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to roy this great inconvenience, our projector

ion
..", and explained by the majority of the com-
*pany. A mistress, and a poem in her praise, will
introduce any candidate. Without the latter no
one can be admitted; for he that is not in love
enough to rhyme, is unqualified for our society. To
speak disrespectfully of any woman is expulsion
from our gentle society. As we are at present all
of us gownmen, instead of duelling when we are
rivals, we drink together the health of our mistress.
The manner of doing this sometimes indeed creates
debates; on such occasions we have recourse to
the rules of love among the ancients,
“Narvia star cyathis, septem Justina biotur.” -
MART. Epig. i. 72.
“Six cups to Naevia, to Justina seven.”
This method of a glass to every letter of her name,
occasioned the other night a dispute of some
warmth. A young student, who is in love with
Mrs. Elizabeth Dimple, was so unreasonable as to
begin her health under the name of Elizabetha,
which so exasperated the club, that by common
consent we retrenched it to Betty. We look upon
a man as no company that does not sigh five times
in a quarter of an hour; and look upon a member
as very absurd, that is so much himself as to make
a direct answer to a question. In fine, the whole
assembly is made up of absent men, that is, of such
persons as have lost their locality, and whose minds
and bodies never keep company with one another.
As I am an unfortunate member of this distracted
society, you cannot expect a very regular account
of it; for which reason I hope you will pardon
me that I so abruptly subscribe myself,
- “sin, -
‘Your most obedient, humble servant,
- • T. h.”
“I forgot to tell you, that Albina, who has six
votaries in this club, is one of your readers.”
STEELE. R.

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Last night, upon my going into a coffice-house not
far from the Haymarket theatre, I diverted myself
for above half an hour with overhearing the dis-
course of one, who, by the shabbiness of his dress,
the extravagance of his conceptions, and the hurry
of his speech, I discovered to be of that species
who are generally distinguished by the title of
Projectors. This gentleman, for I found he was
treated as such by his audience, was cntertaining
a whole table of listeners with the project of an
opera, which he told us had not cost him above two
of three mornings in the contrivance, and which
he was ready to put in execution, provided he night
find his account in it. He said, that he had observ-
ed the great trouble and inconvenience which ladies
were at, in travelling up and down to the several
shows that are exhibited in different quarters of the
town. The dancing monkies are in one place; the
puppet-show in another; the opera in a third; not
, mention the lions, that are almost a whole day’s
orney from the politer part of the town. By this
Anspeople of figure are forced to lose half the
M or ‘astër their coming to town, before they
'oeen all the strange sights about it.

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SPECTATOlt. 31.

entitled, The Expedition of Alexander the Great;
in which he had disposed all the remarkable shows
about town, among the scenes and decorations of
his piece. The thought, he contessed, was not ori-
ginally his own, but that he had taken the hint of
it from several performances which he had seen
upon our stage : in one of which there was a raree-
show; in another a ladder-dance; and in others a
posture-man, a moving picture, with many curiosi-
ties of the like nature. -
The Expedition of Alexander" opens with his
consulting the oracle at Delphos, in which the
dumb conjurer, who had been visited by so many
persons of quality of late years, is to be introduced
as telling his fortune. At the same time Clinch of
Barnet is represented in another corner of the tem-
ple, as ringing the bells of Delphos, for joy of his
arrival. The tent of Ijarius is to be peopled by
the ingenious Mrs. Salmon, where Alexander is to .
fall in love with a piece of wax-work, that repre-
scnts the beautiful Statita. When Alexander comes
into that country, in which Quintus Curtius tells us
the dogs were so exceeding fierce, that they would
not loose their hold, though they were cut to
pieces limb by limb, and that they would hang
upon their prey by their teeth when they had
nothing but a mouth left, there is to be a scene of
Hockley in the Hole, in which is to be represented
all the diversions of that place, the bull-baiting
only excepted, which cannot possibly be exhibited
in the theatre, by reason of the lowness of the roof.
The several woods in Asia, which Alexander must
be supposed to pass through, will give the audience
a sight of monkies dancing upon ropes, with many
other pleasantries of that ludicrous species. At
the same time, if there chance to be any strange --
animals in town, whether birds or beasts, they may
be either let loose among the woods, or driven
across the stage by some of the country people of
Asia. In the last great battle, Pinkethman, is to
personate king Porus upon an elephant, and is to
be encountered by Powell, representing Alexander
the Great upon a dromedary, which nevertheless
Mr. Powell is desired to call by the name of Buce-
phalus. Upon the close of this great decisive bat.
tle, when the two kings are thoroughly reconciled,
to show the mutual friendship and good corres.
pondence that reigns between them, they both of
them go together to a puppet-show, in which the
ingenious Mr. Powell, junior, may have an opport
tunity of displaying his whole art of machine:
for the diversion of the two monarchs. Some *
the table urged that a puppet-show was not a su":
able entertainment for Alexander the Great i.”
that it might be introduced more properly, if "
suppose the conqueror touched upon that part of
India which is said to be inhabited by the pigo".
But this objection was looked upon as frivolo"
and the proposal immediately overruled. Our Po “o
jector further added, that after the reconcilia"
of these two kings, they might invite one ano".
to dinner, and either of them entertain his so", *
with the German artist, Mr. Pinkethman's heaths". ill,

