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table-cut things. They would make you look ter, mamma? I hope nothing has bappened to like the court of king Solomon at a puppet- any of the good family: show. Besides, I believe I can't readily come Mrs. H. We are robbed. My bureau has at them. They may be missing, for aught I been broke open, the jewels taken out, and know to the contrary:
I'm undone. Tony. [Apurt to Mrs. Hardcastle] Then Tony. Oh! is that all? Ha! ha! ha! By the why don't
tell her so at once, as she's so laws, never saw it better acled in my life. longing for them. Tell her they're lost. It's Ecod, I thought you was ruin'd in earnest, the only way to quiet her. Say they're lost, ha! ha! ha! and call me to bear witness.
Mrs. H. Why, boy, I am ruined in earnest. Mrs. H. [-Apart to Tony] You know, my My bureau has been broke open, and all tadear, I'm only keeping them for you. So if ken away. I say they're gone, you'll bear me witness, Tony. Stick to that! ba! ha! ha! stick to will you? He, he, he!
tbat; call me to bear witness. Tony. Never fear me. Ecod! I'll
I Mrs. H. I tell you, Tony, by all that's presaw them taken out with my own eyes. cious, the jewels are gone, and I shall be
Miss N. I desire them but' for a day, ma- ruin'd for ever. dam. Just to be permitted to show them as Tony. Sure I know they're gone, and I am relics, and then they may be lock'd up again. to say so.
Mrs. H. To be plain with you, my dear Mrs. H. My dearest Tony, but hear me. Constance, if I could find them, you should They're gone, I
say. have them. They're missing, I assure you. Tony. By the laws, mamma, you make me Lost, for aught I know; but we must have for to laugh, ha! ha! I know who took them patience wherever they are.
well enough, ha! ha! ha! Miss N. I'll not believe it; this is but a Mrs. H. Was there ever such a blockhead, shallow pretence to deny me. I know they're that can't tell the difference between jest and too valuable to be so slightly kept, and as you earnest. I tell you I'm not in jest, booby. are to answer for the loss.
Tony. That's right, that's right: you must Mrs. H. Don't be alarm'd, Constance. If be in a bitter passion, and then nobody will they be lost, I must restore an equivalent. suspect either of us. I'll bear wilness that But my son knows they are missing, and not they are gone. to be found.
Mrs. H. Can you bear witness that you're Tony. That I can bear witness to. They are no better than a fool? Was ever poor womissing, and not to be found, I'll take my man so beset with fools on one hand, and oath on't.
thieves on the other. Mrs. H. You must learn resignation, my Tony. I can bear witness to that. dear; for though we lose our fortune, yet we Mrs. H. Bear witness again, you blockhead should not lose our patience. See me, how you, and I'll turn you out of the room directly. calm I am.
My poor niece, what will become of her! Do Miss N. Ay, people are generally calm at you laugh, you upfeeling brule, as if you enthe misfortunes of 'others.
joy'd my distress? Mrs. H. Now I wonder a girl of your good Tony. I can bear witness to that. serse should waste a thought upon such trum- Mrs. H. Do you insult me, monster? I'll pery We shall soon find them; and, in the teach you to vex your mother, I will. mean time, you shall make use of my garnels Tony. I can bear witness to that. till your jewels be found.
[Runs off ; Mrs. Hardcastle follows him. Miss N. I detest garnets. Mrs. H. The most becoming things in the
Enter Miss HARDCASTLE and Maid. world, to set off a clear complexion. You have Miss H. What an unaccountable creature is often seen how well they look upon me. You that brother of mine, to send them to the house shall have them.
[Exit. as an inn, ha! ha! I don't wonder at his imMiss N. I dislike them of all things. You pudence. shan't stir-Was ever any thing so provoking,
Maid. But what is more, madam, the young to izislay my own jewels, and force me to gentleman, as you passed by in your present wear trumpery:
dress, ask'd me if you were the bar-maid? He Tony. Don't be a fool. If she gives you mislook you for the bar-maid, madam. the garnets, take what you can get. The jew- Miss H. Did he? Then as I live I'm resoly'd els are your own already. s have stolen to keep up the delusion. Tell me how you them out of her bureau, and she does not do like my present dress. Don't you think ! know it. Fly to your spark, he'll tell you look something like Cherry in the Beaur' more of the matter. Leave me to manage her. Stratagem? Miss N. My dear cousin.
