

Mrs. H. Confusion! thieves! robbers! We are cheated, plundered, broke open, undone. Tony. What's the matter, what's the mat

1) A sort of Firework.

Maid. It's the dress, madam, that every lady wears in the country, but when she visits or receives company.

Miss H. And are you sure he does not remember my face or person?

Maid. Certain of it.

Miss H. I vow I thought so; for though we spoke for some time together, yet his fears were such, that he never once looked up during the interview. Indeed if he had, my bonnet would have kept him from seeiug me.

Maid. But what do you hope from keeping Miss H. Then it's odd I should not know him in his mistake? it. We brew all sorts of wines in this house,

Miss H. In the first place, I shall be seen; and I have lived here these eighteen years. and that is no small advantage to a girl who Mar. Eighteen years! Why one would brings her face to market. Then I shall per- think, child, you kept the bar before you were haps make an acquaintance; and that's no born. How old are you? small victory gained over one who never ad- Miss H. O! sir; I must not tell my age. dressed but the wildest of her sex. any But They say women and music should never be my chief aim is to take my gentleman off his dated. guard, and like an invisible champion of romance, examine the giant's force before I of

fer to combat.

Maid. But are you sure you can act your part, and disguise your voice, so that he may mistake that, as he has already mistaken your

person.

Mar. To guess at this distance, you can't be much above forty. [Approaching] Yet nearer I don't think so much. Approaching] By coming close to some women they look younger still; but when we come very close indeed[Attempting to kiss her.

Miss H. Pray, sir, keep your distance. One Miss H. Never fear me. I think I have got would think you wanted to know one's age the true bar cant-Did your honour call?-as they do horses, by mark of mouth. Attend the Lion there-Pipes and tobacco for the Angel-The Lamb has been outrageous ill. this half hour.

Maid. It will do, madam, but he's here.

Enter MARLOW.

[Exit.

Mar. I protest, child, you use me extremely

If you keep me at this distance, how is it possible you and I can ever be acquainted? Miss H. And who wants to be acquainted with you? I want no such acquaintance, not I. I'm sure you did not treat miss Hardcastle that was here awhile ago in this obstropolous Mar. What a bawling in every part of the manner. I'll warrant me, before her you house! I have scarce a moment's repose. If look'd dash'd, and kept bowing to the ground, I go to the best room, there I find my host and talk'd, for all the world, as if you was and his story. If I fly to the gallery, there before a justice of the peace.

we have my hostess with her courtesy down Mar. 'Egad! she has hit it, sure enough. to the ground. I have at last got a moment [Aside] In awe of her, child? Ha! ha! ha! to myself, and now for recollection. A mere awkward, squinting thing. No, no. [Walks and muses. I find you don't know me. I laugh'd, and rallied her a little; but I was unwilling to be too severe. No, I could not be too severe, curse me!

Miss H. Did you call, sir? did your honour

call?

Mar. [Musing] As for miss Hardcastle,
she's too grave and sentimental for me.
Miss H. Did your honour call?

[She still places herself before him,
he turning away.

Miss H. O! then, sir, you are a favourite, I find, among the ladies?

Mar. Yes, my dear, a great favourite. And yet, hang me, I don't see what they find in Mar. No, child. [Musing] Besides, from me to follow. At the ladies' club in town, the glimpse I had of her, I think she squints. I'm called their agreeable Rattle. Rattle, child, Miss H. I'm sure, sir, I heard the bell ring. is not my real name, but one I'm known by. Mar. No, no. [Musing] I have pleased my My name is Solomons. Mr. Solomons, my father, however, by coming down, and I'll to- dear, at your service. [Offering to salute her. morrow please myself by returning.

sir.

[Taking out his Tablets, and perusing. Miss H. Perhaps the other gentleman called,

Mar. I tell you, no.

Miss H. I should be glad to know, sir. We have such a parcel of servants.

Miss H. Hold, sir, you were introducing me to your club, not to yourself. And you're so great a favourite there, you say?

Mar. Yes, my dear. There's Mrs. Mantrap, lady Betty Blackleg, the countess of Sligo, Mrs. Longhorns, old miss Biddy Buckskin, and your humble servant, keep up the spirit of the place.

