begging your worship's pardon. Pray what Rose. No matter for that, sir; I came honestly by it. Lucy. They only barter one sort of probibited goods for another, madam. Mel. Has any of 'em been bartering with you, Mrs. Pert, that you talk so like a trader? Lucy. One would imagine, madam, by your concern for Worthy's absence, that you should use him better when he's with you. Just. B. I question it much. [Aside. Mel. Who told you, pray, that I was conRose. And see here, sir, a fine Turkey-shell cerned for his absence? I'm only vexed that snuff-box, and fine mangere: see here. [Takes I have had nothing said to me these two days: Snuff affectedly] The captain learned me one may like the love, and despise the lover, how to take it with an air. I hope, as one may love the treason, and hate Just. B. Oh, ho! the captain! now the mur- the traitor.-Oh! here comes another captain, der's out. [Aside] And so the captain taught and a rogue that has the confidence to make you to take it with an air? love to me; but indeed I don't wonder at that, Rose. Yes, and give it with an air too. when he has the assurance to fancy himself a Will your worship please to taste my snuff? fine gentleman. [Offers it affectedly. Lucy. If he should speak o'the assignation, Just. B. You are a very apt scholar, pretty I should be ruined. [Aside, and exit. maid! And pray what did you give the captain for these fine things? Enter CAPTAIN BRAZEN. Rose. He's to have my brother for a soldier, Capt. B. True to the touch, faith! [Aside] and two or three sweethearts I have in the Madam, I am your humble servant, and all Country: they shall all go with the captain. that, madam. A fine river this same Severn. Oh! he's the finest man, and the humblest Do you love fishing, madam? withal. Would you believe it, sir? he talked Mel. Tis a pretty, melancholy amusement to me with as much fam-mam-mil-ya-for lovers. ra—ral-ity as if I had been the best lady in! the land. Just. B. Oh! he's a mighty familiar gentle man as can be. Re-enter CAPTAIN PLUME, singing. But it is not so Through frost and snow- My maid with the milking-pail. Just. B. Oh, my noble Captain! Rose. And my noble captain too, sir. Capt. P. 'Sdeath! child, are you mad? [To Rose-Mr. Balance, I am so full of business about my recruits that I han't a moment's time to-I have just now three or four people toJust. B. Nay, captain, I must speak to you. Rose. And so must I too, captain. Capt. P. Any other time, sir-I cannot for my life, sir Capt. B. I'll go buy hooks and lines presently; for you must know, madam,,that I have served in Flanders against the French, in Hungary against the Turks, and in Tangier against the Moors, and I never was so much in love before; and split me, madam, in all the campaigns I ever made, I have not seen so fine a woman as your ladyship. Mel. And from all the men I ever saw, I never had so fine a compliment: but you soldiers are the best bred men, that we must allow. Capt. B. Some of us, madam; but there are brutes among us too, very sad brutes: for my own part, I have always had the good luck to prove agreeable. I have had very considerable offers, madam. I might have married a German princess, worth fifty thousand crowns a year; but her stove disgusted me. The daughter of a Turkish bashaw fell in love with me too when I was a prisoner among the infidels: she offered to rob her father of his treasure, and make her escape with me; but I don't know how, my time was not come. Hanging and marriage, you know, go by destiny. Fate has reserved me for a ShropCapt. P. Twenty thousand things-I would shire lady, worth twenty thousand pounds. -but-now, sir, pray-devil take me-I can- Do you know any such person, madam? not-I must[Breaks away. Mel. Extravagant coxcomb! [Aside] To be Just. B. Pray, sir Just. B. Nay, I'll follow you. [Exit. sure, SCENE II-The Walk by the SEVERN Side. of Brazen. Enter WORTHY. Mel. And pray was it a ring, or buckle, or pendants, or knots; or in what shape was the Mel. Oh, are you there, gentleman? [Aside] almighty gold transformed, that has bribed Come, captain, we'll walk this way. Give me you so much in his favour? your hand. Lucy. Indeed, madam, the last bribe I had Capt. B. My hand and heart are at your from the captain was only a small piece of service.