Maid. It's the dress, madam, that every lady Tony. Vanish.. She's here, and bas missed wears in the country, but when she visits or thern already. Zounds! how she fidgets and receives company. spils about like a Catharine wheel. 2)
Miss H. And are you sure he does not re
member my face or person? Enter Mrs. HARDCASTLE.
Maid. Certain of it. Mrs. H. Confusion! thieves ! robbers! We Miss H. I vow I thought so; for though we are cheated, plundered, broke open, undone. spoke for some time together, yet bis fears Tony. What's the matter, what's the mat- were such, that he never once luoked up dur
ing the interview. Indeed if he bad, my bon1) A sort of Firework.
net would have kept him from seeing me.
Maid. But what do you hope from keeping). Miss H. Then it's odd I should not know bim in his mistake?
it. We brew all sorts of wines in this house, Miss H. In the first place, I shall be seen; and I have lived here these eighteen years. and that is no small advantage to a girl who Mar. Eighteen years! Why one would brings her face to market. Then I shall per- think, child, you kept the bar before you were haps make an acquaintance; and that's no born. How old are you? small victory gained over one who never ad- Miss H. O! sir; I must not tell my age. dressed any but the wildest of her sex. But They say women and music should never be my chief aim is to take my gentleman off his dated. guard, and like an invisible champion of ro- Mar. To guess at this distance, you can't mance, examine the giant's force before I of- be much above forty. [Approaching) Yet nearfer to combat.
cr I don't think so much. [Approaching] By Maid. But are you sure you can act your coming close to some women they look younger part, and disguise your voice, so that he may still; but when we come very close indeedmistake tbat, as he has already mistaken your
[Attempting to kiss her. person.
Miss H. Pray, sir, keep your distance. One Miss H. Never fear me. I think I have got would think you wanted to know one's age , the true bar cant-Did your honour call?- as they do horses, by mark of mouth. Attend the Lion there-Pipes and tobacco for Mar. I prolest, child, you use me extremely the Angel — The Lamb has been outrageous ill
. If you keep me at this distance, how is this half hour.
it possible you and I can ever be acquainted ? Maid. It will do, madam, but he's here. Miss H. And who wants to be acquainted
[Exit. with you? I want no such acquaintance, not I. Enter MARLOW.
I'm sure you did not treat' miss Hardcastle
that was here awhile ago in this obstropolous Mar. What a bawling in every part of the manner. I'll warrant me, before her you house! I have scarce a moment's repose. If look'd dash'd, and kept bowing to the ground, I go to the best room, there I find my host and talk'd, for all the world, as if you was and his story: If I fly to the gallery, there before a justice of the peace. we have my hostess with her courtesy down Mar. 'Egad! she has bit it, sure enough to the ground. I have at last got a moment [Aside] In awe of her, child ? Ha! ha! ha! lo myself, and now for recollection. À mere awkward, squinting thing. No, no.
[Walks and muses. I find you don't know me. I laugh'd, and Miss H. Did you call, sir? did your honour rallied her a little; but I was unwilling to be call?
too severe. No, I could not be too serere, Mar. [ Musing] As for miss Hardcastle, curse me! she's too grave and sentimental for me. Miss H. O! then, sir, you are a favourite, Hiss H. Did your honour call?
a great favourite. And he turning away.
yet, hang me, I don't see what they find in Mar. No, child. [Musing] Besides, from me to follow. At the ladies' club in town, the glimpse I bad of her, I think she squints
. I'm called their agrecable Rattle. Raule, child, Miss H. I'm sure, sir, I heard the bell ring. is not my real name, but one I'm known by. Mar. No, no. [Musing] I have pleased my My name is Solomons. Mr. Solomons, my father, however, by coming down, and I'll to- dear, at your service. [Offering to salute her. morrow please myself by returning..
Miss Å. Hold, sir, you were introducing me [Taking out his Tablets, and perusing. to your club, not to yourself. And you're so Miss H. Perhaps the other gentleman called, great a favourile there, you say? sir.
