« ZurückWeiter »
Lucy. Oh, heavens protect us! Dear ma-by a gentleman who will come to take his dam, let's be gone.
leave of you, being designed for travel; his Serg. K. If you be afraid of him, why do intention of going abroad is sudden, and the you come to consult him?
occasion a woman. Your fortune and bis are Mel. Don't fear, fool. Do you think, sir, like the bullet and the barrel, one runs plump that because I'm a woman I'm to be fooled into the other-In short, if the gentleman traout of my reason, or frigbtened out of my vels he will die abroad, and it he does
you senses? Come, show me ibis devil.
will die before he comes home. Serg. K. He's a little busy at present, but
Mel. What sort of a man is he? when he has done, he shall wait on you. Serg. K. Madam, be's a fine gentleman, Mel. What is he doing?
and a lover; that is, a man of very good Serg. K. Writing your name in his pocket- sense, and a very great fool. book.
Mel. How is that possible, doctor? Mel. Ha, ha! my name! pray what have Serg. K. Because, madam-because it is so. you or he to do with my name?
-A woman's reason is the best for a man's Serg. K. Lookye, fair lady! the devil is a being a fool. very modest person, he seeks nobody unless Mel. Ten o'clock, you say.? they seek him first; he's chained up like a Serg. K. Ten-about the hour of tea-drinkmastiff
, and can't stir unless he be let loose. ing throughout the kingdom. You come to me to have your fortune told- Mel. Here, doctor. (Gives Money] Lucy, do you think, madam, that I can answer you have you any questions to ask? of my own head ? No, madam, the affairs Lucy. Oh, madam, a thousand. of women are so irregular, thai nothing less Serg. K. I must beg your patience till than the devil can give any account of ihem. another time, for I expect more company this Now, to convince you of your incredulity, minute; besides, I must discharge the gentleI'll show you a trial of my skill. Here, you man under the table. Cacodemo del Plumo, exert your power, draw Lucy. O pray, sir, discharge us first! me this lady's name, the word 'Melinda, in Serg. K. Tycho, wait on the ladies down proper Jetters and characters of her own stairs.
[Exeunt Melinda and Lucy. band-writing-do it at three motions-onetwo-three-'tis done. - Now, madam, will
Enter CAPTAIN BRAZEN. you please to send your maid to fetch it? Capt. B. Your servant, my dear!
Lucy. I fetch it! the devil fetch me if I do. Serg. K. Stand off, I have my familiar already. Mel. My name in my own hand-writing! Capt. B. Are you bewitched, my dear? that would be convincing indeed.
Serg. K. Yes, my dear! but mine is a peaceSerg. K. Seeing is believing. [Goes to the able spirit, and bates gunpowder. Thus I Table and lifts up, the Carpet! Here, Tre, fortify myself; [Draws a Circle round himTre, poor Tre, give me the bone, sirrah. self] and now, captain, have a care how you There's your name upon that square piece of force my lines. paper. Behold
Capt. B. Lines! what dost talk of lines ? Mel
. 'Tis wonderful! my very letters to a You have something like a fishing-rod there tittle!
indeed; but I come to be acquainted with Lucy. 'Tis like your hand, madam, but not you, man.-- -What's your name, my dear? your
hand neither; and now I look Serg. K. Conundrum. nearer, 'tis not like your hand at all.
Capt. B. Conundrum ? rat me! I knew a Serg: K. Here's a chambermaid that will famous doctor in London of your name.oullie the devil?
Where were you born ? Lucy. Lookye, madam, they shan't impose Serg. K. I was born in Algebra. upon us; people can't remember their hands, Capt. B. Algebra! 'tis no country in Chrisno more than they can their faces. Come, tendom, I'm sure, unless it be some place in madam, let us be certain: write your name ibe Highlands in Scotland.
then we'll compare the two Serg. K. Right; I told you I was bewitched. bands. [Takes out a Paper and folds it. Capt. B. So ain I, my dear; I am going
Serg. K. Any thing for your satisfaction, to be inarried. I have had two letters from madam-Here's pen and ink.
a lady of fortune that loves me to madness, [Mel. writes, Lucy holds the Paper. fits, cholic, spleen, and vapours. Shall I marry Lucy. Let me see it, madain; 'tis the same her in four-and-twenty hours, ay or no? -the very same:
But I'll secure one copy Serg. K Certainly. for my own affairs.