-Mr. Worthy, your servant, my dear. Flanders lace for a cap. Mel. Ay, Flanders lace is a constant present from officers to their women. They every year bring over a cargo of lace, to cheat the king of his duty, and his subjects of their honesty. [Exit, leading Mel. Wor. Death and fire! this is not to be borne. Enter CAPTAIN PLUME. Wor. By captain Brazen, that I told you of to-day. She is called the Melinda; a first rate, I can assure you. She sheered off with him just now on purpose to affront me; but, according to your advice, I would take no notice, because I would seem to be above a concern for her behaviour. But have a care of a quarrel. Capt. P. No, no; I never quarrel with any thing in my cups but an oyster-wench or a cookmaid; and if they ben't civil, I knock 'em down. Wor. Here they come; I must leave you. [Exit. Capt. P. So! now must I look as sober and demure as a whore at a christening. Re-enter CAPTAIN BRAZEN and MELINDA. Mel. A brother officer of yours, I suppose, sir. Capt. B. Ay.—My dear! [To Captain Plume Capt. P. My dear! [ Runs and embraces him. Capt. B. My dear boy! how is't? Your name, my dear. If I be not mistaken, I have seen your face. Capt. P. I never saw yours in my life, my dear; but there's a face well known as the sun's, that shines on all, and is by all adored. Capt. B. Have you any pretensions, sir? Capt. P. Pretensions! Capt. B. That is, have you ever served abroad? Capt. P. I have served at home, sir, for ages served this cruel fair; and that will serve the turn, sir. Mel. So, between the fool and the rake, I shall bring a fine spot of work upon my hands! [Aside. Capt. B. Will you fight for the lady, sir? Capi. P. No, sir; but I'll have her notwithstanding. Capt. B. No, sir, you are my man. Capt. B. Then you're not worth my sword. Enter SYLVIA, in Man's Apparel. Syl. Wilful, Jack Wilful, at your service. Capt. B. What, the Kentish Wilfuls, those of Staffordshire? or Syl. Both, sir, both: I'm related to all the Wilfuls in Europe; and I'm head of the family at present. Capt. P. Do you live in this country, sir? Syl. Yes, sir, I live where I stand; I have neither home, house, nor habitation, beyond this spot of ground. Capt. B. What are you, sir? Capt. P. In the army, I presume? Syl. No, but I intend to list immediately. Lookye, gentlemen, he that bids the fairest has me. Capt. B. Sir, I'll prefer you; I'll make you a corporal this minute. Capt. P. Corporal! I'll make you my companion; you shall eat with me. Capt. B. You shall drink with me; you shall receive your pay, and do no duty. Syl. Then you must make me a field-officer. Capt. P. Pho, pho, pho! I'll do more than all this, I'll make you a corporal, and give you a brevet for sergeant. Capt. B. Can you read and write, sir? Capt. B. Then your business is done; I'll make you chaplain to the regiment. Syl. Your promises are so equal, that I'm at a loss to choose. There is one Plume, that I hear much commended in town; pray which of you is captain Plume? Capt. P. I am captain Plume. Capt. B. No, no, I am captain Plume. Capt. P. Captain Plume! I'm your servant, my dear! Thou peerless princess of Salopian plains, Capt. B. Captain Brazen! I'm yours.-The Envy'd by nymphs, and worshipp'd by the fellow dares not fight. swains Enter SERGEANT KITE. [Aside. [Goes to whisper Captain Plume. Capt. P. No, no, there's your captain.Captain Plume, your sergeant has got so drunk, he mistakes me for you. Capt. B. Oons! sir, not fight for her? Capt. P. Pr'ythee be quiet-I shall be out. Behold how humbly does the Severn glide, To greet thee princess of the Severn side. Capt. B. Don't mind him, madam. If he were not so well dressed I should take him Capt. B. He's an incorrigible sot. Here, my for a poet; but I'll show you the difference Hector of Holborn, here's forty shillings for presently. Come, madam, we'll place you you. [To Sylvia. between us, and now the longest sword carries Capt. P. I forbid the banns. Lookye, friend, her. [Draws. Melinda shrieks. you shall list with captain Brazen. Syl. I will see captain Brazen hanged first; Mel. Oh, Mr. Worthy! save me from these I will list with captain Plume. I am a freemadmen. [Exit with Worthy, born Englishman, and will be a slave my own Capt. P. Ha, ha, ha! why don't you follow, way. Lookye, sir, will you stand by me? sir, and fight the bold ravisher? Re-enter WORTHY. [To Captain Brazen. Capt. B. I warrant you, my lad. rel with him afterwards. And now I'll tell Syl. Then I will tell you, captain Brazen, you a secret, my dear friend! that lady we that you are an ignorant, pretending, im- frightened out of the walk just now I found pudent coxcomb. [To Captain Plume. at home this morning, so beautiful, so inCapt. P. Ay, ay, a sad dog. viting; I presently locked the door-but I'm a Syl. A very sad dog. Give me the money, man of honour-but I believe I shall marry noble captain Plume. her nevertheless-her twenty thousand pounds, Capt. P. Then you won't list with captain you know, will be a pretty conveniency. I Brazen? Syl. I won't. Capt. B. Never mind him, child; I'll end the dispute presently.