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drew of his pocket the scheme of an opera,

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gods, or any of the like diversions, which shall then chance to be in vogue. '

This project was received with very great apo'oise by the whole table. Upon which the under. oxer told us, that he had not yet communicated 0 is above half his design; for that Alexander enga Greek, it was his intention that the whole ora should be acted in that language, which was ongue he was sure would wonderfully please the les, especially when it was a little raised and oed by the Ionic dialect; and could not but : acceptable to the whole audience, because (re are fewer of them who understand Greek on salian The only difficulty that remained, show to get performers, unless we could peror some gentlemen of the universities to learn song, in order to qualify themselves for the but this objection soon vanished, when the ctor informed us that the Greeks were at prethe only musicians in the Turkish empire, and - it would be very easy for our factory at ona to furnish us every year with a colony of oans, by the opportunity of the Turkey fleet; les, says he, if we want any single voice for ower part in the opera, Lawrence can learn k Greek, as well as he does Italian, in a ’s time.

cond, who has so strong a spring in his fin.

that he can make the board of an organ

ke a drum, and if I could but procure a

on of about ten thousand pound every o, I would undertake to fetch him over, and on by articles to set every thing that should * Don the English stage.” After this he "" in my face, expecting I would make ot, when, by good luck, a gentleman that "ed the coffee-house since the projector himself to me, hearing him talk of his opositions, cried out in a kind of laugh, music then to receive further improveon Switzerland!' This alarmed the pro* immediately let go my button, and * to answer him. I took the opportuof diversion which seemed to be made in me, and laying down my penny upon stored with some precipitation. +

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projector having thus settled matters, to the olking of all that heard him, he left his seat ole, and planted himself before the fire, to I had unluckily taken my stand for the cononce of overhearing what he said. Whether dobserved me to be more attentive than oro, I cannot tell, but he had not stood by me a quarter of a minute, but he turned short one on a sudden, and, catching me by a button coat," attacked me very abruptly after the o, manner: “Besides, sir, I have heard of Atraordinary genius for music that lives in

and admit me into that select body; I could not
restrain the vanity of publishing to the world the
honour which is done me. . It is no small satisfac-
tion that I have given occasion for the president's
showing both his invention and reading to such
advantage as my correspondent reports he did :
but it is not to be doubted there were many very
proper hums and patises in his harangue, which
lose their ugliness in the narration, and which my
correspondent (begging his pardon) has no very
good talent at representing. I very much approve
of the contempt the society has of beauty. No-
thing ought to be laudable in a man, in which his
will is not concerned : therefore our society can
follow nature, and where she has thought fit, as it
were, to mock herself, we can do so too, and be
merry upon the occasion.
‘MR. spect Aton, -