[Aside. Capt. B. Gadso, ay. Mei. This is demonstration.
Serg. K. Or no. But I must have the year Serg. K. 'Tis so, madam - the word de- and the day of the month when these leiters monstration comes from demon, the fatber were dated. of lies.
Capt. B. Why, you old bitch! did you Mel, Well, doctor, I'm convinced: and ever hear of love-letters dated with the year now, pray, what account can you give of and day of the month? Do you think billetmy future fortune ?
doux are like bank-bills? Serg. K. Before the sun has made one Serg. K. They are not so good, my, dear; course round this earthly globe, your fortune but if they bear no date, I must examine the will be fixed for happiness or misery.
con ats. Mel. What! so near the crisis of my fate? Capt. B. Contents! that you shall, old boy!
Serg. K. Let me see-- -- About the hour of here they be boih. ten to-morrow morning, you will be saluted | Şerg. K. Only the last you received, if you
please. [Takes the Letter] Now, sir, if you part, I shall be very tender in what regards please to let me consult my books for a mi- the officers of the army. nute, I'll send this letter enclosed to you, with the determination of the stars upon it, Enler Sylvia, BULLOCK, Rose, Prisoners, to your lodgings:
Constable, and Mob, Capt. B. With all my heart. I must give Const. May it please your worships, we him-[ Puts his Hands in his pockets] Al- took them in the very act, re infecta, sir. gebra. I fancy, doctor, 'tis hard to calculate The gentleman indeed behaved himself like the place of your nativity? - Here. [Gives him a gentleman; for be drew his sword and Money] And if I succeed, I'll build a watch- swore, and afterwards laid it down and said lower on the top of the highest mountain in nothing. Wales, for the study of astrology and the Just. B. Give the gentleman his sword again. benefit of the Conundrums,
[E.cit. Wait you without. [E.ceunt Constable and
Watch] I'm sorry, sir, [To Sylvia) to know Re-enter CAPTAIN PLUME and WORTHY.
a gentleman upon such terms, that the occaWor. O doctor! that letter's worth a mil- sion of our meeting should prevent the salislion. Let me see it-and now I have it, I'm faction of an acquaintance. afraid to open it.
Syl. Sir, you need make no apology for Capt. P.' Pho! let me see it. (Opens the your warrant, no more than I shall do for Leller] If she be a jilt-damn her, she is my behaviour; my innocence is upon an one! there's her name at the bottom on't. equal foot with your authority Wor. By all my hopes, 'tis Lucy's hand. *Just. Scale. Innocence! Have you not se
maid? Wor. Certainly. 'Tis no more like Me- Syl. No, Mr. Goosecap, she seduced me. linda's character than black is to white. Bul. So she did, I'll swear; for she propos
Capt. B. Then 'tis certainly Lucy's contri- ed marriage first. vance to draw in Brazen for a husband. But Just. B. What! then you are married, child ? are you sure 'tis not Melinda's hand?
[To Rose. Wor. You shall see. Where's the bit of Rose. Yes, sir, to my sorrow. paper I gave you just now that the devil Just. B. Who was witness ? wrote Melinda upon?
Bul. That was I. I danced, threw the stockSerg. H. Ilere, sir.
ing, and spoke jokes by their bedside, I'm sure. Capt. P. 'Tis plain they are not the same. Just. B. Who was the minister? And is this the malicious name that was sub- Bul. Minister! we are soldiers, and want scribed to the letter which made Mr. Balance no minister. They were married by the arsend his daughter into the country?
ticles of war. Wor, The very same The other fragments Just. B. Hold thy prating, fool.-Your apI showed you just now I once intended for pearance, sir, [To Sylvia), promises some another use; but I think I have turned it now understanding; pray what does this fellow to a better advantage.
mean? Capt. P. But 'twas barbarous to conceal Syl. He means marriage, I think; but that, this so long, and to continue ine so many you know, is so odd a thing, that hardly any hours in the prenicious heresy of believing iwo people under the sun agree in the cerethat angelic crealure could change. Poor mony; some make it a convenience, and others Sylvia!
