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Har. Alas! I have too much cause for my Charles. I can assure you, sir, that your uneasiness. Who knows what that vile lord daughter is entirelyhas done with my father?
Rus. You assure me! You are the fellow Oak. Be comforted; madam; we shall soon that has perverted her mind-That has set my hear of Mr. Russet, and all will be well, I own child against me
Charles. If you will but hear me, sirHar. You are too good to me, sir; I shall Rus. I won't hear a word you say. I'll have never forgive myself for having disturbed the my daughter-I won't hear a word! peace of such a worthy family.
Maj. O. Nay, Mr. Russet, hear reason.
If Maj 0. Don't mind that, madam; they'll be you will but have patiencevery good friends again. This is nothing. Rus. I'll have no patience, I'll have my among married people-'Sdeath, here she is daughter, and she sball marry sir
Harry to-night. -No-ils only Mrs. Toilet.
Lord T. That is dealing rather too much
en cavalier with me, Mr. Russet, 'pon bonour. Re-enter TOILET.
You take no notice of my pretensions, though Oak. Well, Toilet, what now? [Toilet my rank and familywhispers] Not well?— Can't come down to Rus. What caré I for rank and family? I dinner? - Wants to see me ahove?-Harkye, don't want to make my daughter a rantipole brother, what shall I do?
woman of quality. I'll give her to whom I Maj. 0. If you go; you are undone. please. Take ker away, sir Harry; she shall
Har. Go, 'sir, go to Mrs. Oakly-Indeed marry you to-right: you had better
Maj. O. Only three words, Mr. RussetMaj. O. 'Sdeath, brother, don't budge a foot Rus. Why don't the booby take her? - This is all fractiousness and ill humour- Sir H. Hold hard! Hold hard!) You are Oak. No, I'll not go-Tell her I have com- all on a wrong scent; Hold hard! I say,
hold pany, and we shall be glad to see her here. bard!-Harkye, squire Russet.
[Exit Toilet. Rus. Well, what now? Maj. 0. That's right.
Sir H. It was
proposed, you know, to match Oak. Suppose I go and watch how she me with miss Harriot-But she can't take kindproceeds?
ly to me.—When one has made a bad bet, Maj: 0. What d'ye mean? You would not it is best to hedge off, you know—and so I go to her? Are
have e'en swopped 2) her with lord Trinket Oak. By no means go to her-I only want bere for his brown horse, Nabob.
know how she takes it. I'll lie perdue in Rus. Swopped her? Swopped my daughter my study, and observe her motions.
for a horse!" Zounds, sir, what d'ye mean? Maj. 0. I don't like this pitiful ambuscade Sir H. Mean? Why I mean to be off, to work—this bush fighting. Why can't you stay be sure-It won't do—I tell you it won't do here?- Ay, ay!— I know how it will be 1-First of all I knocked up myself and my She'll come bounce in upon you with a tor- horses, when they took for London-and now rent of anger and passion, or, if necessary al have been stewed aboard a tender - I have whole flood of tears, and carry all before her wasted three stone at least-If I could have at once.
match it would not have grieved me Oak. You shall find that you are mistaken, - And so, as I said hefore, I have swopped major. Now I am convinced I'm in the right, her for Nabob. I'll support that right with ten times your Rus. The devil take Nabob, and yourself, steadiness.
and lord Trinket, and Maj. 0. You talk this well, brother.
Lord T. Pardon! je vous demande pardon, Oak. I'll do it well, brother.
monsieur Russet, 'pon honour: Maj. 0. If you don't, you are undone. Rus. Death and the devil! I shall go disOak. Never fear, never fear. [Erit. tracted! My daughter plotting against me Maj. O. Well, Charles.