Mar. Yes, my dear. There's Mrs. Mantrap, Mar. I tell you, no.
lady Belly, Blackleg, the countess of Sligo, Miss H. I should be glad to know, sir. We Mrs. Longhorns, old iniss Biddy Buckskin, bare such a parcel of servants.
and your humble servant, keep up the spirit Mar. No, no, I tell you: [Looks full in of the place. her Face] Yes, child, I think I did call. I Miss H. Then it's a very merry place, I wanted-1 wanted — I vow, child, you are suppose ? vastly bandsome.
Mar. Yes, as merry as cards, supper, wine, Miss H. O la, sir, you'll make one asham’d. and old women can make us.
Mar. Never saw a more sprightly, malicious Miss H. And their agreeable Rattle, ba! ha! eye. Yes, yes, my dear, I did call. Have you ba! got any of your-a-wbat d'ye call it, in the Mar. 'Egad! I don't quite like this chit. house?
She looks knowing, methinks. [Aside] You Miss H. No, sir, we bave been out of that laugh, child ! these ten days.
Miss H. I can't but laugh to think what Mar. One may call in this house, I sind, to time they all have for minding their work or very little purpose. Suppose I should call for their family. a taste, just by way of trial, of the nectar of Mar. All's well, she don't laugh at your lips; perhaps I inigbt be disappointed in [Aside] Do you ever work, cliild? ibat too.
Miss H. Ay, sure. There's not a screen or Miss H. Nectar! nectar! that's a liquor a quilt in the whole house but what can bear there's no call for in these parts. French, I sup- witness to that. pose. We keep no French wines here, sir. Mar. Odso! Then you must show me your
Mar. Of true English growth, I assure you. embroidery. I embroider and draw patierns
[she still places herself before him,mor.among the ladies?
myself a little. If you want a judge of your What an unaccountable set of beings have work, you must apply to me.
we got amongst! This little bar-maid though [Seizing her Hand. runs in my head most strangely, and drives Miss H. Ay, but the colours don't look well out the absurdities of all the rest of the faby candle-light. You shall see all in the mily. She's mine, she must be mine, or I'm morning
[Struggling greatly mistaken. Mar. And why not now, my angel? Such beauty fires beyond the power of resistance.
Enter HASTINGS. --Pshaw! the father bere! My old luck! I Hast. Bless me! I quite forgol to tell her never nick'd seven that I did not throw_ames that I intended to prepare at the bottom of ace three times following. ')
[Exit. the garden. Marlow here, and in spirits too! Enter HARDCASTLE, who stands in Surprise. shadow me with laurels! Well
, George, after
Mar. Give me joy, George! Crown me, Hard. So, madam! So I find this is your all
, we modest fellows don't want for success modest lover. This is your humble admirer, among the women. that kept his eyes fixed on the ground, and Hast. Some women, you mean. But what only ador'd at humble distance. Kate, Kate, success has your honour's modesty been crowned art thou not asham'd to deceive your father with now, that it grows so in: olent upon us?
Mar. Didn't you see the tempting, brisk, Miss H. Never trust me, my dear papa, but lovely, little thing that runs about thë bouse be's still the modest man I first took him for; with a bunch of keys to its girdle? you'll be convinced of it as well as I.
Hast. Well! and what then? Hard. By the hand of my body I believe
Mar. She's mine, you rogue you. Such bis impudence is infectious! Didn't I see him fire, such motion, such eyes, such lips-but, seize your hand ? Didn't I see him haul you cgad! she would not let ine kiss them though. about like a milkmaid ? and now you talk of| Hast. But are you so sure, so very sure his respect and his modesly, forsooth! of her?
Miss H. But if I shortly convince you of Mar. Why, man, she talk'd of showing me his modesty, that he has only the faults that her work above stairs, and I'm to improve will
pass off with time, and the virtues that the paltern. will improve with age, I hope you'll forgive Hast. But how can you, Charles, go
to rob a woman of her honour? Hard. The girl would actually make one Mur. Pshaw! pshaw! We all know the run mad; I tell you I'll not be convinced. I honour of the bar-maid of an inn. I don't am convinced. He bas scarcely been three intend to rob her, take my word for it; tbere's hours in the house, and he has already en-nothing in this house I shan't honestly pay for croached on all my prerogatives. You may Hasi. I believe the girl bas virtue. like his impudence, and call it modesty. But Mar. And if she has, I should be the last my son-in-law, madam, must have very dif- man in the world that would attempt to corferent qualifications. Miss H. Sir, I ask but this night to con- Hast
. You have taken care, I hope, of the
casket I sent you to lock up? It's in safety? Hard. You shall not bave half the time;
Mar. Yes, yes.