make it a jest; but among soldiers 'tis most Wor. Rich Sylvia, you mean, and poor sacred. Our sword, you know, is our honour; captain; ha, ha, ba! - Come, come, friend, that we lay down; the hero 'jumps over it Melinda is true,' and shall be mine; Sylvia is first, and the Amazon after the drum beats a constant, and
ruff, and so to bed: that's all. The ceremony Capt. P. No, she's above my hopes: but is concise. for her sake I'll recant my opinion of her ses. Bul. And the prettiest ceremony; so full of By some the sex is blam'd without design: pastime and prodigalityLight, harmless censure, such as yours and Just. B. What are you a soldier ?
Pul. Ay, that I am. Will your worship Sallics of wit, and vapours of our wine: lend me your cane, and I'll show you
how I Others the justice of the sex condemn, can exercise ? And wanting merit to create esteem,
Just. B. Ta
[Strikes him over the Would bide their own defecis by cens’ring Head] Pray, sir, what commission may you
[To Sylvia. But they, secure in their all-conqu’ring charms,. Syl. I'm called captain, sir, by all the cofLaugh at the vain efforts of false alarms. fee-men, drawers, and groom-porters in LonJle magnifies their conquests who complains, don; for I wear a red coat, a sword, a piFor none would struggle, were they not in quet in my head, and dice in my pocket.
Just. Scale. Your name, pray, sir?
. B. And pray, sir, what brought you SCENE I. --JUSTICE BALANCE's House,
into Shropshire ?
Syl. A pinch, sir: I know you country Enter Justice Balance and JUSTICE SCALE. gentlemen want wit, and you know that we
Just. Scale. I say 'tis not to be borne, Mr. town gentlemen want money; and soBalance.
Just. B. I understand you, sir.—Here, conJust. B, Lookye, Mr. Scale, for my own stable !
and behave yourself handsomely till Lent be Take this gentleman into custody till further over: here's my hand, I'll use you as a gentleorders.
man should be. Rose. Pray, your worsbip, dont be uncivil Wor. And if I don't use you as a gentleto bim, for he did me no hurt; he's the most woman should be, may this be my poison. harmless man in the world, for all he talks so.
[Kisses her Hand. Just. Scale. Come, come, child, I'II take care
Enter a Servant. Syl. What, gentlemen, rob me of my free- Serv. Madam, the coach is at the door. dom and my wife at once? 'Tis the first time
[Exit. they ever went together.
Mel. I am going to Mr. Balance's country Just. B. Harkye, constable. [Whispers him. house to see my cousin Sylvia: I've done her
Const. It shall be done, sir. - Come along, an injury, and can't be easy till I've ask'd sir. [Exeunt Constable, Bullock, and Sylvia. ber pardon.
Just. B. Come, Mr. Scale, we'll manage Wor. I dare not hope for the honour of the spark presently.
[Exeunt. waiting on you.
Mel. My coach is full; but if you'll be so Scene II.-Melinda's Apartment gallant as to mount your own horse, and Enter MELINDA and WORTHY.
Lollow us, we shall be glad to be overtaken;
and if you bring captain Plume with you we Mel. So far the prediction is right, 'lis ten shan't have the worse reception. exactly. [Aside] And pray, sir, how long have Wor. M endeavour it. you been in this travelling humour?
[Exit, leading Melinda. Wor. 'Tis natural, madam, for us to avoid what disturbs our quiet.
Scene III.-A Court of Justice. Mel. Rather the love of change, which is Justice Balance, Justice Scale, and Jusmore natural, may be the occasion of it. Wor. To be sure, madam, there must be
TICE SCRUPLE discovered upon the Bench, charms in variety, else neither you nor I
with Constable, SERGEANT Kite, und Mob should be so fond of it.
standing by. SERGEANT KITE, and Con
slable advance. Mel. You mistake, Mr. Worthy: I am not so fond of variety as to travel fort; nor do Surg. K. Pray who are those honourable I think it prudence in you to run yourself gentlemen upon the bench? into a certain expense and danger, in hopes Const. He in the middle is justice Balance, of precarious pleasures, which at best never be on the right is justice Scale, and he on answer expectation, as it is evident from the the left is justice Scruple; and I'am Mr. Conexample of most travellers, that long more to stable: four very honest gentlemen. return to their own country than they did to go abroad.