‘You R making public the late trouble I gave you,
you will find to have been the occasion of this.
Who should I meet at the coffee-house door the

other night, but my old friend Mr. President? I

saw somewhat had pleased him; and as soon as
he had cast his eye upon me, “Oho!)cctor, rare
news from London (says he); the Spectator has
made honourable mention of the club (man), and
published to the world his sincere desire to be a
member, with a recommendatory description of
his phiz: and though our constitution has made to
particular provision for short faces, yet his being
an extraordinary case, I believe we shall find an
hole for him to creep in at ; for I assure you he is
not against the canon; and if his sides are as com-
pact as his joles, he need not disguise himself to
make one of us.” I presently called for the paper,
to see how you looked in print: and after we had
regaled ourselves awhile upon the pleasant image
of our proselyte, Mr. President told me I should

be his stranger at the next night’s club : where we
were no sooner come, and pipes brought, but Mr.
President began an harangue upon your introduc-
tion to my epistle, setting forth with no less volu-
bility of speech than strength of reason, “That a
speculation of this nature was what had been long
and much wanted; and that he doubted not but it
would be of inestimable value to the public, in
reconciling even of bodies and souls; in composing
and quieting the minds of men underail corporeat
redundancies, deficiencies, and irregularities what-
soever ; and making every one sit down content in
his own carcase, though it were not perhaps so
imatbematically put together as he could wish.”
And again : “How that for want of a due consi-
deration of what you first advance, viz. that our
faces are not of oor own choosing, people had been
transported beyond all good breeding, and hurried
themselves into unaccountable and fatal extrava-
gancies ; as, how many impartial looking-glasses
had been censured and calumniated, nay, and
sometimes shivered into ten thousand splinters,only
for a fair representation of the truth How many
head-strings and garters had been made accessary,
and actually torfeited, only because folks must
needs quarrel with their own shadows 2 And who
(continues he) but is deeply sensible, that one great
source of the uneasiness and misery of human life,
especially among those of distinction, arises from
nothing in the world else, but too severe a cor
templation of an indefeasible contexture of o
external parts, or certain natural and invinci
dispositions to be fat or lean when a little r
of Mr. Spectator's philosophy would take cost
this. In the mean time let the in observe, that

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every body's business to speak for themselves.” Mr. President immediately retorted, “A hand. some fellow ! why he is a wit, sir, and you know the proverb;” and to ease the old gentleman of his scruples, cried, “That for matter of merit it was all one, you might wear a mask.” This threw him into a pause, and he looked desirous of three days to consider of it; but Mr. President improved the thought, and followed him up with an old story. “That wits were privileged to wear what masks they pleased in all ages; and that a vizard had been the constant crown of their labours, which was generally presented them by the hand of some satyr, and sometimes of Apollo himself;” for the truth of which he appealed to the frontispiece of several books, and particularly to the English Juvenal, to which he referred him ; and only added, “That such authors were the Jarvati or Larva donati of the ancients.” This cleared up all, and in the conclusion you were chose probationer; and Mr. President put round your health as such, protesting, “That though indeed he talked of a wizard, he did not believe all the while you had any more occasion for it than the cat-a-mountain;” so that all you have to do now is to pay your fees, which are here very reasonable, if you are not imposed upon ; and you may style yourself Informis Societatis Socius : which I am desired to acquaint you with ; and upon the same I beg you to accept of the congratulation of, “sist, ‘Your obliged humble servant, * A. t.

‘Oxford, March 21.’

$treele.