It's safe enough. I have for I have thoughts of turning him out this taken care of it. But how could you think very hour.
the seat of a post-coach at an inn-door a place Miss H. Give me that hour then, and I hope of safety? Ah, numbskull! I have taken belter to satisfy you,
precautions for you than you did for yourself Hard. "Vell, an hour let it be then. But-I haveI'll have no trilling with your father. All fair Hast. What! and open, do you mind ine. [Exeunt. Mar. I have sent it to the landiady to keep ACT IV.
Hast. To the landlady! Scene I.-An, old-fashioned House.
Mar. The landlady.
Hast. You did ? Enter MARLOW, followed by a Servant. Mar. I did. She's to be answerable for its
Mar. I wonder what Hastings could mean forthcoming, you know. by sending me so valuable a thing as a casket Hast. Yes, she'll bring it forth, with a witness. to keep. for bim, when he knows the only Mar. Wasn't I righi? I believe you'll allow place I have is the seat of a postcoach at an that I acted prudently upon this occasion. inn door. Have you deposited the casket with Hast. He must not see my uneasiness. the landlady, as I ordered you? Have you put it into her own hands?
Mar. You seem a little disconcerted ibough, Sere. Yes, your bonour.
methinks. Sure nothing has happened? Mar. She said she'd keep it safe, did she? Hast. No, nothing.
Never was in better Sero. Yes
, she said she'd keep it safe enough; spirits in all my life. And so you left it with she asked me how I came by it? and she said the landlady, who, no doubt, very readily unshe had a great mind to make me give an dertook the charge? account of myself.
[Exit. Mar. Rather too readily. For she not only Mar. Ha! ha! ha! They're safe, however. kept the casket, but, through ber great pre1) At dice I never (by chance threw), picked seves that Ala! ha! ha!
caution, was going to keep the messenger 100. I did not throw ames (ambes, double) ace three tinues following.
Hast. He! he! be! They're safe, however,
Mar. As a guicea in a miser's purse. Hard. I tell you, sir, you don't please me;
Hast. So now all hopes of fortune are at so I desire you'll leave my house, an end, and we must set off without it [Aside) Mar. Sure you cannot be serious. At this Well, Charles, I'll leave you to your medita- time o'night, and such a night? You only tions on the pretty bar-maid, and, he! he! he! mean to banter me. may you be as successful for yourself as you Hard. I tell you, sir, I'm serious; and now have been for me.
[Erit. that my passions are roused, I say this house Mar. Thank ye, George; I ask no more. is mine, sir; this house is mine, and I comHa! ha! ha!
mand you to leave it directly.
Mar. Ha! ha! ha! A puddle in a storm. I Enter HARDCASTLE.
shan't stir a step, I assure you. [In a serious Hard. I no longer know my own house. Tone] This your house, fellow! It's my
house. It's turned all topsy-turvy. His servants have This is my house. Mine, while I choose to got drunk already. I'll bear it no longer; and stay. What right have you to bid me leave yet, from my respect for his father, I'll be this house, sir?' I never met with such impucalm. [Aside] Mr. Marlow, your servant. I'm dence, curse me, never in my whole life before. your very humble servant. [Bowing low. Hard. Nor I, confound me if ever I did.
Mar. Sir, your humble servant. - What's To come to my house, to call for what he to be the wonder now?
[Aside. likes, to turn me out of my own chair, to inHard. I believe, sir, you must be sensible, sult the family, to order his servants to get sir, ibat no man alive ought to be more wel-drunk, and then to tell me, this house is mine,
father's son, sir. I hope you sir. By all that's impudent it makes me laugh. Ibink so.
Hla! ha! ha! Pray, sir, [Bantering) as you Mar. I do from my soul, sir. I don't want take the house, what think you of taking the much entrealy. I generally make my father's rest of the furniture? There's a pair of silver son welcome wherever he goes.
candlesticks, and there's a firescreen, and a Hard. I believe you do, from my soul, sir. pair of bellows, perhaps you may take a fancy But though I say noihing to your own conduct, io them? that of your servants is insufferable. Their Mar. Bring me your bill, sir, bring me your manner of drinking is setting a very bad ex-bill, and let's make no more words about it. ample in this house, I assure you.