Enter Captain PLUME. Wor. What pleasures I
may receive abroad Just. B. Captain, you're welcome. are indeed uncertain; but this I am sure of, Capt. P. Gentlemen, I thank you. I shall meet with less cruelty among the most Just. Scr. Come, honest captain, sit by me. barbarous of nations than I have found at [Captain Plume ascends, and sits upon bome.
the Bench) Now produce your prisonersMel. Come, sir, you and I have been jang- Here, that fellow there, set him up. Mr. Conling a great while : I fancy if we made our stable, what have you to say against this accounts we should the sooner come to an man? agreement.
Const. I have nothing to say against him, Wor. Sure, madam, you won't dispute your an' please you. being, in my debt - My fears, sighs, vows, Just. B.' No! what made you bring him promises, assiduities, anxieties, jealousies, hive bither? run on for a whole year without any payment. Const. I don't know, an' please your worship.
Mel. A year! oh, Mr. Wortby, what you Just. Scale. Did not the contents of your owe to me is not to be paid under a seven warrant direct you what sort of men to take up? year's servitude. How did you use me the Const. I can't tell, an' please ye; I can't year before! when, taking the advantage of read. my innocence and necessity, you would have Just. Scr. A very pretty constable, truly. made me your mistress, that is
, your slave? I find we have no business here. -Remember the wicked insinuations, artful Serg. K. May it please the worshipful bench, baits, deceitful arguments, cunning pretences; I desire to be heard in this case, as being the then your impudent behaviour, loose expres-counsel for the king. sions, familiar letters, rude visits: remember Just. B. Come, sergeant, you shall be heard, those, those, Mr. Worthy.
since nobody else will speak; we won't come Wor. I do remember, and am sorry I here for nothing. made no better use of 'em. [ Aside] But you Serg. This man is but one man, the counmay remember, madam, that -
try may spare him, and the army wants him; Mel. Sir, I'll remember nothing-'tis your besides, he's cut out by nature for a grena, interest that I should forget. You have been dier; be's five feet ten'inches high: be shall barbarous to me, I have been cruel to you; box, wrestle, or dance the Cheshire round put that and that together, and let one bal- with any man in the country; he gets drunk ance the other. Now, if you will begin upon every Sabbath day, and he beats his wife. a new score, lay aside your adventuring airs, wife. You lie, sirrah, you lie; an' please
your worship, he's the best-natured pains- Syl. Sir, I don't care a farthing for you iaking'st man in the parish; witness my five nor your bench neither. poor children.
Just. Scr. Lookye, gentlemen, that's enough; Just. Scr. A wise and five children! you be's a very impudent fellow, and fit for a constable, you rogue, how durst you impress soldier. a man that has a wife and five children? Just, Scale. A notorious rogue,
I Just. Scale. Discharge him, discharge him! very fit for a soldier.
Just. B. Hold, gentlemen. Hearkye, friend, Just. B. What think you, captain ? how do you maintain your wise and five Capt. P. I think he is a very pretty fellow, children?
and therefore fit to serve. Capt. P. They live upon wildfowl and Syl. Me for a soldier! send your own lazy venison, sir ; the busband' keeps a gun, and lubberly sons at home; fellows that hazard kills all the hares and partridges within five their necks every day in the pursuit of a fos, miles round.
yet dare not peep abroad to look an enemy Just. B. A gun! nay, if he be so good at in the face. gunning, he shall have enough on't.
Just, B. Pray, captain, read the articles of Serg. K. Ay, ay, I'll take care of him, if war; we'll see him listed immediately. you please.