No 33. SATURDAY, APRIL 7, 1711. --

Fernidus tecum puur, et solutis
Gratta, zonis, properent que nymphor.
El partum commis sine tejuventas,

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A FRIENn of mine has two daughters, whom I will call Letitia and Daphne; the former is one of the greatest beauties of the age in which she lives, the latter no way remarkable for any charms in her person. Upon this one circumstance of their outward form, the good and ill of their life seems to turn. Lactitia has not, from her very childhood, heard any thing else but commendations of her features and complexion, by which means she is no other than nature made her, a very beautiful outside. The consciousness of her charms has ren' dered her insupportably vain and insolent towards all who have to do with her. Daphne, who was almost twenty before one single thing bad ever been said to her, found herself obliged to acquire some accomplishments to make up for the want of those attractions which she saw in her sister. Poor Daphne was seldom submitted to in a debate wherein she was concerned; her discourse had no thing to recommend it but the good sense of it. and she was always under a necessity to have very well considered what she was to say before she uttered it: while Laetitia was listened to with par.

tiality, and approbation sat in the countenances of

is not one of their grievances of this sort, but per-
haps, in some ages of the world, has been highly
in, vogue, and may be so again; nay, in some
country or other, ten to one is so at this day. My
Lady Ample is the most miserable woman in the
world, purely of her own making. She even grudges
herself meat and drink, for fear she should thrive
by them; and is constantly crying out, “In a
quarter of a year more I shall be quite out of all
manner of shape? Now the lady’s misfortune
seems to be only this, that she is planted in a
wrong soil; for go but to the other side of the
water, it is a jest at Haerlem to talk of a shape
under eighteen stone. These wise traders regulate
their beauties as they do their butter, by the
pound; and Miss Cross, when she first arrived in
the Low Countries, was not computed to be so
handsome as Madam Van Brisket, by near half a
ton. On the other hand, there is 'Squire Lath, a
proper gentleman of fifteen hundred pound per
annum, as well as of an unblamable life and con-
versation: yet would not I be the esquire for half
his estate; for if it was as much more, he would
freely part with it all for a pair of legs to his mind.
Whereas in the reign of our first Edward of glo-
rious memory, nothing more modish than a brace
of your fine taper supporters; and his majesty,
without an inch of calf, managed affairs in peace
or war as laudably as the bravest and most politic
of his ancestors; and was as terrible to his neigh-
bours under the royal name of Longshanks, as
Coeur de Lion to the Saracens before him. If we
look further back into history, we shall find that
Alexander the Great wore his head a little over
the left shoulder, and then not a soul stirred out
till he had adjusted his neck-bone; the whole nobi-
lity addressed the prince and each other obliquely,
and all matters of importance were concerted and
carried on in the Macedonian court with their polls
on one side. For about the first century nothing
made more noise in the world than Roman noses,
and then not a word of them till they revived
again in eighty-eight." Nor is it so very long
since Richard the Third set up half the backs of
the nation; and high shoulders, as well as high
noses, were the top of the fashion. But to come
to ourselves, gentlemen, though I find by my quin-
quennial observations, that we shall never get la-
dies enough to make a party in our own country,
yet might we meet with better success among some
of our allies. And what think you if our board
sat for a Dutch piece Truly I am of opinion,
that as odd as we appear in flesh and blood, we
should be no such strange things in mezzo-tinto.
But this project may rest till our number is com-
plete; and this being our election night, give me
leave to propose Mr. Spectator. You see his
inclinations, and perhaps we may not have his
fellow.”
“I found most of them (as is usual in all such
cases) were prepared; but one of the seniors
(whom by the by Mr. President had taken all
this pains to bring over) sat still, and cocking his
chin, which seemed only to be levelled at his nose,
very gravely declared, “That in case he had had
sufficient knowledge of you, no man should have
been more willing to have served you ; but that
*e, for his part, had always had regard to his own
*nscience, as well as other people's merit; and
wdid not know but that you might be a handsome
haow; for as for your own certificate, it was
***en weste told, in the plate to his translation of vir

drew Æneas always represented with a Roman nose, in com-
to King William,

mom

- i.