Hard. There are a set of prints too. What Mar. I protest, my very good sir, that's nothink you of the Rake's Progress for your fault of mine. If they don't drink as they own apartment? ougnt, they are to blame: I ordered them not Mar. Bring me your bill, I say; and I to spare the cellar; I did, I assure you. [To leave you and your infernal bouse directly. the side Scene] Here, let one of my servants Hard. Then there's a bright, brazen warmcome up. [To Hard]. My positive directions ing-pan, that you may see your own brazen were, that as I did not drink myself, they face in. should make up for my desiciencies below. Mar. My bill, I s y.
Hard. Then they had your orders for what Hard. I had forgot the great chair, for your they do! I'm satisfied.
own particular slumbers, after a hearly meal. Mar. They bad, I assure you: you shall Mar. Zounds! bring me my bill, I say, and hear from one of themselves.
let's hear no more on't.
Hard. Young man, young man, from your Enter Servant, drunk.
father's letter to me, I was laught to expect a You, Jeremy! Come forward, sirrah! What well-bred, modest man, as a visitor here, but were my orders? Were you not told to drink now I find bin no better than a concomb and freely, and call for what you thought fit, for a bully; but he will be down here presently, the good of the house?
and shall hear more of it.
[Erit. Hard. I begin to lose my patience. [-Aside. Mar. How's this ? sure I have not mistaken
Jer. Please your bonour, liberty and Fleet- the house! Every thing looks like an inn. The street for ever, though I'm but a servant, I'm servants cry, coming! The attendance is awkas good as another man; I'll drink for no man ward; the bar-maid too to attend us. But before supper, sir, damme! Good liquor will she's here, and will further inform me. Whisit upon a good supper, but a good supper ther so fast, child ? a word with you. will not sit upon — biccup- upon my conscience, sir.
Enter Miss HARDCASTLE. Mar. You see, my old friend, the fellow is Miss H. Let it be short tben; I'm in a hurry. as drunk as he can possibly be. I don't know I believe he begins to find out his mistake, what you'd have more, unless you'd have the but it's too soon quite to undeceive him. poor devil soused in a beer-barrel.
[Aside. Hard. Zounds! He'll drive me distracted if Mar. Pray, child, answer me one question. I contain myself any longer. [ Aside]. Mr. What are you, and what may your business Marlow, sir, I have submitted to your inso- in this house be ? lence for more than four bours, and I see no Miss H. A relation of the family, sir. likelihood of its coming to an end. I'm now Mar. What, a poor relation? resolved to be master here, sir, and I desire Miss H. Yes, sir. A poor relation appointed that you and your drunken pack may leave to keep the keys, and io see that the guests my house directly.
want nothing in my power to give them. Mar. Leave your house! - Sure you jest, Mar. That is, you act as the bar-maid of my good friend? Wbat, when I'm doing what this ion. I can to please you?
Miss H. Inn! O law-What brought that in your head? One of the best families in the be locked up, or sent to my aunt Pedigree's, county to keep an inn. Ha! ha! ha! old Mr. wbich is ten times worse. Hardcastle's house an inn!
Tony. To be sure, aunts of all kinds are Mar. Mr. Hardcastle's house! Is this house damn'd bad things. But what can I do? I Mr. Hardcastle's house, child ?
have got you a pair of horses that will fly like Miss H. Ay, sir, whose else should it be? Whistlejacket, and I'm sure you can't say but
Mar. So then all's out, and I have been I have courted you nicely before her face. damnably imposed on. O, confound my stupid Here she comes; we must court a bit or two head, I shall be laughed at over the whole more, for sear she should suspect us. town. I shall be stuck up in caricatura in all
[They retire, and seem to fondle. the print-shops. The Dullissimo Maccaroni. To mistake this house of all others for an inn,
Enter Mas. HARDCASTLE. and my father's old friend for an innkeeper. Mrs. H. Well, I was greatly fluttered, to What a swaggering puppy must he take me be sure. But my son tells me it was all a for. What a silly puppy do I find myself
. mistake of the servants.