-the Charles. I can't bear to see my Harriot so Maj.0. Come, come, Mr. Russet, I am your uneasy.
go immediately in quest of Mr. man after all. Give me but a moment's hearRusset. Perhaps I may learn at the inn where ing, and I'll engage to make peace between his lordship's ruffians have carried him. you and your daughter, and throw the blame
Rus. [Without] Here! Yes, yes, I know where it ought to fall most deservedly. she's here well enough. Come along, sir Harry, Sir H. Ay, ay, that's right. Put the saddle come along
on the right horse, my buck! Har. He's here! - My fatber; I know his Rus. Well, sir-What d'ye say?-Speak voice. Where is Mr. Oakly? O, now, good - I don't know what to do. sir, [To the Major), do but pacify him, and Maj. 0. I'll speak the truth, let who will be you'll be a friend indeed.
offended by it. I have proof presumptive and
positive for you, Mr. Russet. From his lordEnter Russet, Lord Trinket, and Sir HARRY ship's behaviour at lady Freelove's, when my BEAGLE.
nephew rescued her, we may fairly conclude Lord T. There, sir-I told you it was so! that be would stick at no measures to carry
Rus. Ay, ay, it is too plaín.-0 you pro- his point there's proof presumptive.-But, sir, voking slut! Elopement after elopemeni! - we can give you proof positive too-proof And at last to have your father carried off by under his lordship's own hand, that he likeviolence! to endanger my life! Zounds! I am wise was the contriver of the gross affront so angry I dare not trust myself within reach that has just been offered you.
1) Stop, stor.
you do this?
Rus. Hey! how?
Maj. 0. How easy, impudent, and familiar! Lord T. Every syllable romance, 'pon honour.
[Aside. Maj. O. Gospel, every word on't.
Lady F. Lord Trinket here too! I vow I Charles. This letter will convince you, sir! did not see your lordship before. In consequence of what happened at lady Lord T. Your ladyship's most obedient slave. Freelove's, his lordship thought fit to send me
[Bowing. a challenge; but the messenger blundered, Lady F. You scem grave, my lord! Come, and gave me this letter instead of it. [Gioing come, I know there has been some difference the Letter] I have the case which enclosed it between you and Mr. Oakly—You must give in my pocket.
me leave to be a mediator in this affair. Lord T. Forgery from beginning to end, Lord T. Here has been a small fracas, to 'pon honour.
be sure, madam:-We are all blown ?), Maj. 0. Truth, upon my honour.—But read, honour. read, Mr. Russet, read, and be convinced. Lady F. Blown! what do you mean, my
Rus. Let me see-let me see- -[Reads]— lord ? Um-um-um-um--so, so-um-un-um- Lord' T. Nay, your ladyship knows that I damnation!- Wish me
obedient never mind these things, and I know that slave-Trinker-Fire and fury! How dare they never discompose your ladyship - But
things have happened a little en travers-The Lord T. When you are cool, Mr. Russet, little billet I sent your ladyship has fallen I will explain this matter to you.
into the hands of that gentleman-[Pointing Rus. Cool! 'Sdeath and hell!-I'll never be to Charles] -and so there has been a little cool again-I'll be revenged-So my Harriot, brouillerie about it—that's all. my dear girl, is innocent at last. "Say so,
Lady F. You talk to me, my lord, in a very my Harriot; tell me your are innocent. extraordinary style-If you have been guilty
[Embraces her, of any misbehaviour, l'am sorry for it; but Har. I am indeed, sir, and happy beyond your ill conduct can fasten no impulation on expression at your being convinced of it. me.—Miss Russet will justify me sufficiently.
Rus. I am glad on't-I am glad on'.—I be- Maj. 0. llad not your ladyship better aplieve you, Harriet!—You was always a good peal to my friend Charles here?--The letter, girl.
Charles !--Out with it this instant! Maj. O, So she is, an excellent girl! - Charles. Yes, I have the credentials of her Worth a regiment of such lords and baronets lady ship's integrity in my pocket.-Mr. Russet, -Come, sir, finish every thing handsomely at the letter, you read a little while ago was
- Come, Charles will have a handsome enclosed in this cover, which also I now think fortune.
it my duty to put into your hands. Rus. Marry!-she durst not do it.
Rus. [Reading] To the Right Honourable Maj. 0. Consider, sir, they have long been Lady Freelove-—'Sdeath and hell !—and now fond of each other-old acquaintance-faith- I recollect, the letter itself was pieced with ful lovers-turtles-and may be very happy. scraps of French, and madam, and your lady
Rus. Well, well-since things are -Iship-Fire and fury! madam, how came you love my girl.-Harkye, young Oakley, if you to use me so? I am obliged to you, then, don't make her a good husband, you'll break for the insult that has been offered me! my heart, you rogue.