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thoseshe conversed with, before she communicated what she had to say. These causes have produced suitable effects, and Lætitia is as insipid a companion as Daphne is an agreeable one. Laetitia, confident of favour, has studied no arts to please; Daphne, despairing of any inclination towards her person, has depended only on her merit, Laetitia has always something in her air that is sullen, grave, ind disconsolate. Daphne has a countenance that appearscheerful, open, and unconcerned. A young gentleman saw Latitia this winter at a play, and became her captive. His fortune was such, that he wanted very little introduction to speak his sentiments to her father. The lover was admitted with the utmost freedom into the family, where a constrained behaviour, severe looks, and distant titlities, were the highest favours he could obtain of Lætitia; while Daphne used him with the good homorr, familiarity, and innocence of a sister: insmuch that he would often say to her, “Dear Daphne, wert thou but as handsome as Lætitia 3. She received such language with that ingenuous and pleasing mirth, which is natural to woman without design. He still sighed in vain for Laetitia, but found certain relief in the agreeable converstion of Daphne. At length, heartily tired with the highly impertinence of Lætitia, and charmed with the repeated instances of good-humour he had oved in Daphne, he one day told the latter, in he had something to say to her he hoped she wool be pleased with—“Faith, Inaphne,” conoved he, “I am in love with thee, and despise oster sincerely.’ The manner of his declaring olfgave his mistress occasion for a very hearty ote: “Ny.” says he, “I knew you would Boot me, but I will ask your father.” He did * the fither received his intelligence with no *joy than surprise, and was very glad he had or no care left but for his beauty, which he of the could carry to market at his leisure. I * not know any thing that has pleased me so **great while as this conquest of my friend "she's. All her acquaintance congratulated her *her chance-mediey, and laugh at that preme*ing murderer her sister. As it is an argument soft mind, to think the worse of ourselves for *thersections of our person, it is equally below *"alue ourselves upon the advantages of them. **male world seem to be almost incorrigibly **tray in this particular; for which reason I **Commend the following extract out of a * letter" to the professed beauties, who are

* almost as insufferable as the professed

"stirra St. Evremond has concluded one of

*** with affirming, that the last sighs of a o ome woman are not so much for the loss of o As of her beauty. Perhaps this raillery is *ed too far, yet it is turned upon a very ob.*mark, that woman's strongest passion is for o o, beauty, and that she values it as her fao distinction. From hence it is that all arts, *Pretend to improve it or preserve it, meet o: §neral a reception among the sex. To say of many false helps and contraband wares o, which are daily vended in this great o *is not a maiden gentlewoman of a good ... y country of South Britain, who has *.* the virtues of May-dew, or is unfur. Wompl *Some receipt or other in favour of her *; and I have known a physician of

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‘It is, methinks, a low and degrading idea of that sex, which was created to refine the joys and soften the cares of humanity, by the most agreeable participation, to consider them merely as objects of sight. This is abridging them of their natural extent of power, to put them upon a level with

their pictures at Kneller's.

IIow much nobler is

the contemplation of beauty, heightened by virtue, and commanding our esteem and love, while it

draws our observation

How faint and spiritless

are the charms of a coquette, when compared with the real loveliness of Sophronia's innocence, piety, good-humour, and truth ; virtues which add a new softness to her sex, and even beautify her beauty : That agreeableness which must otherwise have appeared no longer in the modest virgin, is now preserved in the tender mother, the prudent

friend, and the faithful wife.

Colours artfully

spread upon canvass may entertain the eye, but not affect the heart; and she who takes no care to add to the natural graces of her person any excel. . lent qualities, may be allowed still to amuse as a

picture, but not to triumph as a beauty.

“When Adam is introduced by Milton, describ. ing Eve in Paradise, and relating to the angel the impressions he felt upon seeing her at her first creation, he does not represent her like a Grecian

venus, by her shape or features, but by the lustre /

of her mind which shone in them, and gave */

their power of charming :

* Grace was in all her steps, heav'n in her eye, In all her gestures dignity and love!”