Miss H. Then it's a very merry place, I

Mar. No, no, I tell you. [Looks full in her Face] Yes, child, I think I did call. I wanted-I wanted-I vow, child, you are suppose? vastly handsome.

Miss H. O la, sir, you'll make one asham'd. Mar. Never saw a more sprightly, malicious eye. Yes, yes, my dear, I did call. Have you got any of your-a-what d'ye call it, in the house?

Miss H. No, sir, we have been out of that these ten days.

Mar. One may call in this house, I find, to very little purpose. Suppose I should call for a taste, just by way of trial, of the nectar of your lips; perhaps I might be disappointed in

that too.

Miss H. Nectar! nectar! that's a liquor there's no call for in these parts. French, I suppose. We keep no French wines here, sir. Mar. Of true English growth, I assure you.

Mar. Yes, as merry as cards, supper, wine, and old women can make us.

ha!

Miss H. And their agreeable Rattle, ha! ha!

Mar. 'Egad! I don't quite like this chit. She looks knowing, methinks. [Aside] You laugh, child!

Miss H. I can't but laugh to think what time they all have for minding their work or their family.

Mar. All's well, she don't laugh at me. [Aside] Do you ever work, child?

Miss H. Ay, sure. There's not a screen or a quilt in the whole house but what can bear witness to that.

Mar. Odso! Then you must show me your embroidery. I embroider and draw patterns

myself a little. If you want a judge of your What an unaccountable set of beings have work, you must apply to me. we got amongst! This little bar-maid though [Seizing her Hand. runs in my head most strangely, and drives Miss H. Ay, but the colours don't look well out the absurdities of all the rest of the faby candle-light. You shall see all in the mily. She's mine, she must be mine, or I'm morning. [Struggling. greatly mistaken. Mar. And why not now, my angel? Such beauty fires beyond the power of resistance. Enter HASTINGS. -Pshaw! the father here! My old luck! I Hast. Bless me! I quite forgot to tell her never nick'd seven that I did not throw ames that I intended to prepare at the bottom of ace three times following.') [Exit. the garden. Marlow here, and in spirits too! Mar. Give me joy, George! Crown me, Enter HARDCASTLE, who stands in Surprise. shadow me with laurels! Well, George, after Hard. So, madam! So I find this is your all, we modest fellows don't want for success modest lover. This is your humble admirer, among the women.

that kept his eyes fixed on the ground, and Hast. Some women, you mean. But what only ador'd at humble distance. Kate, Kate, success has your honour's modesty been crowned art thou not asham'd to deceive your father with now, that it grows so insolent upon us? so?

Miss H. Never trust me, my dear papa, but be's still the modest man I first took him for; you'll be convinced of it as well as I.

Hard. By the hand of my body I believe his impudence is infectious! Didn't I see him seize your hand? Didn't I see him haul you about like a milkmaid? and now you talk of his respect and his modesty, forsooth!

Mar. Didn't you see the tempting, brisk, lovely, little thing that runs about the house with a bunch of keys to its girdle?

Hast. Well! and what then?

Such

Mar. She's mine, you rogue you. fire, such motion, such eyes, such lips-but, egad! she would not let me kiss them though. Hast. But are you so sure, so very sure of her?

Miss H. But if I shortly convince you of Mar. Why, man, she talk'd of showing me his modesty, that he has only the faults that her work above stairs, and I'm to improve will pass off with time, and the virtues that the pattern.

will improve with age, I hope you'll forgive Hast. But how can you, Charles, go about to rob a woman of her honour?

him.

Hard. The girl would actually make one Mur. Pshaw! pshaw! We all know the run mad; I tell you I'll not be convinced. I honour of the bar-maid of an inn. I don't am convinced. He has scarcely been three intend to rob her, take my word for it; there's hours in the house, and he has already en- nothing in this house I shan't honestly pay for, croached on all my prerogatives. You may| Hast. I believe the girl has virtue. like his impudence, and call it modesty. But my son-in-law, madam, must have very ferent qualifications.

Miss H. Sir, I ask but this night to vince you.

