Bacchus commanded me to bathe myself in Pactolus, thou thoughtest it a mere mockery, before with thine eyes thou sawest the remedy?

Mart. Aye, Bacchus gave the wish, and therefore was like also to give the remedy.

Mid. And who knows whether Apollo gave me these ears, and therefore may release the punishment? Well, reply not, for I will to Delphos: in the mean time let it be proclaimed, that if there be any so cunning, that can tell the reason of these reeds creaking, he shall have my daughter to his wife, or, if she refuse it, a dukedom for his pains: and withal, that whosoever is so bold as to say that Midas hath ass's ears, shall presently lose his.

Sop. Dear father, then go forwards, prepare for the sacrifice, and dispose of Sophronia as it best pleaseth you.

Mid. Come, let us in.

[Exeunt.

SCENE II.

LICIO and PETULUS.

Pet. What a rascal was Motto to cozen us, and say there were thirty men in a room that would undo us, and when all came to all, they were but table-men*.

Lic. Aye, and then to give us an inventory of all his goods, only to redeem the beard; but we

* Tables was a game played with dice, and pieces of wood, and differed very little from backgammon: the pieces of wood were no doubt called table-men, and to these Petulus alludes.

will be even with him; and I'll be forsworn but I'll be revenged.

Pet. And here I vow by my concealed beard, if ever it chance to be discovered to the world, that it may make a pikedevant *, I will have it so sharp pointed, that it shall stab Motto like a poynadot.

Lic. And I protest by these hairs on my head, which are but casualties; for, alas! who knows not how soon they are lost? autumn shaves like a razor: if these locks be rooted, against wind and weather, spring and fall, I swear they shall not be lopped, till Motto, by my knavery, be so bald, that I may write verses on his scalp. In witness whereof I eat this hair: now must thou, Petulus, kiss thy beard, for that was the book thou swearedst by.

Pet. Nay, I would I could come but to kiss my chin, which is as yet the cover of my book; but my word shall stand. Now let us read the inventory; we'll share it equally.

Lic. What else?'

Pet. “An inventory of all Motto's moveables, bads and goods, as also of such debts as are owing him, with such household stuff as cannot be removed. Imprimis, in the bed-chamber, one foul wife and five small children."

Lic. I'll not share in that.

Pet. I am content, take thou all. These be his moveable bads.

* A pikedevant was probably a "courtly term" for the bodkin beard, mentioned by Motto in Act III. Scene II. and as the one he alludes to was gold, it might very well stab Motto when thus fashionably trimmed.

+"Poynado," poniard.

Lic. And from me they shall be removables. Pet. "Item, in the servant's chamber, two pair of curst quean's tongues * "

Lic. Tongs thou wouldst say.

Pet. Nay, they pinch worse than tongs.
Lic. They are moveables, I'll warrant.

Pet. " Item, one pair of horns in the bride chamber, on the bed's head."

Lic. The beast's head; for Motto is stuft in the head, and these are among unmoveable goods.

Pet. Well, Felix quem faciunt aliena pericula cautum, happy are they whom other men's horns do make to beware: "Item, a broken pate, owing me by one of the Cole-house for notching his head like a chess-board." Take thou that, and I give thee all the rest of his debts.

Pet. Noli me tangere, I refuse the executorship, because I will not meddle with his desperate debts. "Item, an hundred shrewd turns

* "Curst quean's tongues." It means, I believe, the tongues of two notorious scolds. That prostitutes were in the time of our poet quaintly called queans appears from Middleton's Witch, Act III. Scene II.

"She's one o' the falling family, A quean my master keeps.”

And the speech of Zuccone, in "Parisitaster," after his wife had proved unfaithful:

"Ha, thou queane, I have no wife now.”

So

But it was used as a general term of reproach to women. Ford, in Act IV. of the "Merry Wives of Windsor," speaking of the old woman of Brentford, calls her

"A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean!"

And in "All's Well that Ends Well:"

"As fit as a scolding quean to a wrangling knave."

owing me by the pages in the court, because I will not trust them for trimming."

Lic. That's due debt.

Pet. Well, because Motto is poor, they shall be paid him cum recumbentibus. All the pages shall enter into recognisance; but ecce, Pipenetta chaunts it.

Say a maid were so crost,
As to see this toy lost,

Cannot hue and cry fetch it again?

'Las, no! for 'tis driven

Nor to hell, nor to heaven,

When 'tis found, 'tis lost even then.

Heigh ho; would I were a witch, that I might be a duchess.

Pet. I know not whether thy fortune is to be a duchess, but sure I am thy face serves thee well for a witch. What's the matter?

Pip. The matter? Marry, 'tis proclaimed, that whosoever can tell the cause of the reed's song, shall either have Sophronia to wife, or (if she re

fuse it) a dukedom for his wisdom. Besides, whosoever sayeth that Midas hath ass's ears, shall lose theirs.

Lic. I'll be a duke: I find honour to bud in my head, and methinks every joint of my arms, from the shoulder to the little finger, says, 'Send for the herald:' mine arms are all armory, gules, sables, azure, or, vert, pur, post, pair, &c. *

Pet. And my heart is like a hearth where Cupid is making a fire, for Sophronia shall be my wife: methinks Venus and Nature stand with each of them a pair of bellows, the one cooling my low birth, the other kindling my lofty affections.

Pip. Apollo will help me, because I can sing. Lic. Mercury me, because I can lie.

Pet. All the gods me, because I can lie, sing, swear, and love. But soft, here comes Motto, now shall we have a fit time to be revenged, if by device we can make him say, Midas hath ass's ears.

Enter MOTTO.

Lic. Let us not seem to be angry about the inventory, and you shall see my wit to be the hangman for his tongue.

Pip. Why, fools, hath a barber a tongue?

Pet. We'll make him have a tongue, that his teeth, that look like a comb, shall be the scissars to cut it off.

* Post and pair is the name of a game at cards. Licio, after enumerating as many terms of heraldry as occurred to him, blunders into others with which he was better acquainted. Kite, in the "Recruiting Officer," does the same thing.