-Harkye, my dear! [Takes Captain Plume to one Side of the Stage, and entertains him in dumb Show. Serg. K. Sir, he in the plain coat is captain Plume; I am his sergeant, and will take my oath on't. Syl. What! you are sergeant Kite? Syl. Then I would not take your oath for a farthing. Serg. K. A very understanding youth of his age. [Aside] Pray, sir, let me look you full in your face. Syl. Well, sir, what have you to say to my face? Serg. K. The very image of my brother; two bullets of the same caliber were never so like: sure it must be Charles-Charles Syl. What do you mean by Charles? Serg. K. The voice too, only a little variation in E flat. My dear brother! for I must call you so, if you should have the fortune to enter into the most noble society of the sword, I bespeak you for a comrade. Syl. No, sir; I'll be the captain's comrade, if any body's. had an assignation with her here, but your coming spoil'd my sport. Curse you, my dear! but don't do so again Capt. P. No, no, my dear! men are my business at present. [Exeunt. ACT IV. SCENE I.-The same. Enter Rose and BULLOCK, meeting. Rose. Where have you been, you great booby? you are always out of the way in the time of preferment. Bul. Preferment! who should prefer me? Rose. I would prefer you! who should prefer a man but a woman? Come, throw away that great club, and hold up your head. Bul. Ah, Rouse, Rouse! Here has been Cartwheel, your sweetheart; what will become of him? Rose. Lookye, I'm a great woman, and will provide for my relations. I told the captain how finely he played on the tabor and pipe, so he set him down for drum-major. Bul. Nay, sister, why did not you keep that place for me? you know I have always loved to be a drumming, if it were but on a table or on a quart pot. Enter SYLVIA. Serg. K. Ambition there again! 'tis a noble passion for a soldier; by that I gained this Syl. Had I but a commission in my pocket, glorious halberd, Ambition! I see a commission I fancy this dress would become me as well in his face already. But I see a storm coming. as any ranting fellow of 'em all; for I take a Syl. Now, sergeant, I shall see who is your bold step, and an impudent air, to be the captain by your knocking down the other. principal ingredients in the composition of a Serg. K. My captain scorn: assistance, sir. captain. What's here? Rose, my nurse's Capt. B. How dare you contend for any daughter! I'll go and practise. Come, child, thing, and not dare to draw your sword? kiss me at once. [Kisses Rose] And her But you are a young fellow, and have not brother too! Well, honest Dungfork, do you been much abroad; I excuse that; but, pr'ythee, know the difference between a horse and a resign the man, pr'ythee do: you are a very cart and a cart-horse, eh? honest fellow. Capt. P. You lie; and you are a son of a whore. [Draws, and makes up to Captain Brazen. [Capt. P. and Capt. B. fight a traverse Capt. B. Then what do we fight for? [Puts up] Now let's embrace, my dear. Capt. P. With all my heart, my dear! [Puts up] I suppose Kite has listed him by this time [Embraces. Bul. I presume that your worship is a captain, by your clothes and your courage. Syl. Suppose I were, would you be contented to list, friend? Rose. No, no; though your worship be a handsome man, there be others as fine as you. My brother is engaged to captain Plume. Syl. Plume! do you know captain Plume? Rose. Yes, I do, and he knows me. I can assure you that I can do any thing with the captain. Bul. That is, in a modest way, sir. Have a care what you say, Rouse; don't shame your parentage. Rose. Nay, for that matter, I am not so simple as to say that I can do any thing with the captain, but what I may do with any body else. Syl. So! And pray what do you expect from this captain, child? Capt. B. You are a brave fellow: I always Rose. I expect, sir!-I expect - but he orfight with a man before I make him my friend; dered me to tell nobody-but suppose that he and if once I find he will fight I never quar- should promise to marry me? Syl. You should have a care, my dear! men will promise any thing beforehand. Rose. I know that; but he promised to marry me afterwards. Bul. Wauns! Rouse, what have you said? you Capt. P. Ay, that is promised; but what think of barrack-master? you are a person of understanding, and barrack-master you shall be. But what's become of this same Cartwheel, you told me of, my dear? Rose. We'll go fetch him. Come, brother noble captain? Rose. After I had sold my chickens: I hope barrack-master. We shall find you at home, there's no harm in that. [Exit with Bullock. Capt. P. Yes, yes; and now, sir, here are your forty shillings. Enter CAPTAIN PLUME. Capt. P. What, Mr. Wilful, so close with my_market-woman? Syl. I'll try if he