[Takes him down. Capt. P. [Reads] Articles of war against Just. Scale. Here, you constable, the next. mutiny and desertion, etc.Set up that black-fac'd fellow, he has a gun- Syl. Hold, sir – Once, more, gentlemen, powder look: what can you say against this have a care what you do, for you shall seman, constable?
verely smart for any violence you offer to Const. Nothing, but that he is a very ho-me; and you, Mr. Balance, I speak to you nest man.
particularly, you shall heartily repent it. Capt. P. Pray, gentlemen, let me bave one Capt. P. Lookye, young spark, say but honest man in my company for the novelty's one word more, and I'll build a horse for sake.
you as high as the ceiling, and make you Just. B. What are you, friend ?
ride the most tiresome journey that ever you Welsh C. A collier; I work in the coal-pits. made in your life. Just. Scr. Lookye, gentlemen, this fellow Syl. You have made a fine speech, good has a trade, and the act of parliament here captain Hufscap! but you had better be quiet;expresses that we are to impress no man that I shall find a way to cool your courage. has any visible means of a livelihood.
Capt. P. Pray, gentlemen, don't mind bim, Serg. K. May it please your worship, this he's distracted. man has no visible ineans of a livelibood, for Syl. 'Tis false; I am descended of as good he works under ground.
a family as any in your county; my father Capt. P. Well said, Kite; besides, the army is as good a man as any upon your bench; wants miners.
and I am heir to two thousand pounds a year. Just. B. Right; and bad we an order of Just. B. He's certainly mad. "Pray, captain, government fort, we could raise you in this, read the articles of war. and the neighbouring county of Stafford, five Syl. Hold, once more. Pray, Mr. Balance, hundred colliers, that would run you under to you I speak; suppose. I were your child, ground like moles, and do more service in a would you use me at this rate ? siege than all the miners in the army.
Just. B. No, faitb; were you mine I would Just. Scr. Well, friend, what have you to send you to Bedlam first, and into the army say for yourself?
asterwards. Welsh C. I'm married.
Syl. But consider my father, sir; he's as Serg. K. Lack-a-day! so am I.
good, as generous, as brave, as just a man Welsh C. Here's my wife, poor woman. as ever served his country; I'm his only child: Just. B. Are you married, good woman? perhaps the loss of me may break his heart. Woman, I'm married in conscience. Just. B. He's a very great fool if it does. Just. Scale. Who married you, mistress? Captain, if you don't list bim this minule, I'll
Woman. My husband. We agreed that I leave the court. should call him husband, and that be should Capt. P. Kite, do you distribute the levy call me wife, to shun going for a soldier. money to the men while I read,
Just. Scr. A very pretty couple! Pray, cap- Serg. K. Ay, sir. Silence, gentlemen. tain, will you take them both ?
[Captain Plume reads the Articles of War. Capt. P. What say you, Mr. Kile? will Just. B. Very well; now, captain, let me you take care of the woman?
beg the favour of you not to discharge this Serg. K. Yes, sir; she shall go with us to fellow upon any account whatsoever. "Bring the sea-side, and there if she has a mind to in the rest. drown herself, we'll take care that nobody Consi. There are no more, an't please your shall binder ber.
worship. Just. B. Here, constable, bring in my mao. Just. B. No more! there were five two [Exit Constable] Now, captain, I'll fit you bours ago. with a man such as you never listed in your Syl. 'Í'is true, sir; but this rogue
of a conlife.
stable let the rest escape for a bribe of eleven Re-enter Constable, with Sylvia. shillings a man, because he said the act allowed Oh, my friend Pinch! I'm very glad to see you. him but ten, so the odd shilling was clear Syl. Well, sir, and what then?
gains. Just. Scale. What then! is that your re- All. Just. How? spect to the bench.
Syl. Gentlemen, he offered to let me go
away for two guineas, but I had not so much Just. B. So, that between you both Rose about me: this is truth, and I'm ready to has been finely managed. swear it.
Capt. P. Upon my honour, sir, she had no Serg. K. And I'll swear it; give me the harm from me. book ; 'tis for the good of the service.
Just. B. All's safe, I find. [Aside] Now, Welsh C. May it please your worship 1 captain, you must know that the young felgave him balf-a-crown to say that I was an low's impudence in court was well grounded: honest man; but now, since that your wor- he said I should heartily repent his being listships have made me a rogue, I hope I shall ed; and so I do from my soul. have my money again.