Mar. And if she has, I should be the last dif-man in the world that would attempt to corrupt it.

con

Hast. You have taken care, I hope, of the casket I sent you to lock up? It's in safety? Hard. You shall not have half the time; Mar. Yes, yes. It's safe enough. I have for I have thoughts of turning him out this very hour.

taken care of it. But how could you think the seat of a post-coach at an inn-door a place of safety? Ah, numbskull! I have taken better precautions for you than you did for yourself I have

Hast. What!

Mar. I have sent it to the landlady to keep for you.

Hast. To the landlady!

Mar. The landlady.

Hast. You did?

Mar. I did. She's to be answerable for its forthcoming, you know.

SCENE I.—An old-fashioned House. Enter MARLOW, followed by a Servant. Mar. I wonder what Hastings could mean by sending me so valuable a thing as a casket to keep for him, when he knows the only place I have is the seat of a postcoach at an that I acted prudently upon this occasion.

inn door. Have you deposited the casket with the landlady, as I ordered you? Have you put it into her own hands?

Sere. Yes, your honour.

Hast. Yes, she'll bring it forth, with a witness.
Mar. Wasn't I right? I believe you'll allow

Hast. He must not see my uneasiness.

[Aside

Mar. You seem a little disconcerted though, methinks. Sure nothing has happened? Mar. She said she'd keep it safe, did she? Hast. No, nothing. Never was in better Serv. Yes, she said she'd keep it safe enough; spirits in all my life. And so you left it with she asked me how I came by it? and she said the landlady, who, no doubt, very readily un she had a great mind to make me give an dertook the charge?

account of myself.

[Exit. Mar. Rather too readily. For she not only Mar. Ha! ha! ha! They're safe, however. kept the casket, but, through her great precaution, was going to keep the messenger too.

a) At dice I never (by chance threw) nicked seven that Ha! ha! ha!

I did not throw ames (ambes, double) ace three times following.

Hast. He! he he! They're safe, however.

Mar. As a guinea in a miser's purse.

Hard. I tell you, sir, you don't please me; Hast. So now all hopes of fortune are at so I desire you'll leave my house.

an end, and we must set off without it [Aside] Mar. Sure you cannot be serious. At this Well, Charles, I'll leave you to your medita- time o'night, and such a night? You only tions on the pretty bar-maid, and, he! he! he! mean to banter me.

Enter HARDCASTLE.

may you be as successful for yourself as you Hard. I tell you, sir, I'm serious; and now have been for me. [Exit. that my passions are roused, I say this house Mar. Thank ye, George; I ask no more. is mine, sir; this house is mine, and I comHa! ha! ha! mand you to leave it directly. Mar. Ha! ha! ha! A puddle in a storm. I shan't stir a step, I assure you. [In a serious Hard. I no longer know my own house. Tone] This your house, fellow! It's my house. It's turned all topsy-turvy. His servants have This is my house. Mine, while I choose to got drunk already. I'll bear it no longer; and stay. What right have you to bid me leave yet, from my respect for his father, I'll be this house, sir? I never met with such impucalm. [Aside] Mr. Marlow, your servant. I'm dence, curse me, never in my whole life before. your very humble servant. [Bowing low. Hard. Nor I, confound me if ever I did. Mar. Šir, your humble servant. - What's To come to my house, to call for what he to be the wonder now? [Aside. likes, to turn me out of my own chair, to inHard. I believe, sir, you must be sensible, sult the family, to order his servants to get sir, that no man alive ought to be more wel- drunk, and then to tell me, this house is mine, come than your father's son, sir. I hope you sir. By all that's impudent it makes me laugh. think so. Ha! ha ha! Pray, sir, [Bantering] as you Mar. I do from my soul, sir. I don't want take the house, what think you of taking the much entreaty. I generally make my father's rest of the furniture? There's a pair of silver son welcome wherever he goes. candlesticks, and there's a firescreen, and a Hard. I believe you do, from my soul, sir. pair of bellows, perhaps you may take a fancy But though I say nothing to your own conduct, to them?

that of your servants is insufferable. Their Mar. Bring me your bill, sir, bring me your manner of drinking is setting a very bad ex-bill, and let's make no more words about it. ample in this house, I assure you.