loves her. [Aside] Close, sir, ay, and closer yet, sir. Come, my pretty maid! and I will withdraw a little." you Capt. P. No, no, friend, I ha'nt done with her yet. Syl. Nor have I begun with her; so I have as good a right as you have. Capt. P. Thou'rt a bloody impudent fellow! service. Capt. P. Hast thou really a mind to the service? Syl. Yes, sir; so let her go. Rose. Pray, gentlemen, don't be so violent, Capt. P. Come, leave it to the girl's own choice. Will you belong to me, or to that gentleman? Rose. Let me consider: you're both very handsome. Capt. P. Now the natural inconstancy of her sex begins to work. Syl. Captain Plume, I despise your listing money; if I do serve, 'tis purely for love-of that wench, I mean.-But now let me beg you to lay aside your recruiting airs, put on the man of honour, and tell me plainly what usage I must expect when I am under your command. Capt. P. Your usage will chiefly depend upon your behaviour; only this you must expect, that if you commit a small fault I will excuse it, if a great one, I'll discharge you; for something tells me I shall not be able to punish you. Syl. And something tells me that if you do discharge me, 'twill be the greatest punishment you can inflict; for were we this moment to go upon the greatest dangers in your profession, they would be less terrible to me than to stay behind you. And now your hand; this lists me-and now you are my captain. Capt. P. Your friend. 'Sdeath! there's something in this fellow that charms me. [Aside. Rose. Pray, sir, what will you give me? Syl. One favour I must beg-this affair Bul. Dunna be angry, sir, that my sister will make some noise, and I have some friends should be marcenary, for she's but young. that would censure my conduct if I threw Syl. Give thee, child? I'll set thee above myself into the circumstance of a private senscandal; you shall have a coach with six be-tinel of my own head-I must therefore take fore and six behind; an equipage to make care to be impressed by the act of parliavice fashionable, and put virtue out of coun-ment; you shall leave that to me. tenance. Capt. P. Pho! that's easily done: I'll do more for thee, child, I'll buy you a new gown, and give you a ticket to see a play. Bul. A play! wauns! Rouse, take the ticket, and let's see the show. Syl. Lookye, captain, if you won't resign, I'll go list with captain Brazen this minute. Capt. P. Will you list with me if I give up my title? Syl. I will. Capt. P. Take her; I'll change a woman for a man at any time. Rose. I have heard before indeed that you captains used to sell your men. But. Pray, captain, do not send Rouse to the Western Indies. Capi. P. What you please as to that. Will you lodge at my quarters in the mean time? Syl. No, no, captain; you forget Rose; she's to be my bedfellow you know. Capt. P. I had forgot: pray be kind to her. [Exeunt severally. Enter MELINDA and LUCY. Mel. 'Tis the greatest misfortune in nature for a woman to want a confidant: we are so weak that we can do nothing without assistance, and then a secret racks us worse than the cholic-I am at this minute so sick of a secret that I'm ready to faint away-Help me, Lucy! Lucy. Bless me! madam, what's the matter? Mel. Vapours only; I begin to recover. If Sylvia were in town I could heartily forgive her faults for the ease of discovering my own. Lucy. You are thoughtful, madam; am not Capt. P. Ha, ba, ha! West Indies! No, no, my honest lad, give me thy hand; nor you nor she shall move a step further than I do. This gentleman is one of us, and will be I worthy to know the cause? kind to you, Mrs. Rose. Mel. Oh, Lucy! I can hold my secret no Rose. But will you be so kind to me, sir, longer. You must know, that hearing of a as the captain would? famous fortune-teller in town, I went disguis Syl. I can't be altogether so kind to you; ed to satisfy a curiosity which has cost me my circumstances are not so good as the cap-dear. The fellow is certainly the devil, or tain's; but I'll take care of you, upon my word, one of his bosom-favourites: he has told me Capt. P. Ay, ay, we'll all take care of her; the most surprising things of my past life. she shall live like a princess, and her brother Lucy. Things past, madam, can hardly be here shall be-What would' you be? reckoned surprising, because we know them Bul. Oh, sir, if you had not promised the already. Did he tell you any thing surprisplace of drum-majoring that was to come? don. Mel. One thing very surprising; he said I expect at my hands. Captain, I ask your parshould die a maid! [Exit with Lucy. Lucy. Die a maid! come into the world Capt. B. I grant it. You see, Mr. Worthy, for nothing!Dear madam! if you should 'twas only a random shot; it might have takbelieve him it might come to pass; for the en off your head as well as mine. Courage, bare thought on't might kill one in four-and- my dear! 