Lady F. What is all this? Your obligaMaj. O. I'll cut his throat if he don't. tions to me, Mr. Russet, are of a nature, thatCharles. Do not doubt it, sir! my Harriot Rus. Fine obligations! I dare
I am has reformed me altogether.
partly obliged to you too for the attempt on Rus. Has she ?-Why then-there-heaven my daughter by that thing of a lord yonder bless you both-there-now there's an end on't. at your house. Zounds, madam! these are
Sir H. So, my lord, you and I are both injuries never to be forgiven- They are the distanced)-A hollow thing, damme. grossest affronts to me and my family-All Lord T. N'importe.
the world shall know them-Zounds! - I'll — Sir H. Now this stake is drawn, my lord Lady F. Mercy on me! how boisterous are may be for hedging off, mayhap. Ecod! I'll these country gentlemen! Why, really, Mr. go to Jack Speed's, 'secure Nabob, and be out Russet, you rave like a man in Bedlam-I am of town in an hour. [Aside, and exit. afraid you'll beat me—and then you swear
most abominably.-How can you be so vulEnter Lady Frettove.
gar?-I see the meaning of this low malice-But Lady F. My dear miss Russet, you'll cxcuse the reputations of women of quality are not
Charles. Mrs. Oakly, at your ladysbip's, so easily impeached-My rank places me above service.
the scandal of little people, and I shall meet Lady F. Married ?
such petty insolence with the greatest ease Har. Not, yet, madam; but my father bas and tranquillity. But you and your simple been so good as to give his consent. girl will be the sufferers.— I had some thoughts
Lady . I protest"I am prodigiously glad of introducing her into the first companyof it. My dear, I give you joy-and you, But now, madam, I shall neither receive nor Mr. Oakly.-I wish you joy, Mr. Russet and return your visits, and will entirely withdraw all the good company-for I think the most my protection from the ordinary part of the of them are parties concerned.
. 1) In racing one horse gets to the winning-post before than all the rest.
Rus. Zounds, what impudence! that's worse another, and being at distance before the other thas distances him.
1) What we would do is made public
Lord T. Finc presence of mind, faith! sure, as you say, and make my friends welcome. The true French nonchalance-But, good folks, Mrs. 0. Excellent raillery! Lookye, Mr. why such a deal of rout and tapage about Oakly, I see the meaning of all this affected nothing at all?- If mademoiselle Marriot had coolness and indifference. rather be Mrs. Oakly than lady Trinket - Oak. My dear, consider where you areWhy-I wish her joy-that's all.—Mr. Rus- Mrs. 0. You would be glad, I find, to get set, I wish you joy of your son-in-law-Mr. me ow of your house, and have all your flirts Oakly, I wish you joy of the lady-and you, about you. madam, [To Harriot] of the gentleman-ånd, Oak. Before all this company! Fie! in short, I wish you all joy of one another, Mrs. O. But I'll disappoint you, for I shall 'pon honour!
[Exii. remain in it, to support my due authority, Rus. There's a fine fellow of a lord now! as for you, major OaklyThe devil's in your London folks of the first Maj. o. Hey-day! What have I done? fashion, as you call them. They will rob you Mrs. 0. I think yon might find better employof your, estate, debauch your daughter, or lic ment, than to create divisions between marwith your wife- and all' as if they were doing ried people and you, sir! you a favour-'pon honour!
Ook. Nay but, my dear!Maj. 0. Hey! what now?
Mrs. O. Might have more sense, as well as [Bell rings violently. tenderness, than to give ear to such idle stuff.
Oak. Lord, Lord!
Mrs. 0. You and your wise counsellor there, Oak. D'ye hear, major, d'ye hear?
I suppose, think to carry all your points Maj. 0.' Zounds! what a clatter! - She'll with me pull down all the bells in the house.
Oak. Was ever any thingOak. My observations since I left you, have Mrs. 0. But it won't do, sir. You shall confirmed my resolution. I see plainly that find that I will have my own way, and that her good humour, and her ill humour, her I will govern my own family. smiles, her tears, and her fits, are all calcu- Oak. You had better learn to govern yourlated to play.upon me,
self, by half. Your passion makes you ridiMaj. Ó. Did not I always tell you so? It's culous. Did ever any body see so much fury. the way with them all, they will be rough and violence; affronting your best friends, and smooth, and hot and cold, and all in a breaking my peace, and disconcerting your breath. Any thing to get the better own temper. And all for what? For nothing.