Mar. I protest, my very good sir, that's no fault of mine. If they don't drink as they ought, they are to blame: I ordered them not to spare the cellar; I did, I assure you. [To the side Scene] Here, let one of my servants come up. [To Hard]. My positive directions were, that as I did not drink myself, they should make up for my deficiencies below.

Hard. Then they had your orders for what they do! I'm satisfied.

Mar. They had, I assure you: you shall hear from one of themselves.

Enter Servant, drunk.

Hard. There are a set of prints too. What think you of the Rake's Progress for your own apartment?

Mar. Bring me your bill, I say; and I'll leave you and your infernal house directly. Hard. Then there's a bright, brazen warming-pan, that you may see your own brazen face in."

Mar. My bill, I s y.

Hard. I had forgot the great chair, for your own particular slumbers, after a hearty meal. Mar. Zounds! bring me my bill, I say, and let's hear no more on't.

Hard. Young man, young man, from your father's letter to me, I was taught to expect a

You, Jeremy! Come forward, sirrah! What well-bred, modest man, as a visitor here, but were my orders? Were you not told to drink now I find him no better than a coxcomb and freely, and call for what you thought fit, for a bully; but he will be down here presently, the good of the house? and shall hear more of it. [Exit. Hard. I begin to lose my patience. [Aside. Mar. How's this? sure I have not mistaken Jer. Please your honour, liberty and Fleet- the house! Every thing looks like an inn. The street for ever, though I'm but a servant, I'm servants cry, coming! The attendance is awkas good as another man; I'll drink for no man ward; the bar-maid too to attend us. But before supper, sir, damme! Good liquor will she's here, and will further inform me. Whisit upon a good supper, but a good supper ther so fast, child? a word with you. will not sit upon hiccup- upon my conscience, sir.

Mar. You see, my old friend, the fellow is as drunk as he can possibly be. I don't know what you'd have more, unless you'd have the poor devil soused in a beer-barrel.

Hard. Zounds! He'll drive me distracted if I contain myself any longer. [Aside] Mr. Marlow, sir, I have submitted to your insolence for more than four hours, and I see no likelihood of its coming to an end. I'm now resolved to be master here, sir, and I desire that you and your drunken pack may leave my house directly.

Mar. Leave your house!-Sure you jest, my good friend? What, when I'm doing what I can to please you?

Enter MISS HARDCASTLE.

Miss H. Let it be short then; I'm in a hurry. I believe he begins to find out his mistake, but it's too soon quite to undeceive him.

[Aside.

Mar. Pray, child, answer me one question. What are you, and what may your business in this house be?

Miss H. A relation of the family, sir.
Mar. What, a poor relation?

Miss H. Yes, sir. A poor relation appointed to keep the keys, and to see that the guests want nothing in my power to give them.

Mar. That is, you act as the bar-maid of this inn.

Miss H. Inn! O law-What brought that

[They retire, and seem to fondle.

Enter MRS. HARDCASTLE.

in your head? One of the best families in the be locked up, or sent to my aunt Pedigree's, county to keep an inn. Ha! ha! ha! old Mr. which is ten times worse. Hardcastle's house an inn! Tony. To be sure, aunts of all kinds are Mar. Mr. Hardcastle's house! Is this house damn'd bad things. But what can I do? I Mr. Hardcastle's house, child? have got you a pair of horses that will fly like Miss H. Ay, sir, whose else should it be? Whistlejacket, and I'm sure you can't say but Mar. So then all's out, and I have been I have courted you nicely before her face. damnably imposed on. O, confound my stupid Here she comes; we must court a bit or two head, I shall be laughed at over the whole more, for fear she should suspect us. town. I shall be stuck up in caricatura in all the print-shops. The Dullissimo Maccaroni. To mistake this house of all others for an inn, and my father's old friend for an innkeeper. Mrs. H. Well, I was greatly fluttered, to What a swaggering puppy must he take me be sure. But my son tells me it was all for. What a silly puppy do I find myself. mistake of the servants. I shan't be easy, There again, may I be hang'd, my dear, but however, till they are fairly married, and then I mistook you for the bar-maid. let her keep her own fortune. But what do Miss H. Dear me! dear me! I'm sure there's I see? Fondling together, as I am alive. I nothing in my behaviour te put me upon a never saw Tony so sprightly before. Ah! have level with one of that stamp. I caught you, my pretty doves! What, billMar. Nothing, my dear, nothing. But Iing, exchanging stolen glances, and broken was in for a list of blunders, and could not murmurs? Ah! help making you a subscriber. My stupidity Tony. As for murmurs, mother, we grumble saw every thing the wrong way. I mistook a little now and then, to be sure. But there's your assiduity for assurance, and your sim-no love lost between us. plicity for allurement. But it's over- This house I no more show my face in.