I shan't be easy, There again, may I be hang’d, my dear, but however, till they are fairly married, and then I mistook you for the bar-maid.
let her keep her own fortune. But what do Miss H. Dear me! dear me! I'm sure there's I see? Fondling together, as I am alive. I nothing in my behaviour te put me upon a pever saw Tony so sprightly before. Ab! have level with one of that stamp.
I caught you, 'my preliy doves! Wbat, billMar. Nothing, my dear, nothing. But I ing, exchanging stolen glances, and broken was in for a list of blunders, and could not murmurs? Åb! help making, you a subscriber. My stupidity Tony. As for murmurs, mother, we grumble saw every thing the wrong way, 'I mistook a little now and then, to be sure. Bui there's your assiduity for assurance, and your sim-no love lost between us. plicity for allurement.
But it's over
- This Mrs. H. A mere sprinkling, Tony, upon the house I no more show my face in.
flame, only to make it burn brighter. Miss H. I hope, sir, I have done nothing to Miss N. Cousin Tony promises to give us disoblige you. I'm sure I should be sorry to more of his company at home. lodeed be affront any gentleman who has been so polite, shan't leave us any more. It won't leave us, and said so many civil things to me. I'm sure cousin Tony, will it? I should be sorry, [Pretending to cry] if he Tony: 0! it's a pretty creature. No, I'd left the family upon my account. I'm sure I sooner leave my horse in a pound, than leave should be sorry people said any thing amiss, you when you smile upon one so. Your laugh since I have no fortune but my character. makes you so becoming.
Mar. By heaven, she weeps. This is the Miss N. Agreeable cousin! who can help first mark of tenderness I ever had from a admiring that natural humour, that pleasani, modest woman, and it touches me. [ Aside. broad, red, thoughtless—[Patting his Check]
Miss H. I'm sure my family is as good as Ah! ii's a hold face. miss Hardcastle's, and though I'm poor, that's Mrs. H. Prelly innocence ! no great misfortune to a contented mind, and Tony. I'm sure I always lov'd cousin Con's until this moment I never thought that it was hazel eyes, and ber preliy long fingers, that bad to want fortune.
she twists this way and that over the harpsiMar. And why now, my pretty simplicity ? cholls, like a parcel of bobbins.
Miss H. Because it puls me at a distance Mrs. H. Ah, he would charm the bird from from one, that if I had a thousand pounds I the tree. I was never so happy before. My would give it all to.
boy takes after his father, poor Mr. Lumpkin, Mar. This simplicity bewitches me, so that exactly. The jewels, my dear Con, shall be if I stay I'm undone. I must make one bold yours incontinently. You shall have them. effort, and leave her. [Aside] Excuse me, my Isn't be a sweet boy, my dear? You shall be lovely girl, you are the only part of the family married tomorrow, and we'll put off the rest I leave with reluctance. But to be plain with of his education, like Dr. Drowsy's sermons, you, the difference of our birih, forlune, and to a fitter opportunity. education, make an honourable connexion impossible; and I can never barbour a thought
Enter DIGGORY. of bringing ruin upon one, whose only fault Dige. Where's the squire? I have got a was being too lovely:
. letter for your worship. Miss #. I never knew half his merit till Tony: Give it to my mamma. She reads
He shall not go, if I have power or all my letters first. art to detain him. I'll still preserve the cha- Digs. I bad orders to deliver it into your racter in which I stoop?d to conquer, but will own hands. undeceive my papa, who perhaps may laugh Tony. Who does it come from? him out of his resolution.
Erit. Digs. Your whorship mun ask that o'the
letter itself. Enter Tony and Miss NeyiLLE.
Tony. I could wish to know, though. Tony: Ay, you may steal for yourselves the [ Turning the Letter, and gazing on it. next time; I have done my duty. She has got Miss N. [Aside] Undone, undone. A letter the jewels again, that's a sure thing; but she to him from Hastings. I know the hand. If believes it was all a mistake of the servants. my aunt sees it, we are ruined for ever. PII
Miss N. But, my dear cousin, sure you won't keep her employed a little if I can. [To Mrs. forsake us in this distress. If she in the least Hardcastle] But I have not told you, madam, suspects that I am going off, I shall certainly of my cousin's smart answer just now 10 Mr.