Oak. She is in all moods at present, 1Sdeath, madam! at these years you ought to promise you - There has she been in her know better. chamber, fuming and fretting, and dispatching Mrs. O. At these years! – Very fine!-Am a messenger to me every two minutes-servant I to be talked to in this manner? after servant-now she insists on my coming Oak. Talked to! - Why not? - You have to her--now again she writes a note to entreat talked to me long enough-almost talked me - then Toilet is sent to let me know that she to death-and I have taken it all, in hopes of is ill, absolutely dying, then the very next making you quiet – but all in vain. Patience, minute, she'll never see my face again-she'll ! sind, is all thrown away upon you; and go out of the bouse directly. [Bell rings] benceforward, come what may, I am resolved Again! now the storm rises! –
to be master of my own house. Maj. O. It will soon drive this way then- Mrs. O. So, so!- Master, indeed! — Yes, now, brother, prove yourself a man - You sir; and you'll take care to have mistresses have gone too far to retreat.
enough too, I warrant you. Oak. Retreat! Retreat! - No, no!- I'll Oak. Perhaps I may; but they shall be preserve the advantage I have gained, I am quiet ones, I can assure you. determined.
Mrs. 0. Indeed! — And do you think I am Maj. O. Ay, ay!-keep your ground!—fear such a tame fool, as to sit quietly and bear nothing-up with your noble heart! Good ali this? You shall know, 'sir, that I will discipline makes good soldiers; stick close to resent this behaviour You shall find that I my advice, and you may stand buff to a have a spirittigress
Oak. Of the devil. Oak. Here she is, by heavens! now, brother! Mrs. 0. Intolerable! - You shall find then Maj. O. And now, brother!—Now or ever! that I will exert that spirit. I am sure I have
need of it. As soon as the house is once Re-enter MRS. OAKLY.
cleared again, I'll shut my doors against all Mrs 0. I think, Mr. Oakly, you might company, You shan't see a single soul for have bad humanity enough to have come to this month. see how I did. You have taken your leave, Oak. 'Sdeath, madam, but I will!—I'll keep I suppose, of all tenderness and affection-open house for a year. - I'll send cards to the but I'll be calm—I'll not throw myself into a whole town-Mr. Oakly's rout!-All the world passion-you want to drive me out of your will come-and I'll go among the world toohouse-I see what you aim at, and will be I'll be mewed up. no longer. aforehand with you-let me keep my temper! I'll Mrs. 0. Provoking insolence! This is not send for a chair, and leave the house this instant to be endured-Lookye, Mr. Oakly
Oak. True, my love: I knew you would Oak. And lookye, Mrs. Oakly, I will have not think of dining in your chamber alone, my own way. when I had company below. You shall sit Mrs. O. Nay, then let me tell you, sirat the bead of the table, as you ought, to be Oak. And let me tell you,' madam, I She may,
will not be crossed--I won't be made a fool. had ruined my girl. But it's all over now, Mrs. O. Why, you won't let me speak.
and so Oak. Because you don't speak as you ought. Mrs. 0. You was here yesterday, sir? Madam, madam! you shan't look, nor walk, Rus. Yes; I came after Harriot. I thought nor talk, nor think, but as I please. I should find my young madam with any
Mrs. Ó. Was there ever such a monster! young sir here. I can bear this no longer. [Bursts into Tears] Mrs. O. With Charles, did you say, sir? O you vile man! I can see through your Rus. Ay, with Charles, madam! The young design--you cruel, barbarous, inhuman-such rogue has been fond of her a long time, and usage to your poor wife!--you'll be the death she of bim, it seems. of her.
Mrs. 0. I fear I bave been to blame. (Aside. Oak. She shan't be the death of me, I am Ras. I ask pardon, madam, for the disturbdetermined.
ance I made in your house. Mrs. 0. That it should ever come to this! - Har. And the abrupt manner in which I To be contradicted – [Sobbing)-insulted- came into it demands a thousand apologies. abused-hated—'tis too much-my heart will But the occasion must be my excuse. burst with-oh-oh!
