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grace. I will to the river, where, if I be rid of this intolerable disease of gold, I will next shake off that intemperate desire of government, and measure my territories, not by the greatness of my mind, but the right of my succession. Mart. I am not a little sorry, that because all that your highness toucheth turneth to pure gold, therefore all your princely affections should be converted to dross. Doth your majesty begin to melt your own crown, that should make it with other monarchies massy P Begin you to make enclosure of your mind, and to debate of inheritance, when the sword proclaims you conqueror 2 If your highness' heart be not kingdom proof, every pelting * prince will batter it. Though you lose garish gold, let your mind be still of steel, and let the sharpest sword decide the right of sceptres. Mid. Every little king is a king, and the title consisteth not in the compass of ground, but in the right of inheritance. Mart. Are not conquests good titles P Mid. Conquests are great thefts. Mart. If your highness would be advised by me, then would I rob for kingdoms; and if I obtained, fain would I see him that durst call the conqueror a thief. * Mid. Martius, thy counsel hath shed as much blood as would make another sea. Valour I
* “ Pelting,” mean, insignificant: so in Act II. Scene II. of “ Measure for Measure:” “Could great men thunder As Jove himself does, Jove would ne'er be quiet, For every pelting petty officer Would use his heaven for thunder.” And many other places. -- .
cannot call it, and barbarousness is a word too mild. Come, Mellacrites, let us go; and come, you, Eristus, that if I obtain mercy of Bacchus, we may offer sacrifice to Bacchus. Martius, if you be not disposed to go, dispose as you will of yourself. Mart. I will humbly attend on your highness, as still hoping to have my heart's desire, and you your height of honour. [Eaceunt.
Licio and PETULUs.
Pet. Ah, Licio, a bots on the barber; ever since I cozened him of the golden beard I have had the tooth-ake. Lic. I think Motto hath poisoned thy gums. Pet. It is a deadly pain. Lic. I knew a dog run mad with it. Pet. I believe it, Licio, and thereof it is that they call it a dogged pain. Thou knowest I have tried all old womens' medicines, and cunning mens' charms, but interim my teeth ake.
DELLO enters behind them.
Del. I am glad I have heard the wags, to be quittance for over-hearing us. We will take the vantage; they shall find us quick barbers. I'll tell Motto, my master, and then we will have quid pro quo, a tooth for a beard. [Evit. Pet. Licio, to make me merry, I pray thee go forward with the description of thy mistress: thou must begin now at the paps. Lic., Indeed, Petulus, a good beginning for B B 2 * * -
thee, for thou canst eat pap now, because thou canst bite nothing else. But I have no mind on those matters. If the king lose his golden wish, we shall have but a brazen court: but what became of the beard, Petulus? Pet. I have pawned it, for I durst not coin it. Lic. What dost thou pay for the pawning? Pet. Twelve pence in the pound for the month. Lic. What for the herbage? Pet. It is not at herbage. Lic. Yes, Petulus, if it be a beard it must be at herbage, for a beard is a badge of hair; and a badge of hair, hairbadge.
Enter MoTTo with DELLO.
Mot. Dello, thou knowest Midas touched his beard and 'twas gold. Del. Well. Mot. That the pages cozened me of it. Del. No lie. Mot. That I must be revenged. Del. In good time. Mot. Thou knowest I have taught thee the knacking of the hands, the tickling on a man's hairs, like the tuning of a cittern *.
* The cittern was “light and portable like the lute, to which it bore a near resemblance.” It is frequently mentioned by the dramatic poets of the time, and is the same, I believe, as the guitar. It was in little estimation, being the usual entertainment of persons visiting houses of ill fame, or waiting in the barbers' shops: so in the “Volpone” of Ben Jonson, Act II. Scene V. where Corvine ironically directs his wife to submit to prostitution, he recommends it as a necessary step, “Get you a cittern, Lady Vanity.” And in Dekker's Second Part of the “Honest Whore,” Matheo, in alluding to his wife, calls her “ A oper's cittern for every serving man to play upon.”
Del. True. Mot. Besides, I instructed thee in the phrases of our eloquent occupation; as-how, sir, will you be trimmed? will you have your beard like a spade, or a bodkin a penthouse on your upper lip, or an alley on your chin? a low curl on your head like a bull, or dangling lock like a spaniel? your mustachios sharp at the ends, like shoemakers' awls, or hanging down to your mouth like goats' flakes? your love-locks” wreathed with a silken twist, or shaggy to fall on your shoulders ? Del. I confess you have taught me Tully de oratore, the very art of trimming. Mot. Well, for all this I desire no more at thy hands, than to keep secret the revenge I have prepared for the pages. Del. Oh, sir, you know I am a barber, and cannot tittle tattle; I am one of those whose tongues are swelled with silence. Mot. Indeed thou shouldst be no blab, because a barber, therefore be secret. Was it not a good cure, Dello, to ease the toothake and never touch the tooth P Del. Oh, master, he that is your patient for the toothake, I warrant is patient of all akes. Mot. I did but rub his gums, and presently the rheum evaporated.
* Love-locks are frequently mentioned or alluded to in our ancient dramas, and the fashion is said to have been derived from France. The love-lock was worn on the left side, and was considerably longer than the rest of the hair. King Charles I. and many of his courtiers wore them. In Green’s “Quip for an upstart Courtier,” it is said, “Will you be Frenchefted with a love-lock down your shoulders wherein you may wear your mistress' favour.” See note in Dodsley's Q
Lic. Deus bone, is that word come into the barber's bason *. Del. Ah, sir, and why not? My master is a barber and a surgeon. Lic. In good time. Pet. Oh! Motto, I am almost dead with the toothake, all my gums are swollen, and my teeth stand in my head like thorns. Mot. It may be that it is only the breeding of a beard, and being the first beard, you shall have a hard travail. Pet. Old fool, dost thou think hairs will breed in my teeth? Mot. As likely, sir, for any thing I know, as on your chin. Pet. O teeth ! O torments! O torments | O teeth ! Mot. (Aside.) May I but touch them, Dello, I'll teach his tongue to tell a tale what villany it is to cozen one of a beard; but stand not thou nigh, for it is odds when he spits, but that all his teeth fly in thy face. Lic. Good Motto, give some ease, for at thy coming in I overheard of a cure thou hadst done. Pet. My teeth ! I will not have this pain, that's certain. Mot. Ah, so did you overhear me, when you cozened me of a beard; but I forget all. , Del. My master is mild and merciful; and
* Licio expresses surprise at the use of the word rheum by a low fellow like the barber. From an observation on the use of it, in Act V. by this same Motto, it will appear to have been a “courtly term.”