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The club of which I am a member, is very luckily composed of such persons as are engaged in different ways of life, and deputed as it were out of the most conspicuous classes of mankind. By this means I am furnished with the greatest variety of hints and materials, and know every thing that passes in the different quarters and divisions, not only of this great city, but of the whole kingdom. My readers too have the satisfaction to find, that there is no rank or degree among them who have not their representative in this club, and that there is always somebody present who will take eare of their respective interests, that nothing may be written or published to the prejudice or infringement of their just rights and privileges, I last night sat very late in company, with this select body of friends, who entertained me with several remarks which they and others had made upon these my speculations, as also with the various success which they had met with among their several ranks and degrees of readers. Will Honeycomb told me, in the softest manner he could, that there were some ladies (but for your comfort, says Will, they are not those of the most wit) that were offended at the liberties I had taken with the opera and the puppet-show ; that some of them were likewise very much surprised that I should think such serious points as the dress and equipage of persons of quality, proper subjects for raillery. He was going on, when Sir Andrew Freeport took him up short, and told him, that the papers he hinted at, had done great good in the city, and that all their wives and daughters were the better for them; and further added, that the whole city thought themselves very much obliged to me for declaring my generous intentions to scourge vice and folly as they appear in a multitude, without condescending to be a publisher of particular intrigues and cuckoldoms. “In short,” says Sir Andrew, “if you avoid that foolish beaten road of falling upon aldermen and citizens, and employ your pen upon the vanity and luxury of courts, your paper must needs be of general use.’ Upon this my friend the Templar told Sir Andrew, that he wondered to hear a man of his sense alk after that manner; that the city had always !en the province for satire ; and that the wits of gCharles's time jested upon nothing else during

his whole reign. He then showed by the exam. ples of Horace, Juvenal, Boileau, and the best writers of every age, that the follies of the stage and court had never been accounted too sacred for ri. dicule, how great soever the persons might be that patronized them. “But after all,” says he, “I think your raillery has made too great an excursion, in attacking several persons of the inns of court; and I do not believe you can show me any precedent for your behaviour in that particular.” My good friend Sir Roger de Coverley, who had said nothing all this while, began his speech with a Pish ' and told us, that he wondered to see so many men of sense so very serious upon fooleries, ‘Let our good friend,” says he, “attack every one that deserves it: I would only advise you, Mr. Spectator, applying himself to me, to take care how you meddie with country squires. They are the ornaments of the English nation; men of good heads and sound bodies' and let me tell you, some of them take it ill of you, that you mention fox. hunters with so little respect.” - * Captain Sentry spoke very sparingly on this a occasion. What he said was only to commend my prudence in not touching upon the army, and advised me to continue to act discreetly in that point. By this time I found every subject of my specu. lations was taken away from me, by one or other of the club ; and began to think myself in the colldition of the good man that had one wife who took . a dislike to his grey hairs, and another to his black, till by their picking out what each of them had an aversion to, they left his head altogether bald and naked. o While I was thus musing with myself, my wor: thy friend the Clergyman, who, very luckily for me, was at the club that night, undertook my o cause. He told us, that he wondered any order of persons should think themselves too considerable to be advised. That it was not quality, but inno. cence, which exempted men from reproof. That, vice and folly ought to be attacked wherever they could be met with, and especially when they were placed in high and conspicuous stations of life, , He further added, that my paper would only serve to aggravate the pains of poverty, if it chießy exposed those who are already depressed, and in some measure turned into ridicule, by the meanies' " of their conditions and circumstances He atterwards proceeded to take notice of the great use this paper might be of to the public, by reprehending those vices which are too trivial for the chastisement of the law, and too fantastical for the cognizance of the pulpit. He then advised me to prosecute my undertaking with cheerfulness, and assured me, that, whoever might be displeas with me, I should be approved by all those whose praises do honour to persons on whom they aro o bestowed. The whole club pays a particular deference to o the discourse of this gentleman, and are drawn into what he says, as much by the candid ingenu" manner with which he desivers himself, as by the strength of argument and force of reason whichho makes use of will Honeycomb immediately agreed, that what he had said was right : and that, for his part, he would not insist upon the quaro which he had demanded for the ladies. Sir A* drew gave up the city with the same frankmeo of The Templai would not stand out, and was so, o lowed by Sir Roger and the Captain : who all o, agreed that I should be at liberty to carry the wo into what quarter I pleased; provided I continuo"

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