Miss H. I hope, sir, I have done nothing to disoblige you. I'm sure I should be sorry to affront any gentleman who has been so polite, and said so many civil things to me. I'm sure I should be sorry, [Pretending to cry] if he left the family upon my account. I'm sure I should be sorry people said any thing amiss, since I have no fortune but my character.

Mar. By heaven, she weeps. This is the first mark of tenderness I ever had from a modest woman, and it touches me. [Aside. Miss H. I'm sure my family is as good as miss Hardcastle's, and though I'm poor, that's no great misfortune to a contented mind, and until this moment I never thought that it was bad to want fortune.

a

Mrs. H. A mere sprinkling, Tony, upon the flame, only to make it burn brighter. Miss N. Cousin Tony promises to give us more of his company at home. Indeed he shan't leave us any more. It won't leave us, cousin Tony, will it?

Tony, O! it's a pretty creature. No, I'd sooner leave my horse in a pound, than leave you when you smile upon one so. Your laugh makes you so becoming.

Miss N. Agreeable cousin! who can help admiring that natural humour, that pleasant, broad, red, thoughtless-[Patting his Cheek] Ah! it's a bold face.

Mrs. H. Pretty innocence!

Tony. I'm sure I always lov'd cousin Con's hazel eyes, and her pretty long fingers, that she twists this way and that over the harpsicholls, like a parcel of bobbins.

Mar. And why now, my pretty simplicity? Miss H. Because it puts me at a distance! Mrs. H. Ah, he would charm the bird from from one, that if I had a thousand pounds I the tree. I was never so happy before. My would give it all to. boy takes after his father, poor Mr. Lumpkin, Mar. This simplicity bewitches me, so that exactly. The jewels, my dear Con, shall be if I stay I'm undone. I must make one bold yours incontinently. You shall have them. effort, and leave her. [Aside] Excuse me, my Isn't he a sweet boy, my dear? You shall be lovely girl, you are the only part of the family married to-morrow, and we'll put off the rest I leave with reluctance. But to be plain with of his education, like Dr. Drowsy's sermons, you, the difference of our birth, fortune, and to a fitter opportunity. education, make an honourable connexion impossible; and I can never harbour a thought of bringing ruin upon one, whose only fault was being too lovely.

[Exit. Miss H. I never knew half his merit till now. He shall not go, if I have power or art to detain him. I'll still preserve the character in which I stoop'd to conquer, but will undeceive my papa, who perhaps may laugh him out of his resolution.

[Exit.

Enter TONY and MISS NEVILLE. Tony. Ay, you may steal for yourselves the next time; I have done my duty. She has got

Enter DIGGORY.

Digg. Where's the squire? I have got a letter for your worship.

Tony. Give it to my mamma. She reads all my letters first.

Digg. I had orders to deliver it into your own hands.

Tony. Who does it come from? Digg. Your whorship mun ask that o'the letter itself.

Tony. I could wish to know, though.

[Turning the Letter, and gazing on it. Miss N. [Aside] Undone, undone. A letter the jewels again, that's a sure thing; but she to him from Hastings. I know the hand. If believes it was all a mistake of the servants. my aunt sees it, we are ruined for ever. I'll Miss N. But, my dear cousin, sure you won't keep her employed a little if I can. [To Mrs. forsake us in this distress. If she in the least Hardcastle] But I have not told you, madam, suspects that I am going off, I shall certainly of my cousin's smart answer just now to Mr.