Capt. P. Ay! for what reason? Jusl. B. 'Tis my opinion that this constable Just. B. Because he is no less than what be put into the captain's hands, and if his he said he was; born of as good a family as friends don't bring four good men for bis any in the county, and he is heir to two thouransom by to-morrow night, captain, you sand pounds a year. shall carry him to Flanders.
Capt. P. I'm very glad to hear it; for I Just. Scale. Just. Scru. Agreed, agreed. wanted but a man of ihat quality to make my
Capt. P. Mr. Ki!e, take the constable into company a perfect representative of the whole custody.
commons of England. Serg. K. Ay, ay, sir. Will you please to Just. B. Won't you discharge him?
office taken from you, or will you Capl. P. Not under a hundred pounds sterling. handsomely lay down your staff, as your
bet- Just. B. You shall have it ; for his father is ters have done before you?
my intimate friend. [To the Constable, who drops his Staff. Capt. P. Then you shall have him for nothing. Just. B. Come, gentlemen, here needs no Just. B. Nay, sir, you shall have your price. great ceremony in adjourning this court. Cap- Capl. P. Not a penny, sir; I value an obtain, you shall dine with me.
ligation to you much above an hundred Serg. K. Come, Mr. Militia Sergeant, 1 pounds. shall silence you now, I believe, without your Just. B. Perhaps, sir, you shan't repent your taking the law of me.
[E.xeunt. generosity. Will you please to write his dis
charge in my pocket-book? [Gives his Book] SCENE IV.-A Room in Justice Balance's In the mean time we'll send for the gentle House.
man.-Who waits there? Enter JusticE BALANCE and Steward.
Enter a Servant. Siew. We did not miss her till the evening, Go to the captain's lodging, and inquire for sir; and then, searching for her in the cham- Mr. Wilful; tell him bis captain wants him ber that was my young master's, we found here immediately. ber clothes there; but the suit that your son Sero. Sir, the gentleman's below at the door, left in the press when he went to London inquiring for the captain. was gone.
Capt. P. Bid him come up. [Exit Servant] Just B. You han't told that circumstance to Here's the discharge, sir.
Just. B. Sir, I thank you. 'Tis plain he had Stew. To none but your worship. no band in't.
[Aside. Just B. And be sure you don't.
Enter Sylvia. tell captain Plume that I beg to speak with Syl. I think, captain, you might have used bim.
me better than to leave me yonder among Stew. I shall.
[E.cit, your swearing, drunken crew;-and you, Mr. Just B. Was ever man so imposed upon? Justice, might have been so civil as to have I had her promise indeed that she would never invited me to dinner, for I have eaten with as dispose of herself without my consent. I have good a man as your worship. consented with a witness, given her away as Capt. P. Sir, you must charge our want of my act and deed; and this
, I warrant, the respect upon cur ignorance of your quality: captain thinks will pass. No, I shall never Bui now you are at liberty; I have discharged pardon bim the villany, first of robbing, me of you. my daughter, and then the mean opinion he Syl. Discharged me? must have of me to think that I could be so Just. B. Yes, sir; and you must once more wretchedly imposed upon. Her extravagant go bome to your father. passion might encourage her in the attempt, Syl. My father! then I am discovered. Oh, but the contrivance must be his. I'll knowisir! [Kneels] I expect no pardon. tbe truth presently.
Just. B. Pardon! no, no, child; your crime
sball be your punishment. Here, captain, I Enter CAPTAIN PLUME.
deliver her over to the conjugal power for her Pray, captain, what have you done with our chastisement. Since she will be a wife, be young gentleman soldier ?
you a busband, a very husband. When she Capt. P. He's at my quarters, I suppose, tells you of her love, upbraid her with her with the rest of my men.
folly; be modishly ungrateful, because she has Just. B. Does he keep company with the been unfashionably kind; and use her worse common soldiers ?
than you would any body, else, because you Capt. P. No, be's generally will me; but can't use her so well as she deserves. the young rogue
fell in love with Rose, and Capt. P. And are you Sylvia in good earnest? has lain with her, I think, since she came to Syl. Earnest! I have gone too far to make town.
it a jest, sir.