'tis the fortune of war; but the twenty hours. And did you ask him any enemy has thought fit to withdraw, I think. questions about me? Wor. Withdraw! Oons! sir, what do ye mean by withdraw? Mel. You! why, I passed for you. Lucy. So, 'tis I that am to die a maid. Capt. B. I'll show you. [Exil But the devil was a liar from the beginning; Wor. She's lost, irrecoverably lost, and he can't make me die a maid: I've put it out Plume's advice has ruined me. 'Sdeath! why of his power already. [Aside. should I, that knew her haughty spirit, be Mel. I do but jest. I would have passed ruled by a man that's a stranger to her pride? for you, and called myself Lucy, but he presently told me my name, my quality, my fortune, and gave me the whole history of my life. He told me of a lover I had in this SCENE II.-A Chamber. [Exit. country, and described Worthy exactly, but KITE, disguised in a strange Habit, discoin nothing so well as in his present indiffer ence. vered sitting at a Table, with Books and Globes. I led to him for refuge here to-day; he never so much as encouraged me in my Serg. K. [Rises] By the position of the fright, but coldly told me he was sorry for heavens, gained from my observation upon the accident, because it might give the town these celestial globes, I find that Luna was a cause to censure my conduct, excused his not tidewaiter; Sol, a surveyor; Mercury, a thief; waiting on me home, made me a careless Venus, a whore; Saturn, an alderman; Jupibow, and walk'd off. 'Sdeath, I could have ter, a rake; and Mars, a sergeant of grenastabb'd him or myself, 'twas the same thing. diers-and this is the system of Kite, the Yonder he comes-I will so use him! conjurer. Lucy. Don't exasperate him; consider what the fortune-teller told you. Men are scarce, and as times go, it is not impossible for a woman not to die a maid. Enter WORTHY. Mel. No matter. Wor. I find she's warmed; I must strike while the iron is hot. [Aside] You've a great deal of courage, madam, to venture where you were so lately frightened. Mel. And you have a quantity of impudence, to appear before me that you so lately bave affronted. hither thinking to meet another person. Enter CAPTAIN PLUME and WORTHY. Capt. P. Well, what success? Serg. K. I have sent away a shoemaker and a tailor already; one's to be a captain of marines, and the other a major of dragoons. I am to manage them at night. Have you seen the lady, Mr. Worthy? Wor. Ay, but it won't do. Have you showed her her name that I tore off from the bottom of the letter? Serg. K. No, sir, I reserve that for the last stroke. Capt. P. What letter? Wor. I had no design to affront you, nor Wor. One that I would not let you see, appear before you either, madam; and came for fear that you should break windows in good earnest. Here, captain, put it into your pocket-book, and have it ready upon [Knocking at the Door. Serg. K. Officers, to your posts. Tycho, mind the door. Mel. Since you find yourself dissappointed I hope you'll withdraw to another place. Wor. The place is broad enough for us both [They walk by one another, she fretting and tearing her Fan] Will you please to take snuff, madam? [He offers her his Box, she strikes it out of his Hand; he gather's up the Snuff. occasion. [Exeunt Captain Plume and Worthy. Enter MELINDA and LUCY. Serg. K. Tycho, chairs for the ladies. Mel. Don't trouble yourself; we shan't stay, doctor. Serg. K. Your ladyship is to stay much longer than you imagine. Mel. For what? Serg. K. For a husband. For your part, madam, you won't stay for a husband. [To Lucy. Lucy. Pray, doctor, do you converse with the stars, or the devil? Enter CAPTAIN BRAZEN, who takes Melinda round the Waist; she cuffs him. Capt. B. What, here before me, my dear? Mel. What means this insolence? Lucy. Are you mad? don't you see Mr. Worthy? [To Brazen. Capt. B. No, no; I'm struck blind. Worthy! odso! well turn'd- My mistress has wit at her finger's ends-Madam, I ask your pardon; 'tis our way abroad-Mr. Worthy, you're the Serg. K. With both; when I have the deshappy man. tinies of men in search, I consult the stars; Wor. I don't envy your happiness very when the affairs of women come under my much, if the lady can afford no other sort of hands, I advise with my t'other friend. favours but what she has bestowed upon you. Mel. And have you raised the devil upon Mel. I'm sorry the favour miscarried, for it my account? was designed for you, Mr. Worthy; and be assured 'tis the last and only favour you must Serg. K. Yes, nadam, and he's now under the table. |