Mrs. 0. How bave I been mistaken! [Aside] [Falls into a Fit. Harriot, Charles, But did not I overhear you and Mr. Daklyelc. run to her assistance.
[To Harriot. Oak. [Interposing] Let her alone.
Har. Dear madam! you had but a partial Har. Sir, Mrs. Oakly
hearing of our conversation. It related entirely Charles. For heaven's sake, sir, she will be to this gentleman. Oak. Let her alone-let her alone.
Charles. To put it beyond doubt, madam, Har. Pray, my dear sir, let us assist her, Mr. Russet and my guardian have consented
to our marriage; and we are in hopes that Oak. 'I don't care-Let her alone, I say. you will not withhold your approbation. Mrs. 0. [Rising] 0, you monster! -you
Mrs. 0. I have no further doubt-I see you villain !-you base man!— Would you let me are innocent, and it was cruel to suspect you die for want of help?—would you
You have taken a load of anguish off my mindOak. Bless me! madam, your fit is very and yet your kind interposition comes too violent-take care of yourself.
late;' Mr Oakly's love for me is entirely Mrs. 0. Despised, ridiculed - but I'll be destroyed.
[Weeping revenged-you shall see, sir
Oak. I must go to her
[Apart. Oak. Tol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol. Maj. 0. Not yet!--Not yet! Apart.
[Singing Har. Do not disturb yourself with such Mrs. 0. What, ain I made a jest of? Ex- apprehensions; I am sure Mr. Oakly loves posed to all the world? – If there's law or you most affectionately; justice
Oak. I can hold no longer. [Going to her] Oak. Tol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol, My affection for you, madam, is as warm as
[Singing. ever. My constrained behaviour has cut me Mrs. 0. I shall burst with anger. – Have a to the soul-for it was all constrained--and it care, sir; you may repent this.--Scorned and was with the utmost dilliculty that I was able made ridiculous! – No power on earth shall to support it. hinder my revenge!
[Going Mrs. 0. O, Mr. Oakly, how bave I exposed Har. (Interposing] Stay, madam. myself! What low arts has my jealousy inMrs. O. Let me go. I cannot bear this place. duced me to practise! I see my folly, and Har. Let me beseech yon, madam. fear that you can never forgive me.
Maj. 0. Courage, brother! you have done Oak. Forgive you! This change transports wonders.
[Apart. me!-Brother! Mr. Russet! Charles! Ilarriot! Oak. I think she'll have no more fils. [Apurl
. give me joy!-I am the happiest man in the Har. Stay, madam — Pray stay but one world! moment, I have been a painful wilness of Maj, O. Joy, much joy, to you both! though, your uneasiness, and in great part the innocent by-the-by, you are not a little obliged to me occasion of it. Give me leave then
for it. Did not I tell you I would cure all Mrs. 0. I did not expect, indeed, to have the disorders in your fainily? I beg pardon, found you here again. 'But however-- sister, for taking the liberty to prescribe for
Har. I see the agitation of your mind, and you. My medicines have been sonic what it makes me miserable. Sulfer me to tell the rough, I believe, but they have bad an adreal truth. I can explain every thing to your sirable effect, and so don't be angry with satisfaction.
your physician. Mrs. O. May be so-I cannol argue
Mrs. O. I am indeed obliged to you, and Charles. Pray, madam, hear her—for my I feel sake—for your own-dear madam!
Oak. Nay, my dear, no more of this. All Mrs. O. Well, well--proceed.
that's past inust be utterly forgotten. Har. I upderstand, madam, that your first Mrs. 0. I have not merited this kindness, alarm was occasioned by a letter from my but it shall hereafter be my study to deserve father to your nepbew.
it. Away with all idle jealousies! And since Rus. I was in a bloody passion, to be sure, my suspicions have hitherto been groundless, madam! - The letter was not over civil, il am resolved for the future never to suspect believe. I did not know but the young rogue at all.
[Exeunt. THE DOUBLE DEALER, Comedy by W. Congreve, acted at the Theatre Royal 1691. This is the second play this author wrote: the characters of it are strongly drawn, the wit is gengine and original, the plot finely laid, and the conduce inimitable: yet such is, and ever has been , the capricious disposition of audiences, that it mei pot equal encouragement with his Old Bachelor (in some respects a much more exceptionable play;, nor had it the same success with his later performances.
LADY TOUCHWOOD. CYNTHIA. MELLEFONT.
l'egad, I could not have said it out of thy SCENE I.-- A Gallery in LORD Touchwood's company, Careless, ha? House.
Care. Hum, ay, what is't?
Brisk. O mon coeur! What is't? Nay, 'gad, CARELESS sses the Stage, as just risen I'll punish you for want of apprehension: the
from Table; MELLEFONT following. deuce take me, if I tell you. Mel. NED, Ned, whither so fast? What, Mel. No, no, hang him, he has no taste. turned flincher? 2) Why, you wo'ndt leave us? But, dear Brisk, excuse me; I have a little
Care. Where are the women? I'm weary business. of drinking, and begin to think them the Care. Prythee, get thee gone; thou seest better company:
we are serious. Mel. Then ihy reason staggers, and thou'rt Mel. We'll come immediately, if you'll but almost tipsy
in and keep up good humour and sense in Care. No, faith, but your fools grow noisy; the company; pr’ythee do, they'll fall asleep else
. and if a man must endure the noise of words Brisk. 'Egad, so they will. Well, I will
, without sense, I think the women have more I will: 'gad, you shall command me from the musical voices, and become nonsense better. zenith to the nadir. But, the deuce take me,
Mel. Why, they are at the end of the if I say a good thing till you come. But gallery, retired to their tea and scandal. But prythee, dear rogue, make baste; pr’ythec, I made a pretence to follow you, because I make haste, I shall burst else; and' yonder had something to say to you in private, and your uncle, my lord Touchwood, swears he'll I am not like to have many opportunities disinherit you; and Sir Paul Pliant threatens this evening
to disclaim you for a son-in-law; and my Care. And here's this coxcomb most criti-lord Froth won't dance at your wedding tocally come to interrupt you.
morrow; nor, the deuce iake me, I won't
write your epithalamium; and see what a conEnter BRISK.
dition you're like to be brought lo. Brisk. Boys, boys, lads, where are you? Mel.' Well, I'll speak but three words, and What, do you give ground? Morlgage for a follow you. bottle, ha? Careless, this is your trick; you're Brisk. Enough, enough. Careless, bring always spoiling company by leaving it. your apprehension along with you.
Care. And thou art always spoiling com- Care. Pert cokcomb! pany by coming into't.
Mel. Faith, 'lis a good-natured coxcomb, Brisk. Pho! ha, ha, ha! I know you envy and has very entertaining follies; you must
Spite, proud spite, by the gods, and be more humane to him; at this junclure it burning envy. I'll be judged by. Mellefont will do me service. I'll tell you, I would here, who gives and takes raillery better, you have mirth continued this day at any rate, or I. Pshaw, man, when I say you spoil though patience purchase folly, and attention company by, leaving it, I mean you leave be paid with noise: there are times when nobody for the company to laugh at. I think sense may be unseasonable, as well as truth. there I was with you. Ha, Mellefont? prythee, do thou wear none to-day; but allow
Mel. O’my word, Brisk, that was a home Brisk to have wit, that thou may'st seeni thrust: you have silenced him.
Brisk. O, my dear Mellefont, let me perish, Care. Why, how now? Why this extraif thou art not the soul of conrersation, the vagant proposition? very essence of wit, and spirit of wine. The Mel. O, I would have no room for serious deuce take if there were three good design, for I am jealous of a plot. I would things said, one understood, since thy have noise and impertinence, to keep my lady amputation from the body of our society. He! Touchwood's head from working. I think, that's pretty, and metaphorical enough: Gare. I thought your fear of her had been
over. Is not to-morrow appointed for your a) 'To he afraid of drinking half a dozen bottles of clarel at a silting, used to be called flinching from your
marriage with Cynthia ? and her father, sir bottle; but very happily at the present day, drinking Paul Pliant, come to settle the writings this is not one of the necessary accomplishments; and a day, on purpose ? party of Englishmen can meet together now, enjoy ihemselves, and separate, willout being any thing more
Mel. True; but you shall judge whether ! than a liule merry.
have not reason lo he alarmed. None, besides